Tuesday, December 13, 2011


I am a girl of resources.

If you ask me at any given moment, I am sure I could find a blog post, an article, or a book on any given topic. I love resources. And to be totally transparent, they have helped me with some very difficult struggles. However, these great resources have also been the source of a great stumbling block.

I look around at the media, the resources if you will... And I sometimes forget to create my own foundation. The more I read, the more I research, the more I wonder what other people would think of me. I get so caught up in the thoughts of others and perfecting myself. I lose sight of what I know to be true.

Lately I have really struggled with that: understanding who I am. Understanding who God is and even knowing if He cares... The past two days God has really spoken to my heart. A heart that has been really beat down and broken.

I have sat confused and in pain for many nights over the past six months... Wondering how God can bring good out of anything in this world. And then the past two days I was given this image, of a little girl on a swing... Swinging without a care in the world, laughing and experiencing joy like no other. It was crazy. Then I read Psalm 103 last night and it says: Praise the LORD, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion.

I thought about that: crowns. God crowns you with love and compassion. Do you know who gets a crown? A princess. A princess gets a crown. And GOD crowns us with love and compassion. I visualized that and it's crazy to me.

Then this second part resonated The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;

God doesn't harbor his anger forever. He is abounding in love. These are the truth's about the God who loves us. I have a difficult time forgiving myself. I hold onto anger against myself for days and keep a list of all of the bad things I have done.

However, I serve a God who chooses to forget my sin. He chooses to love me and He is crazy about me. It's such a foreign concept to me. I just don't get it! Hopefully some day, I will... Until then: here I sit trying to just grasp a little concept of the God we serve and love.

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