Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Just a random poll-
Monday, May 26, 2008
Sunday, May 25, 2008
If you haven't figured it out by now- I have a boyfriend and his name is Jake.
He has really been able to show his true colors to me over the past few months and has given me a new kind of hope and inspiration. He has shown me a lot and continues to show his kindness and compassion towards me through small acts of kindness that encourage me beyond belief. I cannot explain how much courage he gives me just by the little things he does. I am very blessed that he can see beyond the physical aspects that this disease has left me and see my heart inside. He has shown me anything is possible if you believe. For I saw him as a bus buddy and he has yet to tell me how long he has liked me but I know long enough... He waited patiently for the right time and I am so glad he did. Although through that waiting process he really did see me at one of my worst states seizing on a stretcher getting whisked out of the school. What a scary thing to see for any one especially if you know the person. So with the fact that he already had that in his mind and to know he could set that aside makes me think he's truly special. There is a site about random acts of kindness and how to start them in your daily life and at first I didn't believe little random acts of kindness could do much of anything at all but-
Through my friends and people like Jake who do little things that encourage me a great amount... I am honored to have a support group the way I do and know that there is love and compassion behind each one of their hearts. I cannot even begin to list or explain all of their little almost effortless things they have done for me that have really touched me great amounts from opening the door for me when I couldn't because I was in a wheelchair to giving me a hug- they all show that loving smile that makes everything worthwhile.
I encourage you to take Jake's lead and do a random little act of kindness for someone you love this week.
Do it because there is no promise for tomorrow and each day is a gift to us and please don't forget to honor our current soldiers as well as our veterans. What a great honor it is to be in a country of freedom and a country where we're allowed to do whatever we want spiritually, physically, and educationally and so many other things. It is a great honor to live in this country. Don't take what we have for granted for as soon as you lose the sight of something great it can truly disappear.
Be on the look out for an update post this week for any new visitors who have come to my site- please visit back I am going to take the time this week to write out my story to date to bring every one up to speed!
Thanks for visiting,
Friday, May 23, 2008
Is our daily life so consistent that we ourselves are afraid to steer away from the American dream push away the all mighty dollar and seek what is left to who we are within?
What are we really afraid of what is our true fear?
What is it that we fear so much that we would be willing to let go of all we have to seek a different lifestyle rather than confront it?
What do I see of my past? What do I hope for my future? Why do I think these things?
I challenge myself with these thoughts pondering the word of the day-
Pandora's Box- n: a prolific source of troubles.
After looking further into the word and reading the did you know I share this about the words:
According to Greek mythology, the problems brought by Pandora's box started with Prometheus. He was a Titan, one of the first Greek gods, and he stole the secret of fire from his fellow gods and shared it with mortal humans. To punish humans, the gods then created Pandora. Each god gave her a gift to make her appealing (her name comes from the Greek word meaning "all-gifted" or "all-giving"). The gods then sent her to the mortals with a box full of evils. Pandora's curiosity prompted her to open the box, and all those ills escaped to plague humanity. Only hope remained to help humans bear their suffering.
(all information on Pandora's Box gathered from the word-a-day calendar)
Do you grasp a Pandora's Box?
A past clutch of uncertainty.
It makes me think about what I am and who I really am. What I am to myself but not to those around me. Could I give my all to really let go and would I let something from my past eat me up to the point I could not escape it until my death made me escape it?
I quote Christopher McCandless' writing into a book "Happiness only real when shared."
So I bring you the raw me the past and present and each chapter of life unfolded to share because what would life be if it was boxed for no one else to see?
I stay up an extra bit to write waiting for some pain to dull so I can sleep but I think greatly about my past how I miss it but how it is in general.
A thought on the past:
But that was still then and this is still now-
Nothing will ever change that...
What could have been will loom above
and what is yet to be will linger in the air yet to be breathed.
For that was then and this is now!
A new adventure yet to unfold!
So live today as full as possible
because this is the only chance you'll get-
At living the present.
Written by: Victoria Wilcox
I post this not to challenge you but challenging myself making myself think digging deeper than what's on the surface searching for the answers of the unknown. Sharing to people who may never see the inside of the hospital the way I did- showing because that's what I can do. I can leave my print and I will not back down.
Although if you feel like it take this chance to think.
This one is for my Aunt Debbie a raw un-edited un-spell checked version of what goes through my mind maybe not an update maybe not anything at all just thoughts jotted down creating an entry.
My Aunt Debbie has continued to support me through each trial and tribulation and you can frequently find a comment under at least one of my posts a week! She has been there to write to the prayer chain she has been there to say hello and she is always dropping notes of encouragement to me in my inbox. In the most unexpected moments I will receive a little note pushing me to keep on going. She encourages my writing and encourages each thing I do with all she has no matter what despite everything she has in her own life she manages to come to my events and this year she has decided to come to the Lyme walk a huge step in my life instead of going to one of our pastors son's weddings. For some you may think she should be at the Lyme walk supporting her niece but she doesn't have to be- and the man who is getting married has been like a son to her so it was a very hard decision for her to make. I honor her for making this decision and her continued strength that she has. I am truly blessed!
What a week it has been getting these things taken care of but both are feeling much better now and I am glad to say I might finally be getting over them! Although one can never be so sure with me. :)
It has been one long week barely stopping for the weekend. I am going to babysit for my family I used to babysit weekly for tomorrow for the first time in months. I am excited to see the little boy Declan. Although he can be quite a handful I think I can take him on. The weekend also will be topped with some quality time with Jake and his family for his cousin's birthday. I am helping him make another ice cream cake! I think I might never get away from the ice cream maker title.
I have started school work again and it's good to be doing it again. I am finding how much I love Biology and how dorky I am but it always helps when you have a good Biology tutor as well! I am excited to finally get the work done.
Just wanted to stop in and say hello for the weekend. Take this weekend enjoy the freedom we have and the people you love and don't forget the men across the seas dying for us in another country as this weekend we are celebrating Memorial day. Let this not be a lost holiday in your family!
The guidance office secretaries
These ladies go above and beyond their line of duty each and every day putting a smile on their face and assisting each student with whatever their trouble might be. Helping a lost new student on to their next class or supporting the walk by asking to buy Lyme disease awareness bracelets. (0f which we have many of and if you would like one please e-mail us at email@example.com we will probably get you yours after the walk is over but if you would like to place an order please let us know!) These ladies have continued to support me and so many other students each and every day expecting nothing in return except maybe a little respect and a smile in return. They have shown that it doesn't matter the walls that surround you but the spirit you have while you're in the walls that do surround you.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
We started out at my house with pictures with the parents... It was really nice and not too stressful! We got lots and lots of pictures though I think Jake and I were almost always looking at opposite cameras there were so many camera's to look at! This day really felt like a mile marker for me. In my health and in my life in general it just made me really realize how far I have come from being on the verge of always being in the hospital to actually being able to visit the hospital without the bells and whistles of an ambulance and an oxygen mask!
Although I have to say there is one thing that will never be the same and it's the time you lose when you're not in school. It's the thing no one can replace nor can they take care of- I felt like a stranger with the kids I've went to school with for at least 3 years... Just maybe not physically and been in the district for 12 years. It was the weirdest feeling I've ever had. Weirder than getting a picc line pulled!
There were sooo many people who made this day possible I couldn't possibly begin to name names... For if it weren't for the EMT's who responded promptly to each call that I was on the end of, or the nurses who jumped into action while I was seizing, or the doctors who knew just what medication to order. This day would most definitely not be possible.
There are some other people that really made the day extra special and they are the people I call family. I was able to say my aunt did my hair. Not some stranger at a beauty shop but my own aunt. I was able to say my professional photos were not those done with artistic creations of a professional that I paid $50 for but the photos were the creations of Jake's father and my family. Making them a little more personal. I was so blessed by having my father and my mother and my sister all together for me. And having my grandparents come over was a nice treat as well!
After we had our photo's taken at home we went to dinner at The Hill Top Inn.
Afterwards we went to the hospital to visit the nurses and then visit my two favorite 4D patients the two Roses! :)
Then we got to the prom and although by the time I got there I was quite beat we made it almost to the end. I was very tired by the time I got home but still filled with lots of nervous energy. It was a wonderful evening and even though I wish I could have danced a little more or been a little more comfortable with the people around me I was very happy to have gone and know this can only be the beginning of gathering a control over my Lyme! :)
Thank you so much for all the prayers and continued prayer. I promise you it's working.
Today I give a spot-light to one of the most influential people that have been in my life thus far-
My grandma Wilcox. Her name was Laura Wilcox and she lived her life for others. Today as we thought in church about what filled our box in life- I would have to say her box was filled with love, a little pinch of big eyes and a large amount of prayer. She was always baking or knitting and knitting Christmas stockings is what she loved to do... I will never forget her large collection of aprons and the unique toys that harbored at her home. She was such a wonderful woman inside and out I find a tear on my cheek as I write about her. My grandpa today- my mother's father was looking at the photos and when her name came up he said oh how she would've loved to see this day! And it brought back so many memories of cooking bread together cutting cookies and learning how to peel potatoes. I am so thankful that I got to have her in my life and I'm thankful for the fact that I know I have her looking down on me and all I can say is- Grandma- you won't be disappointed.
More Photos Below! Enjoy!
And for my grandpa- Where is this Arbor located? I just can't think where it would be!
Friday, May 16, 2008
I went to the nail salon to get my nails done with my grandma! What a wonderful and unique way to spend the afternoon with my grandmother. I was pleasantly impressed with my nails and thought it was interesting getting a pedicure. It was my first time getting this done so of course I was very intrigued by everything they did!
While there I was asked do you like to pamper yourself? I thought it was funny and responded with a no this is quite a treat to even be able to be here! It really was I thought to think that I laid so many nights in hospital beds thinking of how my prom days would lay out what would happen and how it would happen. Hoping more than anything I would get to go. Planning littlest details just to keep time passing and have something to do with the silent moments in my room. What my date would like what I would do if I didn't have a date what every what if situation covered. I hoped I would make it for at least one mile marking teen event this year.
My second first was going out for a lovely birthday dinner at Moretti's a local Italian restaurant that Jake's family picked for his birthday. So although it wasn't the Thai restaurant Jake had originally hoped for it lead up for a fun filled and nice evening.
Now as the day before prom activities come one other thing came into mind just as a passing thought to check the weather. I checked the weather and sure enough thunder storms. But I am not letting this rain on my parade. I remembered someone who's life will not ever be forgotten for as long as I live. As I have mile-marking moments in my life no matter when they are I always remember one person and that's my grandma Wilcox. She passed away the summer before 5th grade. What a hard rocky summer that was for me. I felt I had completely lost control and I miss her greatly. Although I always remember she would want me to have fun I think that tomorrow is a symbolic meaning of the fact there are tears pouring down from heaven that her as my grandma Jacobus put it- "her little baby is growing up". I just wanted to take the time to remember my grandma tonight and remind her I will always be the baby in the family by numbers even if I do grow up. Even though it hurts me that she can't be by my side to see me all dressed up I know she will be there by spirit. And that means the world to me.
Over-all today and this evening was a wonderful evening and I can't wait for prom tomorrow! With everything planned out and ready to go we can only pray for good health and strength for the evening ahead. And I ask each faithful reader out there or those just coming to my blog- to say a pray for me with the day ahead that it will be fulfilling and a wonderful night of just being an ordinary teen.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
I went went fishing for the first time in Physical Therapy today with a pathetic fishing pole and plastic fish. It was quite the venture.
This is the first full week I will be walking offically cane free.
My first time eating Thai food- I'm going out to dinner with Jake's birthday with his family.
My first time going to PROM!
It should be interesting!
I can't wait to post about each one! :)
Ashley has been a very faithful and kind friend throughout all of this we have been friends since she moved here in 5th grade although in Middle School we lost our ties in High School we started talking again and she's been an awesome person since Freshmen year. I can't thank her enough for how much she has stayed by my side and how much she joy's in each thing that happens in my life just as if she were experiencing it for herself. She really is a great friend and I am blessed to have her!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Take a look at this photo- A good look at the photo. Now think about it-
These are my thoughts on this photo.
In this leaf there isn't much inside it... Really there is nothing to the leaf at all.
there is barely any substance left-
Through this the colors are seen through it's tattered form and it's decaying shell and despite the fact the leaf is weathering down it holds on to it's stem. Through it's stem it holds on to a branch of which holds on to a stronger branch that reaches a tree trunk. Through that tree trunk the tree reaches down to roots and stability. Through those roots they are able to stretch outward through the ground and down deep into the soil.
So in our minds we find disarray we find confusion or loss of words.
Or in some cases we find too many words filling our heads-
We could be totally out of "funk"
but our minds are attached to a branch which is attached to our trunk and gets to our roots. Our roots can be anything from a kind friend or a loving neighbor. But they are the workers who continue to feed our plant to make us grow strong and tall in what we are.
Everything can be tied together by your trunk- if you believe in yourself.
A dust storm can happen in moments a once calm scene can quickly be taken over by particles being swept away by the air. One particle grabs on to another particle and soon a small wind is a greater wind and the air can be filled with an almost opaque scene of grey dust.
The only thing about these dust storms is although they are quick to arise they can be just as quick to disappear and they can be brought under control over time because the dust will settle and the wind will calm and peace will be brought.
For even after the flood with Noah God sent a dove and all was well after the many days of rain.
There is Hope.
I had a chiropractor appointment in the morning and then my mom surprised me with a little trip which surprised me even more upon getting out of the car-
As we were walking a slight incline I noticed the great difficulty I was having walking and all of a sudden found myself yelling to my mom and reaching for her arm. I couldn't walk my feet were dragging underneath me and I was not sure what was happening. It scared both of us and I found that I will definitely have something to talk to my Physical Therapist tomorrow upon my appointment.
Then later tonight I had not one, not two, but three MRI's!
We are doing more extensive testing down my back and everything else to see if anything else can be caught. It was quite a lengthy process and my hand fell asleep while sitting in the machine for so long but I am glad it's over and done with.
I continue to be amazed by the people brought into my life and do not believe in accidental meetings. I am filled with support by others and the generosity of complete strangers. I am so thankful for this because it seems as though when all is falling through a little light is shown. My memory is slowly getting worse which I don't understand but I am starting to forget things a lot quicker now than ever before. I hope this comes back with time and I continue to stay strong.
I thank the kindness of the people who have been brought into my path and continue to stumble upon my story. Let it be a reminder to you as the summer arrives to do a tick check and have a wonderful summer enjoying what you love most!
My spot-light person today is-
My Chiropractor, My Chiropractor has gone above and beyond what many doctors wish to with just taking me on as a patient he also seeks answers for questions we ask and continues to amaze me with his kindness and generosity. He is a great man with a good sense of humor and has helped me a great deal with the pain that I face. I am so thankful that we have found him as a chiropractor and I am so glad he's so willing to help me and now my mother is going there as well! So here's to a great Chiropractor!
Monday, May 12, 2008
Upon starting antibiotics I have found that I sleep more and more each day and continue to want to sleep even when I have many other tasks that must be done. I am overwhelmed with the support I have through my friends and family as I continue to struggle with all that goes on.
For those of you who aren't familiar with what a herx is here is the best definition I could find-
The herxheimer reaction, nicknamed "herx" or otherwise referred to as Jarisch- Herxheimer (J-H) is a phenomena originally observed in the treatment of syphilis, but later found in other illness. In general terms, it is described as a temporary increase of symptoms when anti-syphilitic drugs (antibiotics) are administered. What is known or speculated about Lyme disease herxheimers are based heavily on the reactions seen in syphilis. This is due to the fact both diseases are caused by a bacteria known as a spirochete, the former being Treponema pallidum, the latter Borrelia burgdoferi (B.b). However the herxheimer reactions in Lyme disease are not identical to those seen in syphilis, especially in terms of timing, frequency and duration as noted below.
In Lyme disease it is thought that the cause of herxheimers are the result of endotoxin release, that is toxin(s) within the spirochete that are released as the B.b are killed or broken down. This may be a result of the toxin(s) itself or the body's immune response to such.
The past week has been very tough and it continues to be tough pain is a little more apparent and it's all just getting to be old. Sometimes I just want to scream out WHERE IS THE LIGHT?! I know it's out there it's just a matter of time.
On the lighter note I am walking cane free now 100% of the time although it's always within reach or close by for long trips and places we go... Just in case it needs to be used. Since inclines like stairs continue to be a battle for me and I continue to struggle with some things. Although I can praise the Lord that I can for the most part walk on my own all the time now. Which makes me extremely happy and those around me happy as well. It's almost funny to see the expressions people give you when they see you without some sort of walking device in tote!
My Spot-Light Person is someone who is long overdue-
There is a lady who lives kitty corner to us and is very generous and kind- She has a large heart towards not only her small child but towards my family and I as well. Her name is Brandy. Throughout my sickness she has continued to help me find a smile when I think there is no smile to be found, her daughter brought me over chocolates and a teddy bear during the winter months and now we have matching teddy bears! How cool is that?! She is a wonderful woman and has shown me so much through her grace and selflessness she displays towards me and others. She continues to push forward despite any obstacle their family faces and has shown me that anything can be overcome with time and patience. She's raising a beautiful daughter and amazes me each and every day. And as a faithful blog reader- she also brought me my favorite. Soft serve twist with rainbow sprinkles! What a smile I had on my face when I heard I got a yummy treat. It was quite a surprise to wake up to from taking a nap. :) Thank you for being such a wonderful neighbor Brandy.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Today is a day we take a moment out of our busy lives to say thank you to our mothers.
The women in our lives of which we cherish and those who go above and beyond any others duties.
As the dictionary calls it-
Moth·er's Day (mŭth'ərz) n. The second Sunday in May, observed in the United States as a day honoring mothers.
Today is not about-
How much money you have
How many times you thew daggers at each other
The disagreements that arose
The stress that has been placed in your life.
Today is about-
All the poopy diapers you changed at 4 in the morning
The scrapped knee's you kissed
The beautiful birthday cakes you made
The food you always made sure was on the table
The hugs you gave
The bed time stories read
and so many other little things you added to my life- and others to make life easier.
I can't say enough good about my mom- but she is my constant support system and as worded today through one note of what I like about mom- the closest I'll ever get to heaven here on earth!
Thanks for being you. Here's to all of the mother's out there and if you're a mother pat yourself on the back for your filling shoes no one else could ever fill!
Happy Mother's day to all the Mother's out there!
And here's a video of all of the things that a mother says in 24 hours! It's quite the song a lady sang it in church today what an awesome song!
Thursday, May 8, 2008
In a world of normalcy there has to be some upset to make you grateful for what you have to feel blessed for the days you live and complete with the desires within.
Tonight- I looked through my journal and I am writing about the things that don't make it to the blog.
Butterflies in my stomach, giggling at the computer screen, and laughing so much more when he's around. I am noticing I have a whole new hope today a whole new perspective something I didn't think could be came to be. Now I am learning things a different way.
Prom is nearing and now is a week away things like a boutonniere and nails, and hairstyles are not a fantasy any longer but now a reality. Prom is coming I have a date perfect in my eyes and perfect for me! Excitement fills my heart as I get ready for the big night and all our schedules are planned around May 17th in the days coming before... Making sure I don't do too much the night before resting as much as I can and taking care of my body as I always do.
Studying is especially hard for me these days I have read the same page for 2.5 weeks, picking up the book to study some more realizing I am no further in the chapter but I don't know what I've read. It's difficult because I don't even remember what I said just hours ago on the phone with my boyfriend... How can it be? I hope he doesn't see- that I am not 100% me!
School papers are being written at a slow steady pace things are being done but not quick enough for me. Slowing down is difficult when there are deadlines to be met and goals to accomplish. Sometimes it's just a little too hard to keep things at ease when they aren't at ease at all.
Behind this teenage face comes so much more than a disease- So for those of you who do not know me but come to this blog for one reason or another, for hope, encouragement, an update of some sort here is a teenage way of putting things about me-
I like to...
Eat ice cream- my favorite is soft serve twist with rainbow sprinkles!
The sound of an emery board
nails on a chalk board
I have been okay.
Not doing great and struggling with a lot of things. Eating still isn't a top priority to me now more than ever it seems I have been fluctuating with my weight and it's frustrating to see. We're getting some things under control while other things go completely out of control. I am so blessed with the people around me and I am encouraged by others on a daily basis. It's exciting to see my life unfold. Although scary to think what could be next.
I was graced with the song "Gratitude" by Nichole Nordeman
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .
We'll give thanks to You
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain
Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed"
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .
We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread
Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need
So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .
We'll give thanks to You
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace
But Jesus, would You please . . .
This song got me a thinking- If I can't have my 100% health I do have the health I have and I cannot take that for granted for I must keep pushing on and keep what I do have in tip top shape to prepare for whatever may come my way. For God may not send what I ask for but he will send what he believes I need. There has been not a day that I have not had a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, or food on the table and for this I am blessed.
You. Whoever you may be tonight you're in the spot-light. You are in the spot-light for listening to my thoughts to this point to be at the end of the blog and showing your support through reading my blog. Thank you for coming here thank you for being here and the numbers on my little counter show- people are visiting here! I invite you who lurk in the shadows of blog world to come out and say hello! Introduce yourself. Here's to a formal invitation to say hello! :)
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
The support you reach out to give to another person either through a helping hand or through insight you have within. You support that person to support others. You give the glimpse of hope to them and give them an intangible gift- A gift of hope a gift of future beyond that night. Beyond the hour or the minute you have but giving to another. It's something that some may feel to busy for it's something others do as a daily thing.
But tonight more than ever I realized if my personal life is so busy that I can't stop to smell the flowers and take a deep breath then it's time to lighten the load. For if you cannot give to another person you cannot give to the future. For giving is not much but what they take away could be an eternity.
I cannot explain exactly why this is being said tonight for there are many feelings that were stirred throughout the day. But next time your day seems too busy look at the grass and know that it too grows just to get cut away. But continues growing for it wants to reach forward to the sun and reach out- Take it from the grass an ordinary miracle.
Reach out and reach within- whether you need help or you haven't gave reach for the future for that's something we've all got to live.
If you don't believe it watch me shake my feather.
I live in a house with 3 humans and a dog
We keep things real simple and try to stay out of the fog.
With each new day startin' out real slow I sleep till noon
Movin' real slow.
Here is where I keep my job and hang my hat you see...
For it's tough to get a treat out of some of these humans when they act as busy as a bee.
I do a little dance and shake my rear to and fro attention getting is my main goal-
On my off time I like romantic walks on the street
and a great big bowl of anything but barley and some wheat.
Now I could go on to tell you about my real cool cats-
We've got Paul, Denise, and Tori too
and that other guy yeah.
He's a dog too.
But they all can take the time to bring their paws on this key board
And leave a message for you.
For I'm out I gotta pee and you know-
But to keep the tradition goin' I will say one last thing-
So whenever I feel like no one's listening to me= I remember that at least I've got a voice compared to the sea in the room down the hall!
Monday, May 5, 2008
Don't give me a glare or glance at me with ignorance...
For you have not been here or have not seen
What life has been for the past 3 years so do not disregard the scars-
Do not look away from the things that cause your eyes pain.
I hold inside me organs and nerves I hold emotion and cells of all sorts.
My job is to protect what need to be protected and be a shield of germs that may be harmful for my insides.
Please listen to the story that I have been punctured inside-
I am not in need of attention nor of sympathetic glances.
I care for those of which have cared for me-
Scar tissue fills my hands and arms
veins over used and tired of being prodded
Scars across my stomach and one in my chest
Fill an array of stories each untold.
Lack of attention to one IV leaves me with an infection-
of which should have been infection free.
Take a moment to listen to the stories beneath for each person lives nothing more than a story from within.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
I think to myself-
Must be nice to go to school, see your friends day after day, understand your text the first read through and be able to walk without pain.
I see life through a different scene not of one of pain and agony but one of which is seen as those who try to understand and those who wish they didn't have to see it at all...
I can only do so much as a human being so much as the person I am-
But I can assure you I will always do as much as I can do.
I don't know how each day will pass and I am thankful for those who understand that tomorrows plans may get tossed to the side the day of due to things out of my control.
Although for each life no matter what there will always be the people who look with an up turned nose ignorant to the situations that surround them.
For they are those of which we can only hope will some day understand it will not take a life changing experience for just that to happen.
Waking up each morning thinking things will be okay going to bed some nights wondering if I will be okay.... Life is obscure with it's twists and turns and who knows perhaps this will all be as clear as crystal some day but today it's as clear as a very poorly cleaned window.
There is a man who has gone above and beyond his duties with his job. He is my guidance counselor who has been there for every step of the way- encouraging me to do my best being in direct contact with my teachers and completely understanding when something goes down the wrong avenue. He has worked hard with my case and taken so much into consideration sitting down with me to schedule a schedule that may have to be hand written since there are so many requests and so much that has been left up in the air. For there is nothing more I can say than he has gone above and beyond any expectations one may have set for him and he has helped my ride as a student be especially smoother because he has done a lot of the communication work for me. Although I continue to put my best foot forward he inspires me through his wit and humor as I continue to struggle to understand how every little detail will work out by graduation day.
Friday, May 2, 2008
The closest I'll get to a college visit is a virtual tour this year- everyone else looks into schools shares there excitement tells me what it's like.
I don't mean to be selfish but I long to be the teen they are for they show me more than anything- but I am getting a better education.
Far more than high school could ever offer- I am learning how to be the best I can be. A medical degree by proxy- character building forced into my life, and faith by choice.
Vibrant colors filling the air with rich green grass and a blooming yellow bush.
With almost completely new eyes you pick up a new respect for others a new love for the colors around you.
Nothing in life seems the same each color has it's own brilliance.
Each bird that passes by twittering and singing it's song amazes you with it's grace and beauty.
Almost as a blind man being healed of his affliction-
I am healed of my ignorance of the colors and world around me.
Taking grasp upon the life I once lived to realize I didn't notice how wonderful it is to reside in a bed of my own in the silence of my own home- with the pitter patter of puppy feet and the click, click, click of my key board.
Noelle- Today I spot-light my Lyme pen-pal there is nothing that makes me more excited than receiving a hand written note from someone. It's something about the personal writing of the note that makes everything seem okay. It's just something that makes life seem just that much more exciting than it was before receiving that letter. Well- my friend Makayla knows that feeling of receiving mail and she decided to start a pen pal group with those afflicted with Lyme to support one another. I have a total of 4 pen pals although only Noelle has written back. It's good to have her and I always look forward to her letters because it's something I can rely on and it's always interesting to hear her world for a moment. What it's like to be her- through a letter.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Wonder what we will do- the possibilities are endless for me! I could end up helping put a bathtub in, or maybe I could do some painting, or putting a roof on a house! Who knows- I am so excited to helps someone out.
Gary's death so came so quickly it seems although I don't know of a slow death or one that was completely planned... Just seems it came from behind. It can only teach me that life is short and we must live it to the fullest. Seeing him today- made me realize a lot. I am glad I was able to spend the little time I did with him he was a great guy. One thing you realize is how much you really did miss out on when reflecting upon one's life. For if you don't know your own family who do you really know?
This infection in my arm is so insane- mom told me I couldn't go on the missions trip if it didn't start healing up. I can't believe how sore it is! My Uncle Eddie says it looks like a bull's eye rash I don't believe it. The ER doctor said I would've seen the tick. It can't be Lyme disease.
The weather was really nice today I got to go out rollerblading for an hour and stopped by Ashley's house for a bit. I haven't seen her in forever what a nice chat we had.
September of 2005
Goals- Start a Bible Study with Rachel every week or every other week- Tonight we discussed
Ephesians 6:19, 2 Timothy 2:2, 1 Peter 1:15-16, and Hebrews 13:15
I really hope I start feeling better and I can't wait to get into winter track it's going to be an awesome year I can sense it already. I am full of so much energy and I am really starting to enjoy school it's like opening a whole new chapter in life.
I am getting used to all of my classes Earth Science is my least favorite- it's absolutely boring! I don't think I will ever be interested in minerals or rocks for the rest of my life thanks to my teacher. I have been really feeling horrible lately the doctor has been running a slew of tests the Infectious disease doctor cured me from Lyme.
I am really happy with my friends right now- the other day I met a kid named Chris at lunch and he called me Gimp. Hm I guess I also forgot to mention I broke my pelvis since I last wrote as well! Lots has been going on we're continuing to hunt for answers and I am really glad I have found some friends to hang out with!
I can't wait to start track and I continue to Rollerblade everyday and I am even thinking about yearbook but the announcements are quite confusing. I just found out the other day I have my sisters old English teacher next semester for English 9! He was her favorite English teacher, I am also really excited with Art this semester with Mr. Hart- he was Megan's teacher as well he is a really good artist but very judgemental of the artwork. I guess he has every right to be! I can't wait to see what this year has in store...
Then I quit writing until June of 2006- As I read my old journal entries it almost felt as though I was peaking through into a different world and not my own life. It was fun though since I knew how it all played out- and I know now this was only the beginning.
Lacy is a very kind hearted person and has been working relentlessly on the PR for the walk she continues to put her heart and soul into what she does for us regarding the walk. I am very blessed that she is so willing to work for us and help us out with the agenda for the walk! She's another awesome teen that has shown that teens aren't all crazy and some really do have motivation and potential. It's awesome to have her on board and I am so very glad that I do! Hopefully she'll see some response for all of the time she has put into PR very soon!
Have a great day!