Who needs realistic?

James 1:2-4: Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of any kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

An open coat with a scarf and newly fallen snow- closing the new year out with a bang! I don't need realistic, I don't need pain! I am free from everything that holds me down because I am choosing my mindset an hour early, I am going to be free this new year! No tethers no ties, no cords to hold me down. I will dance in the snow I will spin with all my might, laughing giggling and screaming out my lungs. My motto in the new year?

Lay it on the line- How I live today, is how I will be remembered.

This past year I went from not breathing on my own, bed bound, wheelchair bound, walking with assistance, a walker, a cane, walking, not being able to talk, whispering words that didn't make sense, whispering, talking, laughing again, thinking and smiling and now finally to:

Dancing and spinning in the snow!

Happy New Year everyone!

Here's to freedom of the past and a new beginning. Let your past hold it's name and let it be the past. Open your life to new beginnings and dance in the snow!

disclaimer- I do not go outside in very cold weather without bundling up often.

If you could change someone's life... Would you do it?

I have a question today that weighs greatly on my heart... If you could change someones life would you do it? If it meant giving everything you had up to help someone would you? I wonder sometimes what testing faith is all about. It's easy for me to persevere when I see things actively happening all around me. But it's not so easy when I don't see things moving or changing in any fashion. Today, I am thinking and with that I realized my faith is so very small. It's almost nothing but the Lord uses even faith as small as a mustard seed. To me, that sounds so huge and now I ask.

If you could change someones life... Would you?

I got thinking about it and you know a month ago I wasn't able to walk and in our school, little things I didn't notice were harder than ever. Like the fact it's up hill to go through part of our school and it's up hill to go back through. There are these little ramp things in our "link" that you have to go up in order to get to the other end of the school. Well, one day a guy pushed me up those two ramps while I was trying to push myself with my hands. It was really hard and it got to be tiring but that one act of kindness meant the world to me. He was kind enough to push me and get me over that hill.

Sometimes hills are physical hills but mental or spiritual ones and I have suffered from those as well but- I wonder sometimes, when I am walking, am I so caught up in my new found health and the busy world that I can't stop to help someone who is in the shoes I am in... It makes me think and wonder how many people I have cheapened or given short amounts of time because I thought I had something more important to do- but really, I believe it's about the relationships, the people, not the things we find important but the things we should be doing. I am a very broken person but I believe there is time to improve who I am.

Busy Busy Busy... Silence?

I am so sorry I have lacked to show any enthusiasm this past while in the blogosphere. I wish I had something exciting to say like I just got back from a surprise free trip to a Caribbean Cruise. However that's not the case at all. I have just been catching up with friends and family, and I am very thankful that I can say for once- it's not because I didn't have anything to write! It's because I didn't have enough time to sit down and actually compile my thoughts. My room has been a mess things have been chaotic and it's starting to settle down. I have two art pieces to get done my Monday both that are highly complex but do-able. So that will be nice when those are finally done.

I continue to be humbled by the comments people leave and the sincerity in their words. I am meeting many wonderful people. For now, I have another essay to write for a scholarship and artwork to do and a book I would like to finish! Life is crazy but that's okay. I soon will be back in school and with some sort of schedule. I also will be getting feedback from the two colleges I applied to. So we shall see! I am thinking about going to visit them too here in January! Maybe towards the end of the month. I want to take my artwork and such to them. I am quite excited. So there is a brief update. I will write more later.

This is a post where I give thanks.

This past week has been frustrating and full. It has been overwhelming with what is yet to be done and all the people to contact. My days have been full and my nights are full of sleeping hard because I worked so hard all day that it often pulls into the night hours of getting homework done or doing last minute studying. I am just exhausted. I am starting to realize in this time all of the things I have to be thankful for. I mean I am blessed with so many things and so many huge, huge blessings. I have thought a lot and been talking to a lot of people who inspire me or give me encouragement. I am starting to realize that one of my biggest blessings is my faith. My faith in God and my faith that things will get better, my hope that is strong enough that it gives me a will to help others.

Just a few short weeks ago I was burdened with the thought of me being helpful and hopeful to others. I didn't understand how it was helping me or what it was doing, and to be completely honest I had no idea how I had carried through with so many tasks of speaking kindly and why things were turning leaves the way they were. I didn't understand it. So as I was talking to my youth pastor I was saying I don't know how I did it. I was ready to throw in the towel because it seemed every place I turned the corner there was someone to turn to me and rip down my self esteem question what I believed, or divulge me in so many questions. I didn't understand their questioning and I just felt wouldn't it be nice, if I could see things the way God does. I had a hard time with what was going on and I just wanted to show people and let them see things through my eyes. I wish they knew is all I could think, and soon in the days that followed I felt peaceful and now I am feeling a little calmer. It has been hard and it has been heart breaking and the stress of school, doctors appointments, and the scope that have followed have been stressful on me as well. But now more than ever I realize I have so much to be thankful for.

I am blessed with my creativity and thinking outside of the box because without it, I wouldn't have put together my Christmas Wish List for others and this holiday season would have been a little dimmer. Not only for the people who are getting gifts, but for me as well because I have felt great joy just hearing of their happiness and content. Letting them know that people do care and have found it in their hearts to take the time to send them a package. I am so glad I came up with that idea.

I also have found that even though I don't understand things or even if it is really confusing- that things have a way of becoming clearer. I don't really get a lot that happens and when I do get it a new meaning surfaces later on. Yet, it has been something I am learning it's okay. I am so very grateful for the gifts I have received in the mail already, I have tried to encourage others to buy for the Lymies on my wish list if they can- ignoring my wants and reaching out to others. Just because I feel like it would be a three way gift and benefit all parties involved. I am very thankful for everyone who has contributed to the Lymie Christmas this year.

I am also thankful for the things like my sight, my ability to walk, talk and have an opinion that counts. I am thankful that I am heard. It is so heartbreaking for me to look into other countries and see how women are treated and this year I have seen so many things change in our country in the vision of women and the views of so many other things that I am thankful that I am here. I am glad that I have had "character building" experiences whatever they may have been they have shaped me and changed me for the better. This is just one of those posts that I want to say thank you, thank you for reading, praying, thinking of me when times are tough and sharing your story and walking along side me in this path that we call life. I appreciate it, and I hope that I will be back to posting more frequently this upcoming week- however, if I am not- I wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas and a Healthy and Happy New Year. Christ is really the reason for the season this year and I hope knowing there is something more to life that you find peace above all else, this holiday season and in the upcoming new year- through the financial burden that has been placed upon so many homes.

To all the homies in the hood

Just wantin' to give you all a shout out from my crib have a Merry Christmas from me, outside the hood.

I am a teen first.

I am a teen first that is what I am.
I am sick second.
My giggles and fits of laughter, my immaturity and my love for free time and hanging out with friends is part of who I am because I am a teenager first.
I am sick second.
My longing to stay out late and run through the snow is what I really would rather be doing.
I am sick second.
Yes I do just want to chat on the phone and listen to music and not talk about another doctors appointment because I am a teenager first.
Sick Second.

Now sometimes my second comes first like when a test is mentioned I don't think of a test on paper but a test of blood.

Sometimes I sleep for a long time because well, that is my second coming first and my first becoming second. But most of all I wish that everyone else saw my teenager me first and my disease second.

Cause after all I was a human and a child before I was sick. I am just that. A teen.

Good Morning!

Off to a busy day at school but stopping by to leave my mark first. I just wanted to say I am forever thankful for those who have stopped by to give me love and encouragement. In the days that have past and the days that are soon to come your encouragement means the world to me. I am so happy that I am part of the blogosphere- something big and to find so many nice families and people out there. When I ask for help I have received it in tenfold. I have been very interested in opinions and actions of all sorts.

Today I ask a personal opinion. An experience or a thought. I am doing a photography project and I am doing it on the social- cultural issues abortion. I am pro-life and believe that all babies should be given an opportunity at life. So I ask you what comes to mind when you think of pro-life I am trying to get opinions and views of every aspect. One thing that has stuck out in my mind is the thought- One dead, One wounded. If you think about it, it is just that the mother will never be the same after aborting her baby. She is wounded, even if she ignores those feelings for awhile they can come back. She is wounded. This is such a tough society to live in when it comes to these standards. I don't think they have ever really lightened up but now the news is filled with these things and it seems people so young are making life changing decisions. Another that I came up with is The decision my parents made for me, has left me feeling incomplete. All I can think is of the aching girls who yes, made a wrong decision. They have screwed up- but I have screwed up before too and their parents forced them to have an abortion because it was too much to handle. If you don't think it's possible- start reading abortion stories. I have read a lot of them and started doing research and it has been intense, heartbreaking, and moving to read the stories of faces behind this issue.

So I ask, do you have an opinion on pro-life? Do you have a short one sentence profound statement? And do I have permission to use it on my project if I choose to?

Thanks, and remember 1 in 10 couples are infertile- chances are someone you know or love is infertile and would make a great parent.

Today I am thankful for my chance at life and my chance to screw up and make mistakes and learn.

Twas the first day of Christmas...

This season has been everything but peaceful! I have been busy every night of the week and holding on by my pant legs to get everything caught up. Dot my i's and cross my t's! Packages were to be sent homework stacked high as I missed each day I missed. I am sorry for my lack of updates. Last week was difficult and this week will be a race of the fittest to see how much back work I can make up in 5 days. Complete with a photography photo shoot and a bunch of other stuff. I hope to slow down next week when we have off school and I can make priorities and finish portfolio work for college. I have a self portrait to get done and my still life to finish! Plus studying for multiple tests and working my butt off.

I come to you with even more prayer. I have a good friend Meghan Marks that her family's house burnt down this past weekend. I feel so bad and am a wreck about it. Their family has been nothing but good. Her mother also has Lyme disease and she is a wonderful girl. I am trying to think of what I can do for this family. My heart breaks for them as they enter the holiday season with little money to be found. All of the members of the family made it out of the house safely and now we're working on making the holiday a little brighter and hopefully coming together as a community. I am thinking about "selling" one of my paintings to honor this family like you buy chances for $3 and get it. Above is a sample of my paintings. Each painting of mine comes with a story and I would post a photo then it would go for around a month or so. If someone has ever done something like this and would be able to give me some insight. I am hoping to help their family. Another hardship to overcome! Prayers are appreciated.

Victoria

Prayer

Tonight I ask for prayer for my family there are many areas that need help and God understands and knows these needs. Please just pray for our family.

Crying out

We have some clues and we're moving to answers. Tonight I am so weak I feel so tired and I don't feel like it's going to be a easy road ahead. I feel like someone just beat me all over with a bat put me in a sound magnified room with bright lights shining all over. I am weak and I just want to cry out to scream. This disease is horrible and I hope that some day I can stand with triumph over what it has done to me. I am so eager to make others lives better to save them and show them they can prevent what has happened to me. I wish this upon no one. My heart goes out to those who suffer and I fall to my knees and pray. Oh please join me in prayer as I feel my body weaken and my hot tears trickle down my face. This doesn't seem humane.

The Update.

Things have been kind of crazy the past few days. I have been in a lot of pain and my body feels weak. I went to school yesterday and stayed home today and went to a doctors appointment for my stomach and that's where I was informed I would be having a scope done tomorrow. The doctor seemed a lot better than my previous doctor and receptive about the care. I am grateful for doctors like him and I am hoping to be back in school on Thursday. What a week this is going to be. It has been a lot of physical aches and pain and the mental stress of everything. It is so overwhelming going to school and trying to get everything caught back up. I don't even know how to deal with it lately. Sorry this was a place to vent more than a place to spread good cheer but one thing is brought clear tonight. I got a frame with a bible verse in it and it's Psalm 37:23-24. The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the LORD holds them by the hand. For now that is what rings true. Below are some random facts about me. I know there are some numbers missing. I don't know where they went. Thanks Kelsey.

RULES: There are 100 statements and you bold the ones you have done. Grab it and play for yourself!!

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to Disney World
8. Climbed a mountain.
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept in an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill I go to doctors appointments all the time when I feel like I might have been strong enough to go to school.
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar.
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chicken pox
89. Saved someones life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

Superior Scribbler Award

It was a great honor to receive the Superior Scribbler Award from Renee at Renee's Reflections. She is an awesome woman and I am surprised and honored to receive this award.Here are the rules for the blog:

• Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.


• Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.


• Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to This Post, which explains The Award.


• Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List.
  

That way, we'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor! Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog. Superior Scribblers I know?Check them out below:

Kelsey at K is... Not your Average Girl Kelsey is well, fantastic. She is a lot like me in many ways and she has inspired me. She gives me hope because of her wonderful attitude and compassion towards others. She is a really good writer and I think she is well deserving.

Tori at Breathings Of My Heart This blog is lovely. I absolutely love going there her blog is fantastic and wonderfully written.

Bouf Mom at Who Says 8 is Enough? A loving mother who not only has 9 wonderful children but also a wonderful lady all around who has shared her journey of parenting a large family and helps others by giving back to other families. She inspires me so much.

Carson's mom at SANITY This blog pulls at my heart strings. She is such a wonderful mom and her love is so apparent through her writing. The family's story just makes me cry, smile, laugh, and pray. If you would like to help this dear little girl Carson, please check out a great thing going on here.

Kimber at Kimber's Space This lovely mom is fantastic and she has awesome Not Me Monday's I enjoy reading her blog and the different things she brings to the blogging world. I also feel so special and happy when I receive a comment from her. She's an awesome person.

These people are so awesome and they all add a different spirit and piece to the blogging world bringing color and sweet little sentiments. Thanks for visiting and a little later I will be posting an update.

SAT's

So now that I am a senior and this is my very last chance to take the SAT to get into the schools I have applied to, I really need to do well tomorrow. I have had every obstacle placed in my way to NOT let this test go well tomorrow. I am getting the little jitters about taking the test a bit. I don't even know why but it's just to me, ridiculous that we can be tested by one standard test and it has a lot of weight by what we achieve. I really feel like they care, if they base me off of one number on one specific day. Out of 365 days they choose the test day to take that score and know what you are? I don't think it's right. You can disagree but isn't a GPA good enough where you have a collection of grades making up you? Not just one score? I don't get it. I probably never will but hey, I am doing what they ask of me. Please be praying for me as I wake up as a normal school day tomorrow and have to be at the test center at 7:45. I am going to be using my testing accommodations and hopefully those will help. I also just found my graphing calculator decided tonight it would show it needs new batteries so we will be leaving extra early so that I can get new batteries on the way so I don't risk taking the test without a calculator tomorrow. I am so nervous! Guess this makes up for my relaxation up to this point. I have just been wiped out!

Thank you for the support you guys have given me and I hope I will see through even this ridiculous test- for sure it will not cause pain, there will be no pokes or blood drawn, how bad can a test really be? I guess one thing can be assured I will not get any result out of this test that could be proven fatal or could tell me that statistics say things will not be good for me. There is always hope for the community college and I have even considered just applying there getting accepted and having the ease of mind I am in. So I don't have to worry if I get two other rejection letters. Things will work out! Just now, pray I get up at 5 so everything works according to plan. I will be even more frazzled if anything else happens.

I have complete faith this holiday season.

As I was reading Kelsey's blog or K's blog I realized I am putting my 100% faith in God this holiday season and as I apply to college this year. If I don't get into my colleges I plan on getting into then that's not what I am meant to do. Not yet. My calling is here close to home with the support of friends and family and I will be going to CCC with some other kids from school. I was watching this movie and listening to the lyrics it really hit me. The song is "Rescued Nation" by Holyfire.

I would like to spot-light a very special person close to my heart today.

Lucy, She is a fellow "Lymie" and I have really loved our friendship. I am amazed by her strength and courage. Even though we go through rough patches I know she will continue to be herself. She is true she isn't afraid of showing her reality and her soul. I am so amazed by her and there is just something about her spirit that amazes me. I haven't talked to her as much lately but my amazement and prayers have not changed. She is such an awesome young lady. I am so thankful that I have people like her in my life to say hey, it's not so bad or keep on fighting you dork you're not going to get better by complaining! She isn't that harsh promise. But she is always encouraging me to go against the grain and try new things or say enough is enough. She is bold and beautiful. She shares a passion of painting with me and I am lucky to own one of her originals. She is an awesome girl and has an amazing spirit. Thank you for being my friend Lucy. You absolutely rock.

P.S. I am trying something new out today- I scheduled this blog to post tomorrow! :) How cool.

Giving it all to you.

So I went back to school today first time back in about 3 weeks or so. It was really nice to be back to school. I love going back and seeing people I love them in all their germs and glory even if it does mean working and losing more strength and energy than the other kids I attend school with. Even if they can't relate I just love going to school... It is the biggest challenge and the greatest reward it makes me tired and weary and it makes me feel rusty and old but it's the greatest thing seeing people seeing happiness seeing struggle. Seeing other people my age. I wouldn't change my day at school even if it does leave me worn out. God gives me a body to use not to preserve. Tonight I just am really happy to be here and I wanted to just write about something that laid heavy on my heart tonight.

Don't take the time you have here for granted, don't take the relationships you have here for your personal use. For before too long the days that were seeming so long will quickly slip between your finger tips. Yeah, hours will turn to minutes days to hours and before you know it your life will be quickly fading away. I don't know what to say other than I am so glad that you're here now and today. I am so thankful for so many people and for the next while I am going to be spot-lighting again.

Tonight my Spot- light is on my dad.

My dad is a guy of few words, or many and he can really make me think. Sometimes I don't really get what he's saying and sometimes he gets me really confused. But one thing I know for sure, is that he loves me. It might be confusing at times but I know that he has been there at the hospital when I have had to go in he has been there listening to my cries call out and I know he will be there any day I am on unconscious. My dad is a person I look up to- he lost his father at about this age and I cannot even imagine the pain or suffering that causes. I can guess or try to think of it but I will never really know. He showed strength he emptied bed pans and helped out around the house he was the youngest he was strong willed. I think he holds a lot of his mother within his heart. He is good to others, he shows compassion to others, and he has a strong spirit. My grandmother is one of my biggest role models today. I am so glad I practically lived at her house growing up and I am so thankful my parents blessed me with that time with her. I remember distinctly a night, my dad asked me if I wanted to go to the babysitters or his mothers the next day- knowing I would get to see other kids my age I said the babysitters and I remember him getting mad at me. I didn't understand why he was mad but now, looking back upon it I know something I didn't know then. Time is limited time is not bought and time is not a gift, our days here are numbered and I should handle them as though they are something wonderful because that it truly is. The days I spent wasting away hours I wish I could have learned more from people like her. It just reminds me there is so much still yet to learn especially from my elders. I can't thank my dad enough for being at my bedside for holding my hand for giving me a stern word or two and showing his way through. I am really glad my dad is my dad and I wouldn't trade him for the world. He has instilled a taste of music within me and he has shown me that with a little courage I can do absolutely anything. He will put his job on the line to be with his family and he has surrendered all he has. I guess, sometimes we're blind to these things but he taught me one thing for sure I know that the all mighty dollar does not come over relationship. Never will and never should. I am so very blessed with the people in my life especially my dad. He is a wonderful man he really is. So dad, here's to you, thanks. You're really great and all the nice comments you read on here, yeah dad that's to you too because you raised me with a stern tone and a pat on the back. I am so every thankful for you dad.

The Voices of Lyme Disease

This is a video I made about with teens with Lyme. Please see post BELOW.

Giving Back

This Christmas I have strongly focused on giving back to people. Every day for advent I am doing something special for someone in my community. I decided that the Christmas holiday is a very important holiday to feel loved, to know that people care. I know that may sound corny but some people feel like no one does care and I think we all go through those days.

This holiday season, if you don't have a charity to give to or are looking for a way to give back- I would like to encourage you to buy a Lyme disease afflicted teen a gift. If you're new to my blog, I want you to know that I don't ask for money constantly and I don't push too much charity stuff for Lyme. But as I have seen some of my friends that are sick with this horrible disease it has strongly broken my heart. I am giving to a lot of different other sick kids this year in hopes to reach out and I encourage you to do the same. Below are bio's of the kids involved. Click here if you would like to get involved in this. I am really hoping I can see the kindness of healthy strangers pull through.

We kept all the wishes under $20 and the only real request I have is that you write a Christmas card out to them with a message. If you think about it, 4 people put in $5 you have enough money and it's only $5 and then if all of those people give a card it's like a shower of cards. You really don't know how much that means to someone who has been sick and rarely gets mail. It really is the thought that counts. Please e-mail me if you would like to buy a gift because I am leaving the wish lists up until Christmas Eve. to keep it a surprise I am not taking down the items that have been granted. However I am not going to keep rambling if you would like more information please e-mail me. If you cannot give this year, I request prayer for all of these wonderful teens who are suffering greatly and all of them are not able to go to school on a regular basis, so I ask for prayer the greatest gift of all.

Each link on the person's name takes you to their wish list.

Alex H.- Alex has been sick since she was 11 years old. She was always healthy. She began having weakness in her left arm and within 9 months she walked her last steps. The weakness traveled from her left arm/left leg/right arm/right leg and then respiratory. In 2 more months she went into respiratory distress and Dr's said she would not survive the night. Alex was airlifted and put on a vent/trach and a g-tube inserted for nutrition. Today, Alex is completely paralyzed unable to move, breathe, eat or talk. However, she understands everything and can slightly move the corner of her mouth to yes questions. She believes someone is going to help figure this out and help her be well again. Alex has an identical twin, Jaci who is healthy. Alex is the only one who has no diagnosis.

Candice M.- I'm Candice, I'm 19, and I've been battling lyme for about 3 years now. I was only diagnosed 7 months ago, so for the first couple of years of my illness I just tried to push through. I went off to college last year, and that's when my body started to push back. I became so ill that I had to drop out and move back home in the middle of the year, and I've been at home struggling ever since. Hopefully the holiday season won't be so bad. I wish all of the lymies out there a happy and healthy holiday (or at least a stable one, that's just what I wish for!). Merry Christmas!

Jeff K.- My name is Jeff. I'm 16, and have had Lyme for 3 1/2 years. After relentless treatment, more needles than any hospital can carry, and unbearable stress and problems, my symptoms have barely let up. I love my parents so much, they've spent nearly their entire fortune just to get me better. Unfortunately that will not last forever.I have severe fatigue, so I can't really do much besides lay around. I listen to a lot of music and play a lot of games...and that's pretty much it.

Kayla P.- I'm Kayla and I just turned 19. I have had Lyme for 5 years now. I love to read, do anything artsy and crafty like beading and drawing, watching movies and listening to music.

Lucy M.- Hi everyone : ] I'm Lucy, I'm 18 years old and have had Lyme for 11 years. One of my favorite things to do is paint.

Makayla B.- Hi, I'm Makayla and I am 18. We believe that I have had Lyme since birth, so I have been battling this disease for a while. But I continue to fight, and am determined to beat this disease!

Sami S.- Hi :) I'm Sami.. I'm seventeen years old.. I've had Lyme disease for the past three years.. I used to play volleyball and basketball before I got sick but now I can't.. I like to spend time with my little dog Lynny and my boyfriend that I've been with for over two years.

Victoria W.- This is my wish list, I am also the creator of this group. I have had Lyme since Summer of 2005. Right now I am home a lot and I have been pretty sick with my stomach and everything else. I have a seizure disorder and nerve problems as well as brain cognitive problems... You can find my full story at http://vicupdates.blogspot.com/ If you have any questions please e-mail me at victoriawilcox7@yahoo.com. This group really isn't about me but about all of the other colorful people who deserve a wonderful holiday season!

Welcome to Christmas in NY...

Where flurries are plenty, you might have to turn your AC on and your heat on in the same day, and things are always changing and we really aren't so sure about this global warming stuff.

If you would like to help spread the holiday cheer to a teen with Lyme this holiday season I have started a project with wishlists for teens with chronic Lyme disease. If you would like to check out the wishlists and our project click here. Or e-mail me here. Have a fantastic holiday season and happy blog surfing!

Merry SITSmas

Okay so this is very new to me but I thought I would try it out. SITS is giving a huge giveaway today and it's going hourly. How crazy is that? So since today I wasn't quite up to par but thought I might be going to school I waited and now I am home and posting about it. Check the place out it's pretty crazy. I just joined their bandwagon yesterday not knowing there would be a huge giveaway today!

Also a big shout out to my dad today is his birthday! Maybe I'll post later- don't really understand the SITS thing.

This post is brought to you by the letter "T"

I was given this letter by Michelle over at One Crafty Mama.

It's a game that you play-

The game is an easy one! All you have to do is make a list of ten of your favorite things. But there is a little catch. Everything on the list has to start with a specific letter of the Alphabet. That letter is randomly assigned by the blogger who you are playing with! If you would like to join in let me know and I will assign you a letter.

1. Tea- I absolutely love tea of all kinds! My favorite as of late is pomegranate green tea. It's absolutely delicious, I don't really like coffee all that much.

2. Tylenol- I am very thankful for Tylenol it relieves my fevers and it also can help with the aches and pains I experience sometimes.

3. Teachers- I am very thankful for all of the teachers I have had over the past years, lately especially because they have been patient and kind and they all have tried to help me get through high school and I couldn't have gotten this far with out them.

4. T-shirts- I love T-shirts especially T-shirts with a cause I have them from walks I have participated in and causes I support. I really find them to be nice because sometimes they make people ask questions and then I am able to educate them on something they didn't know about.

5. Telephones- I really enjoy telephones especially my cell phone because it keeps me in touch with my friends when I am out of school and my family. It also makes me laugh when I get messages from my grandpa. I will never forget the day my grandpa sent me a picture message by texting. I still have it saved!

6. Time pieces- I love watches and time pieces especially pocket watches. I love spending time with other people as well.

7. Thoughtful People- I am really especially thankful for all of the thoughtful people that have come into my life, there have been so many and I hope some day I can be the thoughtful person giving back to those who are in need.

8. Tye-Dye- I really like Tye Dye things I love the whole artistic look to it and I love doing it and not knowing what the t-shirt will look like until I am done.

9. Truth- This is a game I like to play and it's fun because you get to know the other person while you play. What you do is ask questions and then the person has to ask honestly. In order to win one person has to pass the question and then the other person has to answer the question the passed person asks.

10. Teapots- Ah alas, my last item of T and one of my favorites! One of my Christmas wishes was a teapot! I am super excited I like funky ones that are different and out of the ordinary.

This post was brought to you by the letter T. Sorry for so many posts today! I think I am on my third for the day.

World AIDS day

Today has been recognized as World AIDS day and I was interested in this mainly because I just fasted from facebook a popular social networking system for teens and adults now as well. For me personally it was interesting I didn't realize how much I relied on facebook to keep in contact with people from school, church, and people I didn't get to see that frequently. I also found it interesting what other people were "attached" to... Things like secular music, coffee, and soda were among some of the other things given up for 40 days. The idea was then to raise $40 or a dollar a day for Reach 4 Life. I was first introduced to this cause over the summer at NTS camp or Never The Same. We listened to Micah a guy who had been to Africa and talked about the generation gap in the country. There was just a blank gap from the ages like 20-30 where the generation had just died off because of AIDS. I was in shock to think of people just dying like that and then to hear that grandfathers were sleeping with grandchildren thinking they would become cured if they slept with a virgin. It breaks my heart to hear of these stories of people who aren't educated about what is going on in their country. The cause we supported as a youth group promotes purity and abstaining. I am so thankful we live in a country where we are educated and know how to deal with so much. Today I pray for those other countries where there are generation gaps and orphans running the streets, it really breaks my heart.

Gracious Giveaway

This lady got an awesome job at DaySpring an awesome Christian card company. She just started her first product line Simply Inspiring. I think that this is pretty much a dream job for many artistic and crafty people. It must be thrilling to finally see all of her hard work hit the shelves in mass quantity across the U.S.! I encourage you to go to your local Hallmark store and see her latest line of stuff. She is also featuring a giveaway of some of her products. Click Simply Inspiring to see!

What an awesome thing. Congratulations!

A Quilt as a Map for my life

I have had so many different experiences that, well I can't really explain in words. I am left awestruck and amazed, in disbelief of how my life has turned out. Sometimes I feel like a wreck and I am scrambling around to pick up the pieces- other days, well- I am just letting the day pass me by, finding what I can and working at what is given.

I guess my eyes have been opened and things are clearer, God is moving in my life in huge ways… I can’t explain it but I know he’s there. It started with a dream about a quilt. It was a powerful dream with vibrant color- the quilt was beautiful and the person who gave it to me was full of energy and excitement. I didn’t see who they were and the gift brought me to tears in my dream. From that night I picked apart the dream and thought about what it could possibly mean. I finally came up with an idea but then that got pushed to sea. I felt even more alone and pushed away that night. Nothing seemed as though it could bring me joy. I was so upset. I didn’t even know what to think- I spent the evening crying and trying to figure out what I should do how to change things what to leave the same. I just really didn’t know. I felt as though my life was on a fast roller coaster and things were completely overwhelming.

The next day after skipping the church service, I arrived to give some people a ride to a service project that I was half dragged into because I felt obliged to do it. So I went and once I arrived at church my youth pastor saw me and he was so happy to see me, he said he had something for me. He said it with such enthusiasm and well, after waiting for months for DVD’s from camp and the retreat I was certain that was what the gift would be. I was kind of proud of him; he finally was getting it done. I was extremely surprised when I followed him into his office to see a bag with a green and orange pattern. My first thought was oh jeez this is some sort of a joke, a clown costume. My mind I noticed was snapping to thoughts as quick as a wink jumping to conclusions. He then pulled out a quilt that he said had been made for me. I was surprised to say the least, speechless. I didn’t feel I was “eligible” for something like this from the shawl ministry because I had received a shawl but- this wasn’t a shawl at all. This was a quilt, I felt honored, humbled, and I was in shock. Who could have made this quilt? Just the night before I was bemused over a quilt and I was feeling selfish and now this one was just set before me. It had been prayed over and it was a gift; I don’t really know who made it, or where it came from, but now this quilt has become one of the biggest gifts I have ever gotten.

That night the quilt offered me just the right amount of heat on a chilly evening and now these days that follow it comes with me all around the house it is my security, it is my tissue for tears, it is now mapping events in my life. I decided with this quilt I wanted to put names on it- to add stories to it and for each square to symbolize what is going on now, and what goes on in the future. So now I am beginning my adventures with this quilt two names have been placed on photos of squares two lives that changed me and as time passes this quilt will have its’ own special scrapbook and a special place in my heart. I don’t know who did this but it has been an act of kindness that has not gone un-noticed. I am so very grateful and I am amazed by their generosity. I am just awestruck by the love of strangers.

Happy Thanksgiving.

There is so much to be thankful for- so much I could list so many things that there are, I can't even begin to name them all. Today I give thanks for life, friends and family. There are so many faces that come to mind when I think of the thanks I give. People from church, friends, anonymous faces of which I only have their actions to hold. Maybe tonight, or tomorrow I will post my reminder and item of thanks this year- I have a story to tell and some photos to post.

Happy Thanksgiving, from our house to yours.

Venting. Where are ethics?

I might only be seventeen but it seems like the ethics, moral code, and everything else in this country are going down hill.

If you do something good should it not be returned with thanks? In my childhood and even now- if I receive a gift I am to respond with a thank you card. In hand, it's not something you expect- when you get something in return. Yet it should be understood and human nature. Something as simple as a thank you card, a smile, or a hug can really make or break a transaction.

But wait- our nation might not even allow that because we can suspend for showing of affection such as giving a hug to a classmate or friend.

Is it that we as people or businessmen or women that we do not see thanking as crucial as paying the bill? Is it that we the people are blind to these acts of kindness that have been set upon us? Not everyone has to be nice, you could have nothing and there could be no support and you could sit alone- yet you find that people are nice. So to encourage them to do something again, or perhaps show that you were grateful for them putting in many hours or maybe a few moments for you to return with a thanks. Either hand written or verbal.

Do people still teach their children the manners? What happened to shows encouraging things such as say please for a cookie or thank you for having me after staying at someones home. Maybe we are blind to these habits that are being lost because we're so caught up in things such as same sex marriage, discrimination, war, stem-cell research, political correction, and AIDs in other countries.

To raise a true nation shouldn't habits of kindness, honesty, and gratitude, be brought up in the home? I think the reality of the nation spoke in this last election, we're not being racist when we elect our first African- American President. Are we raising our generations to be selfish or are we raising them to think of others?

We have become a nation that must show statistics to prove a point or have a test shown. We have went from doctors of which don't do house calls to now doctors who don't listen to their patients symptoms, await numerous test results and then upon that close doors when things "appear to be normal" then the same patient can come back a year later for an annual check-up with too much damage to be done to be corrected.

If there is no excuse for abortion- is there any excuse for ignorance, ruthless actions, or being inconsiderate? What let us become a nation that has to learn from kids and their wonderment. Maybe instead of looking across the globe we should look to our neighbor instead of relying on the all mighty dollar for our kindness, offering a hand to help fix a car, or change a tire.

We are raising our own demons when we don't show gratitude and instead we give attitude. The nicest person can be torn down if day in and day out no one turns to fill their cup.

Just a few days till thanksgiving

It's just a few days until thanksgiving and I wanted to say, today I am most thankful for random acts of kindness. Have you ever had a random act of kindness done for you? What was it? What made you happy? I encourage you to do random acts of kindness this year. For my advent December 1st- December 25th I am going to do a random act of kindness every day, giving to others is the best gift you can receive.

Have a wonderful day.

Favorite Blog

Today I got my very first blog award from Everyday Gyaan.
I don't really know how this works so I am just going to flow with it

There were no directions to this award so I am going to just go along and pass it on, and say thank you. I wanted to have a poem so I picked the poem below for this award on my page:

The Butterfly

The last, the very last,
So richly, brightly, dazzlingly yellow.
Perhaps if the sun's tears would sing
against a white stone....

Such, such a yellow
Is carried lightly 'way up high.
It went away I'm sure because it wished to

kiss the world good-bye.

For seven weeks I've lived here,
Penned up inside this ghetto.
But I have found what I love here.
The dandelions call to me
And the white chestnut branches in the court.
Only I never saw another butterfly.

That butterfly was the last one.
Butterflies don't live in here,
in the ghetto.
- Pavel Friedmann

This poem was written by a child who was in the Terezin Concentration Camp. A total of around 15,000 children under the age of 15 passed through Terezin. Of these, around 100 came back.

I guess, my point- is even in the worst of situations, we can find some good we can find dandelions even if we never find another butterfly.

I pass this award on to the following bloggers:
(Don't miss my other blog that I just posted below this one)

The Vernon's- This family has totally shown me God can take you anywhere you wish to go as long as you have faith. I am so blessed that Pastor Chris was my youth Pastor and he really amazed me with his faith. Now they're on to a new chapter in their life with planting a new church in NC. They're an awesome family and I am so grateful to know them.

Oijoy- I have been a lurker for quite some time reading your humor and reading about your soon to be baby and your son. This woman has awesome photography skills and if you live in Chicago I definitely suggest you give her a call. She is awesome at what she does, but give her some time after her new baby is born!

Kimber- I give this blog to Kimber because she has been such an awesome inspiration to me as a blogger and she has been so wonderful to me. I am so thankful for her kindness and prayers. She really is an awesome person and it shows through her blogs and her kindness to other bloggers.

Corinne- This lady is awesome and I find myself intrigued by her blog. I was amazed to have a reader from India! :) Thanks for giving me this award.

Candice- A fellow teen with Lyme she has a lot of insight and a huge heart. I am happy to know her and she has a wonderful blog. I am glad that I have her in my life to be part of my "lymie support system". She shares a curly hair characteristic.

Lastly, I ask all of my blog friends that have received this award to share the love, and post a poem of some sort with your post about the award. Thanks for being such wonderful bloggers. You all inspire me!

The day

Today I give even more thanks. I guess I can't really find much bad in life these days, yeah it can get me down- actually today I met with the surgeon and I didn't care for him much at all but I figure it's best to just get it done and over with. It will be two days before my SAT and I have plans that weekend. I have to have an endoscope done and a colonoscopy. I am a little nervous I am not going to lie, but yeah not going to worry too much.

Life has been with it's ups and downs and I think it's time to just give thanks. I have had so many surprises and so many things that just awaited me around the corner. I am now up to around 8 Christian CD's! Which is awesome and I spent last night with an awesome group of people. I continue to be blessed and there is this awesome artist, I guess I didn't mention her last night but if you're looking for a fun Christian artist- I would suggest her the music is kind of mellow but she's really neat, and awesome at playing the piano. Her name you ask? Katie Nelson. She is awesome and she preformed with Scott Troyer who was also pretty good.

Today I am most thankful for kind doctors with bedside manner, no you guys aren't forgotten or ignored.

I write tonight with an overwhelmed and thankful heart

I don't know why I want to write a blog tonight but I know that I want to-

Have you ever had a moment, day or week that just didn't seem to be going how you thought it would? Did you ever feel left out or lonely?

I have had an overwhelming amount of emotion pouring out of me lately both of thanks, frustration and pain. I can't even begin to explain how much I have been hit with thoughts of getting better if I moved away to a treatment center. Pain in my stomach nothing there, feeling crazy trying to ignore it only to find myself in a deeper world of confusion. I don't really know if there is anything that can explain what I am going through I don't think there is a cure but I do believe in miracles.

I see people sad I see people complain about pain or aches and not feeling like they can stand and I sit and I wonder how much did I gripe and complain before I went through this. Yet I know I still do. I wonder in amazement how much this disease has changed me- how much I love life and notice more and more how short our days are. I just think we can't waste this precious time we do have for it shouldn't be taken for granted. I love life and I love the ability to walk. Today I broke out in a run yes, a run not a short paced thing but a run and it made me feel so full so complete and so blessed. Even last week I don't know if I had the confidence to walk without assistance and now, I am daring to run? Yes, I have fallen and I know it is dangerous to me- but I did it and I felt very accomplished and full. I was quite excited actually. I have also come up with my last two wishes for Christmas.

My biggest wish is to become a better person and seek more in God and less in people. I don't think I need to worry about what others think because it was the people who dared to be different and dared to step in the dark that let light on things that were "impossible". One of the Wright brothers said that he didn't think humans would fly for another 25 years and he contradicted his statement soon after. I am amazed I am at peace and I am finding, I want to share love and peace with others. It is a scary world as I have said before one of quick accusations and few long term friendships. One of hate and accepting of wrong things. I just think in these next few months as my advent to Christmas, instead of a gift to me- I am going to give a gift to others and work to make peace throughout other things.

I just want to say, thank you to the person who made my prayer shawl- thank you to those who have helped me come this far. There have been many who have shaped me and loved me and shown me what true compassion was. Tonight, I have yet another spot-light person

Kori-
Kori is a lot like me, we joke saying we're like twins. I met her at camp and since then I would consider her my closest friend, mentor and advisor. She is the kindest person she is gentle and she is wonderful in so many ways. She gives me undivided attention and loves me like a sister. She has shown me the world through different eyes, although she is realistic she shows me life through happiness and love. She knows how to make me laugh and she shows me aspects so that I can see things more clearly she defines things and she encourages me to go the extra mile in what I do. She has blessed me with her friendship and I can't even say how thankful I am to have her here for me. She is going to school to be a nursing student and I think she will make a fine one at that- although sometimes she is stressed, she can always make a little time to chat. She is my best friend and I don't know what I would do without her. She is fabulous and she shines through everything she does. Thank you isn't enough but it's all I have- so thanks.

I have one thing I would like to put in lastly, something that weighs very heavy on my heart. I know that I have readers both from near and far and I would like you, if you see this to pray for my small group leader- Jessica. We don't share things out of our small group but this week is going to be stressful for her since she still does have school since she is in college. She is facing things that are going to be difficult for her, I pray for wisdom and peace of mind as she goes through this week. She is a remarkable young lady and she pours her heart out to our small group. She really deserves prayer.

I am thankful for so much I hope you're finding thanks in your life to- God, thank you for my legs and ability to walk, you're my hero.

Praise and Holding Strong

I wanted to post an update on here, I am still not feeling well- my strength is not there and my stomach is bothering me a lot it hurts and it feels full with just a little bit of food. I guess all I can say is the stomach pain nausea and everything else is just in time for the biggest eating holiday of the year. So my frustration levels are quite high. I went to my Primary Care Physician on Tuesday and he sent a request to the surgeon to do a scope of my stomach. He is supposed to be pretty good and you're not supposed to remember any of it which is kind of how I want it. Even though I am a little nervous about everything, okay well- a lot nervous. We finally called that doctor to ask why he hadn't called us about the scope yet, and come to find out he is uneasy about doing a scope on someone under 18. My birthday is in February, darn it. Seems these doctors always want me to be a year older. I hope that comes to an end because I really hate growing up.

I also wanted to post how thankful I have been for such wonderful people in my life. I know I give them credit a lot but as I was reading over new and old comments I was amazed. A lady from India reading my blog?! The kindness of absolute strangers, Kimber posting a post about prayer for me on her blog, I just can't thank you all enough for your little posts of encouragement and your love that you have sent me. I think these words and these nudges of love quite possibly could make my Christmas absolutely perfect. I am just so thankful for the kindness of people in general because there are a lot of scrooges out there.

I don't know about Christmas for you, but as I was thinking there are so many friends of mine with Lyme that have been sick for so long Christmas almost just seems like another day. I can't think of anything I would like more than for these sick kids than a wonderful Christmas. They said I had to put my name on there too, so I have one thing- I don't really think I want anything really for Christmas- just the happiness and peace of the holiday. If you would like to be a part of it and would like to buy a Lyme teen a gift please e-mail me at victoriawilcox7@yahoo.com their wish lists are at www.kaboodle.com/lymiewishes. When you e-mail me with who you're buying for I will remove that wish from their wish list and I will also e-mail you back with their mailing address so you can ship the gift to them. Please wait to buy the gift until I have wrote back to you though to avoid double gifting- right now, we don't have everyone up but hopefully soon.

Have a wonderful holiday and now, I will continue with my days of thanks.

Sick and home.

As much as this blog is a joy to me and I love doing it, right now I am not really feeling up to par. I have been slowly getting weaker and weaker and today I made a hard decision to quit the blog for the time being. Today I can't really find much thanks and I need to focus on things like school and such with the strength I do have. I find myself feeling very weak a lot and my stomach very tight. I don't really care for eating much and I have been sleeping beyond normal hours. I want to focus now in hopes of getting better for the holiday season.
Be well,
Victoria
P.S. Please no sweet treats, I know I have been getting things of that nature and I just wanted to inform those of you who do send me things right now prayer is the best gift that can be offered. Thanks.

church

Today I am thankful for the freedom of religion. As I get ready dragging myself out of bed this morning to go to church. There is a video I watched one day that showed someone joking around and sneaking into a back pew late to church just getting his card swiped so he could get credit for college. Then you see another person in Asia who has to sneak with a bible in an empty cereal box. Sometimes I wonder if I really even realize what it's like for some and what they really go through. I take religion and my love for God for granted a lot today but in some countries even writing this they might hunt me down find me and take me to a prison or I don't even know. Due to my lack of knowledge. Does anyone know a little more about the religious prosecution in other countries?

Anyhow, I am thankful for this. I am thankful for our country and what we have. I speak a lot of church and how happy I am with it and I know this but that is because, frankly it's the only place I feel I can go and be myself. There are such warm hearted people there and people that care that I can't imagine finding hope in a better place. I can only hope that everyone has a place to go to like that this holiday season.

Just having one of those days...

This week has been a struggle, I am not going to lie. I am sleeping more and more and in pain more frequently. I just feel as though everything has been sucked out of me so much that I don't even know where to begin thinking... Sometimes I wonder do good things last? Then I think- do I even let my good things last. A bad thing from two months ago might still linger in my mind but do I even remember what I was happy about two months ago? I was just thinking about it. Oh well,

Today I am thankful for my mother. I am thankful for her compassion and her dedication to being a mother. She has worked so hard to be my mom and be the constant provider of our home. She went from kissing skinned knees to sitting in ICU rooms to anything in between. She has been one of the greatest and most patient people in my life. She has shown me that there is nothing in life that is worth giving up. She is such a wonderful person on so many levels and today I am glad that she is in my life.

Hope every day you are finding more and more things you are thankful for as well.
P.S. It always makes me really happy when I do the spelling check and blogger says back: No misspellings found.

Thankful for Hope

Today I couldn't decide what to narrow my thanks down to, you know you are really blessed when there is enough good to not be able to choose! I am so thankful today, of hope and all it has for me all of the things it offers and the people it provides. I am thankful every day for the people I consider my "hope" and the God who provides it. I have a lack of words today as I think of all that I have had provided to me and what I am going to busy myself with in the upcoming year.

There is another thing that rings true to me and that is school. I am very thankful for school and my school in particular, even though sometimes I argue with people or I get frustrated with who I am dealing with I am thankful I have a school system which provides enough schooling for everyone in a township, and can even provide college for free through the high school for quite a few classes. I am thankful that we have this freedom because in so many other countries this freedom is stripped from the people who live there. I guess without an education we wouldn't really be able to communicate or hope because we really wouldn't know what was going on. Perhaps we would be as defenseless as the next person- I am not really sure because for as long as I can remember here in the U.S. we have had some sort of requirement for school. Whether seasonal for some or all year around we had school. I guess I am really thankful for that. Sometimes I can't go and I do miss it like crazy, you meet people you learn how to work with others apply teamwork skills and it really does prepare you for the real world.

So I guess going to school really is a blessing.

I ask- what are you thankful for?

Sing, Sing, Sing!

I am feeling a little better today still not myself really, I don't understand what is going on lately but I feel happy about some things like my friends. I am really blessed to have such wonderful and compassionate friends. Although sometimes my "normal" friends seem to have a hard time understanding how to be compassionate they have all been so good to me. I am really thankful that I have a decent support system through my church especially without the people from my church I don't feel like I would be able to keep much faith in God. They have encouraged me in days when I had doubt and I have really began to seek faith for myself now.

I would just like to spot-light a blogger today:
Kimber it's rare that people actually show themselves while reading my blog, people I don't know anyways. Really, this is for my family so anyone else who finds encouragement by this is just a lucky person I guess. But she has put me on her blog-roll and I have felt honored I began reading her blog and she is quite an avid blogger, she puts me to shame that's for sure. But she has a kind heart and she has really just made me realize that my blog may be one in a million out there but it's out there and impacting people. She's a wonderful mother, and I think her son would agree! Thanks Kimber.

Slow.

Today I want to express my thankfulness for my legs and my strength that is forever growing in them. I am working hard to get them working and it seems as though sometimes they are hardly working. Today has been my best day since last Monday and hopefully there will continue to be improvement.

Last night my LLMD called and he wants us to get a scope done of my stomach ASAP. Today my PCP's office was closed so in the future that will be done. I am still experiencing nausea and weakness and everything else. So who knows what the future days will hold and what is really to come. God is greater than all of this and he will continue to sustain me. I am finishing my Christmas shopping up now... That's right. Finishing up my Christmas shopping! I have been getting it done over the course of this past year and I am just happy to have it pretty much done and I am excited to give the gifts. I love this holiday because I can give to others and just see their expressions. It's wonderful.

So now I am off to do homework. I have decided it's a slow recovery but it will be strong. :)

Check back tomorrow for another day of thanks.

15 Days of Thanks

There are 15 days until Thanksgiving, before we get together as a family dining and coming together as a family to give thanks about what the year has provided. Sometimes it's hard to see what we may be really thankful for. Other days it's like everything is going just right. Or as my economics teacher would say the sun is shinin' on me!

I cannot even begin to find place of thanks I have been so greatly provided for and as a nation we're able to be so comfortable with where we are and who we are. I am amazed at the work of the Lord and what simple things like a t-shirt, or a few CD's, or a meal can do for a persons day.

Today is a day that we give thanks to our troops and the veterans of war. In 1919 World War I ended June 28th with the signing of the Treaty of Versailles. The actual fighting between the Allies and Germany, however, had ended seven months earlier with the armistice, which went into effect on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month in 1918. Armistice Day, as November 11 became known, officially became a holiday in the United States in 1926, and a national holiday 12 years later. On June 1, 1954, the name was changed to Veterans Day to honor all U.S. veterans.

It's amazing to see how far our country has come. This election our country made history electing our first African American president. We are truly a land of opportunity and freedom. To see how far our country has come from great war on our own land sending our troops not by choice but by draft to serve to now having them serve our country by choice.

Now we see the war in Iraq and we see so many of our men and women going out to fight. I am so thankful that we have the freedom and the safety to keep battle off our grounds and there is now equal opportunity to both women and men.

I have so much to be thankful for and to think that there is no one like our God… And there really are greater things yet to come and greater things to be done in this city and this country. I really was hopeless at one point and now I am full of hope and faith in him. Today I give thanks.

Speechless.

Sometimes you never know what might be in store, other times you make an educated guess of the exact possibilities; just to realize that it's not really how you expected it to be. Well I have done that many times sometimes to be disappointed, sometimes to be surprised. I just am amazed at how even though you think you have everything all together you- even if deep inside you know that there is something still pulling at a heart string, God wakes you up and makes you realize you still haven't done everything to his complete and full glory.

This isn't about me, but this is about him. Our God and how amazing he is. He has changed who I am and last night we had Leeland come out to our church. I was nervous about even going- staying the whole night. What was to happen rocked my world and will be a day I never forget. Even if everything else doesn't pan out exactly how I am expecting it to, I know that God is taking care of things he is our ultimate provider, our Abba, our daddy. The beggining and the end. I cannot be serving a greater God and I guess now, I really don't believe in conisdence. Everything really does happen for one reason or another, even if I really don't get it. He will be ahead of me every step I go. I can only be amazed at how my friends at church have changed my life even more-so. Really, I am just amazed.

The title says it all. I guess, if you don't get this- maybe you weren't meant to. If you do, you might have been there, and if you were- thank you.

Weekend

This weekend is going to be busy- A baby shower today and perhaps a concert after church tomorrow at Victory Highway Wesleyan Church. Leeland is going to be there. The doors open at 6 and the concert is planned to start at 7. The concert is free but there will be a free-will offering. I encourage all who can come to come. It's going to be a good concert I guarantee it! Thanks for all of your prayers this week and hopefully things will continue to get better. How great is our God.

Gratitude

I just wanted to dedicate this post to my thanks. You know as the money is tight the economy is bad we’re experiencing change God’s timing has been forever perfect. I am so thankful for what I have and as I thought about things I am just so glad that I have a love for God. No matter what happens I have found that my life is okay. Things I wished I had not that I need, just a wish have shown up to me. Lately especially I have really wished I had more Christian music. It is so nice to be able to have that music. It helps me so much and there is always a song that connects me further to God and his love. It’s such a great ministry and this past week I received my second and well, I guess third Christian CD. A guy from church gave me these two CD’s and they haven’t stopped playing since I got them. I love listening to them and they give me such a big appreciation for these small gifts. I am not really a materialistic person I don’t need a lot of clothes and really I don’t need much of anything. I am just thankful right now for the people in my life and the little joys. I think this Christmas I am going to give gifts and I just want my gift back to be one of thanks. A simple Christmas is all I dream of. Thanks for listening be thankful for the little things today.

Still standing- small steps

I am still standing taking a few small steps. Life isn't as I would wish and you know, one of my things that is really bothering me right now- is that my room is messy. It's not too messy just messy enough that there isn't a lot of space to put things there are items being stacked up on my bedside table and my desk. I just don't know about this clutter. Although it's hard to maneuver balance and cleaning. So I guess clutter can rise until I am up and ready to clean.

To be honest my favorite season of all is coming up. I love holidays but most of all I love giving gifts. I love coming up with unique ideas to give a special gift to someone who has touched my life. I don't see Christmas as a time of receiving but a time of giving to others. There is no better feeling than seeing them light up their faces. I guess to be honest I just love any day where I can give someone something that brightens their day. It doesn't even have to be Christmas.

Today my friend and I were talking about things we would like for Christmas but would never ask for and I said I didn't really know... I said I don't really like to ask for anything anymore but we pondered our favorite stores like for me I have grown to love Etsy, and Delias and different places like that. I like things to be unique and different. She was a little more classic with Amazon and her desire for little things like that. I really don't expect much for Christmas this year I told her but I think this year I am going to put time into some very nice handmade gifts and I want it to be the biggest year I have ever given. I want to make lots of things for lots of people. :) I am excited.

So today that is my encouragement. Thinking of happy people with cool gifts for Christmas this year. I guess since I have been down and out and today really kind of sad just bummed about how things are turning out and how I haven't really been feeling good. I feel like the pain really never does stop sometimes all I want to do is cry but instead I laugh. Today I changed the song that plays on the website if you have a moment listen to it because that's how I feel today.

Spot-Light

Vaughn VanSkiver- Okay so he might be random to some because to be honest he hasn't been in touch with me as much as so many others but for some reason he always is brought to me in my memories. He is the worship arts pastor at our church and he always has a great sense of humor. I can sometimes find myself laughing about something he did years ago laying in bed years later. I am so blessed that he has been in my life and he has honestly just really touched my life. I guess I just can't explain it but I would like to say thank you to him.

If the world grows don't stop growing

Okay so if you were laying looking at this you would be inspired to get out of bed too. Not to say that I don't have a pretty rad room and that I don't love it because well lets be honest here I do. But sitting in bed is lame and I needed to get my groove on. So this morning I stood. It's weak it's pathetic but it's standing nonetheless.

So my mother called me this morning which is really almost afternoon and was wondering how her sickly child might be doing on this drab but beautiful day. I said I was doing good and then she did some arguing or something of that nature about eating. My stomach aches, my head hurts, but I can stand so the day is good. I inquired about going to school tomorrow although it would be with my wheelchair it would be nice to attend school. I have protested getting a wheelchair pusher so we'll see where my mom makes it with that situation. Otherwise I will wait until I am a bit stronger yet and can go without it. Which will be longer and longer without school and longer of missing class which would be lame. Costing the school lots of tax dollars for silly tutors because of course I am taking an ACE class so I would need a smart tutor not just one that can slip under some door crack. Yes, this much is true. So they really might have to break down to my request of no wheelchair pusher since my doctor has okay-ed the situation.

Now I have decided I would like to get some work done perhaps some art and then reality will hit with some bonding time with my economics book.

Don't let the world grow around you but grow with the world.

So I shall not sit here any longer I have to catch up with my sick day yesterday. I am constantly reminded God has big plans and that he does. I am still kind of noise sensitive so-
please use indoor voices.

A cheerful Victoria

Lights, Camera, Action!

My people of note:

Mrs. Malloy: Well if I could say there was just one art teacher that has really been wonderful to me it would be Mrs. Malloy. She can almost sense me being ill and she has kept up with me and encouraged me on down days. When her family has a billion other things going on she still has the courage to keep up with me and help me out in any way she can. I have been so inspired by her art work and what she does. She is such a wonderful art teacher and she was the first art teacher to open her room to me when I realized I would have an activity for the first time the whole time I was in high school. She is a wonderful woman and I am so thankful she is in my life.

Mr. Hart: Mr. Hart was my art teacher my freshman year. He had my sister as a student while she was in school and he is probably one of the most unique people you could meet. Although I have noticed his personality might ware off onto other people. He is the biggest critic you may ever meet but behind his mask he shows compassion towards his students. Although sometimes he frustrates me, he has shown his genuine compassion towards me through making sure I am safe in where I eat my lunch and he is always trying to keep up to date with how I am feeling. He is also a very talented artist and has many of his paintings at the West End Gallery.

Mrs. Harrington: Well, Mrs. Harrington is a bright woman and she adds color to a room when she walks into it. If I were to describe a personality with watercolor hers would be the most fun to put together. She is a wonderful teacher and mentor to her students. Although sometimes it seems she is much to nice to her students she has shown genuine compassion and love towards her students. I have been blessed to be in her class and this year I am so excited to be learning about many different mediums in art.

Mrs.Palumbo: I have never had her as an art teacher but she is a sweet person she has been kind to me upon coming into the art rooms for lunch and she offers words of advice when I bring in my photos for my portfolio. She is very creative and a kind woman.

I guess the biggest thing about these four people is they have instilled change and compassion into the lives of the kids in the art department and I am so thankful to have them in my life.

Untitled.

I thought I would write one post at what feels to be my absolute worse. I keep thinking if you wonder what death feels like- this must be what it's like. I sit here tears streaming down my face and in pain beyond belief. Walking isn't an option I feel so miserable. There is no prose to this post there is no joy to uplift. I feel like crap and I am being blunt about it. If you have ever told someone their sickness is all in their head I think today would be a wonderful day to appologize to them. This disease feels like slow death and I don't know how to explain it in any other way. I have faith God will pull me through I have faith he will show me big plans. I believe there is more than my small eyes can see. But tonight I feel broken. I cast all of my burdens upon the Lord. As the bible says: "Give all your worries to God, because he cares about you" 1 Peter 5:7. I Just thought I would share my true feelings with you while they are here. My love and prayers.

Where did normal go?

A tear falls from my eye and my heart feels so broken.
I don't understand this great big plan God- I don't understand what you have in store for me. I know you are there I know that you care... But today I just don't understand.

Excuse this post as I vent-
Seems as though life comes at you like crashing waves there are small ones hitting your ankles crashing against your legs. You can feel them but they hit you and the sand slowly gets pulled away from underneath your feet. Without noticing your feet are slowly becoming more and more unstable with these little waves here and there. Then after a long time of little ripple waves a bigger wave comes and crashes into your legs it hits and knocks you a bit and you almost lose your balance but all of a sudden you realize that your foundation is weakened. Although you have sat so long noticing nothing now something bigger comes along and you notice your foundation weak. Another wave comes crashing into you this time knocking you over. You lay upon the ground. You sit there letting the waves devour you.

Today I feel alone I feel helpless in a hopeful world- I do not have sight of the future or God's plan. I know it is there I know it is large. Some say it is so large that if he were to tell it to me today I would deem it impossible. I lay in bed and wonder... God I have given you my all why do the waves still crash? Why do painful jabs still strike? Who will be the first to drop their stone?

Spot-light people have been absent lately and I feel today I need to put a few in my entry:

Pastor Tony- He is our youth pastor and it may seem cliché to put people you would expect like a pastor or a parent an aunt or an uncle in as a spot-light person. But Pastor Tony has amazed me he works hard at his job and touching the youth. He has been there for my family so many times and he has known when I need prayer. In fact it seems as though he is constantly offering prayer and love to me and so many others. He is really an awesome youth pastor and I know for a fact God is doing great things through him for me.

Betsy Wipfler- Betsy is a beautiful girl she has a good taste in music. She was one of the first friends I had in high school. My freshman year she was the girl who carried my books while I was on crutches. She was a source of encouragement for me and although our paths have parted she is a wonderful person and she has left an impact on my life that I will not forget.

Jess Piranio- She is my small group leader she always tells us girls that she loves us so much and that she cares about us. She tells us to feel free to call her any time and I guess it's hard to believe that when the whole world is walking out but she has shown that to be true. I have grown to love having her in my life these past few months and I feel more connected to her than ever. She seems to be able to connect with me to share moments to understand and help me cope. She is a wonderful person and I am amazed by her love and compassion towards our small group as a whole. She has such a wonderful personality and love for God she is realistic but she is not pessimistic. She is lovely and I can only say that some day I hope to have an impact in the life of girls just as she has had on mine.

Have a wonderful day- hopefully walking will be back soon.

hospital.

I went to the ER yesterday out of school and I am feeling pretty crummy. I am home now using my wheelchair- but I am constantly reminded my God is bigger than this.

Sometimes silence is the best one can offer.
Please pray for the Wyand family in the loss of their youngest daughter Fahris. I met this courageous family almost a year ago to this date. Their daughter has impacted many and her legacy will live on in the memories of many. She was a wonderful little girl and today all I can bring to you is silence.

Change

Change is all around us in this season-
Right now we have constant change of the trees the color of the leaves are changing at a rapid pace and falling to the ground after a few days of experiencing the change. I am amazed every fall looking around and seeing all of the trees like a beautiful painting.
Change is in our economy how we're going to deal with the future and what is yet to come.
Our president is changing in just a few weeks...
The weather is changing although I am wondering where the brisk fall weather is. Not too cold just not as warm as it has been the past few days!
Change is in the whole entire government and the way we have lived our lives in comparison to those who have lived before us.
In this time of change we have very little that is constant and only one thing we can rely on and I am starting to realize the only thing is God.
Even when we hit rock bottom and don't really know what to do or are left scrambling for whatever we can get- It's all in result of some sort of change.

Experience change. Observe it. And try not to be bitter.

In the Belly of the Beasts by Friday!

Hey Book group and others!

This week we're going to move on to chapter 12 which is in the belly of the beasts. How do you guys like the book so far? What are your thoughts of papa? Is this what you expected would happen? How have you viewed God up to this point and is this book opening your mind and broadening what you see for eternal life? Just some thoughts... I think personally the book has really opened me up to be more accepting of different thoughts and how it looks because we will never really know, it's really interesting to read and see what Mack is experiencing. What are your thoughts?

Monday I went on a college visit to Roberts Wesleyan college. At first by going I wasn't sure of the campus and how I would like things after visiting the school all I can say is wow! It was not what I expected at all and I am filling out another application. They have an awesome psych program and I am really interested in what they have to offer. They seemed really open about things and the tour was amazing. Although I didn't think the tours really had that much weight on the school I realized how much the tour I took at Houghton was lacking. Although the tour at Roberts was lead by an admissions counselor and the one at Houghton was lead by a student and I think that also plays a huge role. Both schools have very unique things to offer a student and the ratio's are both 14:1. I think I will be back at Roberts to see the classroom setting and what the classes are like. So far it is ranked highly in my book and if you're thinking about majoring in psych I would definitely check out this campus!

This very thrilling process of going through the college search is very interesting and challenging. I am excited to be able to start a new chapter in my life but nervous of all of the change yet to come. Last night I got home from school so tired I went to bed at 5 waking up later to just head back to bed a few hours later. During the time I was awake I realized I have so much work to be done and so little time to complete it! There is a Lyme Walk meeting to be planned for this Friday, college application to be filled out and scholarships to apply for. Let alone catching up with my classes at school because I missed four days of school last week. I am hoping to have the final draft of my book done or pretty near done by December. So for all of you who love my blog, I am hoping to complete a book with work from the blog by next year.

This all is such a crazy experience and you only get to be a senior once. I have heard from so many people that senior year was their favorite and I guess their comments don't leave me guessing why! I am starting to really love it too. Although it is so intense and there is so much work to be done it's just one year off from starting something completely different and life changing.

If you would like to come to the Lyme Walk meeting and be part of this years planning committee it's this Friday at 6:30 at the Big Flats Community Center. For more information about the Lyme Walk, or to get on our e-mailing list about upcoming events and latest news... Please e-mail us at lymesucks2@yahoo.com and we will get back to you.

Have an awesome week and I hope you all enjoyed your long weekend!

Victoria

P.S. This week I would like to ask you to pray for the Wyand family. I haven't talked to them in a very long time but- like me Fahris is also starting back to school after being out for a very long time. She is a young lady full of spunk and fight. I am really glad that I got to meet their family and I would just ask if you have a few moments to find her blog (it's listed under the other journeys on the left hand side of this page.) This families journey of faith and courage is really inspirational and I know after leaving the hospital it can be very difficult to remember that you're still in people's prayers and thoughts. So if you could just pray for their family that would be awesome. Thanks!