Slowly this blog, is getting less and less sickness related and more and more related with the new things consuming my life. I am planning on recording a testimony to share soon, about the last few years of my life and how awesome God's faithfulness has been.
As I venture off into this I see so many new opportunities but I see lots of doors closing. Although I cannot dwell at such things I do see friends that have been awesome and amazing. There is an old adage that says you don't know what you've got until it's gone and as I look at my small town up-bringing over the years and how friends have stuck together and become people in society. It scares me to see the world that's in pain and hurts so deeply.
It was nothing to lend a helping hand and get paid back in ten-fold. When I was sick I saw kids from elementary school band together to support me. As I get ready to leave I am going to something more of a city than where I have lived, although it's not big it's not small town. I am nervous of the people I have yet to meet and the emotions and everything that goes into relationships. I am a soft girl with tender feelings, someone who is genuine with friendship and works for all she can... I have began to wonder at 18, are there still people to respect that- to be really goofy and jump around and dance- but be serious and genuine too? I don't know what to expect of college- I think of it as cliff jumping. Something I have longed to do all summer yet have not. In just a week I will be hitting the water so to speak and that cold rush will hit my face that exhilaration that moment. Pure and of it's own.
Now I stand at the edge, to jump- or not to. In this instance no matter how hard I crash on the breaks I will still end up jumping off the cliff. I am so scared and nervous and even though tons of people have done this ahead of me. My individual instance will be different than all of the rest. Each person's will be individualistic and of their own. So will I take a full force jump? Or will I just slip and slide and resist until alas I get pushed off the rock. Right now it seems like I am stuck on slime at the top and sliding around not really ready- but there and looking over the edge. Is the water going to be cold and painful to the land? Or will it be just the right amount of refreshing? Only time will tell.