A tear falls from my eye and my heart feels so broken.
I don't understand this great big plan God- I don't understand what you have in store for me. I know you are there I know that you care... But today I just don't understand.
Excuse this post as I vent-
Seems as though life comes at you like crashing waves there are small ones hitting your ankles crashing against your legs. You can feel them but they hit you and the sand slowly gets pulled away from underneath your feet. Without noticing your feet are slowly becoming more and more unstable with these little waves here and there. Then after a long time of little ripple waves a bigger wave comes and crashes into your legs it hits and knocks you a bit and you almost lose your balance but all of a sudden you realize that your foundation is weakened. Although you have sat so long noticing nothing now something bigger comes along and you notice your foundation weak. Another wave comes crashing into you this time knocking you over. You lay upon the ground. You sit there letting the waves devour you.
Today I feel alone I feel helpless in a hopeful world- I do not have sight of the future or God's plan. I know it is there I know it is large. Some say it is so large that if he were to tell it to me today I would deem it impossible. I lay in bed and wonder... God I have given you my all why do the waves still crash? Why do painful jabs still strike? Who will be the first to drop their stone?
Spot-light people have been absent lately and I feel today I need to put a few in my entry:
Pastor Tony- He is our youth pastor and it may seem cliché to put people you would expect like a pastor or a parent an aunt or an uncle in as a spot-light person. But Pastor Tony has amazed me he works hard at his job and touching the youth. He has been there for my family so many times and he has known when I need prayer. In fact it seems as though he is constantly offering prayer and love to me and so many others. He is really an awesome youth pastor and I know for a fact God is doing great things through him for me.
Betsy Wipfler- Betsy is a beautiful girl she has a good taste in music. She was one of the first friends I had in high school. My freshman year she was the girl who carried my books while I was on crutches. She was a source of encouragement for me and although our paths have parted she is a wonderful person and she has left an impact on my life that I will not forget.
Jess Piranio- She is my small group leader she always tells us girls that she loves us so much and that she cares about us. She tells us to feel free to call her any time and I guess it's hard to believe that when the whole world is walking out but she has shown that to be true. I have grown to love having her in my life these past few months and I feel more connected to her than ever. She seems to be able to connect with me to share moments to understand and help me cope. She is a wonderful person and I am amazed by her love and compassion towards our small group as a whole. She has such a wonderful personality and love for God she is realistic but she is not pessimistic. She is lovely and I can only say that some day I hope to have an impact in the life of girls just as she has had on mine.
Have a wonderful day- hopefully walking will be back soon.
Showing posts with label Matthew West. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Matthew West. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
I have learned.
So through having Lyme I have learned a little bit-
- I have learned that seeing friends in school is really important and really does help with motivation... Even though I didn't always love school.
- Nurses probably have the hardest job on the planet.
- Parents actually really do have the hardest job and I am amazed at how well my parents parent sometimes even though it's really frustrating.
- That nothing is impossible and allergies are always able to form.
- That social contact is REALLY important and I am not going to miss church this next weekend even if it means bringing me in on a hospital stretcher. (I need that refueling that I get when I go.)
- That really everything happens for a reason and that I have met some amazing people that I never would have met if it hadn't been for this disease- so I can't complain and that in itself is a gift.
- I have learned more medical terms and more about picc line's than many nurses will ever know or understand. And I am getting to know a lot about many different things that I never dreamed of and can use big words and know what I am talking about like Fibrin.
- Many people walk REALLY fast and that no one ever gets used to a teenager being sick and using a walker.
- How much 'normal' life really is taken for granted.
Most importantly-
How important my family is to me even though I can't always show it. And how much I miss my dog when I am not home in my own bed. She's always there for me.
(I don't want to go into details but- I need some major prayer. Things have been crazier...)
My spot-light person is Jessica Stevens and I will post more about her later. For now it's just important you pray for her as well.
Physical Therapy tomorrow!
- I have learned that seeing friends in school is really important and really does help with motivation... Even though I didn't always love school.
- Nurses probably have the hardest job on the planet.
- Parents actually really do have the hardest job and I am amazed at how well my parents parent sometimes even though it's really frustrating.
- That nothing is impossible and allergies are always able to form.
- That social contact is REALLY important and I am not going to miss church this next weekend even if it means bringing me in on a hospital stretcher. (I need that refueling that I get when I go.)
- That really everything happens for a reason and that I have met some amazing people that I never would have met if it hadn't been for this disease- so I can't complain and that in itself is a gift.
- I have learned more medical terms and more about picc line's than many nurses will ever know or understand. And I am getting to know a lot about many different things that I never dreamed of and can use big words and know what I am talking about like Fibrin.
- Many people walk REALLY fast and that no one ever gets used to a teenager being sick and using a walker.
- How much 'normal' life really is taken for granted.
Most importantly-
How important my family is to me even though I can't always show it. And how much I miss my dog when I am not home in my own bed. She's always there for me.
(I don't want to go into details but- I need some major prayer. Things have been crazier...)
My spot-light person is Jessica Stevens and I will post more about her later. For now it's just important you pray for her as well.
Physical Therapy tomorrow!
Sunday, March 9, 2008
A smile is the shortest distance between two people (Víctor Borge)
Yesterday was so busy I am writing this afternoon to bring you up to speed with the past day because to me it seems as though the past day has been many days in one.
Prayers are being answered. I was able to get in to the hospital and get a new picc line placed in only hours after the 3rd one fell out. So I did not miss any treatment and did not fall behind. Thank you for your prayer.
I was so inwardly focused so inward in thoughts I was overwhelmingly outward with my feelings of abandonment. Where I should not place my trust in man but to a greater spirit and not feel betrayed but to feel a greater lesson is learned. Difficult for me because never in a million years if you had asked me in 2004 would I tell you I planned to be walking with a walker, isolated from friends, at the hospital almost daily, receiving an IV and giving it to myself. No this isn't where I would like to be but yes, this is where I am. It has brought me to the bottom and now and only now can it go up. God has really touched me in some VERY big ways in the last few days and it really is all in his hands. The glory is not for me but for him and in a greater way his glory of using me as his vessel. "Yet, O LORD, thou art our Father; we are the clay, and thou art our potter; we are all the work of thy hand. "- Isaiah 64:8
In the morning we had a book meeting for the illustrations of the book that I am doing. It went well and we came up with some brilliant ideas for the book and I am excited to see what is in store. The girls I am working with are really awesome and very talented so I am excited to have this book published and see the finished piece. It is also nice to see the book coming together piece by piece photo by photo.
Then my mother had a jewelry party at the house and we got the necklace and earring set for my prom dress! I am really excited about prom all of a sudden! I think it will be another fun night and it will be nice to be a teen for the evening no thinking about medical things... Little did I know during that jewelry party I wouldn't only be making decisions on what to wear to prom but about going to a concert... We got a phone call that there were about 3 free tickets left to see the tour Boomin' Beyond Measure with- Jeremy Camp and Toby Mac at the First Arena. First of all I knew nothing of the concert and was a little leery but I thought it would be fun and heck it was free! (kinda ironic the local ambulance that takes me when I end up going in the hospital donated these tickets to a local church.)
Not only would this be my first official concert it was also kind of very last minute and I was contacting people just hours before the concert would be beginning! I didn't know who to call or who to turn to... I decided to text Josiah just kinda like hey I am going no matter what now but if you would like to come I have free tickets for the event and since he introduced me to Jeremy Camp I thought he might enjoy it. It was the last thing on my mind he would say yes. But he did and I ended up going to the concert with him. Josiah is my spot-light person for Saturday... (his bio is below)
The evening ended up being extremely moving to me and impacted me in a way beyond words could ever begin to speak. I was truly moved and inspired by the words of each artist. Through the Season of Silence- a testimony by Matthew West to the short words of Jeremy Camp about hearing stories and receiving letters. Everything seemed to fit so perfectly into my life many of the songs were very moving and one was even emotional to me although I had heard them all before seeing the man on stage was quite an experience. I was amazed. This also put me back into the realm of things I felt like a teen for those few hours and although the medical world didn't completely disappear it was almost gone and I was thankful for that. I felt like a teen and there is no word to describe the happiness and joy I felt in my heart. I felt complete and I felt like God had fulfilled my one and only request these last two nights, if he couldn't heal me could he make me feel a little more normal in my situation?
Josiah Knowles-
Josiah is a kind and compassionate kid. That's the first word that comes to my mind when I think of him. He puts many in front of his own obstacles and is a wonderful image of a Passionate Christian. We have known each other for years and within the last few months have become closer friends and kind of have tried to learn more about each other. He has helped me with my walk with God and helped me be able to put more faith in God when everyone else was asking why God? Last night, he showed his true colors being kind and attentive as any friend should be and being himself. We kind of got to know each other past IM's and it was nice. I don't think Josiah will ever truly know what the feeling of complete isolation feels like and no, I don't really either because at least I have this computer to keep somewhat in touch... Although I was really down and just being with another teen and being able to be out of the house different scenery and a completely different twist than visiting or your typical hang out setting I was overwhelmed with how nice it felt to be a teen to be freed of that feeling of being left out or missing out on life. It's so hard to see your friends call you or your friends lives seem as though they are passing in front of you as yours seems to stop. He truly made me feel like a teen despite my walker and saw past my "disability" making sure my parents came even though we ended up waiting around 20 minutes. He has helped me over many different obstacles and things that I feel it is only appropriate he is acknowledged for his efforts and I am thankful for this friendship and is well deserving of the title an "inspirational person- living an inspirational life."- Even if he did learn about my short term memory loss! :)
Another post will be posted later on today and today's inspirational person. Thank you for your prayers and support throughout this. Something that is not so much a battle but a journey of faith.
Prayers are being answered. I was able to get in to the hospital and get a new picc line placed in only hours after the 3rd one fell out. So I did not miss any treatment and did not fall behind. Thank you for your prayer.
I was so inwardly focused so inward in thoughts I was overwhelmingly outward with my feelings of abandonment. Where I should not place my trust in man but to a greater spirit and not feel betrayed but to feel a greater lesson is learned. Difficult for me because never in a million years if you had asked me in 2004 would I tell you I planned to be walking with a walker, isolated from friends, at the hospital almost daily, receiving an IV and giving it to myself. No this isn't where I would like to be but yes, this is where I am. It has brought me to the bottom and now and only now can it go up. God has really touched me in some VERY big ways in the last few days and it really is all in his hands. The glory is not for me but for him and in a greater way his glory of using me as his vessel. "Yet, O LORD, thou art our Father; we are the clay, and thou art our potter; we are all the work of thy hand. "- Isaiah 64:8
In the morning we had a book meeting for the illustrations of the book that I am doing. It went well and we came up with some brilliant ideas for the book and I am excited to see what is in store. The girls I am working with are really awesome and very talented so I am excited to have this book published and see the finished piece. It is also nice to see the book coming together piece by piece photo by photo.
Then my mother had a jewelry party at the house and we got the necklace and earring set for my prom dress! I am really excited about prom all of a sudden! I think it will be another fun night and it will be nice to be a teen for the evening no thinking about medical things... Little did I know during that jewelry party I wouldn't only be making decisions on what to wear to prom but about going to a concert... We got a phone call that there were about 3 free tickets left to see the tour Boomin' Beyond Measure with- Jeremy Camp and Toby Mac at the First Arena. First of all I knew nothing of the concert and was a little leery but I thought it would be fun and heck it was free! (kinda ironic the local ambulance that takes me when I end up going in the hospital donated these tickets to a local church.)
Not only would this be my first official concert it was also kind of very last minute and I was contacting people just hours before the concert would be beginning! I didn't know who to call or who to turn to... I decided to text Josiah just kinda like hey I am going no matter what now but if you would like to come I have free tickets for the event and since he introduced me to Jeremy Camp I thought he might enjoy it. It was the last thing on my mind he would say yes. But he did and I ended up going to the concert with him. Josiah is my spot-light person for Saturday... (his bio is below)
The evening ended up being extremely moving to me and impacted me in a way beyond words could ever begin to speak. I was truly moved and inspired by the words of each artist. Through the Season of Silence- a testimony by Matthew West to the short words of Jeremy Camp about hearing stories and receiving letters. Everything seemed to fit so perfectly into my life many of the songs were very moving and one was even emotional to me although I had heard them all before seeing the man on stage was quite an experience. I was amazed. This also put me back into the realm of things I felt like a teen for those few hours and although the medical world didn't completely disappear it was almost gone and I was thankful for that. I felt like a teen and there is no word to describe the happiness and joy I felt in my heart. I felt complete and I felt like God had fulfilled my one and only request these last two nights, if he couldn't heal me could he make me feel a little more normal in my situation?
Josiah Knowles-
Josiah is a kind and compassionate kid. That's the first word that comes to my mind when I think of him. He puts many in front of his own obstacles and is a wonderful image of a Passionate Christian. We have known each other for years and within the last few months have become closer friends and kind of have tried to learn more about each other. He has helped me with my walk with God and helped me be able to put more faith in God when everyone else was asking why God? Last night, he showed his true colors being kind and attentive as any friend should be and being himself. We kind of got to know each other past IM's and it was nice. I don't think Josiah will ever truly know what the feeling of complete isolation feels like and no, I don't really either because at least I have this computer to keep somewhat in touch... Although I was really down and just being with another teen and being able to be out of the house different scenery and a completely different twist than visiting or your typical hang out setting I was overwhelmed with how nice it felt to be a teen to be freed of that feeling of being left out or missing out on life. It's so hard to see your friends call you or your friends lives seem as though they are passing in front of you as yours seems to stop. He truly made me feel like a teen despite my walker and saw past my "disability" making sure my parents came even though we ended up waiting around 20 minutes. He has helped me over many different obstacles and things that I feel it is only appropriate he is acknowledged for his efforts and I am thankful for this friendship and is well deserving of the title an "inspirational person- living an inspirational life."- Even if he did learn about my short term memory loss! :)
Another post will be posted later on today and today's inspirational person. Thank you for your prayers and support throughout this. Something that is not so much a battle but a journey of faith.
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