I believe

I believe we are the authors of our life story; there is no other that can write it and I can honestly say- it’s one of the few that no one truly knows the ending until it happens. We can think we understand why each thing is happening at the moment or as they pass us by but we don’t definitively know what is truly taking place. Our life story is something of which we can’t plan out or else it becomes moments that are planned and not life at all but a series of things we expect to happen and want to happen and we don’t even see the reality until much later.

A year ago a lot of things were going on at this time of the year but also they were hitting me at tons of different angles. Through my friends, through my family- twinges of pain and trying to understand. I want you to see some excerpts of this- going from October of 2007 to recent months to around exactly a year ago.

October:
friend:
We had practice that night. She was sick and I was worried. She was getting worse and I couldn’t focus on what I was supposed to be doing. I don’t think the fact that the night was extremely stressful helped the situation at all…

Rehearsal ended. She was in a daze.

We got to the area in front of the senior cafeteria. I told her she needed to sit down, but instead she was leaning on me and all of a sudden all of her weight was on me.

I kept saying, “Vic… Victoria…”
No response.
She started to shake… She was having a seizure.

Oh, my God… Oh shit… Oh SHIT!... Get her down on the ground… be careful – don’t let her slam her head on the ground… Holy shit…

My mom’s yelling at me from across the cafeteria, “What’s going on?! What are you doing?!”
With wide eyes and through clenched teeth I told her, “She’s having a seizure!... Somebody needs to call an ambulance…”

I’d never felt so useless in my life. For a while I was kneeling next to her, stroking her hair or rubbing her arms. What else could I do? Once one of the band moms came over to check some things on her, I started pacing. I felt useless. There was nothing else I could do.

Hang in there, Vic.
You’re strong.
You can do this.
I’m here for you.

I’d stop and look on – this was too real. Never had I imagined…
More pacing.
Band moms were coming over and asking me if I was okay. They kept reassuring me: She’ll be okay, you know. They were worried about me as well.

I kept pacing. I just kept nodding my head.

Well I KNOW she’ll be okay – but at the moment, she’s kinda NOT.
YES, I’m okay… I think…

But I felt tears welling up, threatening to escape.

You can’t cry. You can be strong for this. Everything will be okay. It may not

seem okay now, but it will be, and you know it. Don’t cry. You’re not the

one who needs the attention right now. She does. You can’t cry.

She’s the one who needs the help… not you. You don’t need the attention

right now. She does. You can’t cry.

And I didn’t… at least until she left in the ambulance. Once she left, I guess no one could believe how calm I was through the whole thing. While me and my mom started walking toward the car, I couldn’t do anything else. It call came out. I was such a wreck that night. I cried. A lot.

At that point, I didn’t need a message sent to me the next day telling me what happened the night before. I was there. I was right there.

Photos are always intense. I have not done a photo slide show in awhile but as we reached a year of my port being placed and a year of my gall bladder removed some photos stood out looking through the file.

February:

Sometimes silence is golden, other times silence can be used as torture. The silence I think of is not silence at all but the whooshing and whirring of machines working their job. Sometimes people say that silence can be peaceful but I almost wish some noise tonight.

March:

Dear Mom,

These last few years have been extremely tough on you and the whole family as we try to understand what this horrible disease is and what I have in store for me. You've been a simply amazing mother, friend, provider, and spouse to Megan, dad and I. I am touched by how much you care about me and how selfless you are when it comes to the care you have to provide for me or get for me.

As I grow older I not only learn more about you and your character but I am also able to discern more about life and myself in general. You have absolute acceptance of me and you're one of the few that are able to look past the many complications that this disease has handed me. You have also shown me what it takes to love a family unconditionally and how selfless a mother must be when others are in need. Whether it is towards myself or another person that you have come in contact with. Over time you have taught me that giving to others is the best gift of all and that you shouldn’t condemn others of their shortcomings but listen to them and help them become a better person.

Thank you foremost for not only being my mother but also for the people that you have brought into my life through having you in my life. You have most definitely blessed my life in an immeasurable way and helped mold me to become the person I am today. Without you blessing my life I know that I would not be nearly as good of a person and I would probably be less confident and I wouldn’t be able to tolerate as much. When people say I am a good person I have a few people to thank for getting me to the place I am today and for giving me the insight and knowledge that I have and you are most definitely one of those people. I think the thing that I admire most about you is your ability to offer kindness to every person that walks into your life and that you can go out of your way to help someone even if you’re running late or have other plans to do that day. I will never forget the day that you stopped to take a lady from church to the mall from the bank even though we ourselves were running late to a doctor’s appointment. Your selfless approach on life is definitely something that I feel you should be noticed for and should be given acknowledgement for. Thank you so much for gracing my life with your presence and loving me unconditionally.

I want to say I love you. I can only hope that I have imparted a fraction of the love, warmth and camaraderie you have extended to me. A mere “thank you” doesn’t cut it, but thank you anyway.

Love,

Victoria

Almost exactly a year ago to date:

The fear of a child is felt by all and the joy and content of a child is considered by all. If you could remove the pain of a hurting child you would do it instantly, sometimes however it takes a few Popsicles to make the pain a little less tender. A scared little girl with removed IV can quickly turn into a chick watching TV. :)

Today:
Today I think back to these moments I am amazed with how far I have come. I am faced with new things new thoughts and new obstacles but nothing too hard to overcome. I am looking head on to a moving train getting ready to step aside and hop on. Not let this ride pass me by because sometimes baby you gotta do the locomotion! C'mon baby do the loco-motion. I don't think you'll like it, we just have to chance it. I don't want my baby sister doin' it with ease... Getting of the ride now. So C'mon C'mon lets swing these tests and rock these tracks and see if we can't get home with ease. C'mon C'mon the ride will stop now.

Life through a shot glass

Shot Glasses to me are nothing special- however I asked some people what they thought of shot glasses.

To some they're a collectors item just as a special coin or a t-shirt they travel with them from place to place getting un-packed and packed as they move from house to house.

Others they are symbolically for drinking and they think of the amount of liquid they can consume in short periods of time.

Do I live my life through a shot glass? The moments spent with them are quick but for some the re-occurring to want to spend more time with this given shot glass are longer and longer. The shot glass soon isn't adequate for the person and isn't large enough to give them enough. I think this applies in a lot of senses I think we tend to be shot glass people. We're short in our actions and we have no intention- we could say a harsh blow or be a thick liquid before you know it they're gone but the lasting effects of what we let fill us lasts for awhile. Sometimes forever.

A shot glass to me is a symbol of Apple Cider Vinegar that I have to drink in order to keep my liver in check. The sting of the drink is horrible and it really is gross but the effect of that can help me potentially, forever. The other day I was taking my swig of Apple Cider Vinegar when I thought of how for some that little shot glass wasn't enough. If you were in the desert, and it was the only cup of water it would feel like so much. Yet, if it were filled with pennies, it might be invaluable. If the shot glass were filled with a high proof of alcohol it might be potent, however if it were filled with air it would be nothing. If the glass was made of gold it would be seen as more valuable than the glass made of plastic. Shot glasses are really not that large but when filled with the right item, or made of something special- they become so much more.

I don't know why but sometimes I wonder if I fill my life with the right things 100% of the time or if I am just another shot-glass to dust and put on the shelf.

Who needs realistic?

James 1:2-4: Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of any kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

An open coat with a scarf and newly fallen snow- closing the new year out with a bang! I don't need realistic, I don't need pain! I am free from everything that holds me down because I am choosing my mindset an hour early, I am going to be free this new year! No tethers no ties, no cords to hold me down. I will dance in the snow I will spin with all my might, laughing giggling and screaming out my lungs. My motto in the new year?

Lay it on the line- How I live today, is how I will be remembered.

This past year I went from not breathing on my own, bed bound, wheelchair bound, walking with assistance, a walker, a cane, walking, not being able to talk, whispering words that didn't make sense, whispering, talking, laughing again, thinking and smiling and now finally to:

Dancing and spinning in the snow!

Happy New Year everyone!

Here's to freedom of the past and a new beginning. Let your past hold it's name and let it be the past. Open your life to new beginnings and dance in the snow!

disclaimer- I do not go outside in very cold weather without bundling up often.

A Quilt as a Map for my life

I have had so many different experiences that, well I can't really explain in words. I am left awestruck and amazed, in disbelief of how my life has turned out. Sometimes I feel like a wreck and I am scrambling around to pick up the pieces- other days, well- I am just letting the day pass me by, finding what I can and working at what is given.

I guess my eyes have been opened and things are clearer, God is moving in my life in huge ways… I can’t explain it but I know he’s there. It started with a dream about a quilt. It was a powerful dream with vibrant color- the quilt was beautiful and the person who gave it to me was full of energy and excitement. I didn’t see who they were and the gift brought me to tears in my dream. From that night I picked apart the dream and thought about what it could possibly mean. I finally came up with an idea but then that got pushed to sea. I felt even more alone and pushed away that night. Nothing seemed as though it could bring me joy. I was so upset. I didn’t even know what to think- I spent the evening crying and trying to figure out what I should do how to change things what to leave the same. I just really didn’t know. I felt as though my life was on a fast roller coaster and things were completely overwhelming.

The next day after skipping the church service, I arrived to give some people a ride to a service project that I was half dragged into because I felt obliged to do it. So I went and once I arrived at church my youth pastor saw me and he was so happy to see me, he said he had something for me. He said it with such enthusiasm and well, after waiting for months for DVD’s from camp and the retreat I was certain that was what the gift would be. I was kind of proud of him; he finally was getting it done. I was extremely surprised when I followed him into his office to see a bag with a green and orange pattern. My first thought was oh jeez this is some sort of a joke, a clown costume. My mind I noticed was snapping to thoughts as quick as a wink jumping to conclusions. He then pulled out a quilt that he said had been made for me. I was surprised to say the least, speechless. I didn’t feel I was “eligible” for something like this from the shawl ministry because I had received a shawl but- this wasn’t a shawl at all. This was a quilt, I felt honored, humbled, and I was in shock. Who could have made this quilt? Just the night before I was bemused over a quilt and I was feeling selfish and now this one was just set before me. It had been prayed over and it was a gift; I don’t really know who made it, or where it came from, but now this quilt has become one of the biggest gifts I have ever gotten.

That night the quilt offered me just the right amount of heat on a chilly evening and now these days that follow it comes with me all around the house it is my security, it is my tissue for tears, it is now mapping events in my life. I decided with this quilt I wanted to put names on it- to add stories to it and for each square to symbolize what is going on now, and what goes on in the future. So now I am beginning my adventures with this quilt two names have been placed on photos of squares two lives that changed me and as time passes this quilt will have its’ own special scrapbook and a special place in my heart. I don’t know who did this but it has been an act of kindness that has not gone un-noticed. I am so very grateful and I am amazed by their generosity. I am just awestruck by the love of strangers.

Perspective.

If you always view your body in normalcy you'll never notice the flaws.

Today as I slowly pick apart my past and read journal entry after journal entry through joy and sorrow I feel the emotions of each moment flash before my eyes. Each time flash before me thinking feeling what was there. I was frustrated a lot of the time but found normalcy in my state of being. I found what wasn't normal to be okay and ventured on into life. It was how I coped through the hard times and the not so hard times. It was how I dealt with life as it was handed to me.

Now people ask me my perspective as I have badgered many friends over and over for their perspective. Receiving interesting, heart wrenching stories of how they dealt with what was happening to me and how they deal with what goes on in their own lives.

So now after months of pushing these thoughts over I have decided to give my perspective. A dry thought on life in my body.

In my life as I go through a day to day basis I try to connect with the things going on around me.
I think this helps everything seem normal especially with music.

I think what I can relate most with right now. Is the song Superman by Five for Fighting.

"It is not easy to be me."

Although I don't find it all to relate to every single thing that goes on in my life or how it unfolds but I do believe a majority of my life is based upon finding relations between things. I glue together lives and pieces of a puzzle so I can see a greater picture. When I see the greater picture I find security and strength in what I do. So my perspective is that life will never be easy there will always be a thorn in the road even if your path has just smoothed out but-

none the less you live for yourself and those who love you- you do not live for moments in time.

I would like to spot-light a special little girl today who has tried her hardest to be a big girl.

Her name? Danica Lynch:
As I am the youngest in my family, youngest child youngest granddaughter and always forced to "grow up". Now with this disease I was forced to reach out of my comfort zone and grow up a little more. Danica has been helping with the Lyme walk stuff and even helped sort the many t-shirts that were ordered! Her helping heart is amazing and she's an awesome kid. She always has something to say but tries her best to be on her best behavior even though it's difficult to ask a younger child to sit still while everyone talks. So I would like to spot-light Danica and say her efforts of being a big kid have not gone unnoticed.

Painting Hope

Taking your brand new paint brush and dipping it in the first color
The first few strokes are hardened and pointy.
As if the paintbrush itself is unsure of it's duty...

The paintbrush a lot like us when we reach unsteady ground.
Not sure of what to do unsure of how to do it or what we're going to reach out to next.
We are like a new paint brush when we reach unfamiliar land testing the waters out with our toes before we're into it up to our nose.

Slowly the brush warms up and soon you're working with a limber brush and creating the background to your scene.
I start with the top knowing just how I want the sky to be...
Slowly working downward until the whole piece of wood was covered with color.

Slowly but surely I make my way to the outline of hope.

A little ducks black outline covering the blues and bright colors...
Filling in the dark areas with a little red duck and red feathers too...
Stroking through his beak and feet I make them as yellow as can be soon he looks as though he will say quack quack and waddle his way right off the piece I have made.

I create this duck and then soon give him away for what is artwork with out being shared?
This image of hope is here to stay symbolically representing our everyday.

Each day I don't feel good there has to be an ounce of hope-
For we push on to tomorrow with that little hope.

Quack Quack says the duck as he walks away.
I am hope for you and I am keeping you here today.

*Hope is a duck that I painted for Fahris while I was in the hospital and met her I gave Fahris that duck with a little poem and to my understanding hope is oh Fahris' wall and I think it's well understood that hope is also held deep within her heart.*

Spot-light:
Brenda- I spot-light Fahris' mom today as I forgot to yesterday. I want to say she has been a wonderful mother to her small half pint child who has battled the world with her right hand. She has shown courage when no courage could be found and has extended her right hand to know what's best for her daughter. She keeps everyone updated through her caringbridge site and knows that everything will be alright. No matter what the doctors have said she has continued to keep hope and I was so blessed to meet this family that gave me hope. I could only return the favor they gave to me with giving them a little hope of their own.

Kevin- I also feel it's important to spot-light Kevin Fahris' father he was the first person to visit my room. He came a little later with his daughter that he so proudly was able to show off. He told me a little about Fahris and about the long stay they had endured. Later the whole family was in my room and I was quite amazed at how much I had learned. They were an encouraging bunch and hat's off to Kevin for his courage to stand beside his wife and child through many sleepless nights and the beeping of the machines. It's quite amazing to see the love a parent can give to a child experiencing it on my own and knowing how much it means to have mom and dad there... I am sure their actions will never be forgotten in the little mind of their daughter.

Could your life be seen as a Pandora's box?

After watching a Into the Wild with Jake tonight a lot of thoughts arose-

Is our daily life so consistent that we ourselves are afraid to steer away from the American dream push away the all mighty dollar and seek what is left to who we are within?
What are we really afraid of what is our true fear?
Inadequacy?
Failure?
Spiders?
Love?
Snakes?
Blood?
Danger?
Rejection?
Sickness?
What is it that we fear so much that we would be willing to let go of all we have to seek a different lifestyle rather than confront it?

What do I see of my past? What do I hope for my future? Why do I think these things?

I challenge myself with these thoughts pondering the word of the day-

Pandora's Box- n: a prolific source of troubles.

After looking further into the word and reading the did you know I share this about the words:
According to Greek mythology, the problems brought by Pandora's box started with Prometheus. He was a Titan, one of the first Greek gods, and he stole the secret of fire from his fellow gods and shared it with mortal humans. To punish humans, the gods then created Pandora. Each god gave her a gift to make her appealing (her name comes from the Greek word meaning "all-gifted" or "all-giving"). The gods then sent her to the mortals with a box full of evils. Pandora's curiosity prompted her to open the box, and all those ills escaped to plague humanity. Only hope remained to help humans bear their suffering.
(all information on Pandora's Box gathered from the word-a-day calendar)

Do you grasp a Pandora's Box?
A past clutch of uncertainty.

It makes me think about what I am and who I really am. What I am to myself but not to those around me. Could I give my all to really let go and would I let something from my past eat me up to the point I could not escape it until my death made me escape it?

I quote Christopher McCandless' writing into a book "Happiness only real when shared."

So I bring you the raw me the past and present and each chapter of life unfolded to share because what would life be if it was boxed for no one else to see?

I stay up an extra bit to write waiting for some pain to dull so I can sleep but I think greatly about my past how I miss it but how it is in general.

A thought on the past:
But that was still then and this is still now-
Nothing will ever change that...
What could have been will loom above
and what is yet to be will linger in the air yet to be breathed.
For that was then and this is now!
A new adventure yet to unfold!
So live today as full as possible
because this is the only chance you'll get-
At living the present.
Written by: Victoria Wilcox

I post this not to challenge you but challenging myself making myself think digging deeper than what's on the surface searching for the answers of the unknown. Sharing to people who may never see the inside of the hospital the way I did- showing because that's what I can do. I can leave my print and I will not back down.

Although if you feel like it take this chance to think.

This one is for my Aunt Debbie a raw un-edited un-spell checked version of what goes through my mind maybe not an update maybe not anything at all just thoughts jotted down creating an entry.

My Spot-light:

Aunt Debbie-

My Aunt Debbie has continued to support me through each trial and tribulation and you can frequently find a comment under at least one of my posts a week! She has been there to write to the prayer chain she has been there to say hello and she is always dropping notes of encouragement to me in my inbox. In the most unexpected moments I will receive a little note pushing me to keep on going. She encourages my writing and encourages each thing I do with all she has no matter what despite everything she has in her own life she manages to come to my events and this year she has decided to come to the Lyme walk a huge step in my life instead of going to one of our pastors son's weddings. For some you may think she should be at the Lyme walk supporting her niece but she doesn't have to be- and the man who is getting married has been like a son to her so it was a very hard decision for her to make. I honor her for making this decision and her continued strength that she has. I am truly blessed!

I have a complex mind but lead a simple life.

After a conversation with a friend I realized how complex my mind works but how simple I am.

Take a look at this photo- A good look at the photo. Now think about it-

These are my thoughts on this photo.

In this leaf there isn't much inside it... Really there is nothing to the leaf at all.
there is barely any substance left-

The beauty doesn't come from the leaf itself but the colors that make the photo in the background. The leaf merely creates contrast to make the photo work.
Through this the colors are seen through it's tattered form and it's decaying shell and despite the fact the leaf is weathering down it holds on to it's stem. Through it's stem it holds on to a branch of which holds on to a stronger branch that reaches a tree trunk. Through that tree trunk the tree reaches down to roots and stability. Through those roots they are able to stretch outward through the ground and down deep into the soil.

So in our minds we find disarray we find confusion or loss of words.
Or in some cases we find too many words filling our heads-
We could be totally out of "funk"
but our minds are attached to a branch which is attached to our trunk and gets to our roots. Our roots can be anything from a kind friend or a loving neighbor. But they are the workers who continue to feed our plant to make us grow strong and tall in what we are.

Everything can be tied together by your trunk- if you believe in yourself.

A dust storm can happen in moments a once calm scene can quickly be taken over by particles being swept away by the air. One particle grabs on to another particle and soon a small wind is a greater wind and the air can be filled with an almost opaque scene of grey dust.

The only thing about these dust storms is although they are quick to arise they can be just as quick to disappear and they can be brought under control over time because the dust will settle and the wind will calm and peace will be brought.

For even after the flood with Noah God sent a dove and all was well after the many days of rain.

There is Hope.

Untitled.

Supporting one is supporting the future.

The support you reach out to give to another person either through a helping hand or through insight you have within. You support that person to support others. You give the glimpse of hope to them and give them an intangible gift- A gift of hope a gift of future beyond that night. Beyond the hour or the minute you have but giving to another. It's something that some may feel to busy for it's something others do as a daily thing.

But tonight more than ever I realized if my personal life is so busy that I can't stop to smell the flowers and take a deep breath then it's time to lighten the load. For if you cannot give to another person you cannot give to the future. For giving is not much but what they take away could be an eternity.

I cannot explain exactly why this is being said tonight for there are many feelings that were stirred throughout the day. But next time your day seems too busy look at the grass and know that it too grows just to get cut away. But continues growing for it wants to reach forward to the sun and reach out- Take it from the grass an ordinary miracle.

Reach out and reach within- whether you need help or you haven't gave reach for the future for that's something we've all got to live.

Heather.

yo yo yo the name is Heather.
If you don't believe it watch me shake my feather.

I live in a house with 3 humans and a dog
We keep things real simple and try to stay out of the fog.
With each new day startin' out real slow I sleep till noon
Movin' real slow.

Here is where I keep my job and hang my hat you see...
For it's tough to get a treat out of some of these humans when they act as busy as a bee.
I do a little dance and shake my rear to and fro attention getting is my main goal-

On my off time I like romantic walks on the street
and a great big bowl of anything but barley and some wheat.

Now I could go on to tell you about my real cool cats-
We've got Paul, Denise, and Tori too
and that other guy yeah.
Wallie.
He's a dog too.
But they all can take the time to bring their paws on this key board
And leave a message for you.

For I'm out I gotta pee and you know-

No one listens to me!

But to keep the tradition goin' I will say one last thing-

Yo, I give a shout out to the fish in Victoria's room for yeah the pets of the family gotta stick it together and let me tell you they've been dropping like they've got the flu.

So whenever I feel like no one's listening to me= I remember that at least I've got a voice compared to the sea in the room down the hall!

A Friends Voice

It's so weird just a few nights ago we were laughing together

about coloring outside of the lines and her loading dock leap...

I got a text tonight that didn't make sense

I just wish I had the magic wand do zap her all better.
I wait for her word to see if she's okay with no response I can only fear the worst.

Long hours pass no one sends a single letter...

Hours passing into a day...

I send another text still un-responded.

The silence that fills the empty space is captivating my mind and

stirs unexpected thought.

Tonight I got an e-mail not directly written to me-

Just a forward I thought until I opened it up

Inside it disclosed information that made my heart feel rocky

and my head started to spin

I felt hot tears pour down my cheeks

Surreal as one might put it as I thought all was well

Hoping tonight she was out not going through hell.

I don't know what to think my mind begins to run

as my mothers arms wrap around me

Slowly my world begins to spin.

She looks into my eyes and she says something isn't right.

She's losing her pace slowly and I know she might not win.

I start to ask her questions trying to seek within

hoping to grasp a word from her mouth.

Yet I watch her slowly zone out and instantaneously

I feel the weight of her body collapse into my arms

Reaching out with instinct hoping she won't be harmed.

Thoughts overwhelm me I can't explain.

Words are not within me but I run to reach the harbor of safety reaching out for help.

Soon I hear a siren I watch her leave through an ambulance window...

I keep my phone on not expecting a thing

But only continue to keep on awaiting.

I tossed and turned throughout the night

Restless doesn't begin to explain it.

I don't think any symptom at all could ever explain the feeling of worry for my friend.

This morning I wake up a little less rested than usual

Never did get to my REM...

Thoughts of that siren still linger in my head.

Written by: Victoria Wilcox

Buster.

Tonight the night is lonely.

I sit upon the neatly made bed.

But my master never came to crawl in beside me...

The house is quiet and the dogs are whining at the door-

I can only think what has happened this time.

Morning comes the sun rises through a single opened shade.

I am whisked away with a single rough grasp and tossed into a dark bag.

If only she had picked a different trait surely loyalty wouldn't be fit these days.

Although I wear the trait inside me remembering in my heart to stay faithful.

Tossed around then soon I am placed in ah yes another bed...

This place is a little different not like the travels we've had before.

No plane rides, nor long travels, no tossing about through a luggage check point...

No Mickey hat's, nor rivers to look out upon, no interesting smells, or laughing faces to be seen.

Feels strange here I don't feel very comfortable.

I find solace with the grip of my master -

Ahh... to be in the clutch of her unyielding arms.

She squeezes me tight and takes in my smell, soon she is fast asleep.

I listen to each of her breaths in and out slow and easy...

I stand guard and watch people come in and out

I look up to see the face of her mother lost in apprehension.

Seems we frequent this place all too often.

The nurses toss me about and act as if I am nothing at all.

Ouch. Jeekers man, you would think someone would have a little respect!

A machine beeps I am tossed aside and soon

crammed tight against an icy window pane.

In the hustle and bustle I try to sneak a peak-

Dude lay off her! She's my primary caregiver!

I watch as they hit her chest and poke her with needles.

STOP! Hey mom, make them stop!

It was so peaceful just moments ago now I have slipped to the floor...

Yuck. Look at the dirt! I stare laying limp at the quick moving feet.

Hey! Slow down don't take her away! I am laying here on the floor!
Don't forget me!

I hate being left behind!

As I look to see the bed move out of sight and tubes extended everywhere.
Nurses shouting orders doctors walking at a fast pace.

Silence overcomes the room... She's gone.

Ouch darn it! I hate getting stuffed into bags...

I am in a muffled journey hearing words I don't know ICU? Ventilator?

It has been a few days someone picks up my bag...

They dig around a little...

Hey! not so rough! Don't you see all of my holes?

My stuffing is almost all out!

If I lose it all what will be left to cuddle?

They pick me up!

I am reluctant to be back in her arms.

She's a little peaked tonight and looks very weak...

She isn't herself but looks calm and at peace

Surely I have done my job.

I will remain loyal.

Written by- Victoria Wilcox