I am worth it... So are YOU!

Okay, so here goes round two of trying to post this... Ever hear someone say: you're worth it.

I hear it a lot. So much that I don't believe it.

Not one bit.

You are worth the big dreams. Whatever that dream is... Take it, grasp it, and run with it! No matter how crazy it is... You can do it!

I was talking to a man today and I found myself saying: I can't, I might fail, I can't imagine if I actually...

Yeah, I might fail. Actually, it's highly probable I would. But I am worth that failure.

Because one time... I will succeed and for that moment: every defeat will fade away. The success will conquer that failure and drive it away. And poof: just like that I will be successful.

Never-mind how many times I fell on my face...

Your parents don't talk about the 100's of times you fell on your diapered bottom. We just know that we're successful in walking now. Even as a person that learned how to walk multiple times in my life... We don't dwell in the past. They don't talk about the days that I barely could drag my feet across the floor. Or how I would get frustrated and angry.

We talk about the runs I go on and the victory I face.

So if you're scared... Just remember, your fear is holding you back from being a victor.

You have failed before, but you're on the cusp of something great!!

I have thought about quitting my blog... But something always leaves me coming back for more. Truth be known, I love writing... I love coming to the drawing board with thoughts, grievances, and my creativity. A blank canvas for words.

Little did I know people really still read this thing.

My mom called me last night to tell me that one of our relatives met some people from Ohio and they said: Thank God for Victoria Wilcox from Horseheads, NY! We printed stuff off from her blog and it helped our niece get diagnosed. This is the loose interpretation I got!

Years later, I can still look back to dark days of pain and hospital stays. I still don't quite grasp what it was all like but I know I am glad to have that in the past. Never did I dream that people still read my old entries. I had no idea they were even useful. Sometimes I feel as though I have given up hope... Somehow, my story still helps people. I don't know how.

Anyways, here I sit amazed. Hello, to the Ohio readers, and I hope your niece gets better soon!

Reality Check

I can hardly believe how fast life goes...

Today while on the phone with my mom; I found out a kid that I went to High School with passed away. This kid was a year younger than me. He was in a lot of my art classes with me and developed photos next to me in the dark room...

He was on a gorge and he fell 100 feet and ultimately ended up passing away... He was just out taking pictures with his friend and a log gave way which ended up launching him past his friend's grasp into the gorge. This is a failure of imagination.

Just a few days ago, I was thinking how each day is a gift. How I used to believe that and really grasp on to each day being a gift. Some how in the midst of things, I lost sight of that. Some how I started feeling as though I was entitled to life... Then my mom called me with this news.

I felt like someone had literally punched me in the gut. I gasped a bit for breath as tears filled my eyes... I just don't get how this happens. Our lives are so incredibly short. When people say: "none of us are promised tomorrow" it's the truth. It's so true that it's almost scary.

This has made me start to wonder... I constantly want to save things and hold on to random things for a "special" occasion... Why not have the special occasion today. I don't know when God will call those closest to me home... But I surely want them to know that they are on my list of special people in my life. I want them to know that they matter to me more than I can express in words.

People are important.

I hope that my friend knew that people cared about him.

Instead of thinking there will be a tomorrow... May we live in today. May we love each person in the moment and may we not take our time for granted... Soon enough life changes, transitions happen, people grow up, move out, pass away...

May I never be too busy to say I love you.

From wheelchair to marathon...

One thing that I was thinking about tonight is how far I have come.

As I have gone quite literally from wheelchair to preparing for marathon training.

As I have been editing my book... One thing it has brought me a realization of is just exactly how far I have come... This was quite literally my life. Days on end in the hospital grasping any hope that we could for the future.

Sometimes I look back to that and I can't even fathom it. I know I have come so far. I am so very blessed! Now as I begin to train for the half marathon first, and marathon before I graduate college... I can't imagine being trapped into a wheelchair. However, I get so mad that I am not better at running or that I didn't run sooner.

In a world that is constantly striving to the be the best, the fastest, the smartest... I have come to realize: it doesn't matter. At least I can run. I forget how far I have come. And that alone shows that my life is full of blessing.

I love my God more today, than yesterday...His covenant to His people is everlasting, and for this: I am so very thankful.

Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands. Deuteronomy 7:9

Project 21 Day #9

Awhile ago, I made a bucket list and since I have made it; I have done quite a few of the things on it! Below are 21 things I have done off my bucket list.

1. Ran a 5 K: My first one was my Freshmen year. I have ran quite a few of them since then.

2. Grow vegetables from a garden: I help my parents with their garden, and I have really enjoyed the process. I hope to have a garden of my own some day.

3. Learn Sign Language: Rochester has a high deaf population and slowly, I am beginning to get better. I can almost carry on a conversation on now with little help!
4. Start a non-profit organization: This offically happened in High School with A Hope 4 Lyme!

5. Spend a weekend at a monastery: I also completed this my Freshmen year of college... There is just something so peaceful about spending a weekend there!
6. Walk to the top of the Empire State building: I did this with my parents a few summers back and it was incredible. It's so crazy. I don't really like heights that much... So this was pretty crazy and scary. But I thought it was really neat to look down and see the taxi's... They looked like matchbox cars!
7. Buy a stranger a meal: I have done this a few times. The surprise the one guy had was pretty incredible. He was so thankful.

8. Read an entire book in one day: I read Rob Bell's Sex God in one day this past summer. It was a pretty good book! Came with high recommendations from June.

9. Learn how to knit: Last year I got so much better at knitting! I made a few scarfs! It was very therapuetic. I hope to learn to make hats next.
10. Get my license: I got my license out of necessity really once I started working at the hospital... And I was finally seizure free! I got it on my first try!!

11. Receive flowers for no reason: My mom ordered them and then had the flower shop down the street call me and have me pick them up! I was super surprised and very thankful. I love fresh flowers.
12. Piece a quilt: I finished my first quilt this winter; for a friend who has been sick in the hospital. It was very fun and quite easy. I was really surprised!

13. Laugh until I cry: I actually have done this a lot over the past few years and it's funny to think I hadn't done this when I made out my bucket list.

14. Go six months seizure free: Woo! I finally accomplished this a few summers ago and have completed a year seizure free!! YAY!
15. Take up Photography: I actually have gained a lot more skill... But still have a long way to go! I am so blessed that I also got to shoot a wedding this past summer!
16. Simplify my life and learn to live with less. Over the summer I also got to live with no internet or TV among other things as I lived on my own for the first time. It was quite the adventure!!

17. See a shooting star: Over the summer, I got to see a shooting star while I was at a camp fire. It was so significant to me... Like a secret message to me alone from God!

18. Start a successful bible study. This fall, I got to know, and grow with a small group of friends that were truly incredible. I am really glad that I was able to experience the atmosphere. It was more prayer group than bible study... But I think it counts.

19. Keep a blog up and going for one year. It has been up, it's been going... I don't know how faithful you would consider me! You can be the judge.

So, I quickly realized that I haven't quite made it to 21 things off my bucket list! However, I came pretty close. Here are two things that I am getting closer to completing in the next year:

20. Go to all 50 states!

21. Get a college degree.

The 21 Project Day #8

I thought (I re-read this post, today... After writing it at 1:00AM this morning and accidently saving it as a draft... I had a lot of confusing errors! Opps!) have been thinking about dreams and what I could potentially do in this world. People constantly talk about their dreams and ambitions... I have always worried about not being realistic enough. How I need to have this picture perfect life and everything in order. I hear about these other people with dreams of doing crazy things, traveling the world and experiencing all sorts of stuff! I always think: I wish I could do that. And lately, I have began to change my thoughts into a new thought... Why not?

Why can't I do what I dream about? Here I am, now, 21 years old... (crazy right?! I am 21 years old today! ahh...) And I have soo much on my side, if I can dream it: I can achieve it... I believe that and now let's put it into motion, eh? (The order of these dreams aren't in any order of priority or desire, just when they popped into my head.)

1. Work on Capitol Hill. Summer 2011 I went to capitol hill to lobby for Israel on Capitol Hill and I had a blast. It was totally crazy to feel the energy there and just to know that you were part of something much bigger than yourself. Knowing that you were in our country's capitol was crazy to me! We have a country to be proud of and I really am proud to be an American citizen... One day I would love to work there, even if it's just for a summer internship or something! Wouldn't that be so cool?! I think so!

2. Become an author. I would really like to finish my book by the time I graduate from college. It is so close to being done... Just a little further... It seems like it is taking eons. I am really excited to get it completed though! Maybe some day it will be a best seller? Who knows!!

3. This is kind of linked with #2. I would love to be an inspirational speaker and get people pumped up for things. I don't really know what that's called... However, I have a heart for women. Maybe I am a little bias because I am one. Who knows! BUT: I just wish that we, myself included on this! Could really realize and grasp how BIG our God is and How incredibly in love with us He is. I still can't grasp that... However, I would love to travel the country and get people excited about life! Since, hey: I am pretty excited about it! :)

4. Travel to all 50 states! Seriously, I want to go to all the states and see this country! I would love to see all there is to see and just experience our country. Experience the culture and the people and the sites. There are some really beautiful places in our country! Just sayin'.

5. To bike 100 miles! I know that sounds crazy... But there is this thing called: Team In Training and they do this thing where they ride 100 miles. There is one in CA this JUNE! I know it would probably be crazy to add that to my cross country trip... But again, who knows! It might be do-able! I will have to think about it and pray about it more.

6. Run a marathon already! Gosh... I feel like everyone is doing it... I think I might have to become a little more insane to actually get the training done to complete it. However, I feel like it's not crazy enough to just want to run a marathon... I would like to qualify for the Boston marathon! Yeah, that sounds about right... Gotta stick with GOD sized dreams here... Only things that He can provide His strength in my crazy human weakness.

7. Climb a snow crested mountain. I soooo badly want to do this. I have never seen a mountain like this in person. And I think about it, dream about it... I really wanna do this some day.

8. Drive across country. I didn't realize this wasn't on this list yet... This is the trip I am describing in #5. I wanna drive across country!! It's another crazy idea. This is my second year of really wanting to do it. I would like to see the national parks and see all the crazy land formations that there are to see... I have already sketched out a plan on a map... Now I just need a really big dog traveling companion. I think my parents would prefer it to be human! :)

9. Hike the Appalachian Trail. Another random weird one... I know it would take approximately 3 months. However, maybe when I graduate from grad school... I will take some time off and do it. A graduation present of sorts?? Who knows!

10. This might sound weird... But I want to get a weird degree in something. Part of me wants to become a Naturopathic doctor. People have given me a lot of weird looks about that. It's like going to med school and I think it would be incredibly helpful. However, I don't know if that's something I am really supposed to do or not. It could just be an interesting job that I have laid eyes on. However, I also think it would be cool to go to school to become a massage therapist or something. Chances are if I got a degree in massage therapy or something like that... It would be after I already had become established in a career like Social Work...

11. Go to a formal event/ ball... Or a picnic type thing where the ladies act like ladies and the men act like men... But with a little adventure and edge! Something like this, or a ball like Jane Eyre.

12. To live a life on Fire for God and totally head over heals for Him. This song offers an accurate depiction of this dream.

13. Open a cafe/ coffee shop! I want to open a coffee shop and just have a place where people can meet. Take a break from the chaos in life and revive, and rejuvenate. Stop and catch up with old friends... Slow down and embrace life. I would love to own a shop where women come in they are celebrated... Give each women a flower just for coming in and getting a sweet treat! It's random, I know! But I just feel like we get so caught up in the chaos of life... We frequently lose sight of the gift it is!

14. Blog once a day for a year, month, week, I feel like making these commitments seems so tall. However, I would love to blog every day for a year. I don't know how soon that will be able to happen... Especially because school is insane. The bigger dream out of this: to have a blog that is heavily followed.

15. To inspire one person, to touch one life... because someone famous once said... "To have changed one life, is to have changed the world." Okay, I actually googled that and no one famous said it. However, I believe it. If you think about the ripple effect... You have no idea what your kindness could do to change the course of someones life.

16. Learn how to play the piano. I would love to learn how to play the piano... Just to be able to sit and play for hours and hours...

17. Go on a missions trip in another country. I have never actually been out of this country on a missions trip... I have heard they are life changing for everyone involved. I would love to go on one... Lord willing!

18. Become a better photographer. I am really good at coming up with ideas for photographs, however, I lack the assertiveness to be able to tell people how to pose. Or I lack the skills in actually making the photo come out exactly how I want it.

19. Learn and understand the Word better. I want to know the Bible so well, and grow so deep in my relationship with God that it's literally ingrained on my heart.

20. Do something spontaneous every day for one week.

21. Approach every day as if it is an adventure for a year. I believe that it's not the outside circumstances in your life but the dreams you create in each day. It's about being able to create adventure with limited resources or an expanse of resources. It's about meeting with God no matter what your outside circumstances may be.

If you get a chance: you should look up John Hagee's teaching on dreams here.

Project 21 Day #7

You think I am crazy yet?! Three posts in one day to catch up... I can't fall behind like this! However, I made the commitment and I am going to remain true! This post brings you 21 of my favorite bible verses!

1. "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
          - Psalm 46:10
2. "I issue a decree that in every part of my kingdom people must fear and reverence the God of Daniel. "For he is the living God and he endures forever; his kingdom will not be destroyed, his dominion will never end. He rescues and he saves; he performs signs and wonders in the heavens and on the earth. He has rescued Daniel from the power of the lions." - Daniel 6: 26 & 27

3. "Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." - Psalm 103:1-5

4. "Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me." -Psalm 42:7

5. "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." - Psalm 27:13-14

6. "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Jesus Christ." - Romans 3:23

7. "Then the Lord replied: write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." - Habakkuk 2:2-3

8. "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." - Micah 6:8

9. "Do not think that because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to a royal position for such a time as this?" -Esther 4: 13 & 14

10. "After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before." - Job 42:10

11. "Then he said to them all, 'If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will save it. What does it profit them if they gain the whole world, but lose or forfeit themselves?" Luke 9:23-25

12. "Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool." - Isaiah 1:18

13. "I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth." - Job 19:25

14. "It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." with that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God." - 2 Corinthians 4:13-15

15. "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18

16. "Let light shine out of darkness", made his light shine in our hears to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ." - 2 Corinthians 4:6

17. "But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions- it's by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and it is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." - Ephesians 2:4-10

18. "O Lord, if you heal me, I will truly be Healed; if you save me, I will be truly saved. My praises are for you alone." -Jeremiah 17:14

19. "The king is enthralled by your beauty, honor him for he is your Lord" - Psalm 45:11

20. "The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” -Exodus 14:14

21. "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." - Jeremiah 1:5