I got this blog post in an e-mail today... It made me stop and think, it's so what I needed to be reminded of... But I guess it's just so hard. It's the battle deep within my heart. It's the anger it's the sorrow, it's everything that I am confused about. I just think constantly about God, and His love for me. He's the front of my mind but then he's in the back again. I don't know, sometimes it feels like things are just twisting around inside you.
Desperate for Reassurance
10 Jun 2010
"Whatever is true...think about such things...And the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:8-9 (NIV)
For the past couple of months I've needed to sense God's most tender mercies more than ever. It's not that I'm going through any kind of crisis. I just feel completely desperate for Him.
If you've ever heard me give my testimony you know part of what I share is being a little girl twirling around next to my daddy wishing I could know that he loved me. Maybe in his own way, he did love me. But something was broken in our relationship that left me feeling desperate for reassurance.
Over the years, God has healed my heart in miraculous ways. God has whispered all those things I wished my earthly father would have said. I know for sure God's love for me is deep, unwavering, and certain.
But there are still times I catch myself twirling again. Crying out again. Wishing I could feel totally secure. Hating my insecurities. And mad that this struggle I thought was over, surfaces still.
Maybe it always will.
And maybe that's not such a bad thing.
For it keeps me desperate for a reassurance I can't get any other way. It keeps me desperate for God.
I can hear my husband tell me a hundred times that he loves me and no, my backside isn't big...and still feel my heart desperately twirling.
I can stand in an arena with thousands of people clapping for the message I just gave... and still feel my heart desperately twirling.
I can conquer my food demons and finally fit back into my skinny jeans... and still feel my heart desperately twirling.
The only thing that stops the desperation, the uncertainties, the insecurities, the twirling...is for the Spirit of God to lay across my heart and make it still. The blanket of His presence and His protection is the only perfect fit for the deep creases and crevices carved inside me.
I don't know what tough things you've been through in your life sweet sister, but I do know brokenness is universal. We all have things in life that trigger deep insecurities and our own personal twirling about looking for reassurance.
But here's the amazing thing.
While brokenness is universal-God's redemption is also universal for those who proclaim Christ as Lord. No matter what cracks and crevices we have in our heart, if we seek the truth of God above all else He is enough to fill in those raw places. "Whatever is true...think about such things...And the God of peace will be with you" (Philippians 4:8-9).
Have you caught your heart twirling, desperate for reassurance lately? Today, spend a few minutes letting these truths fill your mind and seep into those desperate places of your heart:
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing (Zephaniah 3:17).
I pray that you...may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ (Ephesians 3:17-18).
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:7).
The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness" (Jeremiah 31:3).
Dear Lord, may Your spirit fall fresh upon each of us today. Remind us. Reassure us. Rest upon us. Help us to be still and know that You are our loving God. In Jesus' Name, Amen.