Saturday, December 25, 2010

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Verbo Caro Factum, est et Habitavit en Nobus.

I was sitting in a patients room yesterday and I read the entire book i am not but i know I AM by: Louie Giglio.
It was... A good reminder.
At one point in the book he went through a word by word analysis of Verbo Caro Factum, est et Habitavit en Nobus. Or "And the Word became flesh and dwelled among us."
He talked about the word Became and how God had mentioned that he was the great I AM which in the Hebrew word used was to BE.

He also left the reader with a captivating thought:

" He didn't send a note, an e-mail, a check, a cosmic event, a mandate, or an image on a toasted cheese sandwich. When God came to man- when BE came - BE became flesh. The God of the world in a body like yours and mine. Why does that matter? BEcause you can touch flesh. You can identify with flesh. You can wrap your arms around flesh and feel its heartbeat. You can hear the voice of flesh and it will bleed. You can nail flesh to a cross." (Giglio p. 66-67).

After reading this book I realized I am small no really really small. But the reminder is that I am part of a bigger picture and in that I am able to see that I am known by name by the creator of the universe. Incredible.

Why is it a good reminder? Because it's easy to think that this is just another cliche season... Another time to just make sure all the tittles are over the i's and the t's are crossed (tittle is the formal word for the dot over the i). It is also easy to get bogged down with thoughts of the future. And your story: it's easy to be so focused on the immediate or upcoming situations weather it's weight loss, or a test result, or a biopsy... That you forget that the great I AM is watching out for you. That God has your best at his heart and He would never let you go... Sure, it's easy to get caught up in those things... So we need to constantly remember who we are... We're small. He's
BIG and He's got it under control.

If I need a reminder of why I should trust Him... I can look throughout history... I can see that there has never been any cosmic disturbances. He has provided for the trees, the birds, and He is going to provide for our every need. It may not be the idea or the plan we had for ourselves. But at the same time: we must remember... Everything in the end will point to His glory which is ultimately the best gift of all.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Brave... The few.

I found it rather peculiar how easy it was to get into my specialist the other day.

As I talked to her at my appointment... I was sure to draw this observation to her attention.

She told me I was part of the brave and the few.

Most people refuse to come in with the holidays nearby. The schedule fills around January as everyone prepares for self-help, and maintenance. She told me how no one wants to hear they need to go on a diet, or they have something wrong just before celebrating the holiday's with family.

It's this facade they put up: as if not going to the doctor's will somehow make the season less "stressful". I found this observation extremely intriguing.

Who knew you could be brave for going to the doctors before the holidays?

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Monday, December 20, 2010


Many of my friends are getting engaged or married... Or are in  very serious relationships... And it seems to be a topic that is tossed around a lot.

Today was my first day back to work since Thanksgiving break. It wasn't easy getting up at 5:00 in the morning and love was certainly not the emotion I felt toward my job.

However, I observed a patient and her husband and I have learned a lot from my elders... It is interesting, I find myself amazed at how society has shown me increasing divorce rates, lack of desire to care for the older generations, and everything is about time, and convenience.

As I listened to the woman's doctor talk to her husband she explained the skin breakdown issues, and how she felt maybe it would be best for his wife to go to the nursing home... He had been taking care of his wife and she had dementia quite bad. I thought about the things we had discussed in the classroom at college in my Human Behavior Class back at school...  I pondered the case not realizing the woman was talking about my patient at first.

Then, later on, I went to the room and the husband was content at the bedside, spoon feeding her a strawberry milkshake. Wiping her mouth, caring, providing for her.  When I entered the  room: he stood and made his way over to me at a brisk pace with a concerned look on his face. He told me that her roommate had said that his wife had been crying and he wondered if that was true. I hadn't heard anything about it so I said no...  However, the nurse quickly corrected me, saying in fact, she had been crying. Her roommate had been talking with her about her husband and she had began to cry because she missed him.

His eyes filled with tears, and he smiled a little, we all knew that he had missed her too. He brushed her hair back tenderly and said how he had missed her too. He promised her that he would get the nursing care they needed and he would bring her home. He was attentive, and in love. He told me how his bride had only grown more beautiful as the years had passed. The laughter lines soon never faded and how no matter how bad things have gotten, he has found himself more in love today than he was the day they were married...

I was astonished... I found myself realizing, that no matter what society shows us, we are able to come in contact with others who have proven them wrong. I hope some day all of my friends who are married today, will someday be able to say their love has only deepened and become more true... Something better than they had ever imagined. The visible truth of how things were originally intended, the blessing of the marriage.It was most certainly a blessing today, being able to see them in love.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

I'll let my stomach speak for me

Aren't these pie in a jars great?! You can send a homemade pie as a gift without the hassle of making the pie.
Since I have really started to enjoy making pies... I think this would make a great mass quantity Christmas gift idea. :] Also lots of opportunities to perfect my crust making abilities.

source: acupofjo

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Sunday, December 12, 2010

The Final Countdown

It's the final stretch. By Friday, I will be done with another semester of college and only three semesters until I graduate! Incredible. This song came to mind with the thoughts of being done. I am sure next year this time it will really feel that way as I enter my last semester as a college student. :]

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Our Deepest Fear

Yesterday we had an Oral Interpretations chapel and in that chapel we listened to original poetry written by our peers along with scripture, and poems that had been published and were famous. Among the poems was:
Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson

it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,

talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of

God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

we unconsciously give other people

permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others.

When I heard the poem I thought to myself, how strange... I don't know if that is truly my deepest fear.

Last night, I was talking with someone and he said something that struck me. It was something I have said before and something I have heard before. He said: "I don't like talking about myself".

Now, I was raised that when asked a question you must answer it. However, sometimes it seems as though when asked multiple questions about yourself... The feeling of being unveiled or revealed is scary. Or that you have an over inflated ego going on and on about yourself. To the worlds standards it seems conceited.

I wondered as he said that: back to this poem. Perhaps this is our deepest fear that when we are unveiled we will then be powerful we will influence more than others and what if, society isn't ready for that? Or perhaps it's just the opposite: what if then in those moments of liberation you yourself find, you are not achieving what others thought of you. Our fear is in the judgements of others or the process of what's right and wrong. Is it not?

Just something I have been thinking about. What is our greatest fear? Who are we deep within our core? I find it interesting to say the least.

Monday, December 6, 2010


This word has been tossed around a lot lately in my life...
It is used to describe feelings, people, situations I have been far removed from, situations that are up close and personal...

No matter what: there seems to be a common trend: they don't know.

When I was listening to someone reflect how his friend had committed suicide: he kept saying... I don't know how he got to where he was. And I don't know how it could have gotten so bad... He was totally miffed.

Those affected by the depression often are quoted saying: I don't know how to get out of this, and I don't know why things are they way they are or I don't know why I think the things I do.

Afterwards, there is the recollection of good times and the desire to retreat to the comfort of those wonderful days. However, there is no way to return to those particular days and they continue to wonder where they went wrong.

Depression is peculiar to me. I don't understand it... It makes me sad though, because I can't explain it or totally grasp it and I wonder sometimes if it's just something that has no answer.

bRING CHRISTmas to Africa

If you remember last year I posted this post. About getting caught into a life of motion.

Anyways, this year I got an e-mail from the With This Ring campaign again this year. They are at it again to propose a new tradition and thought with engagement and marriage.

I am totally impressed by the idea of starting your marriage out serving others in need with a bind of love with your future mate. So this is a really neat concept to me and is definitely a worthwhile cause. I felt with the hustle and bustle of the season it was important to take a moment and reflect on those who are less fortunate... May we each not get lost in the "busyness" of the season that we lose the sight of our true gift.

in closing this is a video that has profoundly impacted me and my life of ministry... I hope that the days where I have seen poverty first hand, or seen the sights of pain from others that they will continue to jar me to a point of discomfort... May we never forget and be forever changed by the radical love of Christ.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Psalm 73:26

There's a peace I've come to know

Though my heart and flesh may fail

There's an anchor for my soul

I can say "It is well"

(Chris Tomlin: I Will Rise)

I have had a lot of little things that have been going on in my life lately that have built up and added pressure and stress. Things that I don't really understand but are there. In the process of comprehending life, and the meaning of why, I have found myself wondering what God is doing and if HE could possibly be there... I look around and I see the apathy of my brother's and sister's in Christ, and I have been discouraged when I have noticed they don't seem to be smiling. I don't understand their quick tongues, and their harsh hearts. Then when I looked deep within my own heart I found myself bitter, and hurt, full of pain and anguish as I had started to take in my surroundings and let the pain of their words consume me to unknowing and undeserving people. Victims of my own heart's demise.

I had been hurt and I didn't think it was possible that God would use my wounds and pain to help anyone. I felt like I was withering away in time and agony; and in response: I just wanted to be alone. I felt like I was more of a hindrance to those around me than anything that could possibly help them. So I began separating myself from my peers thinking it was for their best interest.

Anyways, today my perspective took a 180. I found myself opening up to an old friend and upon doing that I realized I was harming myself for the preservation of others. I started examining my soul; and opening my ears. I also found out that someone very close to me's sister was passing away (she is elderly so it makes it a little easier to bear). However, that thought came to me and struck a cord within me as I began wrestling with having an eternal perspective: and thinking about death, and what that means in the scheme of eternity.

A few other series of events happened and then I got a phone call that made me examine things in my heart further. I began thinking about all the pain, hurt, and evil in the world. I began thinking of how hurt my heart feels when I hear of injustice, or pain. I thought, why Lord, why is there pain?

Then I got a text that came to me as a surprise kind of... The woman I babysit for's father had passed away and I was asked to babysit. Without missing a beat, I knew this was what I was supposed to do tonight. So I committed and drove over to their house. When I got there it was uncanny how easily the baby went to sleep and then as I was tucking in the older daughter she began asking for her grandpa... It surprised me a little: as I thought about how every other time I had tucked this little girl in.. She had never once requested her grandfather's presence. At first I began to say you just have to go to bed and it's okay, mommy and daddy will be home soon. However, I realized that she, in her little five year old world was feeling pain too. So I quickly consulted a friend on what to do. He offered simple advice; creating something that would captivate her mind and distract her from her pain.

We created a perfect world: one of candy for dinner, and unlimited time with mommy and grandpa. We created this picture of something beautiful and special unique to her. In those moments at her bedside; I got to experience the awesomeness of childlike faith: her open surrender to something larger than herself. In her perfect world she only saw the things at face value. She did not see the criminals or crime or the pain so there was no need to wish it away. For the only thing she could grasp were the things that brought her joy. I grasped for a moment: Matthew 19:14 where Jesus said: "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." It was amazing to me, a bible lesson at the bedside. In a split second I felt as though I saw the heart of God: this love that surpasses understanding. For a child would hug a stranger and a criminal all  the same as they hug their own parent. They express this unconditional love. It's no wonder that Jesus saw such great things in such small children. Faith is that simple act.

It gives me a reason to smile, it reminds me why I am here: because though my flesh may fail, words may fade, paper can be burnt, computers can crash... Our world is only conditional. We only have this moment we live: However, we have such a great reason to say: it is well with my soul (this link is worth going to because it has the awesome story behind the hymn it is well with my soul). And for this I have a reason to smile. I have seen God move in many ways in such a short time.