A Dream.

Over the past few weeks I have been rather silent about big event going on in my life. In many aspects it seemed surreal or just too good to be true. So now, I feel comfortable sharing this big event! Below are the journal entries I have written for a class:

With such a broad topic and no writing prompt- what is one to write about? Perhaps the topic that has hit my mind the most lately is one of which is also the most unique. Upon the second day of me living here on Roberts campus I received a phone call from a woman that was with an organization named The Dream Factory. After a few moments of explanation I found out that after reviewing paperwork that had been submitted on my behalf I had been accepted to receive a “dream”. This dream could be anything I wanted it to be from traveling somewhere to meeting someone famous. It sincerely could be anything that I would like and the vague understanding left me speechless. I couldn’t comprehend what this woman was saying and in the same instance I was overwhelmed to think that I was eligible for something like this. In some senses I was overwhelmed because all of the other children I had ever read of or met that got a “wish” or a “dream” ended up passing away or had something that made them gravely ill. In some ways I was in denial or reluctant to believe over the years that I was even sick let alone sick to the point I had almost died. However this “dream” or this really awesome amazing thing was all of a sudden the smack in the face that made me realize that I had been one of those gravely ill kids but I found my strength through God, friends and family and I always found ways to rise above everything handed to me. It was easier for me to smile than it was for me to cry or complain and soon my friends knew the hospital of my second home but didn’t find pity on me but saw me as their friend as a normal kid in an abnormal circumstance. I guess to me it was ordinary because it had to be and that’s how I dealt with ICU, hospital transfers, forgetting months at a time, and being in a coma. It was how I had to deal with it because there didn’t seem to be another option. Now I find it difficult to find a wish that is about me and sincerely a wish or dream of my own heart. I look to things like traveling, or meeting someone and it seemed as this was such a selfish task. I wanted to affect and encourage other people have an impact. I have narrowed this said wish, down to three things: traveling to Europe for winter break, having a novel published, or meeting the Estess sisters. The first one seems pretty typical of the wish realm traveling somewhere to see something or do something special. However the other two are a little different, my novel would be reflected from my blog and my journals and be put together from all of the writing I have done through my sickness and the ups and downs of being sick with a chronic illness that no one seems to understand or comprehend. The Estess sisters co-authored my favorite book Tales from the Bed, a lesson on living and dying. It was the first book I really read after I got sick and it hit me in a profound way encouraging me to take hold of the disease I had been handed and only finding the best of all that was given to me. Of course there were bad days but there were so many things of which I could find to be truly thankful. It was during that book I found the inspiration to start A hope 4 Lyme a non-profit organization that was founded back home due to the hard work and determination of a close knit and committed small town that I am so blessed to be a part of. I often look back to that book when I need a modern day realization of how anyone can overcome anything even if in the world’s standards the battle could be seen as lost.

I believe that my Sunday afternoon could be easily summed up by a quote from the imagineer himself, Walt Disney when he states: “All your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them”. Although I didn’t pursue them myself; upon really beginning to think and rationalize over what my deepest desire might be it was quite evident that I wanted to publish a book. Through the course of our meeting the two women from the dream factory and I began to look over my dream and soon I learned that they were taking on this challenge to meet my request. To fulfill this said dream and in some ways I feel I must remain realistic in the fact it might not happen and it may become too difficult due to the time limit before my 18th birthday may become a factor. However this truly has been an awesome experience up to this point and continues to be not only unique but exciting and exhilarating as well. In many ways I find myself feeling selfish upon making this dream request but in many ways I am starting to understand that this is balancing out all of the bad memories and unfortunate experiences I have had in the past. This awesome experience is their way of making the weeks and months spent in the hospital hooked up to monitors and tubes seem almost in a balance of ways. That is how they explained it to me anyways and it makes sense somewhere in my mind. After the two women left campus on Sunday afternoon I found that my emotions were extremely tangible almost with excitement as one might see a small child on Christmas morning. I just felt the whole situation was surreal and so awesome it had me in awe. I could hardly believe that this was real and that out of even all the bad not something just a little good happened, but something amazing happened. I guess that sometimes the person that continues to wait for good or seek good somewhere along the lines, receives good. It has been a long journey four years to be exact. However through that I have seen myself grow and prosper spiritually and emotionally in ways that I could have never done before. I have found a new meaning to life and the things that surround me and for this I can only see blessing in what I have faced. Although many weeks and months have been painful, tearful, and ruthless I have found that through faith and the love and compassion of close family and friends nothing is without grasp and after my meeting with two warm-hearted courageous women I can almost say I can include them in my team that helped me see a future and a moment of feeling healthy.