A Quilt as a Map for my life

I have had so many different experiences that, well I can't really explain in words. I am left awestruck and amazed, in disbelief of how my life has turned out. Sometimes I feel like a wreck and I am scrambling around to pick up the pieces- other days, well- I am just letting the day pass me by, finding what I can and working at what is given.

I guess my eyes have been opened and things are clearer, God is moving in my life in huge ways… I can’t explain it but I know he’s there. It started with a dream about a quilt. It was a powerful dream with vibrant color- the quilt was beautiful and the person who gave it to me was full of energy and excitement. I didn’t see who they were and the gift brought me to tears in my dream. From that night I picked apart the dream and thought about what it could possibly mean. I finally came up with an idea but then that got pushed to sea. I felt even more alone and pushed away that night. Nothing seemed as though it could bring me joy. I was so upset. I didn’t even know what to think- I spent the evening crying and trying to figure out what I should do how to change things what to leave the same. I just really didn’t know. I felt as though my life was on a fast roller coaster and things were completely overwhelming.

The next day after skipping the church service, I arrived to give some people a ride to a service project that I was half dragged into because I felt obliged to do it. So I went and once I arrived at church my youth pastor saw me and he was so happy to see me, he said he had something for me. He said it with such enthusiasm and well, after waiting for months for DVD’s from camp and the retreat I was certain that was what the gift would be. I was kind of proud of him; he finally was getting it done. I was extremely surprised when I followed him into his office to see a bag with a green and orange pattern. My first thought was oh jeez this is some sort of a joke, a clown costume. My mind I noticed was snapping to thoughts as quick as a wink jumping to conclusions. He then pulled out a quilt that he said had been made for me. I was surprised to say the least, speechless. I didn’t feel I was “eligible” for something like this from the shawl ministry because I had received a shawl but- this wasn’t a shawl at all. This was a quilt, I felt honored, humbled, and I was in shock. Who could have made this quilt? Just the night before I was bemused over a quilt and I was feeling selfish and now this one was just set before me. It had been prayed over and it was a gift; I don’t really know who made it, or where it came from, but now this quilt has become one of the biggest gifts I have ever gotten.

That night the quilt offered me just the right amount of heat on a chilly evening and now these days that follow it comes with me all around the house it is my security, it is my tissue for tears, it is now mapping events in my life. I decided with this quilt I wanted to put names on it- to add stories to it and for each square to symbolize what is going on now, and what goes on in the future. So now I am beginning my adventures with this quilt two names have been placed on photos of squares two lives that changed me and as time passes this quilt will have its’ own special scrapbook and a special place in my heart. I don’t know who did this but it has been an act of kindness that has not gone un-noticed. I am so very grateful and I am amazed by their generosity. I am just awestruck by the love of strangers.

Happy Thanksgiving.

There is so much to be thankful for- so much I could list so many things that there are, I can't even begin to name them all. Today I give thanks for life, friends and family. There are so many faces that come to mind when I think of the thanks I give. People from church, friends, anonymous faces of which I only have their actions to hold. Maybe tonight, or tomorrow I will post my reminder and item of thanks this year- I have a story to tell and some photos to post.

Happy Thanksgiving, from our house to yours.

Venting. Where are ethics?

I might only be seventeen but it seems like the ethics, moral code, and everything else in this country are going down hill.

If you do something good should it not be returned with thanks? In my childhood and even now- if I receive a gift I am to respond with a thank you card. In hand, it's not something you expect- when you get something in return. Yet it should be understood and human nature. Something as simple as a thank you card, a smile, or a hug can really make or break a transaction.

But wait- our nation might not even allow that because we can suspend for showing of affection such as giving a hug to a classmate or friend.

Is it that we as people or businessmen or women that we do not see thanking as crucial as paying the bill? Is it that we the people are blind to these acts of kindness that have been set upon us? Not everyone has to be nice, you could have nothing and there could be no support and you could sit alone- yet you find that people are nice. So to encourage them to do something again, or perhaps show that you were grateful for them putting in many hours or maybe a few moments for you to return with a thanks. Either hand written or verbal.

Do people still teach their children the manners? What happened to shows encouraging things such as say please for a cookie or thank you for having me after staying at someones home. Maybe we are blind to these habits that are being lost because we're so caught up in things such as same sex marriage, discrimination, war, stem-cell research, political correction, and AIDs in other countries.

To raise a true nation shouldn't habits of kindness, honesty, and gratitude, be brought up in the home? I think the reality of the nation spoke in this last election, we're not being racist when we elect our first African- American President. Are we raising our generations to be selfish or are we raising them to think of others?

We have become a nation that must show statistics to prove a point or have a test shown. We have went from doctors of which don't do house calls to now doctors who don't listen to their patients symptoms, await numerous test results and then upon that close doors when things "appear to be normal" then the same patient can come back a year later for an annual check-up with too much damage to be done to be corrected.

If there is no excuse for abortion- is there any excuse for ignorance, ruthless actions, or being inconsiderate? What let us become a nation that has to learn from kids and their wonderment. Maybe instead of looking across the globe we should look to our neighbor instead of relying on the all mighty dollar for our kindness, offering a hand to help fix a car, or change a tire.

We are raising our own demons when we don't show gratitude and instead we give attitude. The nicest person can be torn down if day in and day out no one turns to fill their cup.

Just a few days till thanksgiving

It's just a few days until thanksgiving and I wanted to say, today I am most thankful for random acts of kindness. Have you ever had a random act of kindness done for you? What was it? What made you happy? I encourage you to do random acts of kindness this year. For my advent December 1st- December 25th I am going to do a random act of kindness every day, giving to others is the best gift you can receive.

Have a wonderful day.

Favorite Blog

Today I got my very first blog award from Everyday Gyaan.
I don't really know how this works so I am just going to flow with it

There were no directions to this award so I am going to just go along and pass it on, and say thank you. I wanted to have a poem so I picked the poem below for this award on my page:

The Butterfly

The last, the very last,
So richly, brightly, dazzlingly yellow.
Perhaps if the sun's tears would sing
against a white stone....

Such, such a yellow
Is carried lightly 'way up high.
It went away I'm sure because it wished to

kiss the world good-bye.

For seven weeks I've lived here,
Penned up inside this ghetto.
But I have found what I love here.
The dandelions call to me
And the white chestnut branches in the court.
Only I never saw another butterfly.

That butterfly was the last one.
Butterflies don't live in here,
in the ghetto.
- Pavel Friedmann

This poem was written by a child who was in the Terezin Concentration Camp. A total of around 15,000 children under the age of 15 passed through Terezin. Of these, around 100 came back.

I guess, my point- is even in the worst of situations, we can find some good we can find dandelions even if we never find another butterfly.

I pass this award on to the following bloggers:
(Don't miss my other blog that I just posted below this one)

The Vernon's- This family has totally shown me God can take you anywhere you wish to go as long as you have faith. I am so blessed that Pastor Chris was my youth Pastor and he really amazed me with his faith. Now they're on to a new chapter in their life with planting a new church in NC. They're an awesome family and I am so grateful to know them.

Oijoy- I have been a lurker for quite some time reading your humor and reading about your soon to be baby and your son. This woman has awesome photography skills and if you live in Chicago I definitely suggest you give her a call. She is awesome at what she does, but give her some time after her new baby is born!

Kimber- I give this blog to Kimber because she has been such an awesome inspiration to me as a blogger and she has been so wonderful to me. I am so thankful for her kindness and prayers. She really is an awesome person and it shows through her blogs and her kindness to other bloggers.

Corinne- This lady is awesome and I find myself intrigued by her blog. I was amazed to have a reader from India! :) Thanks for giving me this award.

Candice- A fellow teen with Lyme she has a lot of insight and a huge heart. I am happy to know her and she has a wonderful blog. I am glad that I have her in my life to be part of my "lymie support system". She shares a curly hair characteristic.

Lastly, I ask all of my blog friends that have received this award to share the love, and post a poem of some sort with your post about the award. Thanks for being such wonderful bloggers. You all inspire me!

The day

Today I give even more thanks. I guess I can't really find much bad in life these days, yeah it can get me down- actually today I met with the surgeon and I didn't care for him much at all but I figure it's best to just get it done and over with. It will be two days before my SAT and I have plans that weekend. I have to have an endoscope done and a colonoscopy. I am a little nervous I am not going to lie, but yeah not going to worry too much.

Life has been with it's ups and downs and I think it's time to just give thanks. I have had so many surprises and so many things that just awaited me around the corner. I am now up to around 8 Christian CD's! Which is awesome and I spent last night with an awesome group of people. I continue to be blessed and there is this awesome artist, I guess I didn't mention her last night but if you're looking for a fun Christian artist- I would suggest her the music is kind of mellow but she's really neat, and awesome at playing the piano. Her name you ask? Katie Nelson. She is awesome and she preformed with Scott Troyer who was also pretty good.

Today I am most thankful for kind doctors with bedside manner, no you guys aren't forgotten or ignored.

I write tonight with an overwhelmed and thankful heart

I don't know why I want to write a blog tonight but I know that I want to-

Have you ever had a moment, day or week that just didn't seem to be going how you thought it would? Did you ever feel left out or lonely?

I have had an overwhelming amount of emotion pouring out of me lately both of thanks, frustration and pain. I can't even begin to explain how much I have been hit with thoughts of getting better if I moved away to a treatment center. Pain in my stomach nothing there, feeling crazy trying to ignore it only to find myself in a deeper world of confusion. I don't really know if there is anything that can explain what I am going through I don't think there is a cure but I do believe in miracles.

I see people sad I see people complain about pain or aches and not feeling like they can stand and I sit and I wonder how much did I gripe and complain before I went through this. Yet I know I still do. I wonder in amazement how much this disease has changed me- how much I love life and notice more and more how short our days are. I just think we can't waste this precious time we do have for it shouldn't be taken for granted. I love life and I love the ability to walk. Today I broke out in a run yes, a run not a short paced thing but a run and it made me feel so full so complete and so blessed. Even last week I don't know if I had the confidence to walk without assistance and now, I am daring to run? Yes, I have fallen and I know it is dangerous to me- but I did it and I felt very accomplished and full. I was quite excited actually. I have also come up with my last two wishes for Christmas.

My biggest wish is to become a better person and seek more in God and less in people. I don't think I need to worry about what others think because it was the people who dared to be different and dared to step in the dark that let light on things that were "impossible". One of the Wright brothers said that he didn't think humans would fly for another 25 years and he contradicted his statement soon after. I am amazed I am at peace and I am finding, I want to share love and peace with others. It is a scary world as I have said before one of quick accusations and few long term friendships. One of hate and accepting of wrong things. I just think in these next few months as my advent to Christmas, instead of a gift to me- I am going to give a gift to others and work to make peace throughout other things.

I just want to say, thank you to the person who made my prayer shawl- thank you to those who have helped me come this far. There have been many who have shaped me and loved me and shown me what true compassion was. Tonight, I have yet another spot-light person

Kori-
Kori is a lot like me, we joke saying we're like twins. I met her at camp and since then I would consider her my closest friend, mentor and advisor. She is the kindest person she is gentle and she is wonderful in so many ways. She gives me undivided attention and loves me like a sister. She has shown me the world through different eyes, although she is realistic she shows me life through happiness and love. She knows how to make me laugh and she shows me aspects so that I can see things more clearly she defines things and she encourages me to go the extra mile in what I do. She has blessed me with her friendship and I can't even say how thankful I am to have her here for me. She is going to school to be a nursing student and I think she will make a fine one at that- although sometimes she is stressed, she can always make a little time to chat. She is my best friend and I don't know what I would do without her. She is fabulous and she shines through everything she does. Thank you isn't enough but it's all I have- so thanks.

I have one thing I would like to put in lastly, something that weighs very heavy on my heart. I know that I have readers both from near and far and I would like you, if you see this to pray for my small group leader- Jessica. We don't share things out of our small group but this week is going to be stressful for her since she still does have school since she is in college. She is facing things that are going to be difficult for her, I pray for wisdom and peace of mind as she goes through this week. She is a remarkable young lady and she pours her heart out to our small group. She really deserves prayer.

I am thankful for so much I hope you're finding thanks in your life to- God, thank you for my legs and ability to walk, you're my hero.

Praise and Holding Strong

I wanted to post an update on here, I am still not feeling well- my strength is not there and my stomach is bothering me a lot it hurts and it feels full with just a little bit of food. I guess all I can say is the stomach pain nausea and everything else is just in time for the biggest eating holiday of the year. So my frustration levels are quite high. I went to my Primary Care Physician on Tuesday and he sent a request to the surgeon to do a scope of my stomach. He is supposed to be pretty good and you're not supposed to remember any of it which is kind of how I want it. Even though I am a little nervous about everything, okay well- a lot nervous. We finally called that doctor to ask why he hadn't called us about the scope yet, and come to find out he is uneasy about doing a scope on someone under 18. My birthday is in February, darn it. Seems these doctors always want me to be a year older. I hope that comes to an end because I really hate growing up.

I also wanted to post how thankful I have been for such wonderful people in my life. I know I give them credit a lot but as I was reading over new and old comments I was amazed. A lady from India reading my blog?! The kindness of absolute strangers, Kimber posting a post about prayer for me on her blog, I just can't thank you all enough for your little posts of encouragement and your love that you have sent me. I think these words and these nudges of love quite possibly could make my Christmas absolutely perfect. I am just so thankful for the kindness of people in general because there are a lot of scrooges out there.

I don't know about Christmas for you, but as I was thinking there are so many friends of mine with Lyme that have been sick for so long Christmas almost just seems like another day. I can't think of anything I would like more than for these sick kids than a wonderful Christmas. They said I had to put my name on there too, so I have one thing- I don't really think I want anything really for Christmas- just the happiness and peace of the holiday. If you would like to be a part of it and would like to buy a Lyme teen a gift please e-mail me at victoriawilcox7@yahoo.com their wish lists are at www.kaboodle.com/lymiewishes. When you e-mail me with who you're buying for I will remove that wish from their wish list and I will also e-mail you back with their mailing address so you can ship the gift to them. Please wait to buy the gift until I have wrote back to you though to avoid double gifting- right now, we don't have everyone up but hopefully soon.

Have a wonderful holiday and now, I will continue with my days of thanks.

Sick and home.

As much as this blog is a joy to me and I love doing it, right now I am not really feeling up to par. I have been slowly getting weaker and weaker and today I made a hard decision to quit the blog for the time being. Today I can't really find much thanks and I need to focus on things like school and such with the strength I do have. I find myself feeling very weak a lot and my stomach very tight. I don't really care for eating much and I have been sleeping beyond normal hours. I want to focus now in hopes of getting better for the holiday season.
Be well,
Victoria
P.S. Please no sweet treats, I know I have been getting things of that nature and I just wanted to inform those of you who do send me things right now prayer is the best gift that can be offered. Thanks.

church

Today I am thankful for the freedom of religion. As I get ready dragging myself out of bed this morning to go to church. There is a video I watched one day that showed someone joking around and sneaking into a back pew late to church just getting his card swiped so he could get credit for college. Then you see another person in Asia who has to sneak with a bible in an empty cereal box. Sometimes I wonder if I really even realize what it's like for some and what they really go through. I take religion and my love for God for granted a lot today but in some countries even writing this they might hunt me down find me and take me to a prison or I don't even know. Due to my lack of knowledge. Does anyone know a little more about the religious prosecution in other countries?

Anyhow, I am thankful for this. I am thankful for our country and what we have. I speak a lot of church and how happy I am with it and I know this but that is because, frankly it's the only place I feel I can go and be myself. There are such warm hearted people there and people that care that I can't imagine finding hope in a better place. I can only hope that everyone has a place to go to like that this holiday season.

Just having one of those days...

This week has been a struggle, I am not going to lie. I am sleeping more and more and in pain more frequently. I just feel as though everything has been sucked out of me so much that I don't even know where to begin thinking... Sometimes I wonder do good things last? Then I think- do I even let my good things last. A bad thing from two months ago might still linger in my mind but do I even remember what I was happy about two months ago? I was just thinking about it. Oh well,

Today I am thankful for my mother. I am thankful for her compassion and her dedication to being a mother. She has worked so hard to be my mom and be the constant provider of our home. She went from kissing skinned knees to sitting in ICU rooms to anything in between. She has been one of the greatest and most patient people in my life. She has shown me that there is nothing in life that is worth giving up. She is such a wonderful person on so many levels and today I am glad that she is in my life.

Hope every day you are finding more and more things you are thankful for as well.
P.S. It always makes me really happy when I do the spelling check and blogger says back: No misspellings found.

Thankful for Hope

Today I couldn't decide what to narrow my thanks down to, you know you are really blessed when there is enough good to not be able to choose! I am so thankful today, of hope and all it has for me all of the things it offers and the people it provides. I am thankful every day for the people I consider my "hope" and the God who provides it. I have a lack of words today as I think of all that I have had provided to me and what I am going to busy myself with in the upcoming year.

There is another thing that rings true to me and that is school. I am very thankful for school and my school in particular, even though sometimes I argue with people or I get frustrated with who I am dealing with I am thankful I have a school system which provides enough schooling for everyone in a township, and can even provide college for free through the high school for quite a few classes. I am thankful that we have this freedom because in so many other countries this freedom is stripped from the people who live there. I guess without an education we wouldn't really be able to communicate or hope because we really wouldn't know what was going on. Perhaps we would be as defenseless as the next person- I am not really sure because for as long as I can remember here in the U.S. we have had some sort of requirement for school. Whether seasonal for some or all year around we had school. I guess I am really thankful for that. Sometimes I can't go and I do miss it like crazy, you meet people you learn how to work with others apply teamwork skills and it really does prepare you for the real world.

So I guess going to school really is a blessing.

I ask- what are you thankful for?

Sing, Sing, Sing!

I am feeling a little better today still not myself really, I don't understand what is going on lately but I feel happy about some things like my friends. I am really blessed to have such wonderful and compassionate friends. Although sometimes my "normal" friends seem to have a hard time understanding how to be compassionate they have all been so good to me. I am really thankful that I have a decent support system through my church especially without the people from my church I don't feel like I would be able to keep much faith in God. They have encouraged me in days when I had doubt and I have really began to seek faith for myself now.

I would just like to spot-light a blogger today:
Kimber it's rare that people actually show themselves while reading my blog, people I don't know anyways. Really, this is for my family so anyone else who finds encouragement by this is just a lucky person I guess. But she has put me on her blog-roll and I have felt honored I began reading her blog and she is quite an avid blogger, she puts me to shame that's for sure. But she has a kind heart and she has really just made me realize that my blog may be one in a million out there but it's out there and impacting people. She's a wonderful mother, and I think her son would agree! Thanks Kimber.

Slow.

Today I want to express my thankfulness for my legs and my strength that is forever growing in them. I am working hard to get them working and it seems as though sometimes they are hardly working. Today has been my best day since last Monday and hopefully there will continue to be improvement.

Last night my LLMD called and he wants us to get a scope done of my stomach ASAP. Today my PCP's office was closed so in the future that will be done. I am still experiencing nausea and weakness and everything else. So who knows what the future days will hold and what is really to come. God is greater than all of this and he will continue to sustain me. I am finishing my Christmas shopping up now... That's right. Finishing up my Christmas shopping! I have been getting it done over the course of this past year and I am just happy to have it pretty much done and I am excited to give the gifts. I love this holiday because I can give to others and just see their expressions. It's wonderful.

So now I am off to do homework. I have decided it's a slow recovery but it will be strong. :)

Check back tomorrow for another day of thanks.

15 Days of Thanks

There are 15 days until Thanksgiving, before we get together as a family dining and coming together as a family to give thanks about what the year has provided. Sometimes it's hard to see what we may be really thankful for. Other days it's like everything is going just right. Or as my economics teacher would say the sun is shinin' on me!

I cannot even begin to find place of thanks I have been so greatly provided for and as a nation we're able to be so comfortable with where we are and who we are. I am amazed at the work of the Lord and what simple things like a t-shirt, or a few CD's, or a meal can do for a persons day.

Today is a day that we give thanks to our troops and the veterans of war. In 1919 World War I ended June 28th with the signing of the Treaty of Versailles. The actual fighting between the Allies and Germany, however, had ended seven months earlier with the armistice, which went into effect on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month in 1918. Armistice Day, as November 11 became known, officially became a holiday in the United States in 1926, and a national holiday 12 years later. On June 1, 1954, the name was changed to Veterans Day to honor all U.S. veterans.

It's amazing to see how far our country has come. This election our country made history electing our first African American president. We are truly a land of opportunity and freedom. To see how far our country has come from great war on our own land sending our troops not by choice but by draft to serve to now having them serve our country by choice.

Now we see the war in Iraq and we see so many of our men and women going out to fight. I am so thankful that we have the freedom and the safety to keep battle off our grounds and there is now equal opportunity to both women and men.

I have so much to be thankful for and to think that there is no one like our God… And there really are greater things yet to come and greater things to be done in this city and this country. I really was hopeless at one point and now I am full of hope and faith in him. Today I give thanks.

Speechless.

Sometimes you never know what might be in store, other times you make an educated guess of the exact possibilities; just to realize that it's not really how you expected it to be. Well I have done that many times sometimes to be disappointed, sometimes to be surprised. I just am amazed at how even though you think you have everything all together you- even if deep inside you know that there is something still pulling at a heart string, God wakes you up and makes you realize you still haven't done everything to his complete and full glory.

This isn't about me, but this is about him. Our God and how amazing he is. He has changed who I am and last night we had Leeland come out to our church. I was nervous about even going- staying the whole night. What was to happen rocked my world and will be a day I never forget. Even if everything else doesn't pan out exactly how I am expecting it to, I know that God is taking care of things he is our ultimate provider, our Abba, our daddy. The beggining and the end. I cannot be serving a greater God and I guess now, I really don't believe in conisdence. Everything really does happen for one reason or another, even if I really don't get it. He will be ahead of me every step I go. I can only be amazed at how my friends at church have changed my life even more-so. Really, I am just amazed.

The title says it all. I guess, if you don't get this- maybe you weren't meant to. If you do, you might have been there, and if you were- thank you.

Weekend

This weekend is going to be busy- A baby shower today and perhaps a concert after church tomorrow at Victory Highway Wesleyan Church. Leeland is going to be there. The doors open at 6 and the concert is planned to start at 7. The concert is free but there will be a free-will offering. I encourage all who can come to come. It's going to be a good concert I guarantee it! Thanks for all of your prayers this week and hopefully things will continue to get better. How great is our God.

Gratitude

I just wanted to dedicate this post to my thanks. You know as the money is tight the economy is bad we’re experiencing change God’s timing has been forever perfect. I am so thankful for what I have and as I thought about things I am just so glad that I have a love for God. No matter what happens I have found that my life is okay. Things I wished I had not that I need, just a wish have shown up to me. Lately especially I have really wished I had more Christian music. It is so nice to be able to have that music. It helps me so much and there is always a song that connects me further to God and his love. It’s such a great ministry and this past week I received my second and well, I guess third Christian CD. A guy from church gave me these two CD’s and they haven’t stopped playing since I got them. I love listening to them and they give me such a big appreciation for these small gifts. I am not really a materialistic person I don’t need a lot of clothes and really I don’t need much of anything. I am just thankful right now for the people in my life and the little joys. I think this Christmas I am going to give gifts and I just want my gift back to be one of thanks. A simple Christmas is all I dream of. Thanks for listening be thankful for the little things today.

Still standing- small steps

I am still standing taking a few small steps. Life isn't as I would wish and you know, one of my things that is really bothering me right now- is that my room is messy. It's not too messy just messy enough that there isn't a lot of space to put things there are items being stacked up on my bedside table and my desk. I just don't know about this clutter. Although it's hard to maneuver balance and cleaning. So I guess clutter can rise until I am up and ready to clean.

To be honest my favorite season of all is coming up. I love holidays but most of all I love giving gifts. I love coming up with unique ideas to give a special gift to someone who has touched my life. I don't see Christmas as a time of receiving but a time of giving to others. There is no better feeling than seeing them light up their faces. I guess to be honest I just love any day where I can give someone something that brightens their day. It doesn't even have to be Christmas.

Today my friend and I were talking about things we would like for Christmas but would never ask for and I said I didn't really know... I said I don't really like to ask for anything anymore but we pondered our favorite stores like for me I have grown to love Etsy, and Delias and different places like that. I like things to be unique and different. She was a little more classic with Amazon and her desire for little things like that. I really don't expect much for Christmas this year I told her but I think this year I am going to put time into some very nice handmade gifts and I want it to be the biggest year I have ever given. I want to make lots of things for lots of people. :) I am excited.

So today that is my encouragement. Thinking of happy people with cool gifts for Christmas this year. I guess since I have been down and out and today really kind of sad just bummed about how things are turning out and how I haven't really been feeling good. I feel like the pain really never does stop sometimes all I want to do is cry but instead I laugh. Today I changed the song that plays on the website if you have a moment listen to it because that's how I feel today.

Spot-Light

Vaughn VanSkiver- Okay so he might be random to some because to be honest he hasn't been in touch with me as much as so many others but for some reason he always is brought to me in my memories. He is the worship arts pastor at our church and he always has a great sense of humor. I can sometimes find myself laughing about something he did years ago laying in bed years later. I am so blessed that he has been in my life and he has honestly just really touched my life. I guess I just can't explain it but I would like to say thank you to him.

If the world grows don't stop growing

Okay so if you were laying looking at this you would be inspired to get out of bed too. Not to say that I don't have a pretty rad room and that I don't love it because well lets be honest here I do. But sitting in bed is lame and I needed to get my groove on. So this morning I stood. It's weak it's pathetic but it's standing nonetheless.

So my mother called me this morning which is really almost afternoon and was wondering how her sickly child might be doing on this drab but beautiful day. I said I was doing good and then she did some arguing or something of that nature about eating. My stomach aches, my head hurts, but I can stand so the day is good. I inquired about going to school tomorrow although it would be with my wheelchair it would be nice to attend school. I have protested getting a wheelchair pusher so we'll see where my mom makes it with that situation. Otherwise I will wait until I am a bit stronger yet and can go without it. Which will be longer and longer without school and longer of missing class which would be lame. Costing the school lots of tax dollars for silly tutors because of course I am taking an ACE class so I would need a smart tutor not just one that can slip under some door crack. Yes, this much is true. So they really might have to break down to my request of no wheelchair pusher since my doctor has okay-ed the situation.

Now I have decided I would like to get some work done perhaps some art and then reality will hit with some bonding time with my economics book.

Don't let the world grow around you but grow with the world.

So I shall not sit here any longer I have to catch up with my sick day yesterday. I am constantly reminded God has big plans and that he does. I am still kind of noise sensitive so-
please use indoor voices.

A cheerful Victoria

Lights, Camera, Action!

My people of note:

Mrs. Malloy: Well if I could say there was just one art teacher that has really been wonderful to me it would be Mrs. Malloy. She can almost sense me being ill and she has kept up with me and encouraged me on down days. When her family has a billion other things going on she still has the courage to keep up with me and help me out in any way she can. I have been so inspired by her art work and what she does. She is such a wonderful art teacher and she was the first art teacher to open her room to me when I realized I would have an activity for the first time the whole time I was in high school. She is a wonderful woman and I am so thankful she is in my life.

Mr. Hart: Mr. Hart was my art teacher my freshman year. He had my sister as a student while she was in school and he is probably one of the most unique people you could meet. Although I have noticed his personality might ware off onto other people. He is the biggest critic you may ever meet but behind his mask he shows compassion towards his students. Although sometimes he frustrates me, he has shown his genuine compassion towards me through making sure I am safe in where I eat my lunch and he is always trying to keep up to date with how I am feeling. He is also a very talented artist and has many of his paintings at the West End Gallery.

Mrs. Harrington: Well, Mrs. Harrington is a bright woman and she adds color to a room when she walks into it. If I were to describe a personality with watercolor hers would be the most fun to put together. She is a wonderful teacher and mentor to her students. Although sometimes it seems she is much to nice to her students she has shown genuine compassion and love towards her students. I have been blessed to be in her class and this year I am so excited to be learning about many different mediums in art.

Mrs.Palumbo: I have never had her as an art teacher but she is a sweet person she has been kind to me upon coming into the art rooms for lunch and she offers words of advice when I bring in my photos for my portfolio. She is very creative and a kind woman.

I guess the biggest thing about these four people is they have instilled change and compassion into the lives of the kids in the art department and I am so thankful to have them in my life.

Untitled.

I thought I would write one post at what feels to be my absolute worse. I keep thinking if you wonder what death feels like- this must be what it's like. I sit here tears streaming down my face and in pain beyond belief. Walking isn't an option I feel so miserable. There is no prose to this post there is no joy to uplift. I feel like crap and I am being blunt about it. If you have ever told someone their sickness is all in their head I think today would be a wonderful day to appologize to them. This disease feels like slow death and I don't know how to explain it in any other way. I have faith God will pull me through I have faith he will show me big plans. I believe there is more than my small eyes can see. But tonight I feel broken. I cast all of my burdens upon the Lord. As the bible says: "Give all your worries to God, because he cares about you" 1 Peter 5:7. I Just thought I would share my true feelings with you while they are here. My love and prayers.

Where did normal go?

A tear falls from my eye and my heart feels so broken.
I don't understand this great big plan God- I don't understand what you have in store for me. I know you are there I know that you care... But today I just don't understand.

Excuse this post as I vent-
Seems as though life comes at you like crashing waves there are small ones hitting your ankles crashing against your legs. You can feel them but they hit you and the sand slowly gets pulled away from underneath your feet. Without noticing your feet are slowly becoming more and more unstable with these little waves here and there. Then after a long time of little ripple waves a bigger wave comes and crashes into your legs it hits and knocks you a bit and you almost lose your balance but all of a sudden you realize that your foundation is weakened. Although you have sat so long noticing nothing now something bigger comes along and you notice your foundation weak. Another wave comes crashing into you this time knocking you over. You lay upon the ground. You sit there letting the waves devour you.

Today I feel alone I feel helpless in a hopeful world- I do not have sight of the future or God's plan. I know it is there I know it is large. Some say it is so large that if he were to tell it to me today I would deem it impossible. I lay in bed and wonder... God I have given you my all why do the waves still crash? Why do painful jabs still strike? Who will be the first to drop their stone?

Spot-light people have been absent lately and I feel today I need to put a few in my entry:

Pastor Tony- He is our youth pastor and it may seem cliché to put people you would expect like a pastor or a parent an aunt or an uncle in as a spot-light person. But Pastor Tony has amazed me he works hard at his job and touching the youth. He has been there for my family so many times and he has known when I need prayer. In fact it seems as though he is constantly offering prayer and love to me and so many others. He is really an awesome youth pastor and I know for a fact God is doing great things through him for me.

Betsy Wipfler- Betsy is a beautiful girl she has a good taste in music. She was one of the first friends I had in high school. My freshman year she was the girl who carried my books while I was on crutches. She was a source of encouragement for me and although our paths have parted she is a wonderful person and she has left an impact on my life that I will not forget.

Jess Piranio- She is my small group leader she always tells us girls that she loves us so much and that she cares about us. She tells us to feel free to call her any time and I guess it's hard to believe that when the whole world is walking out but she has shown that to be true. I have grown to love having her in my life these past few months and I feel more connected to her than ever. She seems to be able to connect with me to share moments to understand and help me cope. She is a wonderful person and I am amazed by her love and compassion towards our small group as a whole. She has such a wonderful personality and love for God she is realistic but she is not pessimistic. She is lovely and I can only say that some day I hope to have an impact in the life of girls just as she has had on mine.

Have a wonderful day- hopefully walking will be back soon.

hospital.

I went to the ER yesterday out of school and I am feeling pretty crummy. I am home now using my wheelchair- but I am constantly reminded my God is bigger than this.