Saturday, May 15, 2010

Worse than a first date with a BOY

The jitters before my very first professional job interview were overwhelming. I found myself searching my mind to get everything done just before the interview, searching for my certificate of residency for summer courses getting it faxed, getting other errands ran including fixing a wrong that needed to be made right with a shipping mix up.

I found myself changing into a dress and stockings, slipping on some flats and walking into the bathroom to get ready the rest of the way. Pinning back my hair, and getting ready to do my make-up. I then sighed and realized the stress of getting all of this done was worse than any pre-date jitters that I had ever had previously. I felt like the weight of getting this job was weighing on my shoulders. After feeling under-qualified for the job with little previous experience, I knew the impression would weigh solely in the presentation I gave at the interview. I was ready to give it my all.

I found myself arriving home after the interview with a sigh of relief as it went well, and things look promising since I was asked on multiple occasions if I would be ready to start on June 7th. Then I was asked if they could contact previous employers and references. This was the start to something new, a new chapter of my life when I began working.

Then the option came to take on another job, a second job on top of my first 40 hour work week job. The question was a question of will and wits for me and not could I, but WOULD I do it? The answer came with no. I was faced with that difficult decision, and I chose no. However, this morning in my morning devotional I was reminded of this passage in scripture: "You are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42 (NIV). It reminded me that God is a jealous God, he wants to fight for our time and he wants our time. He passionately seeks us out and tries to understand what we are doing. He wants us to come to him with our burdens and lay them at his feet. Most of all, he wants us to love HIM and love Him above all else. Not to toil over the many things of this world but to find refuge in the fact that God himself not only cares about us but wants our attention and will then in return love us and provide for us above all else.

So when he says you are worried and upset over many things but only one thing is needed... It makes me think, what am I worrying about that could be and needs to be forgotten. Is it finances for college? Is it my relationships? Is it my sins? Where can the healing begin, and where am I holding back?

But Jesus told Martha that it was Mary who had put her relationship with the Lord first in her life. "'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'You are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her'" (Luke 10:41-42,NIV).

If you know the story, Martha is busy preparing and being the hostess for the Lord, she is busying making sure everything is okay and looks perfect. And when it doesn't really matter. I feel that right now in my life, this is convicting. I would be the one who would be busying myself with everything under the sun and not looking to the Lord. It makes me ask myself- why am I busy with the things I am busy with? What is this doing to better the kingdom of God? I don't claim to understand why a lot of things happen but I do know that in order for me to go into missions, to be able to live a life of total healing from my past, and to really live fully. I need to be convicted of the hardest things and understand my battle is constant but so is God's love. It's never failing, and his will is above all else. Forever.

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