Thursday, October 21, 2010

I trained... for this.

The last few weeks have been struggle after struggle it seems and so very...

confusing.

It seemed like as the events have played out, I have handed in my uniform and the thing that I was involved  with here on campus. I have found myself thinking a lot about this past season and the past few months... All of the training, dedication, and hard work that has gone into the team this season.

As I have thought about that two things come to mind:

Dropping time and divorce.

The first seems quite obvious in a sport like Cross Country... You strive for the peak of your season and the coaches have had us training our bodies so that the peak of our season would be in these upcoming meets. Unfortunately, I will not get to run in those meets and it has felt a little defeating as I have had to back away from something I truly love. I feel like I will never know what could have been and in a lot of ways I feel like I am mourning the loss of the end of the season. As my team mates tear up the course "in a Godly fashion". I am forced with finding a life outside of running.

I feel like this now brings me to my second point:

Divorce: as I have had to face the team as a whole and tell them all of the decision to quit training... I feel like it's the classic break-up. No really, it's not you... It's me. It's actually, well, my body. I know, I have noticed you guys got a little uncomfortable with the whole seizure thing... I just think we should take some time to heal. And ending each talk I say, I will be around campus, you'll see me... Lets remain friends!

However, when it comes down to it: I am missing the end of the season. I can pray for my teammates but I still miss them. I put in the training all spring, summer, and most of this season and it just seems weird. Sitting out the part of the season everyone talked about. The part that is supposed to be the most rewarding.

So for those who desired an update, here it is. This is going to be tough, shedding the practices for free time and trying to make use of it in a productive manner.

2 comments:

Mammatalk said...

Lots of warm thoughts your way!!

NJTS said...

it is a bitter loss. But sometimes a bitter loss on one area is ultimately a huge gain in a different way. What you learn about pain and suffering, both physical and social, will help you become a far better and more compassionate nurse than you would otherwise. It goes beyond nursing, though. You never know who God may put in your path that will need the empathy and compassion that you have learned and earned. Whenever you have medical care, ask yourself if the person attending to you understands physical suffering. I bet you can tell just by how they treat you. I usually can.