Wednesday, June 22, 2011


The last few days I have posted a lot of songs on here...

As I grow further in my life and my walk with God, music seems to be something that fills my life with a profound amount of truth. We can walk into a church service and sing songs and through those songs if we really contemplated the lyrics we might be surprised at what we were singing. I mean we sing of shrouds, and all of these other things and sometimes I wonder: do we even know the meaning of the words we are singing?

Once in awhile you might hear a word in conversation and go wait, what? Or you might question the authority. However, I find it interesting, that in church we so often sit and speak these profound truths and sing of healings and being on fire for the Lord. However, then once we step out of our seats Sunday morning, our lives go back into the same sequence and we go back into living into motion. Do I have the ingredients for dinner tonight? Did I talk to this person? I have to make sure I connect with so and so before they leave today, and oh! I should ask if they want to meet later this week for dinner... The list goes on and on as we plan. And sometimes, God forbid, we are even going through our check lists during worship.

Mentally, we're checking out: we say we're prone to wander, and Lord take our spirits with our lips... And in our hearts we're getting further and further from the Lord and our faith. Then when we hear convicting sermons or people talking about getting a church like the one in Acts, we wonder why our society isn't more like that...

We are so used to zapping things in the microwave, getting things done so quickly and at our convience... That we have totally lost the concept of putting in the time for our faith. I have found that a lot of the scripture I have memorized has been through song that I sing within church and then go and look up later.

Wouldn't it be incredible to see a church that sang about what they were doing after service, and throughout the week? Wouldn't it be amazing to see the Lord every Sunday? May we really be convicted by the lyrics we read and when we don't know the meanings behind the words: why not look them up? Or research them out? I recently read an inspiring article about not knowing the meanings of words here.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

This is the story of a girl...

One of my friends told me tonight that this song reminded them of me.

I was kind of like, uhh... thanks? Then they explained how my smile is beautiful yadda yadda but lately all they have seen and heard are tears. Hm. I got thinking about this and those I guess are pretty true statements.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. A lot about blogging and other things. I can't be totally honest on my blog any more due to some twists and turns that my life has taken. I have thought about closing my blog and making it private. Then I could monitor who reads and who doesn't read... For now, I am using the vague approach because it seems to be working.

Anyways, about a month ago my life that had really taken some turns for the best case scenario took a turn for the worst. And since then, I have been left picking up pieces. From that time, I have had some very cruddy things happen. But I have also found that there are still some very incredible things happening in my life. And I think that it has been incredible to see those beautiful things happen in my life.

I am beginning to realize the importance of friendship and really radically loving people. I am starting to get a glimpse at feelings I never thought I would understand... And you know, I guess for me it has been a good experience. In conclusion, I just wanted to remind myself really: no matter how much I cry, or you cry, we still are blessed. And ultimately: it's totally okay to cry. It's actually normal.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


Lately, my life has been full of noise. Full of chaos. It has been out of control in fact.

I really had a horrible period of time and I could not even sleep at night. Life had lost it's meaning and I was certain my faith was a hoax. I was so filled with bitterness and frustration. I constantly was praying prayers to God, I hate this life, I hate this world, and because of all of this: I need more time before I am quiet before you.

I did not set quiet time aside, and even when rooms were completely silent, my mind was going a mile a minute. I just could not settle down, I could not relax... I was swirling around and around. A week went by and I felt I was losing more control. Then another week passed... Though my outside expressions became more controlled, my inward feelings were deep and dark. I was in pain. I was also very good at hiding my pain and hurt.

Then finally, I moved away, I got away from everything and I was forced to face myself. There weren't any distractions. And while I was sitting on facebook of all places... I got the feeling deep in my heart: "you can't run and hide forever."

That shook me. Wait? Am I hiding? I just thought I was... well, uh... busy.

It was by no mistake that I had just heard a sermon on slowing down our busy lives and really taking the time to seek out opportunities to love deeply.

Fast forwarding to tonight. Things started getting better, and I was really feeling stronger. I realized the importance for me to read scripture and to spend time actually trying to digest what God was doing in my life. It seemed a little crazy though! It seemed very crazy that God could make good out of something very bad... Yet, I have been amazed to see that when I quit analyzing, and thinking about all the bad... Clarity comes and I see the very good works that are happening.

I have found that I have been encouraged so much and I am extremely blessed. Tonight this scripture has really lifted me up:

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
Thanks for Their Gifts

I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles. Moreover, as you Philippians know, in the early days of your acquaintance with the gospel, when I set out from Macedonia, not one church shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving, except you only; 16 for even when I was in Thessalonica, you sent me aid more than once when I was in need. Not that I desire your gifts; what I desire is that more be credited to your account. I have received full payment and have more than enough. I am amply supplied, now that I have received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent. They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

 To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Philippians 4: 4-20