The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. - e.e. cummings

Alright, So I am a very visual person. You can read to me but nothing hits me like a few photos. So I have made the below video to document the last few months of my life: (We also had a surplus of photos from the last hospital stay because we're using them for the Children's book I am illustrating.)

Good News! I did not cry yesterday after getting my hair done. It was a
relief. Today I feel quiet don't want to say much but do have a few things. Awhile ago my youth pastor shared with me how he disliked people trying to sell him things over the phone. He was like soon you end up in 20 minute conversations with them over their product. It frustrates him... So I got an idea I was intrigued by his disgust and like all of us usually are... Out for a
little fun!

So I decided I was going to be Gretchen from a pencil company. I called his number and he answered right away."Hello this is Gretchen from the pencil company we would like to help you share the message Jesus has in your heart and speak to your youth through our pencils"Pastor Chris started laughing and laughing... He had no idea who it was! Although he knew it was a joke... Every other kid would be in school. It was great! Soon I told him who I was and he thought it was even funnier. So yeah a sick kid can have a little fun once in awhile.

Today is my first official Inspirational Person... I thought long and hard about this and decided it would have to be someone who was noticed within the last 24 hours of my life upon doing something.

Today is Pastor Chris & his wife Ashley:

Okay so I remember Pastor Chris' first year at Victory youth group was on Wednesday nights and we did some pretty crazy stuff and sometimes got really messy. I almost think messy is an understatement when coming to the one kick off Sunday when they covered the new youth room with tarps and we did all sorts of relay races. I thought that he was crazy. To let us Middle School and High School students run through jello, run with eggs, pretty much it was A LOT worse than 100 finger painting 4 year olds. I was like wow. This doesn't even feel like youth group. I started going regularly on Wednesday nights and I really enjoyed it. I had never had a pastor touch me on such a deep level. He spoke with a southern accent yeah, but that didn't compare to the messages he shared with us about God and he really hit home almost every time I heard him speak. Soon youth group was moved to Sunday nights and I was unable to come as frequently because of schedule conflict. Although I did and still do go once in awhile. He has been an amazing pastor at our church and brought in teens by what seems to be bus loads to our church. He has reached so many and is a wonderful man. He also always finds time in his schedule to come visit me while I am in the hospital. EVEN when I was way up in Rochester he came. He is a very devoted person and has really changed my life.

Now, I wouldn't be able to tell you about Chris without telling you about his wife Ashley. I don't know her well actually I do believe we have only been together on one occasion for worship and that was at a girls night out function for church. I went we made journals and the journal I made was the first journal I ever kept. I wrote prayers and prayer requests and that was as simple as it was because I was against journaling. Through that night she taught us a lot. A lot about being women through Christ and we did a lot of different but fun things. Her journal led me to journal on and now I have a new journal that I write in a lot. Through that one note she left in the journal she gave each of us it inspired me to reach out and see Christ on a different level.. Now I will admit I didn't take a leap and poof I was spiritual and I still have issues with faith every now and then but she was a big stepping stone to where I am today. I will close with her note to us and then a poem.

"A journal is not only a record of events that touch our lives
and change us, it is a private space in which we can meet God and see His hand
touch our lives through answered prayer. My prayer for you is that you will seek
the Lord daily and allow him to mold you into the person
He would have you be. I believe in you. Stay Faithful!"
In His Strength & Joy,
Ashley
October, 2003

Now the poem:

DON'T GIVE UP HOPE

Hope gives you the strength to keep going when you feel like giving up.
Don't ever quit believing in yourself.
As long as you believe you can, you will have a reason for trying. Don't let anyone hold your happiness in their hands; hold it in your own, so it will always be within your reach.
Don't measure success or failure by material wealth, but by how you feel. Our feelings determine the riches in our lives.
Don't let bad moments overcome you.
Be patient, and they will pass.
Don't hesitate to reach out for help; we all need it from time to time. Don't runaway from Love, but towards love; because it is our deepest joy.
Don't wait for what you want to come to you.
Go after it with all that you are; knowing that life will meet you half way.
Don't feel like you've lost when plans and dreams fall short of your hopes.
Anytime you learn something new about yourself, or about life, you have progressed. Don't do anything that takes away from your self-respect.
Feeling GOOD about yourself is essential to feeling GOOD about life.
Don't ever forget how to laugh or be too proud to cry. It is by doing both that we live life to the FULLEST.
~author unknown~

This is all for today. Enjoy the video! Hope you had a wonderful day.

Sneak Preview

So tomorrow I will have an update and a good post.

This is my last daily inspiration:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mHaFMqde6A

Do we need test results to make us do this?

Tired out long day,

Check back tomorrow!

Just another quick thought

I am going to have a spotlight person each entry from here on out. Hopefully in the end there will be 100's of people that have helped me on my journey each recognized in my blog with a paragraph. With that someday if I ever do write a book: there will be one chapter on all of the people who have come into my life and enlightened me in such a way that words cannot begin to describe. I am so grateful for these people and so now there will be an inspirational person instead of an inspirational thing. Hope you all enjoy :)

Hey look ma, I am not running into our new woodwork!

I have upgraded from the wheelchair to the walker. Although I am such a sight with the walker and my pitiful walking I will not be amusing on lookers with my stylish walker and relying upon the wheelchair in public.

**A quick explanation of my heading- As many of you know we had an addition put on our house just before I got very ill. So we have a beautiful kitchen and all new cupboards and woodwork (wood floors, cabinets, etc.) throughout our house! What a dream for my mother... Then clunk, clunk, clunk you hear me coming through the house from the other end when I am in my wheelchair. I can personally tell it hurts her to see her teen in a wheelchair AND to see her teen side-swiping the new cabinets! So it is of great relief that I am building strength each day.**

I was unable to go to the chiropractor today due to very yucky weather outside and my father was concerned about icy roads since we would have had to leave early in the morning. Which was understandable and due to the fact I was not able to sleep last night very well I was VERY thankful when he said hey, Tori go back to sleep we re-scheduled your appointment.

I busied my day with working on photo shop I am sure it will be my addiction until I have completed the children's book that I have been challenged to illustrate. I am so excited about it yet nervous. I have no idea what I want to do yet 100's of idea's! It should be interesting to see how it turns out.

Tomorrow will be another busy day-

I have a Physical Therapy Appointment in the morning of which I am positive they will whip my butt into shape and tell me how it is. Even though I have yet to meet a horribly mean physical therapist and they actually were my favorite team in the hospital because they gave me hope of getting out of there!

I am also going to get my hair done. A big relief to have my hair washed by my aunt and not my mom. (no offense mom!) My mom just doesn't seem to get all of the soap out of my hair and I can't complain because I am too busy using up all of my strength holding myself in a position so she can wash my hair. It's frustrating being sick, my suggestion: DON'T GET SICK! So I am excited to go get my hair done. (below is a bio on my Aunt Debbie, kinda like Kally's except I don't know her favorite color.)

I got a few uplifting e-mails about this blog. People are happy that I am keeping them updated past my days in a hospital bed. I am happy that people are willing to support me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vi1uX7PpgXg my inspiration for the day!

I think about it a lot and you know people say what I am going through is horrible but maybe it’s the way God is getting my attention for something later on in life. If we all are willing to be used by him we must be willing to go through whatever it takes to get us ready to do his will. After all his son was nailed to a cross is your faith so strong you would be willing to place it all in his hands? Never look back take a leap of faith and be ready to be 100% used by him. That is my thought today.

This is my return.

**Aunt Debbie- hm. well first off she is a hairdresser, mother, aunt, sister, daughter, grandmother, piano player, some Sundays helps with the worship team, yeah she is pretty awesome. She also has inspired me. She inspires me because she never gives up and keeps on going and keeps focus on God even though she is quiet and doesn't say much her silence speaks a great amount. She is a wonderful woman and she also does my hair and believe me: there is one place you never want to deal with me and that's when I am going to get my hair done. I usually can never get a sentence out with my idea of how I want my hair my idea is constantly changing and then at the end I usually end up in tears over the haircut! So to be able to deal with that alone makes her a saint. She also had 2 knee replacement surgeries and has trouble with her shoulders yet she continues to work, provide for her 3 grand-children, husband, and two sons. She has been a great asset to the Lyme Walk and she constantly reminds me of things that need to be updated and gives me the honest truth when things don't look great. She also sends me some really thought provoking e-mails that can either make me laugh, smile, or cry or sometimes all three. She has really helped me with a lot of things that go unspoken and is a truly amazing woman. Another inspiration in my life. My Aunt Debbie.**

Here's to a good night and pushing forward!

Victoria.

death

http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=ithct48cqw
this is all I have for you today. Watch it. Take it in. Live it.

Answered Prayer!

I am lacking strength to type right now due to a busy day, so I am taking the last bit of energy I have to write a blog.

Today I slept in and was very very tired. My father woke me up at 10 to take my seizure meds but I couldn't pull myself to get out of bed and was soon back to sleep. Around 12 he came back in and said I should probably get up because we needed to head to the hospital and start the day. I was rather bummed but glad he woke me then! Within moments IV therapy finally returned his phone call and we were on our way to Arnot to get my picc checked. Thank you to all who prayed, there was answered prayer!

Upon getting to the hospital we had to go to the ER because that's where we were directed. I was nervous because everyone was coughing and some were wearing masks others just coughed freely into the air! Hello! If you have a cough put a mask on!!!! It scared me a bit and I asked the security guard to get me to a room quickly or get me a mask, or both! I ended up with both. Since my body is weak fighting off whatever is going around isn't really an option and right now the hospitals are FILLED with contagious people.

Then Rose, an IV tech that I know quite well and is very talented came and was surprised to see me back so soon! She saw my site and agreed it looked horrible and was thankful we came to see her. :) So I guess we're getting good at knowing when to head to the hospital.. We told her what was going on and she put a new dressing on it and if it comes down to it, we may be changing the dressing every 24 hours. Which is stressful on my mom because it has to be sterile but it might be the only thing we can do to clear up this horrendous rash that has developed. Get this: I am the SECOND case they have had like this. My body must like to be unique! GR!! Oh well, I was very happy to have a familiar face to take care of me instead of having someone like we had my first picc line... They just pulled the picc without any consideration of the situation or alternative treatment! So although the picc is being a pain and itching up a storm I am mentally preparing myself for the days to come.

The chiropractor has given me hope and hope is what I need! I was able to start on a magnesium supplement today and after X-Rays which will be taken in his office on Wednesday I will start further treatment. It has been confirmed I am quite ill and that my body isn't producing things it should be which makes getting better quite difficult. So he will work with us to make me better and fill my body with the things it isn't making enough of on it's own. So I think the trips to Owego will become a little more regular but are worthwhile at this point.

He has informed us that he thinks that my body is internally and externally weak but he will work on rebuilding the internal things to make things like the antibiotics be able to do their job more efficiently. What a GREAT idea! First doctor to ever think about how everything else is getting knocked out by the antibiotics and everything else in sight!

So weak, weary, tired, and kinda just feeling no good yes. But at least I don't have a tube down my throat!!

My inspiration for the day? http://www.dynastyforpetlovers.com/WALKWITHME.HTM

I hope you all are a little stronger than me tonight and I will continue to update as I can.For now I am off to detach my IV and nap if possible!

Victoria.

ick to picc's and ticks!

haha I thought the headline was kind of creative?

Last night after blogging... My mom came in and asked me to stand for her... I was a little nervous so I said yes and reluctantly I am happy to announce:

I took like three steps!! Although they were a little shakey they were steps! So this is most definitely improvement and I am sure you all will be overjoyed to hear about that. :)

Today, after praying and wondering and trying to think if I might ever get to go to church... I went! I got out of bed got some clothes on looked like my sickly little self and went to church. Those of you who don't know me, don't know that church is probably my biggest driving force. Without my church I don't think I would be nearly as happy and as strong spirited as I am... I have been brought in touch with so many incredible families from that church! Ah, at last I must say God works in wonderous ways that I really don't think I will ever see coming until bonk. They hit me in the forehead... As long as he doesn't leave bruises like the IV team does at the hospital we're cool! :)

After church and talking to everyone and surprising everyone with my guest appearance! :) (One thing about our church is the immense support you receive the moment you walk in the door. Smiling faces tight hugs, and LOVE!) So this is why I love going there and last night I asked many friends to pray that if it was God's will... I would be able to go to church and I was able to get myself there and it was the best feeling in the world to be there!

Well I decided since my OCD is acting up and I really am itching to get a tackle on the medical files that I would like to risk everything and go to wal mart while we were out and go get filing stuff and get some planting stuff. One thing I want to do is to show life is going on in the world... Have something growing! So I want to start an indoor plant garden with veggies so..... After reading lots about plant gardening in pots while I was in the hospital my mom bought me a mix of crazy stuff to start my indoor garden. I am absolutely psyched! We also ran into a long time friends father. And I might be able to go hang out with Kally (read Kally's story at the end of post) a few hours every so often! Which made me extremely happy and would be very exciting because it's something I am confident about doing even with my condition and I have a deep love for Kally. So it was really a great thing to run into him and hear a little update!

Now, usually when I ask for prayer I just say thank you for prayer. Thank you for your thoughts continue to pray for my health! Today, I am a little more specific with my request: My picc line (which we are continuing to feel is very important to my road to recovery) looks as though I may have another yeast infection in it! Which if you do not know much about picc lines can be very dangerous if not taken care of. My skin is draining out onto my shirt and the site is warm to the touch... Since we just noticed it worsening today, we will probably wait til tomorrow and head to the IV team at the hospital tomorrow morning to have them take a peak and see if there is any hope in saving the picc. Which I hope there is! Since of course getting an IV alone is no fun but having an IV strung from your upper arm to your chest is a little more intense and is something I have already done three times! My skin is just so sensitive we don't really know what is going on. Hopefully it's a topical thing that can be taken care of.

Right now our family is overwhelmed with support of others and financial difficulties of many sorts. We are willing to try anything if it means getting me better but... We cannot afford me to stay on IV forever as some think if it works I should! So there are still many things to face and many hurdles to overcome but things will get better at the slow steady pace as we continue to look forward.

Tomorrow I am also heading to a new doctor so prayers there are helpful but I am confident he is a good doctor and he is going to help us with herbal remedies and such so as I have mentioned him before I think he is another step in the right direction.

Okay, so music is big with me right now. If you suggest anything I will give it a listen. My new song of interest is Anna Nalick's Shine. I probably will have a new song daily because I am really getting motivated by the music aspect of life.

Kally-
Kally is probably one of the most inspirational people in my life. Yes, I have a few that I would say that about. She is 18 years-old and lives with down syndrome. She is a great girl and can add a smile to any one's face. She has helped me notice the simplest things in life and shown me that even the most complex situations can be healed with a hug and a smile. She strives for success and knows her desires! She can be quite a handful but, after meeting her in the 3rd grade and keeping in touch all of these years I consider her to be a friend and not so much a person to baby-sit. Although sometimes I can forget she does not understand and frustration overwhelms me. I still am able to pull through and she will be my forever coloring, and Disney movie watching buddy. As the world grows around her Kally continues to stay interested in the simple things and if at all I an only wish to keep a little of Kally in me- and notice the simple things! (her section is pink in honor of pink being her favorite color! :))

blog following, waiting, watching, and becoming more.

The view from my bed.

So as I think about it I have been on your end of the spectrum with a little girl's blog. Waiting for updates as she progresses crying at a computer screen when I hear she had a bad day rejoicing over small anthills overcome. A story with just a few words for some becomes something they strive for and someone they barely know or have never met become something that they look forward to hearing about on a sometimes daily basis.

What once was just a few words and a smiling little girl who thanked me for making her a get well soon card while in Rochester is now like a little sister. I don't know her well, but I do know her story. After this last hospital scare I realized there are many of those people for me. I don't know them on personal level but when things are bad they come through with get-well wishes, support, kindness, and generosity. Offering anything they can to humanly make the process of going through ambulance rides, ER visits, and ICU stays a little more comfortable a little less scary. You all have been so amazing and I continue to want to say thank you for that each day will get a little better it's just going to be a long road. But I have known that for a while now. So this is no new news and we must take each day as it comes.

There are numerous things I miss to make me human I will give you my list:
I miss....

being able to walk my dog whenever I wanted to
going to school
spending each weekend with friends
doing whatever I wanted and not having to choose between activity a and b
my friends
doing things on my own
being able to roam about the house and not have my parents worry
doing schoolwork! (yeah I know it's insane.)
laughing so hard I cry
not getting short winded from walking to the kitchen
having pain free days
not having to rely on medication
being a teen

these are just a few... I am not sure but it's going to get better. It has to! So if my story is more than just words now, because for a few stories I wait on a daily basis I will check blogs 3-4 times a day! Just to see any new word of my newfound 'friends'. It's amazing technology can connect us this way and it's great to have those who do support me. Who are there for me through the hardest days and when I don't text for 3 days and it's time to find out what hospital I am in and when they can visit.

Incredible is not even a word to describe the people who are in my life. Each person is like a worker bee and they all continue to support me as days seem long and my strength seems limited.

I wanted to share some things from the hospital although I remember little, I remember some and I want to share that with you:

In ICU it's kind of interesting you have patients who are about to leave the unit are about to go downstairs and soon be back into the normal world. They were in there for a day or so to just get stable due to a crazy accident or a slip down some stairs that left them banged up but doing decent.

You see families shed tears as they have their loved ones pass but you see others rejoice because they have gotten the out of ICU ticket! Which let me tell you is a big relief for many. You see families at what is probably their worst. They cry they weep they yell they try to take in what humanly doesn't seem fair.

Pediatrics was another interesting thing they are used to run of the mill cases run of the mill things yes, we know I don't have epilepsy. We do not need another consult to tell us that no, I do not have epilepsy. That has been decided. You hear small infants in size one diapers screaming from pain, fear, or being overwhelmed. They are all unique and what were once around 25 unique cases can quickly become one large mess. The hospital was filled to the brim when I was there they had people being admitted with no beds to sleep in. The nurses were tired. Snow was coming down people were calling off and many stayed for 12 hour to 14 hour shifts! Taking care of their patients trying to keep their patience as another child click click clicked their call bell.

When we came onto earth we took risk, being born was a big risk and our first breath was the biggest risk of all. We weren't promised a steady beaten path that had been traveled over 100s of times we’re promised a life. This is what we each get is a life. How we live our lives and how we take each day is up to us. Today and the days moving forward I am going to continue to do all I can to be up and walking. Church right now, is a no go but maybe I will figure out a way to go, "if God ordained it, he will make a way."

Physically I am not doing great but right now I don't really care. Maybe what my doctor says is true a positive attitude cannot heal damaged nerves and cells but it can make the ride a heck of a lot easier to deal with.

More to come in the days to come,

Victoria

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8HgAVenbUU

^ something worthwhile. I promise.