Monday, January 12, 2009


Hi all it's Victoria and for the first time in awhile I am posting. I am still in the hospital and even on high doses of pain medication I am really feeling the pain. Today Physical Therapy comes in to analyze and try to figure out the situation. My strength comes and goes and I continue to fight. I am overwhelmed with how horrible I feel and how weak I have been. I wish I could write today with a warm fuzzy feeling of good health and happiness but it doesn't seem that way. Today the meeting with my PCP was basically you have lots of nerve damage, very bad nerve damage. We're now looking at things such as walking being an obstacle that may be the hardest it has ever been to get back. I have demanded new blood tests and other takes on the situations. I am searching for second and third opinions and we're going with all we can. Right now my energy has been used to be getting better, seeking hope and meeting half way with God.

Last night was an extremely taxing and overwhelming night on me. I had a lot running through my mind and laid listening to sermons from other churches on my friend's ipod. I have never felt more in tune with God and yet so out of sync. Things have been hectic and it's crazy just sitting here typing this and gathering my thoughts. It has almost been a week and in that week I have bounced from telemetry to ICU to now pediatrics. My 18th birthday comes February 4th and it feels like the last 4 years of my life now are all a blur. It's so amazing how things can come and how fast a rug can be pulled out from under you. I ask you for prayer and discernment. This road is going to be long and right now it's taking a lot of strength just to hold my head up. Yesterday, standing up I passed out in my nurses arms even going slow. I am going to continue to have Sarah blogging for me as much as she can because I will not have my laptop and my strength is still not high enough to continue blogging although I feel this is crucial to keep updated. For my own personal reference, and my family. I thank all of you for your prayers it humbles me all of the compassion that has poured out.

Right now I am searching for treatment and doctors and everything else. My heart breaks as I almost made it to half way through my Senior year and now I am at a stand-still. I am so heart-broken. Your kind messages mean the world to me and now I am just waiting. This post has taken me so long to write and I have a feeling it may be awhile before I can post again but I want to sincerely thank you for all you have done. Right now medical bills are through the roof the treatments that may be ahead will probably be even more expensive if it's anything that we have been thinking about. I am so overwhelmed with what is going on and to be honest I am heart broken about it all.

Please continue to pray and keep me in your thoughts. I hope some day I will be able to say this disease helped me touch the lives of others. But today it feels like I am walking on broken glass. My guess is that Sarah will continue to post as she can and her time permits. Those of you who participated in Lyme Christmas I hope you got thank you cards if you didn't from me that's because they're on my desk and no one has mailed them for me yet. If you got gifts- please make sure you sent out thank you cards and I thank everyone who was a part of that from the complete and absolute bottom of my heart. It means the world to me and I am so thankful for your kindness. I am hoping to start a thing with Lyme teens to boost spirits because to be absolutely honest- mine have been in the dumpster... I have never felt so upset and alone as I have this hospital stay. It has really taxed my spirits and how to get on with life. Thoughts of college have been diminished and everything I have been really hoping for has been kind of put on hold. So continue to pray updates will be as they can be and hopefully home will be soon but looks like it might be awhile.

Thank you all for your encouragement.



Amy B said...

Praying for you non stop sweet Victoria. You are a example of faith .

Renee said...

Dear Victoria
I am so sorry you are suffering so much and going through such awful pain and trauma right now. You are in my prayers for continued strength and God's gentle healing touch.
God is with you