Birthday.

Today I am turning 18. So in honor of my 18th year of life I would like to put 18 random facts about myself up because it seems that this is a popular thing to do.

- God is top priority in my life and my drive is given a lot by the force of my faith. I love God with all of my heart and I can't see it any other way. My faith has gotten a lot stronger over the past few years and I have gotten so I can't stand missing church.

- In most of my childhood photos I am dressed up as something either dressing to look like a certain era, or just dressed up and being a ham. I have lots of photos from when I am younger and in all of them I am doing something abnormal. I kind of wonder if I have any that I just smile normal in.

- I absolutely hate starting a new doctor. I hate going there and I hate having them not know anything about me. It stresses me out because I always feel like I am forgetting something.

- Turing 18 is the first age I have felt stressed about turning. I don't want to be 18 for a number of reasons but one being that I won't be a real kid anymore and the bank already sent me a letter saying I was eligible for a new type of bank account.

- I used to be obsessed with keeping my room clean now, I lack motivation to clean my room...

- Painting is my biggest relaxation technique and it calms me down. I haven't found anything else I enjoy doing more- however writing is a close second.

- I absolutely hate crumbs in my bed and will do anything to avoid them even if it means demanding foot washing or changing my sheets at midnight. I need things to be in order.

- Traveling is an awesome thing to do, as long as you're not going to doctors appointments. I hate doctors appointment traveling however I have been out of the country twice to Taiwan and Ireland and I loved it. I hope to go back to Europe again some day. It was beautiful. Taiwan however, not so much but who knows what the future holds.

- I like order and schedule. I would rather have mapped out days and such than a bunch of chaos. I like to know what I am doing in a week advance if it's possible, although many plans don't stick or they fall through last minute.

- Watching the snow fall is one of my favorite activities and I would do it all day if I could, color and watch the snow fall. It's a silent act that's really mesmerizing, thus why I am worried about driving in winter weather.

- When I was younger I used to tell everyone I was going to be a baby doctor. I loved babies and I still do. I find small children to be an amazing thing since we all start as a single cell. The complexity of our minds and everything baffles me. Now at least 14 years later, I am still considering the medical field and I love people.

- Now I see the brain as one of the most interesting things in the body. I can't see it as anything other than something I wonder if we will ever fully understand.

- One of my biggest motivators is my grandmother she was a wonderful woman and I can't imagine what life would be like if I had never met her. She always made me think I could do anything I put my mind to and put a lot of faith in me. She even used to let me cook and peel potatoes and do anything I could to help in the kitchen even if it meant taking a little longer to teach me and watching me cut my finger and learn things the hard way. She never was too busy. I hope if anything I can take the compassion and her love for God, and people and her pace back to my own life.

- I live for the moments I can step out of my comfort zone and overcome something or make myself a better person from an experience. Even just speaking up when I am nervous. However, I think there is a limit that should be put to these moments or else it becomes even more stressful.

- I really am amazed by God and the way he works in people. I think that is awesome and I always am interested to see what his plan is next. I don't agree with his plan 100% of the time and if I was God sometimes I think I would never want anyone to die... However I feel that some of my biggest spiritual growth was when I was hanging on by a thread. Plain and simple God to me is the best thing that ever happened to me and I am in love with him.

- My favorite years of my life were the years spent in elementary school. I loved the wonder I had then and I try to tune back in with that wonder from time to time. I love simple things and I can sit for hours enjoying little things rather than big complex things.

- I am really reliant on my computer and all of the data it stores. I am concerned about how much I use my computer and I kind of hope that I can start to work away from that by the time I turn 19. Hopefully this will be something I fixed over the course of a year. I don't want to adjust to my reliance of the computer though.

- I dislike people who find it their job to be negative. I am all about cheering people up, however I also believe that you have a time that you can be negative but I don't like it if you think it's okay to stay that way for a long time. It really bothers me and I will do anything in my power to let you know I still care about you. I really do love people and I will do my best to give you my undivided attention. If you don't feel like I am giving it to you, you can call me- if I am distracted then, then you know something is wrong with me. I don't usually pick my phone up unless I am ready to talk.

Bonus- One year as a birthday gift.. My twin cousins were born on my birthday. Although at the time I wasn't sure if I was completely thrilled about sharing the date, I absolutely love sharing my birthday with them now. These two little girls are splendid and I love their zest for life and their sweet personalities. Below is a photo of them and their older sister and I the day of my testimony.

Today is my 18th year of life. I am thankful for this year and I am so thankful for the 17th year where I learned a lot about myself. I feel like every year I grow older I am a little more in tune with myself. I am so glad that I have been able to get into my skin and wear out my body a little more this year and I am thankful for everyone in my life. As a birthday present to me- lurkers de-lurk. If you are a reader who has come for awhile and you don't comment, comment. I would love to hear from you! Dad, this means you. :) So to all of the February 4th birthday's Happy Birthday!

Now just for fun because I thought it would be here is my year in review in words- Things that only happen once and happened while I was 17.

Sister moved out and then moved to her own apartment- First steady boyfriend- First surf competition- First time I swam from our cottage to elephant rock, not only facing my fears of seaweed and dark water but also swimming a great amount still being sick and never doing it before- First kiss- First annual Lyme Walk was started by Sarah and I- First time I ever had a problem with chloraprep- First surgery- First time going to camp since I got sick- First small group setting this summer, loved it so much I have a deep passion for making it to my small group at church because I love the setting and the people we have in it.- First time sharing my testimony to others and finding out how much others could care about me. It was an awesome experience and I wouldn't trade it for the world.- First youth pastor I really connected with moved away- Got accepted to my first college- Tackled my fear of public speaking and never looked back.- Found that with God, anything is possible and have learned to pray about everything, still working on the worry about nothing part.- Met one of my cousins who is 30 something for the first time and learned a lot about fishing. I think it's in our blood- Submitted my art and writing to the first contests ever and earned honorable mention on my art, still haven't heard anything about my writing.- Went to my first and maybe only prom I will ever go to- Met my first band in person.- Found my true passion for people and started a lot of things like a Lyme Christmas program and now we're starting a local 501(c)3 program that will be non-profit and can raise money for local activities.

That is my year of firsts and only moments. I am sure there are many more. Celebrate with me, I would love to share cake with you and your family. Go ahead make a cake in honor of the day I turn 18 and share some sugary delight with me! Festivities begin this weekend with a little party this weekend, nothing big just something. (note- if you share cake make sure you let me know so I can see a picture!)

2008 in photos

2008 brought many things both new, old and otherwise- here is a photo for every month for the year of 2008. I am sad to see it go but ready for all of the new beginnings that are yet to unfold. Happy New Year! May this New Year bring all of you a new beginning and health and happiness to you and your loved ones.

Busy Busy Busy... Silence?

I am so sorry I have lacked to show any enthusiasm this past while in the blogosphere. I wish I had something exciting to say like I just got back from a surprise free trip to a Caribbean Cruise. However that's not the case at all. I have just been catching up with friends and family, and I am very thankful that I can say for once- it's not because I didn't have anything to write! It's because I didn't have enough time to sit down and actually compile my thoughts. My room has been a mess things have been chaotic and it's starting to settle down. I have two art pieces to get done my Monday both that are highly complex but do-able. So that will be nice when those are finally done.

I continue to be humbled by the comments people leave and the sincerity in their words. I am meeting many wonderful people. For now, I have another essay to write for a scholarship and artwork to do and a book I would like to finish! Life is crazy but that's okay. I soon will be back in school and with some sort of schedule. I also will be getting feedback from the two colleges I applied to. So we shall see! I am thinking about going to visit them too here in January! Maybe towards the end of the month. I want to take my artwork and such to them. I am quite excited. So there is a brief update. I will write more later.

Giving it all to you.

So I went back to school today first time back in about 3 weeks or so. It was really nice to be back to school. I love going back and seeing people I love them in all their germs and glory even if it does mean working and losing more strength and energy than the other kids I attend school with. Even if they can't relate I just love going to school... It is the biggest challenge and the greatest reward it makes me tired and weary and it makes me feel rusty and old but it's the greatest thing seeing people seeing happiness seeing struggle. Seeing other people my age. I wouldn't change my day at school even if it does leave me worn out. God gives me a body to use not to preserve. Tonight I just am really happy to be here and I wanted to just write about something that laid heavy on my heart tonight.

Don't take the time you have here for granted, don't take the relationships you have here for your personal use. For before too long the days that were seeming so long will quickly slip between your finger tips. Yeah, hours will turn to minutes days to hours and before you know it your life will be quickly fading away. I don't know what to say other than I am so glad that you're here now and today. I am so thankful for so many people and for the next while I am going to be spot-lighting again.

Tonight my Spot- light is on my dad.

My dad is a guy of few words, or many and he can really make me think. Sometimes I don't really get what he's saying and sometimes he gets me really confused. But one thing I know for sure, is that he loves me. It might be confusing at times but I know that he has been there at the hospital when I have had to go in he has been there listening to my cries call out and I know he will be there any day I am on unconscious. My dad is a person I look up to- he lost his father at about this age and I cannot even imagine the pain or suffering that causes. I can guess or try to think of it but I will never really know. He showed strength he emptied bed pans and helped out around the house he was the youngest he was strong willed. I think he holds a lot of his mother within his heart. He is good to others, he shows compassion to others, and he has a strong spirit. My grandmother is one of my biggest role models today. I am so glad I practically lived at her house growing up and I am so thankful my parents blessed me with that time with her. I remember distinctly a night, my dad asked me if I wanted to go to the babysitters or his mothers the next day- knowing I would get to see other kids my age I said the babysitters and I remember him getting mad at me. I didn't understand why he was mad but now, looking back upon it I know something I didn't know then. Time is limited time is not bought and time is not a gift, our days here are numbered and I should handle them as though they are something wonderful because that it truly is. The days I spent wasting away hours I wish I could have learned more from people like her. It just reminds me there is so much still yet to learn especially from my elders. I can't thank my dad enough for being at my bedside for holding my hand for giving me a stern word or two and showing his way through. I am really glad my dad is my dad and I wouldn't trade him for the world. He has instilled a taste of music within me and he has shown me that with a little courage I can do absolutely anything. He will put his job on the line to be with his family and he has surrendered all he has. I guess, sometimes we're blind to these things but he taught me one thing for sure I know that the all mighty dollar does not come over relationship. Never will and never should. I am so very blessed with the people in my life especially my dad. He is a wonderful man he really is. So dad, here's to you, thanks. You're really great and all the nice comments you read on here, yeah dad that's to you too because you raised me with a stern tone and a pat on the back. I am so every thankful for you dad.

Hello?

Hello?

Do I still have a few readers?

How do you do today?

I hope all is well in the states across the U.S. and around the world!

I know it has been a long time since I updated. 

Oh where to begin, oh where to begin.

Days have been upward and downward and filled with summer breeze.

I got to go to a surf competition in North Carolina. Where I met a very inspirational family. The Silvagni family has shown me the light of yet another family who finds the comfort of blood bonds between one another during adversity. The older brother in the family was diagnosed with Lyme disease and since that day they have had a fight to give Andrew the best treatment possible. Upon giving good treatment comes a good amount of doctor bills of course. So Tony the younger brother has started Surf Competitions to support his brother and the financial need of his medical state. As Mrs. Silvagni stated she hopes "that some day this competition can help other families like her own." At the competition you saw not just a family but the town of Kure Beach, NC band together for this family. It was truly amazing to see the connection of people and how they worked together to make a huge competition be a success for all. Fun and Lyme in the same sentence is rare but that weekend it was common and seen across Carolina Beach. That's not all Tony was doing that weekend- he had opened his home to many and led them into the world as he knows it he gave us a place to stay and showed us true southern hospitality. I was impressed to say the least but Silvagni isn't a little known name in the world of surfing and although Tony may have been named one of the top surfer's in the United States he holds his ties to home and his genuine compassion to those around him. It was an awesome weekend and I encourage you to read more at their local paper Island Gazette. Congratulations to the Silvagni family on a third successful year for their surf competition.

Just after that weekend I started tutoring like mad for the World History Regents Exam that I would have to take on August 13th. After a morning of turning ill and vomiting I went to the test with studying behind me and eyes on getting at least a passing grade. And the verdict is- I passed! So on to Senior year I can go and hopefully I will be entering the school with my head held high and my health turning to a brighter side.

Then just after that Jake planned a surprise party for my return to school with close friends and the love and support of family it was an encouragement to see everyone before starting school in just a few weeks. It was a selfless act he did just days before he went away to school and boy did he surprise me and I think it was known to all with a scream that they received as everyone jumped up in the air. Then laughter and good times filled the evening and it was known to all that Senior year was only beginning!

Just a few days ago yet another change came upon me with Jake off to college and into the world of dorms and excitement! You can track his roommate Matt and him here. Where they share the frustrations and curiosity of two country kids venturing off into the city of Pittsburgh, PA as two graphic design majors. When one door shuts another door opens. It is turning into a fast paced week this week as the summer months wind down to weeks and what just seems like yesterday everyone was getting out of school and excited for summer everyone is entering back into the same building. With a new auditorium renovation and the crisp college ruled paper we all are returning to another year of high school. For some it's only the beginning and for me it's going to be my final year there. 

It's interesting how school goes here in the United States, if you're like many of the families that I grew up with staying in the small town setting and raising a family is what they're all about. So as time passed the kid you hated in kindergarten ended up being in your class at least 4 times by the time you had reached sixth grade. You were forced to know these kids and know the families by the time you had reached sixth grade. Heck by the time you had reached sixth grade you knew all the kids you were going to school with, most of the teachers in the building, and the principal, nurse, and every single lunch lady. You are forced to know them. Then seventh grade comes along and your pushed into middle school meeting new kids but still staying isolated to a degree with a separation of kids onto "teams" so you got a chance to have your 4 core classes with the same kids and you got to know them for two years. Then ah to High School the end of the destination where you have your final school with many of those same kids you attended elementary school with. You shared laughs, memories, times of both good and bad, babysitters and maybe even a pacifier or two. Our schools have forced many of us to become very close friends and family and for the first time in many of our lives in June we will take a step that we have never taken before. We will walk away from our small towns and villages and walk into the United States dispersing across the U.S. and maybe even across the globe- only holding one common bond as classmates of the graduating class of 2009.

It's going to be interesting and boundaries of school walls are no longer as we all look into the future- college and career paths. To the Army, to the workforce, to a trade of some sort, we are the future. 

With that being said,

I go to visit my first college this Friday and I am excited to say I am looking into majoring in Physical Therapy. 

I hope to be feeling better by Friday and shaking the bug that has been lingering within me. 

Looking towards the future and a more consistent blog format once again,

Victoria

Could your life be seen as a Pandora's box?

After watching a Into the Wild with Jake tonight a lot of thoughts arose-

Is our daily life so consistent that we ourselves are afraid to steer away from the American dream push away the all mighty dollar and seek what is left to who we are within?
What are we really afraid of what is our true fear?
Inadequacy?
Failure?
Spiders?
Love?
Snakes?
Blood?
Danger?
Rejection?
Sickness?
What is it that we fear so much that we would be willing to let go of all we have to seek a different lifestyle rather than confront it?

What do I see of my past? What do I hope for my future? Why do I think these things?

I challenge myself with these thoughts pondering the word of the day-

Pandora's Box- n: a prolific source of troubles.

After looking further into the word and reading the did you know I share this about the words:
According to Greek mythology, the problems brought by Pandora's box started with Prometheus. He was a Titan, one of the first Greek gods, and he stole the secret of fire from his fellow gods and shared it with mortal humans. To punish humans, the gods then created Pandora. Each god gave her a gift to make her appealing (her name comes from the Greek word meaning "all-gifted" or "all-giving"). The gods then sent her to the mortals with a box full of evils. Pandora's curiosity prompted her to open the box, and all those ills escaped to plague humanity. Only hope remained to help humans bear their suffering.
(all information on Pandora's Box gathered from the word-a-day calendar)

Do you grasp a Pandora's Box?
A past clutch of uncertainty.

It makes me think about what I am and who I really am. What I am to myself but not to those around me. Could I give my all to really let go and would I let something from my past eat me up to the point I could not escape it until my death made me escape it?

I quote Christopher McCandless' writing into a book "Happiness only real when shared."

So I bring you the raw me the past and present and each chapter of life unfolded to share because what would life be if it was boxed for no one else to see?

I stay up an extra bit to write waiting for some pain to dull so I can sleep but I think greatly about my past how I miss it but how it is in general.

A thought on the past:
But that was still then and this is still now-
Nothing will ever change that...
What could have been will loom above
and what is yet to be will linger in the air yet to be breathed.
For that was then and this is now!
A new adventure yet to unfold!
So live today as full as possible
because this is the only chance you'll get-
At living the present.
Written by: Victoria Wilcox

I post this not to challenge you but challenging myself making myself think digging deeper than what's on the surface searching for the answers of the unknown. Sharing to people who may never see the inside of the hospital the way I did- showing because that's what I can do. I can leave my print and I will not back down.

Although if you feel like it take this chance to think.

This one is for my Aunt Debbie a raw un-edited un-spell checked version of what goes through my mind maybe not an update maybe not anything at all just thoughts jotted down creating an entry.

My Spot-light:

Aunt Debbie-

My Aunt Debbie has continued to support me through each trial and tribulation and you can frequently find a comment under at least one of my posts a week! She has been there to write to the prayer chain she has been there to say hello and she is always dropping notes of encouragement to me in my inbox. In the most unexpected moments I will receive a little note pushing me to keep on going. She encourages my writing and encourages each thing I do with all she has no matter what despite everything she has in her own life she manages to come to my events and this year she has decided to come to the Lyme walk a huge step in my life instead of going to one of our pastors son's weddings. For some you may think she should be at the Lyme walk supporting her niece but she doesn't have to be- and the man who is getting married has been like a son to her so it was a very hard decision for her to make. I honor her for making this decision and her continued strength that she has. I am truly blessed!

Splendid Saturday- Posted on a Sunday!

two teens, a yellow dress, a parade of carpenter ants, a case of uncomfortable shoes, 92 bobby pins, and loads of fun. Resulting in a night in the tropics!

Can I just say- Oh what a lucky girl I am! :)

Yesterday was filled with everything that could make me completely and absolutely exhausted but I loved every moment of it. It was everything I could have planned in a hospital bed and even more! For in my hospital bed I never dreamt I would have a date and even more than that a date that was so kind and compassionate like Jake was to me! It was such a lovely evening.

We started out at my house with pictures with the parents... It was really nice and not too stressful! We got lots and lots of pictures though I think Jake and I were almost always looking at opposite cameras there were so many camera's to look at! This day really felt like a mile marker for me. In my health and in my life in general it just made me really realize how far I have come from being on the verge of always being in the hospital to actually being able to visit the hospital without the bells and whistles of an ambulance and an oxygen mask!

Although I have to say there is one thing that will never be the same and it's the time you lose when you're not in school. It's the thing no one can replace nor can they take care of- I felt like a stranger with the kids I've went to school with for at least 3 years... Just maybe not physically and been in the district for 12 years. It was the weirdest feeling I've ever had. Weirder than getting a picc line pulled!

There were sooo many people who made this day possible I couldn't possibly begin to name names... For if it weren't for the EMT's who responded promptly to each call that I was on the end of, or the nurses who jumped into action while I was seizing, or the doctors who knew just what medication to order. This day would most definitely not be possible.

There are some other people that really made the day extra special and they are the people I call family. I was able to say my aunt did my hair. Not some stranger at a beauty shop but my own aunt. I was able to say my professional photos were not those done with artistic creations of a professional that I paid $50 for but the photos were the creations of Jake's father and my family. Making them a little more personal. I was so blessed by having my father and my mother and my sister all together for me. And having my grandparents come over was a nice treat as well!

After we had our photo's taken at home we went to dinner at The Hill Top Inn.

http://www.hill-top-inn.com/ Which was a complete and absolute surprise to me! I had no idea where we were going and we went to a gas station before we went to dinner and we joked we were having Pizza Hut express or Subway! :)

Afterwards we went to the hospital to visit the nurses and then visit my two favorite 4D patients the two Roses! :)

Then we got to the prom and although by the time I got there I was quite beat we made it almost to the end. I was very tired by the time I got home but still filled with lots of nervous energy. It was a wonderful evening and even though I wish I could have danced a little more or been a little more comfortable with the people around me I was very happy to have gone and know this can only be the beginning of gathering a control over my Lyme! :)

Thank you so much for all the prayers and continued prayer. I promise you it's working.

Today I give a spot-light to one of the most influential people that have been in my life thus far-
My grandma Wilcox. Her name was Laura Wilcox and she lived her life for others. Today as we thought in church about what filled our box in life- I would have to say her box was filled with love, a little pinch of big eyes and a large amount of prayer. She was always baking or knitting and knitting Christmas stockings is what she loved to do... I will never forget her large collection of aprons and the unique toys that harbored at her home. She was such a wonderful woman inside and out I find a tear on my cheek as I write about her. My grandpa today- my mother's father was looking at the photos and when her name came up he said oh how she would've loved to see this day! And it brought back so many memories of cooking bread together cutting cookies and learning how to peel potatoes. I am so thankful that I got to have her in my life and I'm thankful for the fact that I know I have her looking down on me and all I can say is- Grandma- you won't be disappointed.

More Photos Below! Enjoy!

And for my grandpa- Where is this Arbor located? I just can't think where it would be!

Untitled.

Supporting one is supporting the future.

The support you reach out to give to another person either through a helping hand or through insight you have within. You support that person to support others. You give the glimpse of hope to them and give them an intangible gift- A gift of hope a gift of future beyond that night. Beyond the hour or the minute you have but giving to another. It's something that some may feel to busy for it's something others do as a daily thing.

But tonight more than ever I realized if my personal life is so busy that I can't stop to smell the flowers and take a deep breath then it's time to lighten the load. For if you cannot give to another person you cannot give to the future. For giving is not much but what they take away could be an eternity.

I cannot explain exactly why this is being said tonight for there are many feelings that were stirred throughout the day. But next time your day seems too busy look at the grass and know that it too grows just to get cut away. But continues growing for it wants to reach forward to the sun and reach out- Take it from the grass an ordinary miracle.

Reach out and reach within- whether you need help or you haven't gave reach for the future for that's something we've all got to live.

The best gift I could ever be given.

Last night was the best gift I could ever be given... Last night I spoke at church to the senior high and it was so amazing. I couldn't have asked for a better more genuine audience. Many kids were more than receptive of my situation and how it played out. Many came up to me and said that they would pray for me and I know that I have touched a few lives and what gift is more worthwhile than the gift of eternity in heaven. I am so very blessed to be able to be a "missionary" through my story that I have lived. People are given hope and acceptance of their own lives through what life has given me. I am so very blessed. I don't know who touched who more the audience touching me and amazing me with their gracious hearts and open minds or my story- my life... Touching them! It was very amazing to be able to go up there and be there with strength I didn't realize I had to share my roller coaster ride. I cannot thank everyone who came enough! For it was an awesome night!

Spot-light-

There are a few well deserving people that will go in the spot-light today (along with a request for prayer for them, I know they are complete strangers but- every prayer counts!)

The Hart Family-
This family has a love of God and each other they are amazing beyond words could ever tell and they are faithful with their prayer and love for others. Mrs. Hart has a dedication to the services for others and love for teens. They came to visit me in the hospital and have continued to pray and help encourage me every step of the way. I am very blessed to have them in my life and most of all I am very glad they have been there thus far. I ask you to pray for their family as Mr. Harts brother goes through a difficult time with prostate cancer levels.

Pastor Chris-
I think he's going for an all time record of being my spot-light person. From my bedside at Arnot to my side at Victory praying with me and offering words of comfort... He really has opened my eyes to realize that if God has a vision anything can happen and the most inadequate words in my eyes become adequate for so many. It's amazing to see the work he has done for us as a student ministry and if I haven't mentioned it yet- we're all sad to see him go as he continues on his way to plant a new church in North Carolina. I ask for a few prayers for him and his family as he goes through this transition-
- That a name is formed for the church- there is still no name for the church and they cannot do tax things, etc. without a name for it.
- That Pastor Chris is at ease as he shares his story of life this upcoming Sunday and those who hear it have an uplifted heart about what he shares.
- That as a family they find connection and love through one another as they grow to know God and are able to continue to rely in his faith.

Last but not least and certainly the most important-

The Students that came to my testimony last night-
I hope they all have went to school today taking with them a new perspective on life with a new love for others and they continue to seek God and find what they need through the troubles that they face.
- Pray for each student and that they will be blessed and find love where they need it most.

Thanks for supporting me this far! (go ahead pat yourself on the back :))

I am very thankful for all those who have supported me and continue to support me. What a great thing it is to have in my favor.

Hope this is the beginning to another wonderful week-

Love,
Victoria

Feeble and Fortunate on a Friday

All morning and afternoon I slept as much as possible due to the fact I am trying to heal. I also was able to get up and moving around a little as the day went on. My right lung is still struggling a little and is very painful to breathe deep breaths but I keep trying to breath in and out nice and big to hopefully find it not so painful one of these times. I keep working with the blue thing that measures my air pressure and I can't seem to get it much further than zero. I thought it might be broken... But then my dad got it to 2000. So it's definitely not broken!

I am very fortunate that my father is home with me because although he and I can get a little upset with each other he stands up for me and he has helped me a great amount. He sticks by my side and tries to get as much as he can done in little amounts of time.

We're prepping for next Wednesday and I got some blood work done to check my levels and see how everything is going there today... So for the next few weeks I will continue to go to the hospital for my infusion and then hopefully after the placement of the port we will be able to just go once a week to get the needle changed... That's hopefully the new plan of attack will allow us to do the infusions at home like we were doing with the picc and give us a little more freedom so we aren't constantly at the hospital.

My body is weak and I can feel that but, I know that I can get through this and I am fortunate to have so many people to stand behind me...

Tonight- This goes out to ALL LYMIES everywhere and anywhere-

We're spot-lighted-

I have met some of the most miraculous people on my journey to good health and you know how they say in the US Army an Army of One? I visualize us all as an Army of one. For we must band together to be strong and carry on to support each other and help each other through the hardest of days. I hope that each lymie that reads this will take this and know each night, I pray for every lymie those who have been diagnosed and those who are yet to be diagnosed. This disease is not fun and has brought down families of many. And together we're standing strong to carry on and fight the disease that many doctors are ignorant of. So tonight I spot-light a large group of people my support system of other lymie's and I say here's to a cure in our future! I am doing my best to help the cure become a reality and you can too just by sharing a little bit of light about Lyme Disease and what you have learned.

Thanks so much guys!

There is one person especially and specifically I am choosing to spot-light that touched my life very deeply in the last 24 hours and deserves some glory and fame. Her name is Joy. Joy to me is a very wonderful woman on the inside and the outside and I met her my first time I did a play at church she played a character who was quite humorous and always bickering with our other "neighbor" in the play. Over time Joy and I have had limited contact and she and I haven't always been able to stay in touch. Although when we do see each other there is one thing Joy never lacks and that's a smile. She is so upbeat and she is such a wonderful woman. She amazes me with her faith in God and her sincere compassion towards children and her family. She continues to be strong even throughout all of the adversities she has spoken to me and not spoken to me. She really deserves to be a special spot-light and I am thankful for her. What an awesome woman. Thanks for bringing Joy to my life Joy!

I hope this weekend is full of lots of rest and healing... For church is just around the corner!

Love,

Victoria

I have learned.

So through having Lyme I have learned a little bit-

- I have learned that seeing friends in school is really important and really does help with motivation... Even though I didn't always love school.

- Nurses probably have the hardest job on the planet.

- Parents actually really do have the hardest job and I am amazed at how well my parents parent sometimes even though it's really frustrating.

- That nothing is impossible and allergies are always able to form.

- That social contact is REALLY important and I am not going to miss church this next weekend even if it means bringing me in on a hospital stretcher. (I need that refueling that I get when I go.)

- That really everything happens for a reason and that I have met some amazing people that I never would have met if it hadn't been for this disease- so I can't complain and that in itself is a gift.

- I have learned more medical terms and more about picc line's than many nurses will ever know or understand. And I am getting to know a lot about many different things that I never dreamed of and can use big words and know what I am talking about like Fibrin.

- Many people walk REALLY fast and that no one ever gets used to a teenager being sick and using a walker.

- How much 'normal' life really is taken for granted.

Most importantly-

How important my family is to me even though I can't always show it. And how much I miss my dog when I am not home in my own bed. She's always there for me.

(I don't want to go into details but- I need some major prayer. Things have been crazier...)

My spot-light person is Jessica Stevens and I will post more about her later. For now it's just important you pray for her as well.

Physical Therapy tomorrow!

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. - e.e. cummings

Alright, So I am a very visual person. You can read to me but nothing hits me like a few photos. So I have made the below video to document the last few months of my life: (We also had a surplus of photos from the last hospital stay because we're using them for the Children's book I am illustrating.)

Good News! I did not cry yesterday after getting my hair done. It was a
relief. Today I feel quiet don't want to say much but do have a few things. Awhile ago my youth pastor shared with me how he disliked people trying to sell him things over the phone. He was like soon you end up in 20 minute conversations with them over their product. It frustrates him... So I got an idea I was intrigued by his disgust and like all of us usually are... Out for a
little fun!

So I decided I was going to be Gretchen from a pencil company. I called his number and he answered right away."Hello this is Gretchen from the pencil company we would like to help you share the message Jesus has in your heart and speak to your youth through our pencils"Pastor Chris started laughing and laughing... He had no idea who it was! Although he knew it was a joke... Every other kid would be in school. It was great! Soon I told him who I was and he thought it was even funnier. So yeah a sick kid can have a little fun once in awhile.

Today is my first official Inspirational Person... I thought long and hard about this and decided it would have to be someone who was noticed within the last 24 hours of my life upon doing something.

Today is Pastor Chris & his wife Ashley:

Okay so I remember Pastor Chris' first year at Victory youth group was on Wednesday nights and we did some pretty crazy stuff and sometimes got really messy. I almost think messy is an understatement when coming to the one kick off Sunday when they covered the new youth room with tarps and we did all sorts of relay races. I thought that he was crazy. To let us Middle School and High School students run through jello, run with eggs, pretty much it was A LOT worse than 100 finger painting 4 year olds. I was like wow. This doesn't even feel like youth group. I started going regularly on Wednesday nights and I really enjoyed it. I had never had a pastor touch me on such a deep level. He spoke with a southern accent yeah, but that didn't compare to the messages he shared with us about God and he really hit home almost every time I heard him speak. Soon youth group was moved to Sunday nights and I was unable to come as frequently because of schedule conflict. Although I did and still do go once in awhile. He has been an amazing pastor at our church and brought in teens by what seems to be bus loads to our church. He has reached so many and is a wonderful man. He also always finds time in his schedule to come visit me while I am in the hospital. EVEN when I was way up in Rochester he came. He is a very devoted person and has really changed my life.

Now, I wouldn't be able to tell you about Chris without telling you about his wife Ashley. I don't know her well actually I do believe we have only been together on one occasion for worship and that was at a girls night out function for church. I went we made journals and the journal I made was the first journal I ever kept. I wrote prayers and prayer requests and that was as simple as it was because I was against journaling. Through that night she taught us a lot. A lot about being women through Christ and we did a lot of different but fun things. Her journal led me to journal on and now I have a new journal that I write in a lot. Through that one note she left in the journal she gave each of us it inspired me to reach out and see Christ on a different level.. Now I will admit I didn't take a leap and poof I was spiritual and I still have issues with faith every now and then but she was a big stepping stone to where I am today. I will close with her note to us and then a poem.

"A journal is not only a record of events that touch our lives
and change us, it is a private space in which we can meet God and see His hand
touch our lives through answered prayer. My prayer for you is that you will seek
the Lord daily and allow him to mold you into the person
He would have you be. I believe in you. Stay Faithful!"
In His Strength & Joy,
Ashley
October, 2003

Now the poem:

DON'T GIVE UP HOPE

Hope gives you the strength to keep going when you feel like giving up.
Don't ever quit believing in yourself.
As long as you believe you can, you will have a reason for trying. Don't let anyone hold your happiness in their hands; hold it in your own, so it will always be within your reach.
Don't measure success or failure by material wealth, but by how you feel. Our feelings determine the riches in our lives.
Don't let bad moments overcome you.
Be patient, and they will pass.
Don't hesitate to reach out for help; we all need it from time to time. Don't runaway from Love, but towards love; because it is our deepest joy.
Don't wait for what you want to come to you.
Go after it with all that you are; knowing that life will meet you half way.
Don't feel like you've lost when plans and dreams fall short of your hopes.
Anytime you learn something new about yourself, or about life, you have progressed. Don't do anything that takes away from your self-respect.
Feeling GOOD about yourself is essential to feeling GOOD about life.
Don't ever forget how to laugh or be too proud to cry. It is by doing both that we live life to the FULLEST.
~author unknown~

This is all for today. Enjoy the video! Hope you had a wonderful day.

Sneak Preview

So tomorrow I will have an update and a good post.

This is my last daily inspiration:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mHaFMqde6A

Do we need test results to make us do this?

Tired out long day,

Check back tomorrow!

Hey look ma, I am not running into our new woodwork!

I have upgraded from the wheelchair to the walker. Although I am such a sight with the walker and my pitiful walking I will not be amusing on lookers with my stylish walker and relying upon the wheelchair in public.

**A quick explanation of my heading- As many of you know we had an addition put on our house just before I got very ill. So we have a beautiful kitchen and all new cupboards and woodwork (wood floors, cabinets, etc.) throughout our house! What a dream for my mother... Then clunk, clunk, clunk you hear me coming through the house from the other end when I am in my wheelchair. I can personally tell it hurts her to see her teen in a wheelchair AND to see her teen side-swiping the new cabinets! So it is of great relief that I am building strength each day.**

I was unable to go to the chiropractor today due to very yucky weather outside and my father was concerned about icy roads since we would have had to leave early in the morning. Which was understandable and due to the fact I was not able to sleep last night very well I was VERY thankful when he said hey, Tori go back to sleep we re-scheduled your appointment.

I busied my day with working on photo shop I am sure it will be my addiction until I have completed the children's book that I have been challenged to illustrate. I am so excited about it yet nervous. I have no idea what I want to do yet 100's of idea's! It should be interesting to see how it turns out.

Tomorrow will be another busy day-

I have a Physical Therapy Appointment in the morning of which I am positive they will whip my butt into shape and tell me how it is. Even though I have yet to meet a horribly mean physical therapist and they actually were my favorite team in the hospital because they gave me hope of getting out of there!

I am also going to get my hair done. A big relief to have my hair washed by my aunt and not my mom. (no offense mom!) My mom just doesn't seem to get all of the soap out of my hair and I can't complain because I am too busy using up all of my strength holding myself in a position so she can wash my hair. It's frustrating being sick, my suggestion: DON'T GET SICK! So I am excited to go get my hair done. (below is a bio on my Aunt Debbie, kinda like Kally's except I don't know her favorite color.)

I got a few uplifting e-mails about this blog. People are happy that I am keeping them updated past my days in a hospital bed. I am happy that people are willing to support me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vi1uX7PpgXg my inspiration for the day!

I think about it a lot and you know people say what I am going through is horrible but maybe it’s the way God is getting my attention for something later on in life. If we all are willing to be used by him we must be willing to go through whatever it takes to get us ready to do his will. After all his son was nailed to a cross is your faith so strong you would be willing to place it all in his hands? Never look back take a leap of faith and be ready to be 100% used by him. That is my thought today.

This is my return.

**Aunt Debbie- hm. well first off she is a hairdresser, mother, aunt, sister, daughter, grandmother, piano player, some Sundays helps with the worship team, yeah she is pretty awesome. She also has inspired me. She inspires me because she never gives up and keeps on going and keeps focus on God even though she is quiet and doesn't say much her silence speaks a great amount. She is a wonderful woman and she also does my hair and believe me: there is one place you never want to deal with me and that's when I am going to get my hair done. I usually can never get a sentence out with my idea of how I want my hair my idea is constantly changing and then at the end I usually end up in tears over the haircut! So to be able to deal with that alone makes her a saint. She also had 2 knee replacement surgeries and has trouble with her shoulders yet she continues to work, provide for her 3 grand-children, husband, and two sons. She has been a great asset to the Lyme Walk and she constantly reminds me of things that need to be updated and gives me the honest truth when things don't look great. She also sends me some really thought provoking e-mails that can either make me laugh, smile, or cry or sometimes all three. She has really helped me with a lot of things that go unspoken and is a truly amazing woman. Another inspiration in my life. My Aunt Debbie.**

Here's to a good night and pushing forward!

Victoria.

Happy New Year!

Feeling a little more chipper today but I am still not myself. Sarah came today for awhile this afternoon and tonight I am getting together with our family.

Wishing each and every one of you a wonderful New Year here's to health and happiness!

Love,
Victoria

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

So, I guess if I am going to have a blog to inform people... Maybe I should update it a little more frequently than I do. I apologize for that. It takes so long for me to actually focus on the blog I find little time to actually do it. Ah well, here I am to update.

The hustle and bustle of Christmas and the holiday season is coming to a close alas. I found myself with one of the most rewarding and exciting Christmas' in my whole life. I am truly blessed with the love and compassion that over fills this household and I am so glad that I have such a great support system.

Well, I will go on chronological order thanks to my trusty cellular device I have the exact events that occurred each day since the 19th.

On the 19th, I visited the school playing my part as Santa Claus although I did not come decked out in a red suit or a burly white beard I did however bring gifts. Delivering them to the nurses office and my Art teacher and getting to see my Art class was extremely exciting. I stayed for about 45 minutes and then made my way home, we got a little worried after seeing the nurse run down the hall with a wheelchair and the bright orange bag. Things are never good when you see the nurse running! That night was pretty uneventful...

The next day the 20th, I got to go see the little boy I babysit in his school concert. What a laugh! It was quite humorous and I couldn't help but giggle at all of the children up there singing and well being goofy with the over dressed little girls and the ADHD little boys it was completely hysterical. Then I was caught with two unplanned surprises after the holiday concert! I was hobbling my way to the front door as a caravan of cars approached my house... Now I thought to myself this can't be for me because Ashley only said she had a and I quote small surprise. But yes her and her church came to sing me Christmas carols and delivered me a plate of delicious Christmas cookies. That was a first having carolers come to my door. Then Sarah brought me a beautiful necklace, by far my favorite Christmas gift of all! It was absolutely heartwarming to receive such a thoughtful gift and knowing it came from my whole lunch table back at school I was very grateful and I feel truly blessed as I have said before to have such a wonderful group of friends. Then I went to bed knowing the true meaning of utter exhaustion. (the necklace says "Lyme Fighter")

The 22nd is the next day of which I have news to report where I got to go to spend time with the kids I babysit for and we exchanged presents! It was quite a full day and I was extra tired upon my arrival home.

The 23rd I went to church and felt the overwhelming love of my church family as they encouraged me and noted my progress out of the wheelchair and onto my feet in the walker. It was so nice to have a tad bit of enthusiasm as I walked instead of wheeled around the church. Although with walking comes a little bit more exhaustion and I returned home to nap before... Our family got together and we spent time together for our holiday dinner. We say we partook in a Verizon commercial of which we phoned my grandfather in FL to say the Christmas prayer. If only we could have pulled the blinds on the windows up revealing a Verizon network that never stopped working for us, our commercial would've been complete.

Christmas Eve, the 24th was spent going to church, and going to my Aunt Diane and Uncle Eddie's house for the Wilcox dinner and then went to our family friend Cheryl's house for a little while as well.

Christmas day was ever so exciting and I was overwhelmed with the gifts. Our day was complete with a large and filling ham dinner and we got home so that I could settle in for a night of R&R.

The 27th ground breaking news was made! I took my first few steps and then declared I was "ditching the walker!" I decided there was only one way to get better and that was to get walking and show my strength. Despite pain in my various joints in my legs and not quite having total feeling back in my legs I am ready to take on walking about without the walker although I haven't really left the house yet... It was pretty big.

Today more news came from the medical prospective and Dr. L from Armonk called with our follow up appointment and was able to save us gas mileage by calling us and hosting a phone appointment. It sure was interesting being at my Doctors appointment in the comfort of my home. He suggested that I see two other neurologists and helped us come to some more decisions about the seizures stating that my mother should make her best maternal decision on what action steps should be taken upon me having a seizure. Due to our great concern of what the people in Rochester said saying we should not call 911. He also explained each of the tests that he did and the results which was nice because we hadn't had that done ever before. With the conclusion of that phone call we have two more doctors to consult with and no bad news to report which pretty much in my book means good news! No bad news! So with the slow but progressing good news I am very relieved to say I am happy that I can walk again even if it's a little more unsteady and unbalanced and I can't really feel much all of this will come with time. My appetite is still one to be desired and I don't really enjoy eating or find food to be anything great most of the time that too will come with time. So for now I say good night and I hope to write a bit more frequently than I have been lately. Thank you for your continued prayer and support.

Love,

Victoria

We went to the Dr.s appointment with Dr.C. We mostly discussed what went on while at Strong. Vic has been seeing her therapist hopefully this will be helping with everything.
I borrowed a walker from Vic's dads cousin. This seems to be the ticket. she couldn't balance and walk. But now she can. She stands up straight and looks great. I was going to ask about physical therapy at the Dr.s apt. but we talked about so much more I forgot and so did everyone else. I gave Dr. C Dr. L's phone # so tomorrow we should know what the answer is.
This has been extremely hard for all of us to understand. With lots of prayers, for Vic, the Dr.'s , Paul and I, hopefully we will have some understanding or answers as what this next step should be in regards to Victoria's health.
Vic's Mom, Denise

The doctors appointment is to be updated by my mom when she gets a chance, due to the fact that I am not really sure where to go with it.

I haven't been feeling well these last few days, of exhausted and weak and laying around... I am making slow progress but slow is just that. Anyhow it's neither here nor there and I am noticing little bits and pieces of me getting put back together it all is just going to take time and lots of it.

I am full of excitement these days and I am pushing a little harder as Christmas draws near. This holiday is among my favorite, spending the season close with those of which we love. I am excited like a small child would be on Christmas eve. I receive Christmas cards from people back at school and teachers alike enclosed their wishes of me to be healthy and returning to school. I can't wait for the day when I can tell them my health has returned and I will be back at school soon, spending life like a teenager should. Excitement for a miracle or something special to happen this holiday season hasn't faded in my mind and just being together with my family on Christmas day will be the best gift I can receive. I guess as I grow older my wishes become simpler and my hopes for health are more real. I know that someday hopefully sooner than later, I will be well again or have a better quality of life at least than I do now.

Until then I thrive in the love, encouragement, and guidance of my friends and family and I hope for better days ahead.

Love,

Victoria

An old friend's IM reminded me my blogging community had not been updated in the latest of the days. So here's how the story unfolds:

Thursday's appointment was cancelled by the doctor! Due to the weather they were closing up shop early which was disappointing because I was all geared to go see him. Well kinda anyways. So we re scheduled the appointment for Monday at 4:15 so now my mother and father and I can all be in attendance. We're all looking forward to hearing Dr. Cillip's side of things tomorrow.

Friday I got to go to Wal*Mart with my Aunt and that was an adventure in itself getting into the car out of the car through the parking lot dodging puddle after puddle and into the store. Passing those glorious bell ringers on the way in made me remember my noise sensitivity loud and clear. I got the basics done and on our way out we happened to run into a friends mother and chatted a bit. It's always nice hearing from people due to my constant isolation the doctor has me in lately. I got home and laid in bed and realized lots of my Lyme symptoms were coming around and I felt awful. I was aching and my body was in a great amount of pain I feared my party the next day and went to bed praying things would clear up.

Positive things do happen to positive people!! An e-mail to lift my spirits from Mr. Daly rang true on Saturday morning I was back to my typical sickness and I could help clean and prepare with everyone else. Although my mood was a little less than desirable. Everyone came and everything ran smoothly! A few extra people were brought a long as well. All is well that ends well the party was a great success and I had a blast seeing everyone from school was absolutely wonderful and I couldn't ask for a more caring and loving group of friends.

Today has been going well power of prayer does pay off! I am standing on my own now which is such a mood booster I think for all of us. My balance is to be desired so walking is very very difficult on me but is becoming more and more possible. I am so grateful that I am getting the use of my legs back and I am getting back on my feet. It's amazing how much better I feel but, there is still a long road yet to travel. I am very thankful for everything everyone has helped with and once and awhile I still receive a card from someone and it's so nice to know so many people care and are praying for me and following my story. The love behind us and the positive comments and caring thoughts definitely cushion the bumps along the way.

Tonight's end wouldn't be complete without including the biggest part of the day. We received a phone call from an infectious disease doctor this evening. (A pastor at our church's father) Now to most Lymie's this would be a complete shock and scare but by the grace of God this man was put into our path. He spoke with my mother for some time on the phone and was able to calm her about a lot. He also discussed going back on IV and everything and sounds like that's the ticket. At this point it will probably take 2 years of me on IV to get completely Lyme free. Ah yes, there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Hearing the IV stuff is very exciting, frustrating, nerve racking, confusing, ahhh it's so much! :) I am just not sure what to think but I will probably be getting a picc line in at some point this week and as most of you know this will be number 3. I am ready for it and if this is the ticket to the road to recovery I am on board.

I want to take just one last moment, I know this is a long blog for me but after reading the message from my friend I want to say thank you to each and every one of you reading this right now. I may not know you, or know you well or you could be very close to me but for some reason you have been drawn to my story and you have read my blog. With this I want you and everyone to know that it's truly inspiring to have such a strong support system like I have right now. Each day that it is tough there is always always always someone there to catch me and each day that I reach a new victory and overcome one small hurdle there is someone there to be excited and rejoice with me. It really makes a difference having people be supportive of me in my battle to recovery and I am so deeply and sincerely thankful for each and every person this horrible disease has brought into my life. Thank you again for your support and continued prayer. I hope to continue bringing you good news and keep the positive thoughts coming!

With Love,

Victoria