Choosing to live or die...

This week has been one of those weeks that flew by with little or no warning. Events happened and I watched them as they passed- I felt like I was a bystander in my own life.

However here I am to the weekend at last. I recently watched a video about how much God loves us. It just amazes me how much he truly is totally awestruck and head over heals for us. I guess after reading some e-mails and thinking about life. We really have the decisions to live or die each day. How we respond to the circumstances around us, how we choose to love others and how we choose to bite our tongues or not to bite our tongues. If we take each day as the blessing and miracle it is, then yes- it will be just that a miracle, a blessing.

I have just been so overwhelmed by the tragedy within the world the badness, the evil, but a friend shared with me something that still rings true that no matter how messed up our world is no matter how broken it is, nothing is beyond redemption.

Growing Closer- In the midst of separation

Coming back to college has posed its own new struggles and problems to overcome.

With each day it seems that there are new hurdles to overcome and new reasons to cling to God. I have found myself more focused and ready to face the upcoming weeks as I approach going back to class full time and re-learning how to walk. I seem to remember each day I am just a typical teen going through typical teen things with the other random things I face with trouble with relationships, and difficulty with communication. I find new ways of doing things and I am rewarding my little victories over the huge hurdles yet to come.

My book remains on the back burner at this moment, or in the back of my mind rather. I have been in communication with the publishing company and things of that matter but nothing is solid with a date. Although a word count has been submitted! Which was a huge process.

I have really found God working within my heart and calling me to what seems impossible to me- impossible. And yet, I continue to be reminded impossible is just a word that is used, but it means nothing at all in the light of the Lord.

I continue to covet your prayers as I struggle through the upcoming days and remain focused on my work. I ask that my heart will not be bitter to those around me and I can find a new way to love as I have found myself struggling with kindness and patience.

After a long wait?

With minutes that seemed to evolve into hours, and hours quickly evaporating into days...

The wait is finally over and I can return to my first duty, being a student. I am still not quite myself but I have been seizure free and things seem to be turning back up. With a little hard work and a whole lot of determination I believe this semester will be another success.

I don't have much more to say at the moment but I would like to remember to acknowledge the Lord in his faithfulness to listening to the prayers sent up and constantly providing for me knowing his will is flawless.

Lots of Questions

A lot of people have been texting me, e-mailing me, facebooking me- Asking what they can do.

At this point the only thing that can be done is to pray. I have been extremely discouraged the past few days just wondering what is next and why I am not recovering as fast as I would think I should. My body is still pretty weak from having close to a dozen seizures back to back to back.

Other questions have been if I am walking yet, the answer is not quite. I am standing on my own and somewhat getting around but still not to the point of walking.

When are you going back to college?

The current plan is to move back to college Saturday afternoon. I have slept a lot and most of the days and evenings. This is truly in God's hands. I really am just trusting in his perfect will.

In closing, the text messages, facebook notes, IM's, e-mails that have been offered with encouragement have really offered a lot of encouragement beyond what words could say. I thank each of you for being a source of support to me during this difficult time.

Still Home

Today I am still home a little bit stronger and a little less agitated about everything that has happened.
Within the next few days I should be getting back to campus and back into the swing of things. My muscles and nerves are still weak but everything will be picking back up soon I am certain of it.

Just a short update more to come later-

Truth

So the truth be known: dropping out of college has frequented my mind more than anyone would like to know.As I begin to pray about it, it's definitely not the path to go. Financially I don't know how in the world I am going to afford continuing to go to school- however I believe even in the midst of all of this God has a plan.

Today my body continues to ache and be in a lot of pain even just moving around seems to be a great source of agony. Which has been really difficult for me. However I think overall I am improving. I still am unable to walk really without assistance but I am looking forward to being able to soon. Being back home when all of my friends are at school has been really tough on me and I didn't realize how much I really do care for each and every college friend I have made.

Spiritually God has strangely enough pulled me back to him and grabbed me in his arms. He has swept me up like a giddy school girl at prom. And I am finding his strength to be perfect even in the midst of my complete and utter weakness.

I have no idea how I am going to make it through school at this point but I am beginning to understand exactly what God wants me to do. I am finding that true love that God wants us to have.

You can't say that you have never been amazed by how awesome and fulfilling God's love for us is. He covers us and is perfect for us even our utter weakness. We as humans can love, but we cannot offer that perfect love and though we know the morning to come at approximately the same time every day and it's faithfulness to each and every day or the consistency of time, God's love is even more consistent than that and he is what will sustain me.

This song just describes that fully. Be encouraged and know that God is with you and embracing you wherever he goes. He is jealous for us.

Covered in Prayer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjCHzkoog1I

Dear friends,

I ask that tomorrow no matter where you are at 9:30 you stop to pray. I have touched on this here but as I begin to pray over this matter I believe as a country we need to stop and pray for our communities and God's touch within our lives.

The past few days I found myself wondering and confused and extremely lonely without a lot of God. In the midst of that God has shown up despite my confusion. And now more than ever I have found myself trusting him and awaiting on him. However I believe we need to be a nation that's on our knees falling face first into the presence of God the mighty God who made the heavens of the earth. We need to be back in awe of God flat on our faces in his presence. This video by: Francis Chan.

My hopes is within the next 24 hours people begin having heart change and find themselves with God in new, real, ways with hearts transformed for the Lord.

Stop and think.

What are we doing here? Where is God within our every day? Are we co-laboring with God? I am just in awe tonight of how complex God's will is for each of our lives. How much he loves us, and how perfect his grace is. Just find your quiet place, find time with God remember God loves us more than any sparrow and he provides perfectly for the needs of the birds.

Dear God,
I just ask that you touch the person that is reading this. I ask that their heart is transformed and they find their place in front of you. I ask that you find us praising you in the midst of our stress and our confusion of life. Dear Lord, just make our love anew transform our hearts so we can love deeper and more fully than ever before. Help us remember that despite anything we have done, despite all of the bad and the sins, and our guilt God is totally and crazy in love with us. Dear Lord, speak truth into our lives. Let us be so in love with you that we don't understand your love at all. Thank you for everything you have done in our lives. Bless our communities and our cities and have full reign over everything that is within them. Touch the cities supernaturally and rock our campus so hard that it doesn't know what happened dear Lord. Change us and hear our cries this evening.
In your great and mighty name,
Amen.

Home

I have arrived home.

I have been incredibly weak and totally out of it and zonked out most of the time since I got home. Everything is very slow moving and it's really hard to say what could come next.

What to pray for:

-re-gaining strength as I continue to get back on my feet.
-healing of the cells that seem destroyed.
-that my pain is minimal.
-patience with my professors so that I can do the best possible with my classes this semester and my absences won't be held against me.
-That I am able to return back to school soon, but also at God's will not my own and that I am able to find this time to submit back to him and be reminded of who is in control.
-That I don't take that control to myself.

Flashback Urgent Prayer Need-

After almost making it 12 months seizure free (was close to 10 months!)

I didn't have a prescription for medicine and skipped taking it for a few days resulting in a hairy outcome.

I ended up in the hospital after multiple seizures that each had their own individual outcomes. The last few days between yesterday night and today has resulted in many seizures and one exhausted body. I had to leave school and I cannot walk or anything. Things have become very difficult and who knows what's next.

Please help me and join me in prayer as who knows what could be next. Thanks!

New Year- Focus

Last year at this time, I was coming up with a word for one year to try to focus into my life. Something that I could dedicate. That post can be seen here.

As I reflect on this last year- it seems like so much can happen. So much can seem to change and within an instant things that are certain seem to come crashing down. I can hardly believe that in the last 12 months I have found myself in so many firsts. God has really moved me and changed me for what I believe is the better. I have found over the past few days that I need to wait upon the Lord more and find my glory within him alone. One thing I have noticed is my lack of praise, my lack of reminding God how much I love him. How much I need him, and of his place within my life.

Things have been weighing heavy on my heart. I have really thought about my word of the year this year and how I would like to define, or RE-define my life this year, and I believe I have come to it. I would like to focus. Focus on what is important, on relationship, on love, on God. Finding my true passion from him, and only from him alone.

Surrendering every single day to God and having an even more centered life focused on HIM. I ask that you continue to pray for me as I am making vital decisions about my life and what God will have for me and about when I should just go, and when I need to lay back. I have been really struggling regarding those things.