I wanted to update, I have so many mixed emotions about what is going on it isn't even anything concrete. There is not one emotion stronger than any other. I could write about dancing through a storm that is larger than I, or I could write about how I am so excited to see graduation day come and how exhilarating I can imagine the moment of walking across the stage. However I feel things need explanation. Clarification if you will... I wish I had more but I will share what I have, for I this is all I can do.
Tuesday, March 24th I went to the ER with bluish hands and shaking. I felt as though I could not get warm and things were well on their way of heading south. That evening I had a small seizure upon getting to triage after waiting around 2 hours to get to triage. That evening we could not find our thermometer so we had them take my temperature upon arrival to the hospital and it was around 98 by the time we reached triage it had raised significantly. I cannot give an exact number. It was also this night I had a scare with pneumonia in my left lung. There was significant shadowing on my left lung that caused them to believe there was fluid. I also had a fever and I was very drowsy. Two doctors felt I had pneumonia. I became very drowsy in the ER and ended up getting tired enough to sleep and not arouse to anyone even through multiple blood draws and blood cultures. I remember nothing after I fell asleep. I was wiped out. They decided to admit me after taking the blood cultures and since I was not awake.
That week from the 24th to date I have had three more blood cultures. The original blood culture was felt to be contaminated but was positive with coagulase negative staphylococcus and Granulicatella Adiacens both bacterium were growing upon the reading of my cultures. It was a collaborative decision between a infectious disease doctor as well as my PCP to start Vacomycin by Wednesday or Thursday. By the weekend of the 28th, our prom weekend they had decided to discontinue Rocephine or Ceftriaxone. Due to the continuation of fevers they wanted to be sure that they were not drug induced fevers. This confused me until I understood what was going on a little more. The infectious disease doctor consulted with us again to explain what his views on everything were and 1 in 4 patients that he has seen are able to get over this within the 2 week course of Vacomycin. In some cases however, the patient has not been able to get over this hump in that case the port, of which they have now figured to be infected due to certain cultures that have been taken- may not be able to be brought back to sterile. In these cases it results in removal of the port.
My Primary Care Physician stated he felt that my port would have to be removed due to the circumstances and explaining things such as the immune complex along with the fact that plastic has no fighter cells to get rid of infection upon settling in a device such as my port. When my Primary Care Physician met with us I asked many questions including questions about the bacteria and why I would have gotten the infection. He considered this and said among many things it could just be because of all of the pokes that I had received or just a simple cut somewhere. It is very easy to get bacteria into the bloodstream. With all things considering and having my port for a year we were told the risks and benefits of removing the port immediately (April 1st). I asked him to wait until Monday- so we could discuss the thoughts as well as wait for the latest blood culture to see if there were any changes. He said he felt this was a good decision and he would support it. Since I have continued to have high fevers and extreme chills mostly at night and sometimes during the day. We feel a persistent infection is in my port and it will have to be removed. He said chances are the infection is still there. Where the heart has come in, is that the port is in my chest and near my heart. In some cases a heart valve can become infected so they have ordered echo cardiograms to check out my chest cavity to make sure we're covering all of our bases.
What does all of this basically mean? I will need two surgeries that will remove the infected port and insert a new port. Once this happens I should be back onto my road with recovery.
Along this road of sickness I have lost my ability to walk. The sensation in my legs is slowly being lost and my feet are not working properly. I have been working with physical therapy and I believe that I will be okay it is just going to take some working out to get them back to normal. I don't understand what goes on with my legs but I do believe they are always the first to go. I have also experienced some incontinence which is both embarrassing and quite stressful for me. However, this is just a stage in the grand scheme of things and I believe it will be fine.
As far as school- it honestly hasn't crossed my mind until today. I can honestly say I have not picked up my physics book and have not tried to sleep with my American History book to process the information through osmosis. That is for a later date. I have been trying to keep in touch with the teachers I currently have especially my physics teacher because I am not so sure it will be easy to catch back up in that class. However he seems to be confident that he will be able to help me. College is another thought and I have considered taking a year off because with the financial burden and the physical burden I am quite weary of setting foot in that scene if I cannot afford it in any way shape or form anyways. It breaks my heart to consider that yet it seems to be reality at the moment.
I also wanted to go through some basic vocabulary right now that could through some for a ringer:
Port: A port is a small device usually made of silicone or plastic that is surgically implanted beneath the skins surface and connected to an artery that leads directly to your heart.
PCP: Primary Care Physician
Blood Culture: A blood test that is done when serious infection is suspected. It can identify bacteria or fungi that are spreading through the bloodstream. (http://www.thegooddoctor1.com/glossary.html#B)
Coagulase Negative Staphylococcus: Basically is a bacteria in the bloodstream that carries many anti-bodies. It can become severe but is not deadly and is carried within every-one's skin, just like everything- too much of this can be a bad thing.
Graulicatella Adiacens: Also a bacteria within the bloodstream common among prothstetics such as my port. This bacteria is commonly associated with things such as ports or any other sort of prothstetic.
Rocephine (Ceftriaxone) and Vacomycin: Both antibiotics used to treat infection. We have been using Rocephine for the Lyme disease both are IV antibiotics and have been being administered through my port.
If you have any questions please direct them to me I will attempt to answer them. I do not understand everything that is going on at this moment but this is what I understand.
As many of you know tomorrow is Sunday and is church. Next weekend is Easter and I would really love to be at the service and worship with everyone it is looking as though it could be cutting it close getting this all to fit in one week and being healthy enough to make it to church by Easter. This is something I will cross next weekend. However, my admissions counselor shared this song saying it reminded her of my situation. As I listened to it again, it really hit me. He really has never let go of me through the calm and through the storm... The song is You Never Let Go.
There will be an end to these troubles... I can see a light that is commin'!
God's timing is perfect. This is not his disease but I am his work.
(Please ignore the grammar and if it doesn't make sense at times- I am very tired but I wanted to update with the information I had.)
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
My God is big my God is loud.
If there is one thing I am tonight, it's free.
Tonight I am free from anything but the love of God. Last night I went to this awesome worship and prayer service with well, myself! I was invited by a girl from school and it was the most fun and intense worship I have done in a long time. There was just something about the environment that was infectious. The people were so steadfast in the Lord and it was really all around me. It was the most awesome thing ever.
If there is one thing God is, he is love. I am amazed every single day by the love that pours out all over from his people. God is wonderful and I love him with all of my heart and soul. You may wonder why I am writing about this- but this is why, because I realized there is one thing I don't do enough of and that is read my bible. I have been reading it nightly and it still doesn't seem like enough. I have been drawn into the book of His word and it just seems so captivating.
One thing I have observed is the fact that I will let a bad morning set the pace for a whole day for me. If things go rough that morning it could ruin my pace for the rest of the day, and effect others. If I am a Christian and I want to show God's love how come when I have a wonderful day full of blessing I don't let that seep into the days following? I have really been looking to test my faith in different ways, or make myself become a better person. Diving into just about anything I possibly can. I can't wait to continue to find these things in him.
Finding glory in the sunrise, and glory in the rain...
Tonight I am free from anything but the love of God. Last night I went to this awesome worship and prayer service with well, myself! I was invited by a girl from school and it was the most fun and intense worship I have done in a long time. There was just something about the environment that was infectious. The people were so steadfast in the Lord and it was really all around me. It was the most awesome thing ever.
If there is one thing God is, he is love. I am amazed every single day by the love that pours out all over from his people. God is wonderful and I love him with all of my heart and soul. You may wonder why I am writing about this- but this is why, because I realized there is one thing I don't do enough of and that is read my bible. I have been reading it nightly and it still doesn't seem like enough. I have been drawn into the book of His word and it just seems so captivating.
One thing I have observed is the fact that I will let a bad morning set the pace for a whole day for me. If things go rough that morning it could ruin my pace for the rest of the day, and effect others. If I am a Christian and I want to show God's love how come when I have a wonderful day full of blessing I don't let that seep into the days following? I have really been looking to test my faith in different ways, or make myself become a better person. Diving into just about anything I possibly can. I can't wait to continue to find these things in him.
Finding glory in the sunrise, and glory in the rain...
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Chronic illness aka Q&A edition 2.
Okay, well I told Amy B. she could ask some questions because she didn't know I was back in blog land. She is the only exception because I have a huge soft spot in my heart for her son Philip. So here are her two answers.
Amy asks:
As a young adult the same age as my Philip... How do you make it through the harder days when you just wanna feel like WHY ME? Or What if?
Honestly, this might sound cliche- however my hard days are gone through with either reflecting on worse days or worship music. I love worship music with all of my heart and soul. When those don't work I have a select few people that I can go to and cry or talk to. There are actually two girls I know of off the top of my head and one guy that I have called and they have listened to me cry for far too long. I feel really bad about that sometimes, however that's how I get through those moments. I love them forever, I wish I could tell them about how much I love them. The What if days... Those are far and few between for me, but it seems like when they hit the idea doesn't leave fast. It scares me sometimes especially when I know there is something off. Even something slight, I am on my toes and scared. I wish people knew what it was like to have a stabbing pain and within two days have surgery. I think after getting my gal-bladder out last year I realized that things could get serious fast and that scares me sometimes. Although being with Jesus is going to be awesome I can only imagine.
"Philip rarely has those days but when he does they are so hard for me as his mom...I would love to know better how to help him."
I feel like the best way to help, is to listen. Support him even if it is screaming right along with him, there is no promise for tomorrow for anyone, that's the truth. However the days we are here should be spent loving each other. Show him love and let it be known he is loved.
Do you have any idea how special of a young lady I think you are? I just am so glad you are back. I have worried about you when you left a while back.
Honestly- with two people saying this now. I really don't know if I do know how special people see me. I don't think I will ever know because I have learned when God is in the picture, somehow the unthinkable always happens.
This Question and Answer time has gotten me to notice how people feel and what they wonder when they look at me. If you have other questions even if they are trivial. Leave them around, I might do another answer time with them if there are enough. I really wonder sometimes what people think when they're looking at a teen that's really sick. However I look at them now and I feel like it seems more normal to me. There are a lot of very sick, very hurting teens and I mean physically hurting not mentally but mentally hurting too. Okay so both. I feel like it's something that is actually pretended to be little but I know quite a few.
I feel that the dealing with a Chronic illness isn't talked about a lot. I also feel like when you're a teen it's an awkward time to be sick. Right now I feel like I am trying to figure out who I am as a person like every other teenager that is going through this period in their life. They experiment with things they go crazy they sneak out they, well- they do a lot of things. I see my peers do things a lot and I think wow that's awesome or I am glad I am not doing that. However at the same time I am taking on the responsibility of calling doctors and making decisions. Decisions that could quite possibly affect me in major ways the rest of my life. No, I don't mean college. So for those things it's stressful. I also think that sometimes those things are ignored among my friends and sometimes adults that I associate with. I think I overreact to little things because I feel like one day I am going to wake up and that person might be gone. Yes that is a real fear I have.
This article made me feel a little more normal about some things. Although I don't agree with some of the topics on the list and could bring it down to like 30 some of them really hit the nail on the head.
The two below hit me personally because in the last few weeks I feel like both have happened and I feel really bad about it now. I am praying about a certain situation because I feel at peace about it now, but it felt like a huge deal a few days ago.
Always ask before touching or hugging and never give them a power handshake or a friendly biff on the shoulder. Many people with chronic illnesses are in a lot of pain, particularly if they have symptoms like that of Fibromyalgia, where every touch signal can be magnified into significant pain. This changes all the time, so don’t stop hugging them, just check first and be gentle.
Recognise that pain and extreme tiredness can make anyone irritable (have you never snapped at someone when you’re sick with flu?) and that various medications can affect behaviour. If your friend does or says something rude or hurtful, give them the benefit of the doubt. They may well be horrified afterwards.
This is The End of my Question and Answer and Answer time! Hope you enjoyed.
Amy asks:
As a young adult the same age as my Philip... How do you make it through the harder days when you just wanna feel like WHY ME? Or What if?
Honestly, this might sound cliche- however my hard days are gone through with either reflecting on worse days or worship music. I love worship music with all of my heart and soul. When those don't work I have a select few people that I can go to and cry or talk to. There are actually two girls I know of off the top of my head and one guy that I have called and they have listened to me cry for far too long. I feel really bad about that sometimes, however that's how I get through those moments. I love them forever, I wish I could tell them about how much I love them. The What if days... Those are far and few between for me, but it seems like when they hit the idea doesn't leave fast. It scares me sometimes especially when I know there is something off. Even something slight, I am on my toes and scared. I wish people knew what it was like to have a stabbing pain and within two days have surgery. I think after getting my gal-bladder out last year I realized that things could get serious fast and that scares me sometimes. Although being with Jesus is going to be awesome I can only imagine.
"Philip rarely has those days but when he does they are so hard for me as his mom...I would love to know better how to help him."
I feel like the best way to help, is to listen. Support him even if it is screaming right along with him, there is no promise for tomorrow for anyone, that's the truth. However the days we are here should be spent loving each other. Show him love and let it be known he is loved.
Do you have any idea how special of a young lady I think you are? I just am so glad you are back. I have worried about you when you left a while back.
Honestly- with two people saying this now. I really don't know if I do know how special people see me. I don't think I will ever know because I have learned when God is in the picture, somehow the unthinkable always happens.
This Question and Answer time has gotten me to notice how people feel and what they wonder when they look at me. If you have other questions even if they are trivial. Leave them around, I might do another answer time with them if there are enough. I really wonder sometimes what people think when they're looking at a teen that's really sick. However I look at them now and I feel like it seems more normal to me. There are a lot of very sick, very hurting teens and I mean physically hurting not mentally but mentally hurting too. Okay so both. I feel like it's something that is actually pretended to be little but I know quite a few.
I feel that the dealing with a Chronic illness isn't talked about a lot. I also feel like when you're a teen it's an awkward time to be sick. Right now I feel like I am trying to figure out who I am as a person like every other teenager that is going through this period in their life. They experiment with things they go crazy they sneak out they, well- they do a lot of things. I see my peers do things a lot and I think wow that's awesome or I am glad I am not doing that. However at the same time I am taking on the responsibility of calling doctors and making decisions. Decisions that could quite possibly affect me in major ways the rest of my life. No, I don't mean college. So for those things it's stressful. I also think that sometimes those things are ignored among my friends and sometimes adults that I associate with. I think I overreact to little things because I feel like one day I am going to wake up and that person might be gone. Yes that is a real fear I have.
This article made me feel a little more normal about some things. Although I don't agree with some of the topics on the list and could bring it down to like 30 some of them really hit the nail on the head.
The two below hit me personally because in the last few weeks I feel like both have happened and I feel really bad about it now. I am praying about a certain situation because I feel at peace about it now, but it felt like a huge deal a few days ago.
Always ask before touching or hugging and never give them a power handshake or a friendly biff on the shoulder. Many people with chronic illnesses are in a lot of pain, particularly if they have symptoms like that of Fibromyalgia, where every touch signal can be magnified into significant pain. This changes all the time, so don’t stop hugging them, just check first and be gentle.
Recognise that pain and extreme tiredness can make anyone irritable (have you never snapped at someone when you’re sick with flu?) and that various medications can affect behaviour. If your friend does or says something rude or hurtful, give them the benefit of the doubt. They may well be horrified afterwards.
This is The End of my Question and Answer and Answer time! Hope you enjoyed.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Revolve
This tour was absolutely amazing, the women and thier faith was definately evident. To have so many girls in one building praising God was absolutely outstanding. I loved every moment of it! More to come lovelys, have a fantastic evening.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
My last night home for a few nights
So I am doing better, I was quite worried.
I went to school today and I am sewing an apron in sewing class right now. It's pretty awesome! Photos to come. :)
I am going to be very busy this weekend doing awesome things with awesome people and spending time with women of God. I am so entirely excited!! Our youth group is taking our girl's on this event. I am psyched!
Then I will be spending Saturday night with my cousin's fiancee and my cousin.
Your homework? Ask me questions!! See my post here about my Q&A session I am doing. I couldn't have possibly blogged about everything!! Well, I do blog about close to it.
Have a fantastic weekend lovelys. Full of worship, happiness, and joy!
I went to school today and I am sewing an apron in sewing class right now. It's pretty awesome! Photos to come. :)
I am going to be very busy this weekend doing awesome things with awesome people and spending time with women of God. I am so entirely excited!! Our youth group is taking our girl's on this event. I am psyched!
Then I will be spending Saturday night with my cousin's fiancee and my cousin.
Your homework? Ask me questions!! See my post here about my Q&A session I am doing. I couldn't have possibly blogged about everything!! Well, I do blog about close to it.
Have a fantastic weekend lovelys. Full of worship, happiness, and joy!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Urgent Prayer
I am asking that you continue to pray for a good friend of mine and her family. They are in serious need of prayer and lifting up. There are a lot of things that really just need to be lifted to the Lord, so I ask that tonight love is out poured into their home and you can stop for a moment and pray for this faithful and amazing family.
Thank you!
Thank you!
Birthday.
Today I am turning 18. So in honor of my 18th year of life I would like to put 18 random facts about myself up because it seems that this is a popular thing to do.
- God is top priority in my life and my drive is given a lot by the force of my faith. I love God with all of my heart and I can't see it any other way. My faith has gotten a lot stronger over the past few years and I have gotten so I can't stand missing church.
- In most of my childhood photos I am dressed up as something either dressing to look like a certain era, or just dressed up and being a ham. I have lots of photos from when I am younger and in all of them I am doing something abnormal. I kind of wonder if I have any that I just smile normal in.
- I absolutely hate starting a new doctor. I hate going there and I hate having them not know anything about me. It stresses me out because I always feel like I am forgetting something.
- Turing 18 is the first age I have felt stressed about turning. I don't want to be 18 for a number of reasons but one being that I won't be a real kid anymore and the bank already sent me a letter saying I was eligible for a new type of bank account.
- I used to be obsessed with keeping my room clean now, I lack motivation to clean my room...
- God is top priority in my life and my drive is given a lot by the force of my faith. I love God with all of my heart and I can't see it any other way. My faith has gotten a lot stronger over the past few years and I have gotten so I can't stand missing church.
- In most of my childhood photos I am dressed up as something either dressing to look like a certain era, or just dressed up and being a ham. I have lots of photos from when I am younger and in all of them I am doing something abnormal. I kind of wonder if I have any that I just smile normal in.
- I absolutely hate starting a new doctor. I hate going there and I hate having them not know anything about me. It stresses me out because I always feel like I am forgetting something.
- Turing 18 is the first age I have felt stressed about turning. I don't want to be 18 for a number of reasons but one being that I won't be a real kid anymore and the bank already sent me a letter saying I was eligible for a new type of bank account.
- I used to be obsessed with keeping my room clean now, I lack motivation to clean my room...
- Painting is my biggest relaxation technique and it calms me down. I haven't found anything else I enjoy doing more- however writing is a close second.
- I absolutely hate crumbs in my bed and will do anything to avoid them even if it means demanding foot washing or changing my sheets at midnight. I need things to be in order.
- Traveling is an awesome thing to do, as long as you're not going to doctors appointments. I hate doctors appointment traveling however I have been out of the country twice to Taiwan and Ireland and I loved it. I hope to go back to Europe again some day. It was beautiful. Taiwan however, not so much but who knows what the future holds.
- I like order and schedule. I would rather have mapped out days and such than a bunch of chaos. I like to know what I am doing in a week advance if it's possible, although many plans don't stick or they fall through last minute.
- Watching the snow fall is one of my favorite activities and I would do it all day if I could, color and watch the snow fall. It's a silent act that's really mesmerizing, thus why I am worried about driving in winter weather.
- When I was younger I used to tell everyone I was going to be a baby doctor. I loved babies and I still do. I find small children to be an amazing thing since we all start as a single cell. The complexity of our minds and everything baffles me. Now at least 14 years later, I am still considering the medical field and I love people.
- Now I see the brain as one of the most interesting things in the body. I can't see it as anything other than something I wonder if we will ever fully understand.
- One of my biggest motivators is my grandmother she was a wonderful woman and I can't imagine what life would be like if I had never met her. She always made me think I could do anything I put my mind to and put a lot of faith in me. She even used to let me cook and peel potatoes and do anything I could to help in the kitchen even if it meant taking a little longer to teach me and watching me cut my finger and learn things the hard way. She never was too busy. I hope if anything I can take the compassion and her love for God, and people and her pace back to my own life.
- I live for the moments I can step out of my comfort zone and overcome something or make myself a better person from an experience. Even just speaking up when I am nervous. However, I think there is a limit that should be put to these moments or else it becomes even more stressful.
- I really am amazed by God and the way he works in people. I think that is awesome and I always am interested to see what his plan is next. I don't agree with his plan 100% of the time and if I was God sometimes I think I would never want anyone to die... However I feel that some of my biggest spiritual growth was when I was hanging on by a thread. Plain and simple God to me is the best thing that ever happened to me and I am in love with him.
- My favorite years of my life were the years spent in elementary school. I loved the wonder I had then and I try to tune back in with that wonder from time to time. I love simple things and I can sit for hours enjoying little things rather than big complex things.
- I am really reliant on my computer and all of the data it stores. I am concerned about how much I use my computer and I kind of hope that I can start to work away from that by the time I turn 19. Hopefully this will be something I fixed over the course of a year. I don't want to adjust to my reliance of the computer though.
- I dislike people who find it their job to be negative. I am all about cheering people up, however I also believe that you have a time that you can be negative but I don't like it if you think it's okay to stay that way for a long time. It really bothers me and I will do anything in my power to let you know I still care about you. I really do love people and I will do my best to give you my undivided attention. If you don't feel like I am giving it to you, you can call me- if I am distracted then, then you know something is wrong with me. I don't usually pick my phone up unless I am ready to talk.
Bonus- One year as a birthday gift.. My twin cousins were born on my birthday. Although at the time I wasn't sure if I was completely thrilled about sharing the date, I absolutely love sharing my birthday with them now. These two little girls are splendid and I love their zest for life and their sweet personalities. Below is a photo of them and their older sister and I the day of my testimony.
Today is my 18th year of life. I am thankful for this year and I am so thankful for the 17th year where I learned a lot about myself. I feel like every year I grow older I am a little more in tune with myself. I am so glad that I have been able to get into my skin and wear out my body a little more this year and I am thankful for everyone in my life. As a birthday present to me- lurkers de-lurk. If you are a reader who has come for awhile and you don't comment, comment. I would love to hear from you! Dad, this means you. :) So to all of the February 4th birthday's Happy Birthday!
Now just for fun because I thought it would be here is my year in review in words- Things that only happen once and happened while I was 17.
Sister moved out and then moved to her own apartment- First steady boyfriend- First surf competition- First time I swam from our cottage to elephant rock, not only facing my fears of seaweed and dark water but also swimming a great amount still being sick and never doing it before- First kiss- First annual Lyme Walk was started by Sarah and I- First time I ever had a problem with chloraprep- First surgery- First time going to camp since I got sick- First small group setting this summer, loved it so much I have a deep passion for making it to my small group at church because I love the setting and the people we have in it.- First time sharing my testimony to others and finding out how much others could care about me. It was an awesome experience and I wouldn't trade it for the world.- First youth pastor I really connected with moved away- Got accepted to my first college- Tackled my fear of public speaking and never looked back.- Found that with God, anything is possible and have learned to pray about everything, still working on the worry about nothing part.- Met one of my cousins who is 30 something for the first time and learned a lot about fishing. I think it's in our blood- Submitted my art and writing to the first contests ever and earned honorable mention on my art, still haven't heard anything about my writing.- Went to my first and maybe only prom I will ever go to- Met my first band in person.- Found my true passion for people and started a lot of things like a Lyme Christmas program and now we're starting a local 501(c)3 program that will be non-profit and can raise money for local activities.
That is my year of firsts and only moments. I am sure there are many more. Celebrate with me, I would love to share cake with you and your family. Go ahead make a cake in honor of the day I turn 18 and share some sugary delight with me! Festivities begin this weekend with a little party this weekend, nothing big just something. (note- if you share cake make sure you let me know so I can see a picture!)
Friday, January 30, 2009
Prayer
I am asking for a tremendous amount of prayer tonight if you have any other prayer requests please post them in the comments section. There are so many people I know that have been going through difficult times tonight I have a list of them, and I ask that as faithful readers- if you could just pray for those of my friends, family and myself who are in need of prayer today and in the upcoming weeks.
- Prayer for a good friend of mine and her family as they struggle with issues of stress and an unstable environment. Please pray for discernment and an out pouring amount of love as they figure out how to take care of extra children and deal with the greater picture.
- Prayer for the family of sweet little Tuesday as her fight of cancer comes to a close. This little girl sure does pull at my heart strings.
- Prayer for an uncle of someone who is having trouble.
-Prayer for a church that's just opening up. Pray for all of the families that have moved and will be moving in the upcoming months to be a part of this huge sacrifice for the Lord. Read more about this incredible story here.
-Prayer for the victims of fire this past year... Especially those still working to get back on their feet from the fire. In my life alone I know of two chimney fires and a fire that took a family owned restaurant in our area. I know that all of these families need prayer and that at least one family is not back to their old home site yet.
-Prayer for our country and our schools. I ask a huge prayer be poured out to the public schools and the country of which we live in. I hope that you understand that I mean this in so many ways and with the transition of president, and within the schools just a peace of the students. I mean it can be an ugly place for a lot of kids going to school.
-Lastly, I ask for prayer for my upcoming doctors appointments. I get really stressed out and I know that it's silly to however I get very stressed upon going to a new doctor. This is a stressful time for me and my family... I also will be doing my IV in a foreign place and I will be dealing with all of the other new doctor things. It stresses me to no end and I hope that within that time I will find peace and the doctors will be able to shine light on things we have not seen. I am just putting this all in God's hands.
Now I ask you- pick one or a few things and in this upcoming week be praying for those things. I know that it will be tough for me to get on this week as I have a very crazy schedule but I want to let you know that I am praying for all of these matters. I hope that if anything, prayer can band us together in these times of difficulty. My heart breaks for a small child, a lost family member, a test that hasn't been resolved, a house that is gone, a school that seems broken, a piece of glass shattered.
Please Pray.
- Prayer for a good friend of mine and her family as they struggle with issues of stress and an unstable environment. Please pray for discernment and an out pouring amount of love as they figure out how to take care of extra children and deal with the greater picture.
- Prayer for the family of sweet little Tuesday as her fight of cancer comes to a close. This little girl sure does pull at my heart strings.
- Prayer for an uncle of someone who is having trouble.
-Prayer for a church that's just opening up. Pray for all of the families that have moved and will be moving in the upcoming months to be a part of this huge sacrifice for the Lord. Read more about this incredible story here.
-Prayer for the victims of fire this past year... Especially those still working to get back on their feet from the fire. In my life alone I know of two chimney fires and a fire that took a family owned restaurant in our area. I know that all of these families need prayer and that at least one family is not back to their old home site yet.
-Prayer for our country and our schools. I ask a huge prayer be poured out to the public schools and the country of which we live in. I hope that you understand that I mean this in so many ways and with the transition of president, and within the schools just a peace of the students. I mean it can be an ugly place for a lot of kids going to school.
-Lastly, I ask for prayer for my upcoming doctors appointments. I get really stressed out and I know that it's silly to however I get very stressed upon going to a new doctor. This is a stressful time for me and my family... I also will be doing my IV in a foreign place and I will be dealing with all of the other new doctor things. It stresses me to no end and I hope that within that time I will find peace and the doctors will be able to shine light on things we have not seen. I am just putting this all in God's hands.
Now I ask you- pick one or a few things and in this upcoming week be praying for those things. I know that it will be tough for me to get on this week as I have a very crazy schedule but I want to let you know that I am praying for all of these matters. I hope that if anything, prayer can band us together in these times of difficulty. My heart breaks for a small child, a lost family member, a test that hasn't been resolved, a house that is gone, a school that seems broken, a piece of glass shattered.
Please Pray.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Smiling from the inside out.
Today has been interesting, well this whole week has been kind of side swiping me. I don't know what to think but I have really kind of been happy today. For the most part anyways. I have found that I continue to find good in others and I just really love people so much. I mean I have really found a lot of places I need to work on but I am just really happy because I feel like right now in my life I am really connected with my core and who I am.
I just really find life exciting no matter what happens because we just have so much going on and then just to see the lives of others and how they are changing. I just can't explain how things have changed over the last few weeks but they have. I miss things that used to be constants for me, like hanging out with friends and the people I hung out with but it's comforting knowing they're still there- they just don't keep in touch as much sometimes... I have also started committing to reading at least one verse of the bible every night no matter how tired I am. I even started liking it so much that there is an alarm set on my phone to do so. I am doing it with a friend from church and he's a really neat kid. I like how he thinks so different from me so that we can discuss things and it is just really interesting.
I have seen how much my faith has changed my life even within the last year... I mean I don't feel like I would be anywhere without that to hold on to. My focus has moved away from man and more to God, it's interesting how that works but with reading the bible I have also found that it helps reinforce things I think. (Psalm 146:2&4- Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save. When their spirit departs, they return to the ground; on that very day their plans come to nothing.) The scripture spoke a lot to me not only about putting trust in man but also about planning, I mean it basically says our plans come to nothing the day we die. Yet we live in structured society of which says plans must be made, I am not always for living in the moment however how often can we say we trust God with our future? So much that we don't even give it a second thought to talk about it with God?
I am just thinking a lot tonight about so much, I have so much to be thankful for yet there are things that I wish I had back. Things I miss things I desire... I miss my friends most of all and it's hard to think of anything else that I wish I could have back. I really just wonder if they miss me as much as I do them... I also miss the liberties of going out and having fun and living life as a normal teen, like staying out late and not being told that I have medications to take or an IV to do. I guess some things I don't think I will ever get as much, even just a shower today- I had a shower without the needle of my port in and it felt so good... I sometimes wonder if I ever realized how much effort it took to walk or how a shower could feel so absolutely amazing. I almost think you should get the experience of being stuck constantly in a wheelchair or not being able to wash and see how much you can experience and how it feels because it really does give me a whole new perspective.
I don't know where I will be tomorrow or ten years from now, but tonight I am a teenager living a sick persons life and I am ready to go running through the finish line and be done and look back at a race that I can look back and say. Ran hard, Sweat lots, Gave it my all, and Won.
I hope every week from here on out I can find at least one thing to be really thankful for like down in my heart thankful for. This week I am thankful for love of others... I think I will update tomorrow with a post on some other events in my life that just amplify the emotion of love.
I just really find life exciting no matter what happens because we just have so much going on and then just to see the lives of others and how they are changing. I just can't explain how things have changed over the last few weeks but they have. I miss things that used to be constants for me, like hanging out with friends and the people I hung out with but it's comforting knowing they're still there- they just don't keep in touch as much sometimes... I have also started committing to reading at least one verse of the bible every night no matter how tired I am. I even started liking it so much that there is an alarm set on my phone to do so. I am doing it with a friend from church and he's a really neat kid. I like how he thinks so different from me so that we can discuss things and it is just really interesting.
I have seen how much my faith has changed my life even within the last year... I mean I don't feel like I would be anywhere without that to hold on to. My focus has moved away from man and more to God, it's interesting how that works but with reading the bible I have also found that it helps reinforce things I think. (Psalm 146:2&4- Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save. When their spirit departs, they return to the ground; on that very day their plans come to nothing.) The scripture spoke a lot to me not only about putting trust in man but also about planning, I mean it basically says our plans come to nothing the day we die. Yet we live in structured society of which says plans must be made, I am not always for living in the moment however how often can we say we trust God with our future? So much that we don't even give it a second thought to talk about it with God?
I am just thinking a lot tonight about so much, I have so much to be thankful for yet there are things that I wish I had back. Things I miss things I desire... I miss my friends most of all and it's hard to think of anything else that I wish I could have back. I really just wonder if they miss me as much as I do them... I also miss the liberties of going out and having fun and living life as a normal teen, like staying out late and not being told that I have medications to take or an IV to do. I guess some things I don't think I will ever get as much, even just a shower today- I had a shower without the needle of my port in and it felt so good... I sometimes wonder if I ever realized how much effort it took to walk or how a shower could feel so absolutely amazing. I almost think you should get the experience of being stuck constantly in a wheelchair or not being able to wash and see how much you can experience and how it feels because it really does give me a whole new perspective.
I don't know where I will be tomorrow or ten years from now, but tonight I am a teenager living a sick persons life and I am ready to go running through the finish line and be done and look back at a race that I can look back and say. Ran hard, Sweat lots, Gave it my all, and Won.
I hope every week from here on out I can find at least one thing to be really thankful for like down in my heart thankful for. This week I am thankful for love of others... I think I will update tomorrow with a post on some other events in my life that just amplify the emotion of love.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
One Word. One Year. One God.
So I was reading some different posts over the last while and I saw this site. However I gave it little thought and kept going on my with my day. Sometimes I can't focus on things or I loose sight of what is going on. I can't focus on things or what I am reading. So if I feel like at those times I get worried I will miss something or miss the message that is being sent so I avoid doing it or reading the action all together.
I realize this post is a little late but I thought about it and went to http://www.myoneword.org/ to see what the hype was about. In that time I went to the site I kind of got a focus on it and the videos really stood out to me. I watched them all and began thinking about my word. What is something that would help me not only live a better life but help me really be able to focus on the Lord even more than I am already. That's when I thought of relax. Sometimes we need to relax before the Lord and let him work in our lives. We need to let things go and just let him take hold. So I want to take my day to day life and relax. I think it really is a word that has stood out in my life. So often I strive to do things and get things accomplished, however are the things I am doing God honoring, I mean the tasks might not be a sin but are they really what God is speaking in my life? Or something I want?
I think that so often I can't relax and I get worked up over things such as getting a project done or seeing a new project but I don't see the daily "wins" as I go through life. The littlest things. It's easy to get caught up in the big picture. I guess it has been really put on my heart to put all things in God's hands and let myself just relax, listen and accept. It's easy to go on and think you're letting God take hold but once you give things to him you're supposed to let go and not stress. There is an analogy I have heard used with sand that you hold sand in your hand and grip it so tight and then you give it to God and then you hold it in your grasp again, slowly things start to wither away and as you grasp it and let go soon it is no longer there at all. So maybe instead of figuring things out 100% of the time it's better to relax.
So my one word of the year is relax.
I realize this post is a little late but I thought about it and went to http://www.myoneword.org/ to see what the hype was about. In that time I went to the site I kind of got a focus on it and the videos really stood out to me. I watched them all and began thinking about my word. What is something that would help me not only live a better life but help me really be able to focus on the Lord even more than I am already. That's when I thought of relax. Sometimes we need to relax before the Lord and let him work in our lives. We need to let things go and just let him take hold. So I want to take my day to day life and relax. I think it really is a word that has stood out in my life. So often I strive to do things and get things accomplished, however are the things I am doing God honoring, I mean the tasks might not be a sin but are they really what God is speaking in my life? Or something I want?
I think that so often I can't relax and I get worked up over things such as getting a project done or seeing a new project but I don't see the daily "wins" as I go through life. The littlest things. It's easy to get caught up in the big picture. I guess it has been really put on my heart to put all things in God's hands and let myself just relax, listen and accept. It's easy to go on and think you're letting God take hold but once you give things to him you're supposed to let go and not stress. There is an analogy I have heard used with sand that you hold sand in your hand and grip it so tight and then you give it to God and then you hold it in your grasp again, slowly things start to wither away and as you grasp it and let go soon it is no longer there at all. So maybe instead of figuring things out 100% of the time it's better to relax.
So my one word of the year is relax.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Home, Hopeful, and feeling a tad bit better!
After the last post I wasn't feeling too great so I didn't want to post again for a bit until I knew I was okay and what was going on. I am pretty sure I have been fighting something viral as well as the herxing from the new IV antibiotics. So it has been a little intense here at the house and who knows what still lies ahead but I have been doing my IV at home and got my port needle changed this week for the first time and now that will be weekly as well as antibiotics IV daily. Along with everything else that I was taking before.
I know the medical stuff to some is a little redundant or kinda boring but for the last 3 weeks it has kind of taken over my life. I have been feeling so crappy some nights sleeping isn't an option till around 1 or 2 in the morning and some nights even 3 am! So it has been a struggle to get my thoughts on other things, like my 18th birthday and college. I just got accepted to a college near home, Roberts Wesleyan and it would be enough away from home that I wouldn't be in my backyard but coming home wouldn't be an issue either. I can't wait to hear from the other college I applied to and start to decide about things like that! Ha. So basically I am just going on and trying to figure out what can be done and what is left to do to make sure I am able to graduate in June.
I also am excited about going to church tomorrow and getting back to youth group after 2 weeks of missing it...
It seems as though I am in for a ride and need to hold on tight but after this week I don't doubt that anything is impossible, through Christ who strengthens me.
I know the medical stuff to some is a little redundant or kinda boring but for the last 3 weeks it has kind of taken over my life. I have been feeling so crappy some nights sleeping isn't an option till around 1 or 2 in the morning and some nights even 3 am! So it has been a struggle to get my thoughts on other things, like my 18th birthday and college. I just got accepted to a college near home, Roberts Wesleyan and it would be enough away from home that I wouldn't be in my backyard but coming home wouldn't be an issue either. I can't wait to hear from the other college I applied to and start to decide about things like that! Ha. So basically I am just going on and trying to figure out what can be done and what is left to do to make sure I am able to graduate in June.
I also am excited about going to church tomorrow and getting back to youth group after 2 weeks of missing it...
It seems as though I am in for a ride and need to hold on tight but after this week I don't doubt that anything is impossible, through Christ who strengthens me.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Praise God!
After four years of being sick I guess I just have known the routine of getting back to walking. I have been so humbled tonight I don't even know what to say other than Nothing compares to the Promise I have in Him.
This morning started the same although I had a little more feeling in my legs, I could stand like yesterday, taking steps was out of reach.
Tonight as I was in my wheelchair I felt like I should get out of my wheelchair and walk and I felt in my heart if I trusted I could do it, it would happen. I stood up and took one step and then another... OH MY GOSH I JUST TOOK MY FIRST STEP IN 3 WEEKS with NO HELP is all I could think. But I focused and took a few more turned on our hall way light and said "hey mom! Check this out!" I walked from my room directly to her room with tears in my eyes. I can't believe it I am walking! I am walking without any help the shaking is going away and I didn't know what each step held but I knew somewhere in my heart that I could do it. I did do it! I have walked around the house I have been walking for just a little while now, and it's almost 11:00 so I will be heading to bed. But all I can say is in the 4 years of my sickness never has God blessed me so huge than to give me the strength and ability to walk after not walking for 3 weeks.
I can only say tonight that I am speechless I have cried many tears of joy and I am so excited, tomorrow is a new day with new things to overcome but hopefully walking is a thing that will stay. Thank you for your prayers and I ask for continued prayer as I continue to get my IV and get well but this is something that will forever stay in my heart in head and make this disease that much more bearable. PRAISE GOD!
This morning started the same although I had a little more feeling in my legs, I could stand like yesterday, taking steps was out of reach.
Tonight as I was in my wheelchair I felt like I should get out of my wheelchair and walk and I felt in my heart if I trusted I could do it, it would happen. I stood up and took one step and then another... OH MY GOSH I JUST TOOK MY FIRST STEP IN 3 WEEKS with NO HELP is all I could think. But I focused and took a few more turned on our hall way light and said "hey mom! Check this out!" I walked from my room directly to her room with tears in my eyes. I can't believe it I am walking! I am walking without any help the shaking is going away and I didn't know what each step held but I knew somewhere in my heart that I could do it. I did do it! I have walked around the house I have been walking for just a little while now, and it's almost 11:00 so I will be heading to bed. But all I can say is in the 4 years of my sickness never has God blessed me so huge than to give me the strength and ability to walk after not walking for 3 weeks.
I can only say tonight that I am speechless I have cried many tears of joy and I am so excited, tomorrow is a new day with new things to overcome but hopefully walking is a thing that will stay. Thank you for your prayers and I ask for continued prayer as I continue to get my IV and get well but this is something that will forever stay in my heart in head and make this disease that much more bearable. PRAISE GOD!
Monday, January 12, 2009
Hello
Hi all it's Victoria and for the first time in awhile I am posting. I am still in the hospital and even on high doses of pain medication I am really feeling the pain. Today Physical Therapy comes in to analyze and try to figure out the situation. My strength comes and goes and I continue to fight. I am overwhelmed with how horrible I feel and how weak I have been. I wish I could write today with a warm fuzzy feeling of good health and happiness but it doesn't seem that way. Today the meeting with my PCP was basically you have lots of nerve damage, very bad nerve damage. We're now looking at things such as walking being an obstacle that may be the hardest it has ever been to get back. I have demanded new blood tests and other takes on the situations. I am searching for second and third opinions and we're going with all we can. Right now my energy has been used to be getting better, seeking hope and meeting half way with God.
Last night was an extremely taxing and overwhelming night on me. I had a lot running through my mind and laid listening to sermons from other churches on my friend's ipod. I have never felt more in tune with God and yet so out of sync. Things have been hectic and it's crazy just sitting here typing this and gathering my thoughts. It has almost been a week and in that week I have bounced from telemetry to ICU to now pediatrics. My 18th birthday comes February 4th and it feels like the last 4 years of my life now are all a blur. It's so amazing how things can come and how fast a rug can be pulled out from under you. I ask you for prayer and discernment. This road is going to be long and right now it's taking a lot of strength just to hold my head up. Yesterday, standing up I passed out in my nurses arms even going slow. I am going to continue to have Sarah blogging for me as much as she can because I will not have my laptop and my strength is still not high enough to continue blogging although I feel this is crucial to keep updated. For my own personal reference, and my family. I thank all of you for your prayers it humbles me all of the compassion that has poured out.
Right now I am searching for treatment and doctors and everything else. My heart breaks as I almost made it to half way through my Senior year and now I am at a stand-still. I am so heart-broken. Your kind messages mean the world to me and now I am just waiting. This post has taken me so long to write and I have a feeling it may be awhile before I can post again but I want to sincerely thank you for all you have done. Right now medical bills are through the roof the treatments that may be ahead will probably be even more expensive if it's anything that we have been thinking about. I am so overwhelmed with what is going on and to be honest I am heart broken about it all.
Please continue to pray and keep me in your thoughts. I hope some day I will be able to say this disease helped me touch the lives of others. But today it feels like I am walking on broken glass. My guess is that Sarah will continue to post as she can and her time permits. Those of you who participated in Lyme Christmas I hope you got thank you cards if you didn't from me that's because they're on my desk and no one has mailed them for me yet. If you got gifts- please make sure you sent out thank you cards and I thank everyone who was a part of that from the complete and absolute bottom of my heart. It means the world to me and I am so thankful for your kindness. I am hoping to start a thing with Lyme teens to boost spirits because to be absolutely honest- mine have been in the dumpster... I have never felt so upset and alone as I have this hospital stay. It has really taxed my spirits and how to get on with life. Thoughts of college have been diminished and everything I have been really hoping for has been kind of put on hold. So continue to pray updates will be as they can be and hopefully home will be soon but looks like it might be awhile.
Thank you all for your encouragement.
Victoria
Last night was an extremely taxing and overwhelming night on me. I had a lot running through my mind and laid listening to sermons from other churches on my friend's ipod. I have never felt more in tune with God and yet so out of sync. Things have been hectic and it's crazy just sitting here typing this and gathering my thoughts. It has almost been a week and in that week I have bounced from telemetry to ICU to now pediatrics. My 18th birthday comes February 4th and it feels like the last 4 years of my life now are all a blur. It's so amazing how things can come and how fast a rug can be pulled out from under you. I ask you for prayer and discernment. This road is going to be long and right now it's taking a lot of strength just to hold my head up. Yesterday, standing up I passed out in my nurses arms even going slow. I am going to continue to have Sarah blogging for me as much as she can because I will not have my laptop and my strength is still not high enough to continue blogging although I feel this is crucial to keep updated. For my own personal reference, and my family. I thank all of you for your prayers it humbles me all of the compassion that has poured out.
Right now I am searching for treatment and doctors and everything else. My heart breaks as I almost made it to half way through my Senior year and now I am at a stand-still. I am so heart-broken. Your kind messages mean the world to me and now I am just waiting. This post has taken me so long to write and I have a feeling it may be awhile before I can post again but I want to sincerely thank you for all you have done. Right now medical bills are through the roof the treatments that may be ahead will probably be even more expensive if it's anything that we have been thinking about. I am so overwhelmed with what is going on and to be honest I am heart broken about it all.
Please continue to pray and keep me in your thoughts. I hope some day I will be able to say this disease helped me touch the lives of others. But today it feels like I am walking on broken glass. My guess is that Sarah will continue to post as she can and her time permits. Those of you who participated in Lyme Christmas I hope you got thank you cards if you didn't from me that's because they're on my desk and no one has mailed them for me yet. If you got gifts- please make sure you sent out thank you cards and I thank everyone who was a part of that from the complete and absolute bottom of my heart. It means the world to me and I am so thankful for your kindness. I am hoping to start a thing with Lyme teens to boost spirits because to be absolutely honest- mine have been in the dumpster... I have never felt so upset and alone as I have this hospital stay. It has really taxed my spirits and how to get on with life. Thoughts of college have been diminished and everything I have been really hoping for has been kind of put on hold. So continue to pray updates will be as they can be and hopefully home will be soon but looks like it might be awhile.
Thank you all for your encouragement.
Victoria
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
If you could change someone's life... Would you do it?
I have a question today that weighs greatly on my heart... If you could change someones life would you do it? If it meant giving everything you had up to help someone would you? I wonder sometimes what testing faith is all about. It's easy for me to persevere when I see things actively happening all around me. But it's not so easy when I don't see things moving or changing in any fashion. Today, I am thinking and with that I realized my faith is so very small. It's almost nothing but the Lord uses even faith as small as a mustard seed. To me, that sounds so huge and now I ask.
If you could change someones life... Would you?
I got thinking about it and you know a month ago I wasn't able to walk and in our school, little things I didn't notice were harder than ever. Like the fact it's up hill to go through part of our school and it's up hill to go back through. There are these little ramp things in our "link" that you have to go up in order to get to the other end of the school. Well, one day a guy pushed me up those two ramps while I was trying to push myself with my hands. It was really hard and it got to be tiring but that one act of kindness meant the world to me. He was kind enough to push me and get me over that hill.
Sometimes hills are physical hills but mental or spiritual ones and I have suffered from those as well but- I wonder sometimes, when I am walking, am I so caught up in my new found health and the busy world that I can't stop to help someone who is in the shoes I am in... It makes me think and wonder how many people I have cheapened or given short amounts of time because I thought I had something more important to do- but really, I believe it's about the relationships, the people, not the things we find important but the things we should be doing. I am a very broken person but I believe there is time to improve who I am.
If you could change someones life... Would you?
I got thinking about it and you know a month ago I wasn't able to walk and in our school, little things I didn't notice were harder than ever. Like the fact it's up hill to go through part of our school and it's up hill to go back through. There are these little ramp things in our "link" that you have to go up in order to get to the other end of the school. Well, one day a guy pushed me up those two ramps while I was trying to push myself with my hands. It was really hard and it got to be tiring but that one act of kindness meant the world to me. He was kind enough to push me and get me over that hill.
Sometimes hills are physical hills but mental or spiritual ones and I have suffered from those as well but- I wonder sometimes, when I am walking, am I so caught up in my new found health and the busy world that I can't stop to help someone who is in the shoes I am in... It makes me think and wonder how many people I have cheapened or given short amounts of time because I thought I had something more important to do- but really, I believe it's about the relationships, the people, not the things we find important but the things we should be doing. I am a very broken person but I believe there is time to improve who I am.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Crying out
We have some clues and we're moving to answers. Tonight I am so weak I feel so tired and I don't feel like it's going to be a easy road ahead. I feel like someone just beat me all over with a bat put me in a sound magnified room with bright lights shining all over. I am weak and I just want to cry out to scream. This disease is horrible and I hope that some day I can stand with triumph over what it has done to me. I am so eager to make others lives better to save them and show them they can prevent what has happened to me. I wish this upon no one. My heart goes out to those who suffer and I fall to my knees and pray. Oh please join me in prayer as I feel my body weaken and my hot tears trickle down my face. This doesn't seem humane.
Friday, December 5, 2008
I have complete faith this holiday season.
As I was reading Kelsey's blog or K's blog I realized I am putting my 100% faith in God this holiday season and as I apply to college this year. If I don't get into my colleges I plan on getting into then that's not what I am meant to do. Not yet. My calling is here close to home with the support of friends and family and I will be going to CCC with some other kids from school. I was watching this movie and listening to the lyrics it really hit me. The song is "Rescued Nation" by Holyfire.
I would like to spot-light a very special person close to my heart today.
Lucy, She is a fellow "Lymie" and I have really loved our friendship. I am amazed by her strength and courage. Even though we go through rough patches I know she will continue to be herself. She is true she isn't afraid of showing her reality and her soul. I am so amazed by her and there is just something about her spirit that amazes me. I haven't talked to her as much lately but my amazement and prayers have not changed. She is such an awesome young lady. I am so thankful that I have people like her in my life to say hey, it's not so bad or keep on fighting you dork you're not going to get better by complaining! She isn't that harsh promise. But she is always encouraging me to go against the grain and try new things or say enough is enough. She is bold and beautiful. She shares a passion of painting with me and I am lucky to own one of her originals. She is an awesome girl and has an amazing spirit. Thank you for being my friend Lucy. You absolutely rock.
P.S. I am trying something new out today- I scheduled this blog to post tomorrow! :) How cool.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Giving it all to you.
So I went back to school today first time back in about 3 weeks or so. It was really nice to be back to school. I love going back and seeing people I love them in all their germs and glory even if it does mean working and losing more strength and energy than the other kids I attend school with. Even if they can't relate I just love going to school... It is the biggest challenge and the greatest reward it makes me tired and weary and it makes me feel rusty and old but it's the greatest thing seeing people seeing happiness seeing struggle. Seeing other people my age. I wouldn't change my day at school even if it does leave me worn out. God gives me a body to use not to preserve. Tonight I just am really happy to be here and I wanted to just write about something that laid heavy on my heart tonight.
Don't take the time you have here for granted, don't take the relationships you have here for your personal use. For before too long the days that were seeming so long will quickly slip between your finger tips. Yeah, hours will turn to minutes days to hours and before you know it your life will be quickly fading away. I don't know what to say other than I am so glad that you're here now and today. I am so thankful for so many people and for the next while I am going to be spot-lighting again.
Tonight my Spot- light is on my dad.
My dad is a guy of few words, or many and he can really make me think. Sometimes I don't really get what he's saying and sometimes he gets me really confused. But one thing I know for sure, is that he loves me. It might be confusing at times but I know that he has been there at the hospital when I have had to go in he has been there listening to my cries call out and I know he will be there any day I am on unconscious. My dad is a person I look up to- he lost his father at about this age and I cannot even imagine the pain or suffering that causes. I can guess or try to think of it but I will never really know. He showed strength he emptied bed pans and helped out around the house he was the youngest he was strong willed. I think he holds a lot of his mother within his heart. He is good to others, he shows compassion to others, and he has a strong spirit. My grandmother is one of my biggest role models today. I am so glad I practically lived at her house growing up and I am so thankful my parents blessed me with that time with her. I remember distinctly a night, my dad asked me if I wanted to go to the babysitters or his mothers the next day- knowing I would get to see other kids my age I said the babysitters and I remember him getting mad at me. I didn't understand why he was mad but now, looking back upon it I know something I didn't know then. Time is limited time is not bought and time is not a gift, our days here are numbered and I should handle them as though they are something wonderful because that it truly is. The days I spent wasting away hours I wish I could have learned more from people like her. It just reminds me there is so much still yet to learn especially from my elders. I can't thank my dad enough for being at my bedside for holding my hand for giving me a stern word or two and showing his way through. I am really glad my dad is my dad and I wouldn't trade him for the world. He has instilled a taste of music within me and he has shown me that with a little courage I can do absolutely anything. He will put his job on the line to be with his family and he has surrendered all he has. I guess, sometimes we're blind to these things but he taught me one thing for sure I know that the all mighty dollar does not come over relationship. Never will and never should. I am so very blessed with the people in my life especially my dad. He is a wonderful man he really is. So dad, here's to you, thanks. You're really great and all the nice comments you read on here, yeah dad that's to you too because you raised me with a stern tone and a pat on the back. I am so every thankful for you dad.
Don't take the time you have here for granted, don't take the relationships you have here for your personal use. For before too long the days that were seeming so long will quickly slip between your finger tips. Yeah, hours will turn to minutes days to hours and before you know it your life will be quickly fading away. I don't know what to say other than I am so glad that you're here now and today. I am so thankful for so many people and for the next while I am going to be spot-lighting again.
Tonight my Spot- light is on my dad.
My dad is a guy of few words, or many and he can really make me think. Sometimes I don't really get what he's saying and sometimes he gets me really confused. But one thing I know for sure, is that he loves me. It might be confusing at times but I know that he has been there at the hospital when I have had to go in he has been there listening to my cries call out and I know he will be there any day I am on unconscious. My dad is a person I look up to- he lost his father at about this age and I cannot even imagine the pain or suffering that causes. I can guess or try to think of it but I will never really know. He showed strength he emptied bed pans and helped out around the house he was the youngest he was strong willed. I think he holds a lot of his mother within his heart. He is good to others, he shows compassion to others, and he has a strong spirit. My grandmother is one of my biggest role models today. I am so glad I practically lived at her house growing up and I am so thankful my parents blessed me with that time with her. I remember distinctly a night, my dad asked me if I wanted to go to the babysitters or his mothers the next day- knowing I would get to see other kids my age I said the babysitters and I remember him getting mad at me. I didn't understand why he was mad but now, looking back upon it I know something I didn't know then. Time is limited time is not bought and time is not a gift, our days here are numbered and I should handle them as though they are something wonderful because that it truly is. The days I spent wasting away hours I wish I could have learned more from people like her. It just reminds me there is so much still yet to learn especially from my elders. I can't thank my dad enough for being at my bedside for holding my hand for giving me a stern word or two and showing his way through. I am really glad my dad is my dad and I wouldn't trade him for the world. He has instilled a taste of music within me and he has shown me that with a little courage I can do absolutely anything. He will put his job on the line to be with his family and he has surrendered all he has. I guess, sometimes we're blind to these things but he taught me one thing for sure I know that the all mighty dollar does not come over relationship. Never will and never should. I am so very blessed with the people in my life especially my dad. He is a wonderful man he really is. So dad, here's to you, thanks. You're really great and all the nice comments you read on here, yeah dad that's to you too because you raised me with a stern tone and a pat on the back. I am so every thankful for you dad.
Monday, December 1, 2008
World AIDS day
Today has been recognized as World AIDS day and I was interested in this mainly because I just fasted from facebook a popular social networking system for teens and adults now as well. For me personally it was interesting I didn't realize how much I relied on facebook to keep in contact with people from school, church, and people I didn't get to see that frequently. I also found it interesting what other people were "attached" to... Things like secular music, coffee, and soda were among some of the other things given up for 40 days. The idea was then to raise $40 or a dollar a day for Reach 4 Life. I was first introduced to this cause over the summer at NTS camp or Never The Same. We listened to Micah a guy who had been to Africa and talked about the generation gap in the country. There was just a blank gap from the ages like 20-30 where the generation had just died off because of AIDS. I was in shock to think of people just dying like that and then to hear that grandfathers were sleeping with grandchildren thinking they would become cured if they slept with a virgin. It breaks my heart to hear of these stories of people who aren't educated about what is going on in their country. The cause we supported as a youth group promotes purity and abstaining. I am so thankful we live in a country where we are educated and know how to deal with so much. Today I pray for those other countries where there are generation gaps and orphans running the streets, it really breaks my heart.
Monday, November 24, 2008
The day
Today I give even more thanks. I guess I can't really find much bad in life these days, yeah it can get me down- actually today I met with the surgeon and I didn't care for him much at all but I figure it's best to just get it done and over with. It will be two days before my SAT and I have plans that weekend. I have to have an endoscope done and a colonoscopy. I am a little nervous I am not going to lie, but yeah not going to worry too much.
Life has been with it's ups and downs and I think it's time to just give thanks. I have had so many surprises and so many things that just awaited me around the corner. I am now up to around 8 Christian CD's! Which is awesome and I spent last night with an awesome group of people. I continue to be blessed and there is this awesome artist, I guess I didn't mention her last night but if you're looking for a fun Christian artist- I would suggest her the music is kind of mellow but she's really neat, and awesome at playing the piano. Her name you ask? Katie Nelson. She is awesome and she preformed with Scott Troyer who was also pretty good.
Today I am most thankful for kind doctors with bedside manner, no you guys aren't forgotten or ignored.
Life has been with it's ups and downs and I think it's time to just give thanks. I have had so many surprises and so many things that just awaited me around the corner. I am now up to around 8 Christian CD's! Which is awesome and I spent last night with an awesome group of people. I continue to be blessed and there is this awesome artist, I guess I didn't mention her last night but if you're looking for a fun Christian artist- I would suggest her the music is kind of mellow but she's really neat, and awesome at playing the piano. Her name you ask? Katie Nelson. She is awesome and she preformed with Scott Troyer who was also pretty good.
Today I am most thankful for kind doctors with bedside manner, no you guys aren't forgotten or ignored.
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