Wednesday, March 24, 2010

God's will vs. My own

This morning I find myself struggling with issues that feel larger than me. I am so incredibly confused about what I am supposed to do, versus what I want to do. I feel as though I certainly don't know anything at the moment.

After spending an awesome weekend away with just God and I... I came back to campus feeling refreshed and energized. However, now a lump hits my throat. In a few short days it will be time to register for classes...

Which seems like something exciting and something we're all ready to do- however, something else has come to the playing field. Currently, I am in a 4 year program for nursing, and getting my RN. However, as I prayed about things, I felt an urgency rise up within me and the feeling to get things done in a three year period. I can't explain the feeling I got, however, there it was. After meeting with my advisor, the possibility of that on this campus is virtually impossible. Even if I was super woman, which I care to say, I am not. It wouldn't be possible.

However, at the 2 year school back home, I would be able to get my RN in the next 2 years- graduating next year. It all is so hard to understand and explain. However, upon starting to really think of transfer. My heart breaks, tears stream down my face... It makes me question: Is this really of God? If so, why does my heart feel so broken? Why would I feel so uncomfortable?

Then the next thing rises within me: Is this my uncomfortable calling where I am to rise and meet the Lord?

I desperately need prayer.

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