Monday, October 4, 2010


No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. - Romans 8:37-39

I am finding myself in a peculiar place... Somewhere I had been accustomed to being but slowly had gotten apart from. I am finding myself back in the limbo back where shades of black and white are now just another shade of grey. I am getting poked and prodded as we try to discover what is going on with my body. I have suffered fatigue, weight gain, and some tests that are abnormal with my Kidney's.

I am walking in the head knowledge that the Lord has my back- but tonight nothing can explain my heart other than the words heavy. I don't understand the purpose behind trials enough... I see the growth in the end but I cannot explain the tragedy and pain of feeling so helpless. I find my body needing rest and my thoughts wondering what could I have done different?

So this morning: I found myself fearful as I found myself approaching an all too familiar scene: going for blood work the final test before the hopeful diagnosis.

I find hope and I proclaim with not only my lips; but with my heart nothing will be able to separate us from the love of God.

Despite wondering why I know the how is through His mercy and grace and strength.

Closing with a song

1 comment:

Victoria said...

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this again. We will pray pray pray for you.