Tuesday, June 14, 2011


Lately, my life has been full of noise. Full of chaos. It has been out of control in fact.

I really had a horrible period of time and I could not even sleep at night. Life had lost it's meaning and I was certain my faith was a hoax. I was so filled with bitterness and frustration. I constantly was praying prayers to God, I hate this life, I hate this world, and because of all of this: I need more time before I am quiet before you.

I did not set quiet time aside, and even when rooms were completely silent, my mind was going a mile a minute. I just could not settle down, I could not relax... I was swirling around and around. A week went by and I felt I was losing more control. Then another week passed... Though my outside expressions became more controlled, my inward feelings were deep and dark. I was in pain. I was also very good at hiding my pain and hurt.

Then finally, I moved away, I got away from everything and I was forced to face myself. There weren't any distractions. And while I was sitting on facebook of all places... I got the feeling deep in my heart: "you can't run and hide forever."

That shook me. Wait? Am I hiding? I just thought I was... well, uh... busy.

It was by no mistake that I had just heard a sermon on slowing down our busy lives and really taking the time to seek out opportunities to love deeply.

Fast forwarding to tonight. Things started getting better, and I was really feeling stronger. I realized the importance for me to read scripture and to spend time actually trying to digest what God was doing in my life. It seemed a little crazy though! It seemed very crazy that God could make good out of something very bad... Yet, I have been amazed to see that when I quit analyzing, and thinking about all the bad... Clarity comes and I see the very good works that are happening.

I have found that I have been encouraged so much and I am extremely blessed. Tonight this scripture has really lifted me up:

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
Thanks for Their Gifts

I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles. Moreover, as you Philippians know, in the early days of your acquaintance with the gospel, when I set out from Macedonia, not one church shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving, except you only; 16 for even when I was in Thessalonica, you sent me aid more than once when I was in need. Not that I desire your gifts; what I desire is that more be credited to your account. I have received full payment and have more than enough. I am amply supplied, now that I have received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent. They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

 To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Philippians 4: 4-20

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