Update.

I wanted to update, I have so many mixed emotions about what is going on it isn't even anything concrete. There is not one emotion stronger than any other. I could write about dancing through a storm that is larger than I, or I could write about how I am so excited to see graduation day come and how exhilarating I can imagine the moment of walking across the stage. However I feel things need explanation. Clarification if you will... I wish I had more but I will share what I have, for I this is all I can do.

Tuesday, March 24th I went to the ER with bluish hands and shaking. I felt as though I could not get warm and things were well on their way of heading south. That evening I had a small seizure upon getting to triage after waiting around 2 hours to get to triage. That evening we could not find our thermometer so we had them take my temperature upon arrival to the hospital and it was around 98 by the time we reached triage it had raised significantly. I cannot give an exact number. It was also this night I had a scare with pneumonia in my left lung. There was significant shadowing on my left lung that caused them to believe there was fluid. I also had a fever and I was very drowsy. Two doctors felt I had pneumonia. I became very drowsy in the ER and ended up getting tired enough to sleep and not arouse to anyone even through multiple blood draws and blood cultures. I remember nothing after I fell asleep. I was wiped out. They decided to admit me after taking the blood cultures and since I was not awake.

That week from the 24th to date I have had three more blood cultures. The original blood culture was felt to be contaminated but was positive with coagulase negative staphylococcus and Granulicatella Adiacens both bacterium were growing upon the reading of my cultures. It was a collaborative decision between a infectious disease doctor as well as my PCP to start Vacomycin by Wednesday or Thursday. By the weekend of the 28th, our prom weekend they had decided to discontinue Rocephine or Ceftriaxone. Due to the continuation of fevers they wanted to be sure that they were not drug induced fevers. This confused me until I understood what was going on a little more. The infectious disease doctor consulted with us again to explain what his views on everything were and 1 in 4 patients that he has seen are able to get over this within the 2 week course of Vacomycin. In some cases however, the patient has not been able to get over this hump in that case the port, of which they have now figured to be infected due to certain cultures that have been taken- may not be able to be brought back to sterile. In these cases it results in removal of the port.

My Primary Care Physician stated he felt that my port would have to be removed due to the circumstances and explaining things such as the immune complex along with the fact that plastic has no fighter cells to get rid of infection upon settling in a device such as my port. When my Primary Care Physician met with us I asked many questions including questions about the bacteria and why I would have gotten the infection. He considered this and said among many things it could just be because of all of the pokes that I had received or just a simple cut somewhere. It is very easy to get bacteria into the bloodstream. With all things considering and having my port for a year we were told the risks and benefits of removing the port immediately (April 1st). I asked him to wait until Monday- so we could discuss the thoughts as well as wait for the latest blood culture to see if there were any changes. He said he felt this was a good decision and he would support it. Since I have continued to have high fevers and extreme chills mostly at night and sometimes during the day. We feel a persistent infection is in my port and it will have to be removed. He said chances are the infection is still there. Where the heart has come in, is that the port is in my chest and near my heart. In some cases a heart valve can become infected so they have ordered echo cardiograms to check out my chest cavity to make sure we're covering all of our bases.

What does all of this basically mean? I will need two surgeries that will remove the infected port and insert a new port. Once this happens I should be back onto my road with recovery.

Along this road of sickness I have lost my ability to walk. The sensation in my legs is slowly being lost and my feet are not working properly. I have been working with physical therapy and I believe that I will be okay it is just going to take some working out to get them back to normal. I don't understand what goes on with my legs but I do believe they are always the first to go. I have also experienced some incontinence which is both embarrassing and quite stressful for me. However, this is just a stage in the grand scheme of things and I believe it will be fine.

As far as school- it honestly hasn't crossed my mind until today. I can honestly say I have not picked up my physics book and have not tried to sleep with my American History book to process the information through osmosis. That is for a later date. I have been trying to keep in touch with the teachers I currently have especially my physics teacher because I am not so sure it will be easy to catch back up in that class. However he seems to be confident that he will be able to help me. College is another thought and I have considered taking a year off because with the financial burden and the physical burden I am quite weary of setting foot in that scene if I cannot afford it in any way shape or form anyways. It breaks my heart to consider that yet it seems to be reality at the moment.

I also wanted to go through some basic vocabulary right now that could through some for a ringer:

Port: A port is a small device usually made of silicone or plastic that is surgically implanted beneath the skins surface and connected to an artery that leads directly to your heart.

PCP: Primary Care Physician

Blood Culture: A blood test that is done when serious infection is suspected. It can identify bacteria or fungi that are spreading through the bloodstream. (http://www.thegooddoctor1.com/glossary.html#B)

Coagulase Negative Staphylococcus: Basically is a bacteria in the bloodstream that carries many anti-bodies. It can become severe but is not deadly and is carried within every-one's skin, just like everything- too much of this can be a bad thing.

Graulicatella Adiacens: Also a bacteria within the bloodstream common among prothstetics such as my port. This bacteria is commonly associated with things such as ports or any other sort of prothstetic.

Rocephine (Ceftriaxone) and Vacomycin: Both antibiotics used to treat infection. We have been using Rocephine for the Lyme disease both are IV antibiotics and have been being administered through my port.

If you have any questions please direct them to me I will attempt to answer them. I do not understand everything that is going on at this moment but this is what I understand.

As many of you know tomorrow is Sunday and is church. Next weekend is Easter and I would really love to be at the service and worship with everyone it is looking as though it could be cutting it close getting this all to fit in one week and being healthy enough to make it to church by Easter. This is something I will cross next weekend. However, my admissions counselor shared this song saying it reminded her of my situation. As I listened to it again, it really hit me. He really has never let go of me through the calm and through the storm... The song is You Never Let Go.

There will be an end to these troubles... I can see a light that is commin'!

God's timing is perfect. This is not his disease but I am his work.

(Please ignore the grammar and if it doesn't make sense at times- I am very tired but I wanted to update with the information I had.)

Sometimes it's not you that has to take control, but it's God.

After thinking about this post for awhile I really wanted to put my heart in it. Through being sick this time it has really brought me to think about a lot of things, there was a night a few nights ago where I honestly thought I might be dying. I am not trying to scare you or exaggerate. However I could feel my blood rushing through my body. My chills were overcoming my body and I couldn't stop shaking. I was completely awake feeling extreme crushing pain on my head. It was a moment that I was scared and all I could pray is, God I didn't know you wanted me to go so soon. I feel like there is so much I have that is unfinished.

The infection is surely there and I have an abnormal echo-cardiogram. The infection itself will be dealt with by removing the port that harbors the bacteria. Which is good. Things are going to be busy and intense over the next few days and I will try to have anyone that can sign in and update the blog. This way I will have the days after to remember and reflect on.

People have said I need to be more positive or handle things a little different but I find most of all I need to cling to God. I often feel like I am not thanking him enough or I am not noticing the things he gives us. So therefore I found a song that I feel adequately shows this emotion. Ignore the video. The song is It's A Good Day by FFH This song is inspiring me to say- It really is a Good Day.

I will update you now with a few more tidbits of what is going on:

Last night I had another episode of severe chills and I have a fever that I still haven't shaken hopefully I will soon. The chills were horrible and have weakened me a lot but I am clinging to God and I find myself seeking him more and more the weaker I get. My PCP was off today and another lady came in and eased many of my fears. God will see me through no matter how dark the corner.

Please continue to pray for me and especially my family as we face this together.

Prom.

Tomorrow is my senior prom and all of my friends are finding their way there.
Dresses all over and make-up and beauty are all at their door, or so it seems...
Once in awhile I would sit and think of the worst thing that could happen, never believing it to be true. Thinking of things like missing prom or even graduation to sit in the hospital instead.
Tonight is the night before my senior prom, I had a dress all picked out and everything seemed ready.
Now just days ago, things changed a little and look where this has landed me. here. stuck. cornered.

With tears streaming down my face I feel defeated once again. Defeated by a disease that shouldn't have such control but also by friends that I have held so tight.

I always thought if they were in my shoes I would do anything for them to make them feel better because I don't want them to feel how I do. Yet tonight I feel a little sad if any of them do show up because they have their lives too. Last year I made time to come to the hospital just before prom, not for me but for the nurses and the elderly ladies up on the floor I used to volunteer on. Not because it was convenient but because I had come a long way from having a catheter in me and an IV bag hanging and tubes everywhere. I wanted them to see the person I was not the person I am temporarily. I did it for them.

Sometimes I wish that life came with a little instruction booklet of how to feel. I wish I knew how to feel about my best friend who is too stressed. I want to support her yet I wish she knew how much 3 minutes mean to me. I want to be able to see things from her eyes yet I can't. Most of all I want to feel better so I could just go and be with her. Tears just pour from my eyes because I know no one will see both sides of the fence but I wish for a moment I could just get a glimpse of the feeling of being the pretty, smart, fun, healthy girl who landed prom queen and everything else. Tonight my heart most of all longs for just fitting into a healthy lifestyle no strings attached. What happened to those days?

Still in the hospital and filling a pitcher with tears,

Victoria

Smiling from the inside out.

Today has been interesting, well this whole week has been kind of side swiping me. I don't know what to think but I have really kind of been happy today. For the most part anyways. I have found that I continue to find good in others and I just really love people so much. I mean I have really found a lot of places I need to work on but I am just really happy because I feel like right now in my life I am really connected with my core and who I am.

I just really find life exciting no matter what happens because we just have so much going on and then just to see the lives of others and how they are changing. I just can't explain how things have changed over the last few weeks but they have. I miss things that used to be constants for me, like hanging out with friends and the people I hung out with but it's comforting knowing they're still there- they just don't keep in touch as much sometimes... I have also started committing to reading at least one verse of the bible every night no matter how tired I am. I even started liking it so much that there is an alarm set on my phone to do so. I am doing it with a friend from church and he's a really neat kid. I like how he thinks so different from me so that we can discuss things and it is just really interesting.

I have seen how much my faith has changed my life even within the last year... I mean I don't feel like I would be anywhere without that to hold on to. My focus has moved away from man and more to God, it's interesting how that works but with reading the bible I have also found that it helps reinforce things I think. (Psalm 146:2&4- Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save. When their spirit departs, they return to the ground; on that very day their plans come to nothing.) The scripture spoke a lot to me not only about putting trust in man but also about planning, I mean it basically says our plans come to nothing the day we die. Yet we live in structured society of which says plans must be made, I am not always for living in the moment however how often can we say we trust God with our future? So much that we don't even give it a second thought to talk about it with God?

I am just thinking a lot tonight about so much, I have so much to be thankful for yet there are things that I wish I had back. Things I miss things I desire... I miss my friends most of all and it's hard to think of anything else that I wish I could have back. I really just wonder if they miss me as much as I do them... I also miss the liberties of going out and having fun and living life as a normal teen, like staying out late and not being told that I have medications to take or an IV to do. I guess some things I don't think I will ever get as much, even just a shower today- I had a shower without the needle of my port in and it felt so good... I sometimes wonder if I ever realized how much effort it took to walk or how a shower could feel so absolutely amazing. I almost think you should get the experience of being stuck constantly in a wheelchair or not being able to wash and see how much you can experience and how it feels because it really does give me a whole new perspective.

I don't know where I will be tomorrow or ten years from now, but tonight I am a teenager living a sick persons life and I am ready to go running through the finish line and be done and look back at a race that I can look back and say. Ran hard, Sweat lots, Gave it my all, and Won.

I hope every week from here on out I can find at least one thing to be really thankful for like down in my heart thankful for. This week I am thankful for love of others... I think I will update tomorrow with a post on some other events in my life that just amplify the emotion of love.

Crying out

We have some clues and we're moving to answers. Tonight I am so weak I feel so tired and I don't feel like it's going to be a easy road ahead. I feel like someone just beat me all over with a bat put me in a sound magnified room with bright lights shining all over. I am weak and I just want to cry out to scream. This disease is horrible and I hope that some day I can stand with triumph over what it has done to me. I am so eager to make others lives better to save them and show them they can prevent what has happened to me. I wish this upon no one. My heart goes out to those who suffer and I fall to my knees and pray. Oh please join me in prayer as I feel my body weaken and my hot tears trickle down my face. This doesn't seem humane.

Giving it all to you.

So I went back to school today first time back in about 3 weeks or so. It was really nice to be back to school. I love going back and seeing people I love them in all their germs and glory even if it does mean working and losing more strength and energy than the other kids I attend school with. Even if they can't relate I just love going to school... It is the biggest challenge and the greatest reward it makes me tired and weary and it makes me feel rusty and old but it's the greatest thing seeing people seeing happiness seeing struggle. Seeing other people my age. I wouldn't change my day at school even if it does leave me worn out. God gives me a body to use not to preserve. Tonight I just am really happy to be here and I wanted to just write about something that laid heavy on my heart tonight.

Don't take the time you have here for granted, don't take the relationships you have here for your personal use. For before too long the days that were seeming so long will quickly slip between your finger tips. Yeah, hours will turn to minutes days to hours and before you know it your life will be quickly fading away. I don't know what to say other than I am so glad that you're here now and today. I am so thankful for so many people and for the next while I am going to be spot-lighting again.

Tonight my Spot- light is on my dad.

My dad is a guy of few words, or many and he can really make me think. Sometimes I don't really get what he's saying and sometimes he gets me really confused. But one thing I know for sure, is that he loves me. It might be confusing at times but I know that he has been there at the hospital when I have had to go in he has been there listening to my cries call out and I know he will be there any day I am on unconscious. My dad is a person I look up to- he lost his father at about this age and I cannot even imagine the pain or suffering that causes. I can guess or try to think of it but I will never really know. He showed strength he emptied bed pans and helped out around the house he was the youngest he was strong willed. I think he holds a lot of his mother within his heart. He is good to others, he shows compassion to others, and he has a strong spirit. My grandmother is one of my biggest role models today. I am so glad I practically lived at her house growing up and I am so thankful my parents blessed me with that time with her. I remember distinctly a night, my dad asked me if I wanted to go to the babysitters or his mothers the next day- knowing I would get to see other kids my age I said the babysitters and I remember him getting mad at me. I didn't understand why he was mad but now, looking back upon it I know something I didn't know then. Time is limited time is not bought and time is not a gift, our days here are numbered and I should handle them as though they are something wonderful because that it truly is. The days I spent wasting away hours I wish I could have learned more from people like her. It just reminds me there is so much still yet to learn especially from my elders. I can't thank my dad enough for being at my bedside for holding my hand for giving me a stern word or two and showing his way through. I am really glad my dad is my dad and I wouldn't trade him for the world. He has instilled a taste of music within me and he has shown me that with a little courage I can do absolutely anything. He will put his job on the line to be with his family and he has surrendered all he has. I guess, sometimes we're blind to these things but he taught me one thing for sure I know that the all mighty dollar does not come over relationship. Never will and never should. I am so very blessed with the people in my life especially my dad. He is a wonderful man he really is. So dad, here's to you, thanks. You're really great and all the nice comments you read on here, yeah dad that's to you too because you raised me with a stern tone and a pat on the back. I am so every thankful for you dad.

Giving Back

This Christmas I have strongly focused on giving back to people. Every day for advent I am doing something special for someone in my community. I decided that the Christmas holiday is a very important holiday to feel loved, to know that people care. I know that may sound corny but some people feel like no one does care and I think we all go through those days.

This holiday season, if you don't have a charity to give to or are looking for a way to give back- I would like to encourage you to buy a Lyme disease afflicted teen a gift. If you're new to my blog, I want you to know that I don't ask for money constantly and I don't push too much charity stuff for Lyme. But as I have seen some of my friends that are sick with this horrible disease it has strongly broken my heart. I am giving to a lot of different other sick kids this year in hopes to reach out and I encourage you to do the same. Below are bio's of the kids involved. Click here if you would like to get involved in this. I am really hoping I can see the kindness of healthy strangers pull through.

We kept all the wishes under $20 and the only real request I have is that you write a Christmas card out to them with a message. If you think about it, 4 people put in $5 you have enough money and it's only $5 and then if all of those people give a card it's like a shower of cards. You really don't know how much that means to someone who has been sick and rarely gets mail. It really is the thought that counts. Please e-mail me if you would like to buy a gift because I am leaving the wish lists up until Christmas Eve. to keep it a surprise I am not taking down the items that have been granted. However I am not going to keep rambling if you would like more information please e-mail me. If you cannot give this year, I request prayer for all of these wonderful teens who are suffering greatly and all of them are not able to go to school on a regular basis, so I ask for prayer the greatest gift of all.

Each link on the person's name takes you to their wish list.

Alex H.- Alex has been sick since she was 11 years old. She was always healthy. She began having weakness in her left arm and within 9 months she walked her last steps. The weakness traveled from her left arm/left leg/right arm/right leg and then respiratory. In 2 more months she went into respiratory distress and Dr's said she would not survive the night. Alex was airlifted and put on a vent/trach and a g-tube inserted for nutrition. Today, Alex is completely paralyzed unable to move, breathe, eat or talk. However, she understands everything and can slightly move the corner of her mouth to yes questions. She believes someone is going to help figure this out and help her be well again. Alex has an identical twin, Jaci who is healthy. Alex is the only one who has no diagnosis.

Candice M.- I'm Candice, I'm 19, and I've been battling lyme for about 3 years now. I was only diagnosed 7 months ago, so for the first couple of years of my illness I just tried to push through. I went off to college last year, and that's when my body started to push back. I became so ill that I had to drop out and move back home in the middle of the year, and I've been at home struggling ever since. Hopefully the holiday season won't be so bad. I wish all of the lymies out there a happy and healthy holiday (or at least a stable one, that's just what I wish for!). Merry Christmas!

Jeff K.- My name is Jeff. I'm 16, and have had Lyme for 3 1/2 years. After relentless treatment, more needles than any hospital can carry, and unbearable stress and problems, my symptoms have barely let up. I love my parents so much, they've spent nearly their entire fortune just to get me better. Unfortunately that will not last forever.I have severe fatigue, so I can't really do much besides lay around. I listen to a lot of music and play a lot of games...and that's pretty much it.

Kayla P.- I'm Kayla and I just turned 19. I have had Lyme for 5 years now. I love to read, do anything artsy and crafty like beading and drawing, watching movies and listening to music.

Lucy M.- Hi everyone : ] I'm Lucy, I'm 18 years old and have had Lyme for 11 years. One of my favorite things to do is paint.

Makayla B.- Hi, I'm Makayla and I am 18. We believe that I have had Lyme since birth, so I have been battling this disease for a while. But I continue to fight, and am determined to beat this disease!

Sami S.- Hi :) I'm Sami.. I'm seventeen years old.. I've had Lyme disease for the past three years.. I used to play volleyball and basketball before I got sick but now I can't.. I like to spend time with my little dog Lynny and my boyfriend that I've been with for over two years.

Victoria W.- This is my wish list, I am also the creator of this group. I have had Lyme since Summer of 2005. Right now I am home a lot and I have been pretty sick with my stomach and everything else. I have a seizure disorder and nerve problems as well as brain cognitive problems... You can find my full story at http://vicupdates.blogspot.com/ If you have any questions please e-mail me at victoriawilcox7@yahoo.com. This group really isn't about me but about all of the other colorful people who deserve a wonderful holiday season!

Praise and Holding Strong

I wanted to post an update on here, I am still not feeling well- my strength is not there and my stomach is bothering me a lot it hurts and it feels full with just a little bit of food. I guess all I can say is the stomach pain nausea and everything else is just in time for the biggest eating holiday of the year. So my frustration levels are quite high. I went to my Primary Care Physician on Tuesday and he sent a request to the surgeon to do a scope of my stomach. He is supposed to be pretty good and you're not supposed to remember any of it which is kind of how I want it. Even though I am a little nervous about everything, okay well- a lot nervous. We finally called that doctor to ask why he hadn't called us about the scope yet, and come to find out he is uneasy about doing a scope on someone under 18. My birthday is in February, darn it. Seems these doctors always want me to be a year older. I hope that comes to an end because I really hate growing up.

I also wanted to post how thankful I have been for such wonderful people in my life. I know I give them credit a lot but as I was reading over new and old comments I was amazed. A lady from India reading my blog?! The kindness of absolute strangers, Kimber posting a post about prayer for me on her blog, I just can't thank you all enough for your little posts of encouragement and your love that you have sent me. I think these words and these nudges of love quite possibly could make my Christmas absolutely perfect. I am just so thankful for the kindness of people in general because there are a lot of scrooges out there.

I don't know about Christmas for you, but as I was thinking there are so many friends of mine with Lyme that have been sick for so long Christmas almost just seems like another day. I can't think of anything I would like more than for these sick kids than a wonderful Christmas. They said I had to put my name on there too, so I have one thing- I don't really think I want anything really for Christmas- just the happiness and peace of the holiday. If you would like to be a part of it and would like to buy a Lyme teen a gift please e-mail me at victoriawilcox7@yahoo.com their wish lists are at www.kaboodle.com/lymiewishes. When you e-mail me with who you're buying for I will remove that wish from their wish list and I will also e-mail you back with their mailing address so you can ship the gift to them. Please wait to buy the gift until I have wrote back to you though to avoid double gifting- right now, we don't have everyone up but hopefully soon.

Have a wonderful holiday and now, I will continue with my days of thanks.

Sick and home.

As much as this blog is a joy to me and I love doing it, right now I am not really feeling up to par. I have been slowly getting weaker and weaker and today I made a hard decision to quit the blog for the time being. Today I can't really find much thanks and I need to focus on things like school and such with the strength I do have. I find myself feeling very weak a lot and my stomach very tight. I don't really care for eating much and I have been sleeping beyond normal hours. I want to focus now in hopes of getting better for the holiday season.
Be well,
Victoria
P.S. Please no sweet treats, I know I have been getting things of that nature and I just wanted to inform those of you who do send me things right now prayer is the best gift that can be offered. Thanks.

Still standing- small steps

I am still standing taking a few small steps. Life isn't as I would wish and you know, one of my things that is really bothering me right now- is that my room is messy. It's not too messy just messy enough that there isn't a lot of space to put things there are items being stacked up on my bedside table and my desk. I just don't know about this clutter. Although it's hard to maneuver balance and cleaning. So I guess clutter can rise until I am up and ready to clean.

To be honest my favorite season of all is coming up. I love holidays but most of all I love giving gifts. I love coming up with unique ideas to give a special gift to someone who has touched my life. I don't see Christmas as a time of receiving but a time of giving to others. There is no better feeling than seeing them light up their faces. I guess to be honest I just love any day where I can give someone something that brightens their day. It doesn't even have to be Christmas.

Today my friend and I were talking about things we would like for Christmas but would never ask for and I said I didn't really know... I said I don't really like to ask for anything anymore but we pondered our favorite stores like for me I have grown to love Etsy, and Delias and different places like that. I like things to be unique and different. She was a little more classic with Amazon and her desire for little things like that. I really don't expect much for Christmas this year I told her but I think this year I am going to put time into some very nice handmade gifts and I want it to be the biggest year I have ever given. I want to make lots of things for lots of people. :) I am excited.

So today that is my encouragement. Thinking of happy people with cool gifts for Christmas this year. I guess since I have been down and out and today really kind of sad just bummed about how things are turning out and how I haven't really been feeling good. I feel like the pain really never does stop sometimes all I want to do is cry but instead I laugh. Today I changed the song that plays on the website if you have a moment listen to it because that's how I feel today.

Spot-Light

Vaughn VanSkiver- Okay so he might be random to some because to be honest he hasn't been in touch with me as much as so many others but for some reason he always is brought to me in my memories. He is the worship arts pastor at our church and he always has a great sense of humor. I can sometimes find myself laughing about something he did years ago laying in bed years later. I am so blessed that he has been in my life and he has honestly just really touched my life. I guess I just can't explain it but I would like to say thank you to him.

If the world grows don't stop growing

Okay so if you were laying looking at this you would be inspired to get out of bed too. Not to say that I don't have a pretty rad room and that I don't love it because well lets be honest here I do. But sitting in bed is lame and I needed to get my groove on. So this morning I stood. It's weak it's pathetic but it's standing nonetheless.

So my mother called me this morning which is really almost afternoon and was wondering how her sickly child might be doing on this drab but beautiful day. I said I was doing good and then she did some arguing or something of that nature about eating. My stomach aches, my head hurts, but I can stand so the day is good. I inquired about going to school tomorrow although it would be with my wheelchair it would be nice to attend school. I have protested getting a wheelchair pusher so we'll see where my mom makes it with that situation. Otherwise I will wait until I am a bit stronger yet and can go without it. Which will be longer and longer without school and longer of missing class which would be lame. Costing the school lots of tax dollars for silly tutors because of course I am taking an ACE class so I would need a smart tutor not just one that can slip under some door crack. Yes, this much is true. So they really might have to break down to my request of no wheelchair pusher since my doctor has okay-ed the situation.

Now I have decided I would like to get some work done perhaps some art and then reality will hit with some bonding time with my economics book.

Don't let the world grow around you but grow with the world.

So I shall not sit here any longer I have to catch up with my sick day yesterday. I am constantly reminded God has big plans and that he does. I am still kind of noise sensitive so-
please use indoor voices.

A cheerful Victoria

Lights, Camera, Action!

My people of note:

Mrs. Malloy: Well if I could say there was just one art teacher that has really been wonderful to me it would be Mrs. Malloy. She can almost sense me being ill and she has kept up with me and encouraged me on down days. When her family has a billion other things going on she still has the courage to keep up with me and help me out in any way she can. I have been so inspired by her art work and what she does. She is such a wonderful art teacher and she was the first art teacher to open her room to me when I realized I would have an activity for the first time the whole time I was in high school. She is a wonderful woman and I am so thankful she is in my life.

Mr. Hart: Mr. Hart was my art teacher my freshman year. He had my sister as a student while she was in school and he is probably one of the most unique people you could meet. Although I have noticed his personality might ware off onto other people. He is the biggest critic you may ever meet but behind his mask he shows compassion towards his students. Although sometimes he frustrates me, he has shown his genuine compassion towards me through making sure I am safe in where I eat my lunch and he is always trying to keep up to date with how I am feeling. He is also a very talented artist and has many of his paintings at the West End Gallery.

Mrs. Harrington: Well, Mrs. Harrington is a bright woman and she adds color to a room when she walks into it. If I were to describe a personality with watercolor hers would be the most fun to put together. She is a wonderful teacher and mentor to her students. Although sometimes it seems she is much to nice to her students she has shown genuine compassion and love towards her students. I have been blessed to be in her class and this year I am so excited to be learning about many different mediums in art.

Mrs.Palumbo: I have never had her as an art teacher but she is a sweet person she has been kind to me upon coming into the art rooms for lunch and she offers words of advice when I bring in my photos for my portfolio. She is very creative and a kind woman.

I guess the biggest thing about these four people is they have instilled change and compassion into the lives of the kids in the art department and I am so thankful to have them in my life.

Untitled.

I thought I would write one post at what feels to be my absolute worse. I keep thinking if you wonder what death feels like- this must be what it's like. I sit here tears streaming down my face and in pain beyond belief. Walking isn't an option I feel so miserable. There is no prose to this post there is no joy to uplift. I feel like crap and I am being blunt about it. If you have ever told someone their sickness is all in their head I think today would be a wonderful day to appologize to them. This disease feels like slow death and I don't know how to explain it in any other way. I have faith God will pull me through I have faith he will show me big plans. I believe there is more than my small eyes can see. But tonight I feel broken. I cast all of my burdens upon the Lord. As the bible says: "Give all your worries to God, because he cares about you" 1 Peter 5:7. I Just thought I would share my true feelings with you while they are here. My love and prayers.

A peak into my space

Each day is like a fast paced roller coaster for me and I don't know how else to explain it. I have extreme high's where I am able to get out go for walks and help around the house. Then I reach extreme lows at the drop of a pin where I am extremely exhausted can barely move and feel like I have been beat up.

Lately my lungs have been weak and things are a little more difficult. Although I am finding great praise in the things that I have done and the things I continue to do I am slowing down a little and noticing some not so exciting things. Mono has been mentioned along with some other things that I could possibly have. We're searching for what could be going on with the help of my doctor. Tests will be ran in the upcoming week.

A surprise for this upcoming week!

I ask for prayer for the Wood Family as they experience the recent and sudden loss of Mr. Wood- the father to a good friend of mine.

Spot-light:
My faithful friends- behind this blog there are so many people that support me as you notice at the end of each blog entry there are multiple people or one person at least that are placed in the spot light. Tonight I asked if someone could run chat for our Lyme support chat and it was very easy to find a person who was willing to take my spot. Through the support and prayers of them I am certain I can beat any germ that has entered my body and continue to thank all those who stand behind me.

Victoria

Lyme Walk Success!

Well first of all the walk was a huge success with over 300 walkers! We raised close to $9,000 in total for the Lyme disease association and had a huge response with everything. We were extremely excited about the large response we got with the people who cared enough to come out for the weekend despite the heat of the day!

So thank you all for the contributions you made and for making the day an over all success and we look forward to seeing you all back next year.

If you attended the walk and would like to say something about your experience at the walk I give you the opportunity to make a comment on what you learned or how it impacted you!

Thanks to all of the support we recieved and continue to recieve as the days continue on.

Victoria

Amazed.

Sarah and I at the prom.

Well just a few days until the walk! What an exciting thing to be a part of!

I was thinking for a short while this morning about how lucky we are to be able to at least advocate and create awareness for things that are not known relatively well across the country. So even though it has taken a lot of work and determination and standing up for what we want to do Sarah and I are both excited to bring you the inaugural Lyme Walk- for those who can't.

It seems like it was just a few days ago when we were at the Relay for Life joking about a Lyme Walk. We were all trying to come up with what you would call a Lyme Walk funny how simple our title became and how everything worked out. A joke became a little more serious with the creation of the Lyme Walk website (http://www.lymewalk.org/) and then later the purchase of the domain name. We realized that this joke was a reality and we were actually going to pull something off! Throughout the summer months we started getting things ready and ultimately got our first newspaper article published about us in September. We were excited to see where the walk could be headed and thrilled to have a large committee of people on our side. Now through the support of our local schools, and peers we're bringing a dream to reality. What seemed impossible has been possible!

I cannot promise any posting for the next few days because of the Lyme Walk and friends and family coming in from out of town for the walk! So hopefully the weather will cooperate and the day will be full of learning and fun!

Hope to see you out at the walk Saturday!

Spot-light:

Sarah:
Well Sarah is another one of the people I am very blessed to have on my side. She has been working diligently to make this day possible. She has helped with everything from Volunteers to each meeting we have had. She helps with so much and has really been amazing and working hard for the walk. I am so thankful to have her working with me. She was not only there to encourage me throughout hospital stays this winter but she was there to send out e-mail's to inform others, update my blog, and do all of the behind the scenes work that it took while I was away. Expecting no thanks but only hoping she would have a healthy friend through all of this work. I want to make sure her position is not a thankless position and I am so glad that I have some very awesome friends that have been to more than just a few meetings and have come to support us- as we pull this walk together. It has been absolutely insane to see come together and this Saturday will most definitely be the biggest gift of all. So thank you Sarah!

Medical Monday

Well the wonderful Herxing has started in my body...

Upon starting antibiotics I have found that I sleep more and more each day and continue to want to sleep even when I have many other tasks that must be done. I am overwhelmed with the support I have through my friends and family as I continue to struggle with all that goes on.

For those of you who aren't familiar with what a herx is here is the best definition I could find-

The herxheimer reaction, nicknamed "herx" or otherwise referred to as Jarisch- Herxheimer (J-H) is a phenomena originally observed in the treatment of syphilis, but later found in other illness. In general terms, it is described as a temporary increase of symptoms when anti-syphilitic drugs (antibiotics) are administered. What is known or speculated about Lyme disease herxheimers are based heavily on the reactions seen in syphilis. This is due to the fact both diseases are caused by a bacteria known as a spirochete, the former being Treponema pallidum, the latter Borrelia burgdoferi (B.b). However the herxheimer reactions in Lyme disease are not identical to those seen in syphilis, especially in terms of timing, frequency and duration as noted below.

In Lyme disease it is thought that the cause of herxheimers are the result of endotoxin release, that is toxin(s) within the spirochete that are released as the B.b are killed or broken down. This may be a result of the toxin(s) itself or the body's immune response to such.

The past week has been very tough and it continues to be tough pain is a little more apparent and it's all just getting to be old. Sometimes I just want to scream out WHERE IS THE LIGHT?! I know it's out there it's just a matter of time.

On the lighter note I am walking cane free now 100% of the time although it's always within reach or close by for long trips and places we go... Just in case it needs to be used. Since inclines like stairs continue to be a battle for me and I continue to struggle with some things. Although I can praise the Lord that I can for the most part walk on my own all the time now. Which makes me extremely happy and those around me happy as well. It's almost funny to see the expressions people give you when they see you without some sort of walking device in tote!

My Spot-Light Person is someone who is long overdue-
There is a lady who lives kitty corner to us and is very generous and kind- She has a large heart towards not only her small child but towards my family and I as well. Her name is Brandy. Throughout my sickness she has continued to help me find a smile when I think there is no smile to be found, her daughter brought me over chocolates and a teddy bear during the winter months and now we have matching teddy bears! How cool is that?! She is a wonderful woman and has shown me so much through her grace and selflessness she displays towards me and others. She continues to push forward despite any obstacle their family faces and has shown me that anything can be overcome with time and patience. She's raising a beautiful daughter and amazes me each and every day. And as a faithful blog reader- she also brought me my favorite. Soft serve twist with rainbow sprinkles! What a smile I had on my face when I heard I got a yummy treat. It was quite a surprise to wake up to from taking a nap. :) Thank you for being such a wonderful neighbor Brandy.

With Love,

Victoria

Typical Tuesday

Typical day woke up didn't want to get out of bed-
heard the whimpering of my dog just on the other side of my door...
Seriously Heather. Am I the only person to let you out?
Oh well grab my cane slowly walk towards the door...

Turn the handle. Open the door slowly-
On the other end Heather is thinking
hi! hi! Oh my goodness hi! I didn't think you would ever turn the knob!
I was sure you were still in there! Oh hello! Now I will turn in circles to be sure you see me!
I look down to see my very large dog running in small little circles.
Okay circus dog out to the front door... She begins to run...
wait.... wait... Look back...
okay. phew! she's still there!
Look at me run I really gotta pee!

Ah! At last! We've made it to the door we're both in relief.
I let her out she takes her running start and I hobble back to my room.

What a team eh?
Today just like pretty much any other day- will have one doctors appointment.
So today in my normalcy I realized this isn't really normal at all-

Not many teens get to say they are getting a medical degree by proxy.

So I decided with the word Lyme I would say 4 things.

Lucky. I am lucky to be diagnosed with something and know what's going on rather than laying in bed each day with no answers or receiving the wrong kind of treatment because no one really listened to all of the symptoms.

Young. I have youth on my side. I can use this as an advantage so I can still go to college still go out and still have a voice- I have a lot of life left to live- I am not going to stop living now.

Me. I am learning constantly about myself. I am learning what I really love to do and what I really hate. I am learning how to take life one day at a time and most of all slowly I am learning patience. That's the hardest for me to accept is accepting to know I don't know.

Everyone's support encourages me beyond measure. I never thought that this little mind mess of emotions all tangled up would become a. my vent to the world. or b. the biggest source of encouragement for me. I am so thankful for people like you who read my story and go on with life hopefully with a little more knowledge than they came in with.

So although I could have said 4 negative things there is 4 positive things. :) Have a great day!

Spot-light

My mother gets the spot-light today. She is very deserving of such a title and so much more- as mother's day approaches I continue to think what I could I possibly get a perfect mother?! Not sure but only time will tell what she gets... I have many idea's. Why is she so perfect in my eyes? She comes home after working 12 hours a day reminds me throughout the day to take my medicine she has a genuine heart for others and she encourages me through the worst of times and the best of times. She's there when I am seizing she's there when I am throwing up heck- she has even caught my puke. She does anything. There is nothing more genuine then the love a mother gives to her child. She is such a wonderful person inside and out. I can only continue to be thankful for her because she really deserves so much more than she gets. So with that she is my source of encouragement.

Now if you're a faithful reader of this blog- I would ask you to pray for my mother and her strength- Also if you would like... I get many cards of encouragement but it's people like her behind the scenes that make things the way they are. If you would like to send my mom a card-
Send it to:

Lyme Walk
Attn: Denise Wilcox
P.O. Box 74
Big Flats, NY 14814

Thanks for your continuous support.

Love,

Victoria

Medical Monday

Now ordinarily Monday's are reserved for Medical Monday's so of course- I felt you all deserved some normalcy in my not so normal life.

This post is a little insight on some stuff and more medical than ever not about my story- but information I got of the Lyme Disease Association's website. Hopefully to give you and your family some more insight on Lyme itself.

Since this hasn't been really done anywhere on my blog- I felt I should answer one major question.

What is Lyme disease?

Lyme disease is caused by a spirochete (Borrelia burgdorferi) that is transmitted by ticks and can attack every system in the body. A bull’s eye rash may occur 50% of the time and often, a flu-like illness including fever, joint pain, and headache may occur. If left untreated, the disease can result in cardiac, central nervous, musculo-skeletal and psychiatric manifestations. All 50 states have reported cases, and it is found in 65 countries worldwide, including Canada. Lyme disease can mimic other conditions such as MS, ALS, chronic fatigue, Lupus, Autism and Fibromyalgia.


Protect yourself-
things we wish we had known about Lyme disease

Protect yourself. Check yourself, family members and pets for ticks daily. Remember that ticks are carried by deer, mice, birds and other small animals found right in your backyard. Nymphal ticks are the size of a poppy seed in early spring and are particularly hard to find. They are active above 35 degrees. You can be reinfected repeatedly each time you are bitten by a tick.

Remove the tick properly and take it to a Department of Health laboratory or testing facility to have it tested for the presence of the organism that causes Lyme disease. Since infection can spread rapidly throughout your system, you may want to consult your doctor about prophylactic antibiotic treatment.

Observe. A person infected with Lyme disease can exhibit symptoms within days of exposure, but symptoms may appear eeks, months or even years after the bite.

Treatable. Lyme disease in its initial stage is often easily treatable; however, delayed diagnosis or inadequate treatment an lead to serious brain, heart or joint problems.

Examine/evaluate. Early symptoms can include headache, stiff neck, numbness, tingling, fatigue, swollen glands and igratory pains that may come and go. Late stage symptoms are generally multi-systemic and can be very serious.

Co-infection. A single tick bite can transmit more than 1 tick-borne illness, such as babesiosis, anaplasmosis or tulermia. o-infections can complicate Lyme diagnosis and treatment.

Testing. Since the diagnostic tests for Lyme are often inaccurate and therefore unreliable, a clinical diagnosis for Lyme disease should be made by a physician based on medical history and symptoms. The Centers for Disease Control and prevention supports this in their literature pertaining to Lyme disease.

Youngsters. Children ages 5-12 are at the highest risk for being bitten by ticks because they often play in tick habitats. Children often find it difficult to explain the subtleties of how they are feeling, and may often appear well and remain physically active.

Obvious. A person may have Lyme disease without presenting the most obvious and "classic" symptoms such as bull’s eye rash, flu, joint pain or swelling. Many people never see a tick or develop a rash.

Understand.There are over 100 strains of Lyme disease in the United States; therefore, length and choice of antibiotic treatment vary greatly. Standard treatment of 2-3 weeks may be insufficient.

Recurring. Many people who suffer from Lyme disease experience symptoms that come and go over time. Continued symptoms or the development of new ones after treatment may be a sign of persistent infection or a new infection. The medical community is divided over the existence of "chronic" or persistent Lyme disease.

Symptoms. The symptoms of Lyme disease, (also known as the Great Imitator) may mimic those of multiple sclerosis, lupus, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, mononucleosis, Alzheimers, Guillian-Barre Syndrome, ALS, rheumatoid arthritis, Parkinson ’s disease, ADD, or ADHD, GERD, or many other diseases.

Educate. The more you know and understand about Lyme disease and other tick-borne illness, the greater your chances are of avoiding infection and detecting illness if it occurs.

Lyme disease can affect behavioral and cognitive functioning. Memory loss, attention deficit and processing problems, mental confusion, slurred speech, disorientation, irritability, depression, anxiety and learning problems have all been reported as a result of Lyme disease.

Fact. A person living in a Lyme endemic area should consider Lyme testing if suffering from a chronic condition that does not improve with treatment. Examples include recurrent gastrointestinal problems, a chronically sore throat, or chronic ear infections.

TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS and PROTECT YOURSELF

Time For Lyme, Inc. affiliate of Lyme Disease Association, Inc.

Hopefully the information above has educated someone a little more about this disease, treatment and how to handle things a little bit better. I wanted to apologize for last week and no Medical Monday! I was actually at a doctors appointment out of town so I was not able to get to a computer. These last two weeks have been quite insane looking back upon them and I continue to be blessed with a wonderful support system of friends and family and total strangers. I started aqua therapy in Physical Therapy while they aren't accessing my port I am able to get in the water a lot so that's enjoyable and working many muscles all at once. Which is a major plus.

My walking continues to get better on a daily basis although some symptoms have been rearing their ugly heads more than ever. So I can't seem to win it all! Although I am confident that there will be a light I just don't know when and I keep it close in my mind that it may not be here for awhile- it's on God's time table- not mine. Today while feeling pretty crappy I listened to a song that really made me think- listen to the beauty of her voice and the lyrics she sings... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIMOdVXAPJ0) Interpretations are welcome. Comment as you wish. It hit me quite hard and it made me think- as I hope it does you too... She has a wonderful voice and each person with their own talent blesses me just knowing they're healthy!

The walk is coming along with great success and posters are up everywhere, in the hospitals and in local business windows. We have confirmed a T-Shirt company and continue to have things fall into place.

Here's to a good week!

I heard that some were a little bummed that I didn't update much last week due to my intense schedule so this upcoming week I promise to those of you who are avid blog readers- a post a day!

Love,

Victoria

Spot-light

Jake- Now this boy is one impressive kid- after all he has the choice as all do to walk out at any time but he chooses to stand by my side and supports me through kind words and all the encouragement he can muster. He shows me each day what it's like to be a healthy teen without even knowing it and in return I show him a little glimpse of my life as a teen overcoming Lyme. He never ceases to amaze me with what he does or how he does it with simple actions or a little note left for me to read later... He has really made me so thankful for my life and he deserves a little credit as everyone does! :)

Saturday is good for recycling.

This is an excerpt from a friend Ashley's blog. Ashley's link to her blog can be found under inspirational stories to the right of this.... She also has Lyme and is very courageous and an amazing person and today I am doing things in a little reverse. Spot-light first then post. Enjoy!

Ashley and I kind of met through a Lyme support group online. Through that time she has shared her story and her courage and shown me things I didn't ever notice. Her grace about life and her faith that is subtle but very powerful is amazing to me. I find it so hard to read stories of people's struggles because I know that they suffer from the same disease I do- so I limit reading stories that I don't know the end result and know they got better. Just the other day I read her story and it touched me deeply because although I have been hit hard with this disease my mis-diagnosis was far different than others with mis-diagnosis. So I read her story with tears filling my eyes knowing where she is today and only imagining how she felt then.

I share this excerpt from her blog because it's powerful. It says a lot and it conveys a message about something I think many of us "lymies" face. A daily thing for some perhaps a less frequenting message for others. But never the less what we face on a daily basis can be a struggle and it's not always easy. We don't understand what is going on and for many of us we are placing our faith into hands of doctors who although they are experts really are only human too- they only know so much and truth be told: they don't really understand it either. This was written before Ashley was diagnosed with Lyme but some of the things she touches really portray some real feelings that I have personally felt and I think today is the perfect day for this to be posted.

Without further a due-

I don't feel real anymore.

I feel like a zombie.

I feel like my life was drained out of me, but then my body was left to see how well I could continue so-called living.

I feel like I'm 123 years old; not 23.

I feel, nearly every day, like I've been hit by a ton of bricks.

These are only SOME of the ways I can describe the way I constantly feel...

I've always believed in God. Sure, I've had my doubts, but nothing has made me doubt more than this happening to me. I've never prayed so hard in my life to feel something more, something BETTER than what I feel nearly every day due to whatever it is this is that has taken over my entire being.

I've prayed so much and, yet, I really haven't gotten an answer.

Sure, this doctor I'm going to now seriously seems to think it's the vitamin deficiency, but I really have a hard time seeing how that would make me feel so deathly ill. And the scary thing is that NO ONE knows what is wrong with me... not even doctors who should be competent in what they are doing.

They are paid entirely too much to sit there and tell me stupid things, like "it's your spirit" or that it's a vitamin deficiency. And yet, doctors get away with telling patients this crap all of the time.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that a person can have problems with their "spirit", but it wouldn't cause them as many problems as I'm having.

It just doesn't make sense.

I have no idea what I'm going to do if I get tested for Lyme and that's not it. I'm basically standing at the edge of a cliff, wearing a blindfold, waiting to see if I'll be allowed to step away or if I'll be pushed over.I don't feel like I'm controlling my life anymore.

And it's MY life.

And what's scarier is I have no idea who or what is controlling it.

It almost feels as if a monkey was given the remote to me AND my life, and is just sitting there pushing whatever buttons it wants and sometimes pushing all of them at the same time.

I thought that after half a year of this, I'd be all cried out, but I'm not. And it amazes me that I'm not. I've never felt this ill, nor have I ever cried so much in my life.I just wish I could go back a half a year, so I'm feeling "normal" again.

Plus, I have no idea if I'll ever get better and I'm starting to really doubt I will.

If doctors don't know what's wrong with me, and they've had half a year to find out and haven't, then why should I continue to be hopeful?

This week has been one of my worst weeks since becoming so mysteriously ill. And I've been on the vitamins the doctor wanted me on. Are they supposed to make you feel like shit before they actually help? I know some medicine is known to do that, but these are vitamins; not medicine.

God, how much longer must I suffer because I'm really afraid I can't take much more.I don't see how I deserve this, but more importantly, I don't see how Matthew deserves this. He's such a good man and husband. And I can't even be a decent wife anymore.

I don't have the energy to do anything.

Even if I have the energy to put the clothes in the wash, I don't have the energy to put them in the dryer or fold them after they are done drying, which is ridiculous because that really doesn't take much energy, but obviously, it takes more energy than I have. I haven't cooked since before I got sick.

I'm really having a hard time understanding what God's plan in this is?

It's always said that God doesn't give a person more than they can handle.

But it's getting to the point where I can't handle this anymore. In ways, I believe it's already past what I can handle.

It wouldn't be so bad if I knew what it was that was making me so sick, but I don't, and that's what's making it even more unbearable. And I really have no idea how much longer I can bear it.

All I know is the wick is becoming increasingly short.


A little peak into another mind- a different perspective

Tomorrow is church! Off to bed. Hope this has brought you some thought as it did me- Although this has been edited the complete entry is on Ashley's blog.

Victoria

It's easier to go down a hill than up it but the view is much better at the top. - Arnold Bennett

Hm. Now there are so many angles I could take this blog from today that I am not quite too sure where to take things. I will start with updates from Tuesday to today... Friday. In one day of my life it seems to be that I live what most people would live in ten! I feel so much like my life is literally like a novel with the pages ripped out... I don't really know what to expect anymore and I really don't know where I am headed. Things have been insane these last 3 days of my life and looking back on them I am in disbelief, astonishment, and amazement at what all has taken place. I can only continue to be encouraged by each road block that is placed before me because through this I really am feeling like I am becoming something a text book never would've showed me a parents guiding hand never could have taught and a classroom would've found boundaries through. I can only hope that "normal" is coming soon. But let this not be for the glory of me but for the glory of a greater spirit and I can only place my confidence in him for I am as my surgeon prayed with me just moments before going into surgery to get my port put in- we are only vessels and we are all just minorities compared to his greater plan. Without further a due- the past three days of horror, fear, encouragement, faith, and prayer.

Tuesday-

Started off normal enough with getting around and heading out to the hospital for my infusion. I actually was feeling really good. I was talking up a storm with another lady in the infusion clinic and was pretty strong. Although still using the cane for balance and coordination. By the time I made it home I was dragging my feet to get to the door and slowly feeling worse and worse. I wasn't sure if I was going to be sick to my stomach or what was wrong but felt as though I was losing my ground quickly. So I felt I should go to the bathroom. I made it there and sat down feeling drained of energy and very weak. I called my mom and pleaded for her to come home. I was feeling horrible. Upon taking my temperature my temp was too low for the thermometer to read but I was feeling feverish. I laid down and within a few hours my mom came home. She laid down with me in bed and we slept. I was experiencing pain down between my hips and I wasn't sure what it was but it was very uncomfortable and I couldn't pin point it. Upon waking up I got my mom to get out of bed and made it to the bathroom. Upon going there- I took a turn for the worst. I was starting to get extremely dizzy and yelled to my mom to come to me everything was going grey and there was static in my ears and I couldn't hear well. Within moments from that I passed out. My mom said I turned yellow and my color wasn't good. She called 911 and the EMT's arrived in seconds applying oxygen. I was unresponsive and very hazed over. I felt horrific and remember only bits and pieces of that night.

The Prayer Chain Request for that night:

The following request is from Debbie Connett for Victoria Wilcox: **"Please pray for Victoria She has not felt good in the last 24 hours. As I write this they have called 911 and she is on her way to Arnot Hospital. She is trying to have a seizure but the anti seizure medicine is preventing it, this is a good thing I think. Pray for wisdom for her Doctor's that they will be able to come up with the right plan of treatment. Debbie"

Wednesday-

The Big Port Day I was able to get my port placed! (If you click the link on "The Big Port Day" you will be able to see the exact port of which is placed in my chest. Well not really but a photo of one like it and actually that port is about the same exact size as the one I can feel in my chest! It's kind of crazy having this port because I can see the bump. I got two incisions to get the port placed one about a inch and a half and another small one. You can feel the catheter and port very distinctly below my skins surface which is very interesting and a bit un nerving. Especially for those who are weak stomached. The surgery ended up being done late but it was successful and done under local anesthesia. So I was able to wake up quickly and out of the recovery room in a record half hour compared to the gall bladder surgery last week! Although we did discover another allergy- to a pre-cautionary antibiotic they used in order to decrease the risk of infection during surgery. Although it ended up being a hindrance to me rather than helpful and I was an itchy mess. Before the surgery the surgeon took the time to pray a very heartfelt prayer with me and my parents and it was very impressive. I was thankful for his prayer because just upon going into the OR I was scared and began to cry after holding it together all morning. It was all of a sudden too much and he calmed every last nerve. It's amazing how prayer can do that sometimes. That night passed quickly as I slept quite a bit and was very tired due to the fact I stayed up the entire night Wednesday night because I was in a large amount of pain.

Thursday-

Thursday was an awesome day- although I noticed my legs were considerably weaker I walked the halls... Began eating and the pain had dwindled for the most part. And big news I had gotten my breathing doing a lot better! (For those of you who didn't understand the problems that were going on with my lungs- we do believe it was because of the gasses used to blow my stomach up for the gall bladder surgery on Wednesday of last week.) Overall Thursday brought a very positive light and that night I was visited by the little girl Shannon who I shared a room with a few hospital stays ago when she got her tonsils out. She was there with her brother who also had his tonsils removed! Her courage and little joyful spirit brought me a new found hope and I was encouraged by her vibrant smile.

Friday-

Today I got to go home! Of course this was the happiest day out of all of them because I feel much more at peace in my own home in my own area. It is nice to be back where I have a little more control of things and I don't have to rely so much on nurses and things. I also have a little more encouragement since I am able to receive and send out e-mails and text and IM. The computer has become my contact so I am not in complete isolation. Although I do have to say everything is about perspective. What a week it has been!

I am very encouraged and finding new strength each step of the way and although I do not know what is in store for me next I am continuing to be faithful. "We love him because he first loved us." 1 John 4:9-10

The Spot- light:
There are two very special families in my life right now that I believe have both been spot-lighted or had members of their families spot-lighted but have not been given the 100% attention they deserve.

The Lynch family is the first family- as a family they have been extremely supportive and kind and compassionate to our family. Their ongoing love to me and my family is very amazing and each time I call their house whether I speak to one of Sarah's sisters or one of their parents you can sense their compassion and concern in their voice as they talk to me. It's very uplifting for me to have the support that they have given to me. They also have taken over a lot of work with the Lyme walk that I had been kind of doing myself but as of late have had to give up due to dealing with my own health complications. They as a whole are just remarkable and I am very touched to have them there to cheer me on as I continue to get better.

The Vernon Family is the next family I would like to spot-light. I have had their son Caleb in Sunday school and Chris is our youth pastor currently at our church. Although Pastor Chris is taking a leap in faith this year to start a church in NC. Which if you knew Pastor Chris it would seem uncharacteristic of him. He has taught me a lot and deeply touched my life through his faith. Their whole family brings me courage and it's always wonderful to see them running down the hall of the church to wrap their arms around their parents and to see the bright glimmer in his children's eyes. They are very inspirational and I ask of you to join me to pray for their family as they are taking a step into the unknown and they are going completely by faith alone to start this church. Beginning in the living room of their apartment and hopefully growing to a congregation. They most definitely will have a testimony to share and have shown me so many things.

Victoria