This hospital stuff is getting old.
The food sucks.
Information is getting jumbled.
No one is listening to me.
I just keep God as my focus.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Arnot Magic Mystery Tour
The roller coaster is speeding up, feeling wind in your hair and the mist of sweat forming on your back. You lie there looking up things are spinning and going forward but you want to look back. Someone screams make this stop. Another yells it's not my fault. The misery and pain comes from the Arnot Magic Mystery Tour. Growing little cells.
Invisible to the naked eye, I yell who paid attention in biology I feel like I might die. Everyone silenced the roller coaster came to a stop. My head smashing quickly right into the top of my car. Screams were thrown and mist of vomit and phlegm filled the air. I had a wimpy cough but the guy in front of me sounded like a bear. A small child cried out and people looked up. We realized quickly we shouldn't believe in luck!
Attention ladies and gentlemen here on this magical ride. We told you 24 hours... Didn't you expect to lose your pride? We have slowly re-arranged your nerves you see- you won't be walking off this ride with glee. I looked at the the chief expecting him to be experiencing this horror. Looking back I saw small children and looking down I realized I was upside down. My heart went to my throat and my hands went to my blanket. I had forgot to hold on and now I felt naked. Terror filled me and blood rushed to my head my heart was pounding I thought I might be dead... Here we sat waiting for the conductor as he scratched his head.
Invisible to the naked eye, I yell who paid attention in biology I feel like I might die. Everyone silenced the roller coaster came to a stop. My head smashing quickly right into the top of my car. Screams were thrown and mist of vomit and phlegm filled the air. I had a wimpy cough but the guy in front of me sounded like a bear. A small child cried out and people looked up. We realized quickly we shouldn't believe in luck!
Attention ladies and gentlemen here on this magical ride. We told you 24 hours... Didn't you expect to lose your pride? We have slowly re-arranged your nerves you see- you won't be walking off this ride with glee. I looked at the the chief expecting him to be experiencing this horror. Looking back I saw small children and looking down I realized I was upside down. My heart went to my throat and my hands went to my blanket. I had forgot to hold on and now I felt naked. Terror filled me and blood rushed to my head my heart was pounding I thought I might be dead... Here we sat waiting for the conductor as he scratched his head.
Rollercosta
Hello folks and welcome to Arnot Ogden Medical Mystery Tour. This morning my Dr. Doe has the results confirming two cultures that were positive with infection in a device in your chest. He suggested that we have it removed due to everything else going on. For your safety and the safety of all organs involved please use alcohol pads when needed and safely place all side rails up additionally we would suggest tucking yourself in with the provided blanket for extra security. This ride does get drafty.
We would also like to warn you now things may get a bit rocky. We have injected an extreme bacteria that usually lives on your skin into each of you through your seats. Although we have conflicting opinions we believes we would be fine to cure the infection with some stronger antibiotics and that we should try that first. Although it doesn't always work so we may have to deal with it later. If you didn't know upon entering this ride you will be traveling for a complete 24 hours. This evening you will be experiencing chills of a life time! Some like to call it the most spine rattling experience they have ever encountered. With chills that tighten your jaw so tight you may not be able to speak and weaken your body so that you will feel like a 10 ton brick. For all you weight watchers out there don't worry you're not gaining a single pound and most likely you will be losing your appetite for the next 48 hours after exiting this ride! (An added bonus for sure.)
You may be looking down this steep slope you're approaching wondering if it was a good idea getting on. With infection in your chest and antibiotics being put into you that could be drawing out the ride for a few weeks more.... The opinions that conflict, the ideas that clash all seem so important so quickly and you wonder if this crazy ride even has enough screws and bolts. Well folks we've got some news for you! There is NO turning back and the slope we have provided you with is the highest in the state of NY. Hang onto your blanket as the draft may be heavy hang on with anticipation and get ready to live the next 24 hours on the Arnot Ogden Medical Mystery Tour.
To be Continued...
We would also like to warn you now things may get a bit rocky. We have injected an extreme bacteria that usually lives on your skin into each of you through your seats. Although we have conflicting opinions we believes we would be fine to cure the infection with some stronger antibiotics and that we should try that first. Although it doesn't always work so we may have to deal with it later. If you didn't know upon entering this ride you will be traveling for a complete 24 hours. This evening you will be experiencing chills of a life time! Some like to call it the most spine rattling experience they have ever encountered. With chills that tighten your jaw so tight you may not be able to speak and weaken your body so that you will feel like a 10 ton brick. For all you weight watchers out there don't worry you're not gaining a single pound and most likely you will be losing your appetite for the next 48 hours after exiting this ride! (An added bonus for sure.)
You may be looking down this steep slope you're approaching wondering if it was a good idea getting on. With infection in your chest and antibiotics being put into you that could be drawing out the ride for a few weeks more.... The opinions that conflict, the ideas that clash all seem so important so quickly and you wonder if this crazy ride even has enough screws and bolts. Well folks we've got some news for you! There is NO turning back and the slope we have provided you with is the highest in the state of NY. Hang onto your blanket as the draft may be heavy hang on with anticipation and get ready to live the next 24 hours on the Arnot Ogden Medical Mystery Tour.
To be Continued...
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Sometimes it's not you that has to take control, but it's God.
After thinking about this post for awhile I really wanted to put my heart in it. Through being sick this time it has really brought me to think about a lot of things, there was a night a few nights ago where I honestly thought I might be dying. I am not trying to scare you or exaggerate. However I could feel my blood rushing through my body. My chills were overcoming my body and I couldn't stop shaking. I was completely awake feeling extreme crushing pain on my head. It was a moment that I was scared and all I could pray is, God I didn't know you wanted me to go so soon. I feel like there is so much I have that is unfinished.
The infection is surely there and I have an abnormal echo-cardiogram. The infection itself will be dealt with by removing the port that harbors the bacteria. Which is good. Things are going to be busy and intense over the next few days and I will try to have anyone that can sign in and update the blog. This way I will have the days after to remember and reflect on.
People have said I need to be more positive or handle things a little different but I find most of all I need to cling to God. I often feel like I am not thanking him enough or I am not noticing the things he gives us. So therefore I found a song that I feel adequately shows this emotion. Ignore the video. The song is It's A Good Day by FFH This song is inspiring me to say- It really is a Good Day.
I will update you now with a few more tidbits of what is going on:
Last night I had another episode of severe chills and I have a fever that I still haven't shaken hopefully I will soon. The chills were horrible and have weakened me a lot but I am clinging to God and I find myself seeking him more and more the weaker I get. My PCP was off today and another lady came in and eased many of my fears. God will see me through no matter how dark the corner.
Please continue to pray for me and especially my family as we face this together.
The infection is surely there and I have an abnormal echo-cardiogram. The infection itself will be dealt with by removing the port that harbors the bacteria. Which is good. Things are going to be busy and intense over the next few days and I will try to have anyone that can sign in and update the blog. This way I will have the days after to remember and reflect on.
People have said I need to be more positive or handle things a little different but I find most of all I need to cling to God. I often feel like I am not thanking him enough or I am not noticing the things he gives us. So therefore I found a song that I feel adequately shows this emotion. Ignore the video. The song is It's A Good Day by FFH This song is inspiring me to say- It really is a Good Day.
I will update you now with a few more tidbits of what is going on:
Last night I had another episode of severe chills and I have a fever that I still haven't shaken hopefully I will soon. The chills were horrible and have weakened me a lot but I am clinging to God and I find myself seeking him more and more the weaker I get. My PCP was off today and another lady came in and eased many of my fears. God will see me through no matter how dark the corner.
Please continue to pray for me and especially my family as we face this together.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Surgery
I have to have my port removed. I am quite upset about this but there is an infection growing around my port and they will be removing it sometime this week. Please continue to pray as I don't feel well and I am quite stressed out.
Support and Cards
Many of you have e-mailed me asking about an address to send a card or some encouragement. If you would like to do so, you can mail them to:
Lyme Walk
Attn: Victoria Wilcox
P.O. Box 74
Big Flats, NY
14814
Thank you.
Lyme Walk
Attn: Victoria Wilcox
P.O. Box 74
Big Flats, NY
14814
Thank you.
Update
Last night was another extremely rough night with shivering and shaking and moaning and groaning. I am really starting to feel extremely sick and sometimes it's difficult to be hopeful.
We're waiting on blood cultures and what they will hold- the results of them will weigh in on if my port will need to be removed and if my heart valve is in tact. They will tell us enough to let us know how sick I am. I can tell you I am not feeling so hot. It has been a really big struggle for me just to color or do anything really. I have been sleeping almost all day, day in and day out with no strength to prove for it. I don't understand this disease or why I feel so sick however it's really sucking everything out of me.
My faith has been faltering lately and I have started to cry out to God asking why he isn't using these great moments these moments of extreme weakness to just heal me. I know that the disease that lingers within me is that of which is given from the enemy. The devil. I refuse to give him credit for any strength I have for all the strength I have is from God.
There is a quote that states:
"Just think,
You're here not by chance, but by God's choosing.
His hand formed you and made you the person you are.
He compares you to no one else-
You are one of a kind.
You lack nothing that His grace can't give you.
He has allowed you to be here at this time in history
to fulfill His special purpose for
THIS GENERATION"
This makes me wonder, what am I giving to this generation? Am I speaking the Lord's compassion and love everywhere I go? Even to my parents when I am extremely frustrated?
A Chris Tomlin song "I Will Rise" came on while I was writing this post and I started to listen to the lyrics and there was the verse that said:
I will rise when he calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
The lyrics of this song just make me remember how much I have to look forward to and how trivial everything else is.
All I can imagine is the day I am able to dance with Jesus and fall into his arms and have no more sorrow and no more pain. That day that I continuously long for will be ultimately better than any prom I can imagine, being held with complete agape love and just knowing an unchangeable love.
We're waiting on blood cultures and what they will hold- the results of them will weigh in on if my port will need to be removed and if my heart valve is in tact. They will tell us enough to let us know how sick I am. I can tell you I am not feeling so hot. It has been a really big struggle for me just to color or do anything really. I have been sleeping almost all day, day in and day out with no strength to prove for it. I don't understand this disease or why I feel so sick however it's really sucking everything out of me.
My faith has been faltering lately and I have started to cry out to God asking why he isn't using these great moments these moments of extreme weakness to just heal me. I know that the disease that lingers within me is that of which is given from the enemy. The devil. I refuse to give him credit for any strength I have for all the strength I have is from God.
There is a quote that states:
"Just think,
You're here not by chance, but by God's choosing.
His hand formed you and made you the person you are.
He compares you to no one else-
You are one of a kind.
You lack nothing that His grace can't give you.
He has allowed you to be here at this time in history
to fulfill His special purpose for
THIS GENERATION"
This makes me wonder, what am I giving to this generation? Am I speaking the Lord's compassion and love everywhere I go? Even to my parents when I am extremely frustrated?
A Chris Tomlin song "I Will Rise" came on while I was writing this post and I started to listen to the lyrics and there was the verse that said:
I will rise when he calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
The lyrics of this song just make me remember how much I have to look forward to and how trivial everything else is.
All I can imagine is the day I am able to dance with Jesus and fall into his arms and have no more sorrow and no more pain. That day that I continuously long for will be ultimately better than any prom I can imagine, being held with complete agape love and just knowing an unchangeable love.
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