Saturday, March 1, 2008

blog following, waiting, watching, and becoming more.

The view from my bed.

So as I think about it I have been on your end of the spectrum with a little girl's blog. Waiting for updates as she progresses crying at a computer screen when I hear she had a bad day rejoicing over small anthills overcome. A story with just a few words for some becomes something they strive for and someone they barely know or have never met become something that they look forward to hearing about on a sometimes daily basis.

What once was just a few words and a smiling little girl who thanked me for making her a get well soon card while in Rochester is now like a little sister. I don't know her well, but I do know her story. After this last hospital scare I realized there are many of those people for me. I don't know them on personal level but when things are bad they come through with get-well wishes, support, kindness, and generosity. Offering anything they can to humanly make the process of going through ambulance rides, ER visits, and ICU stays a little more comfortable a little less scary. You all have been so amazing and I continue to want to say thank you for that each day will get a little better it's just going to be a long road. But I have known that for a while now. So this is no new news and we must take each day as it comes.

There are numerous things I miss to make me human I will give you my list:
I miss....

being able to walk my dog whenever I wanted to
going to school
spending each weekend with friends
doing whatever I wanted and not having to choose between activity a and b
my friends
doing things on my own
being able to roam about the house and not have my parents worry
doing schoolwork! (yeah I know it's insane.)
laughing so hard I cry
not getting short winded from walking to the kitchen
having pain free days
not having to rely on medication
being a teen

these are just a few... I am not sure but it's going to get better. It has to! So if my story is more than just words now, because for a few stories I wait on a daily basis I will check blogs 3-4 times a day! Just to see any new word of my newfound 'friends'. It's amazing technology can connect us this way and it's great to have those who do support me. Who are there for me through the hardest days and when I don't text for 3 days and it's time to find out what hospital I am in and when they can visit.

Incredible is not even a word to describe the people who are in my life. Each person is like a worker bee and they all continue to support me as days seem long and my strength seems limited.

I wanted to share some things from the hospital although I remember little, I remember some and I want to share that with you:

In ICU it's kind of interesting you have patients who are about to leave the unit are about to go downstairs and soon be back into the normal world. They were in there for a day or so to just get stable due to a crazy accident or a slip down some stairs that left them banged up but doing decent.

You see families shed tears as they have their loved ones pass but you see others rejoice because they have gotten the out of ICU ticket! Which let me tell you is a big relief for many. You see families at what is probably their worst. They cry they weep they yell they try to take in what humanly doesn't seem fair.

Pediatrics was another interesting thing they are used to run of the mill cases run of the mill things yes, we know I don't have epilepsy. We do not need another consult to tell us that no, I do not have epilepsy. That has been decided. You hear small infants in size one diapers screaming from pain, fear, or being overwhelmed. They are all unique and what were once around 25 unique cases can quickly become one large mess. The hospital was filled to the brim when I was there they had people being admitted with no beds to sleep in. The nurses were tired. Snow was coming down people were calling off and many stayed for 12 hour to 14 hour shifts! Taking care of their patients trying to keep their patience as another child click click clicked their call bell.
When we came onto earth we took risk, being born was a big risk and our first breath was the biggest risk of all. We weren't promised a steady beaten path that had been traveled over 100s of times we’re promised a life. This is what we each get is a life. How we live our lives and how we take each day is up to us. Today and the days moving forward I am going to continue to do all I can to be up and walking. Church right now, is a no go but maybe I will figure out a way to go, "if God ordained it, he will make a way."
Physically I am not doing great but right now I don't really care. Maybe what my doctor says is true a positive attitude cannot heal damaged nerves and cells but it can make the ride a heck of a lot easier to deal with.
More to come in the days to come,
^ something worthwhile. I promise.


Anonymous said...

Hey Vic! I know that I have never even met you but, I think of youo often. I admire your spirt and bravery. I really hope that you can get to do all the things that you want to do.
Melissa K.

BJK said...

Hey Vic,

I left a couple of links in your lymenet PM.

Nice to hear your spirit! I'll be praying and keep in touch. was the food today?

And...looking at your view, Have you developed an appreciation for masonry arcitecture? Maybe you could count bricks to help going to sleep?

You dont have to answer if your not feeling well